I read in a couple articles that people who aren't afraid to make fun of themselves are much more likeable than others. Reading the recent Dick thread, Wi30's post reminded me of this. It's a bit counter-intuitive to my CF personality, but I know I should probably humble myself more, because I've inadvertently chased away a few LSE chicks. Anyone else knowingly, or even unintentionally incorporating this in their game style? Care to give some examples?
Anyone use self deprecating humor?
I do, but its a very carefully walked tightrope.
You want to show humour, confidence and laid back attitude, but be very careful not to cross the line where you are the butt of all jokes and constantly taking the piss of yourself. Chicks don't like that.
You want to show humour, confidence and laid back attitude, but be very careful not to cross the line where you are the butt of all jokes and constantly taking the piss of yourself. Chicks don't like that.
Being black...
I see it work with alot of white comedians.
Never with black comedians.
If you can name me a successful black comedian who has pulled it off. I'm all ears.
But, the times I've even let one slip... Game over
I see it work with alot of white comedians.
Never with black comedians.
If you can name me a successful black comedian who has pulled it off. I'm all ears.
But, the times I've even let one slip... Game over
Quote: (06-14-2017 06:13 PM)crdr Wrote:
Being black...
I see it work with alot of white comedians.
Never with black comedians.
If you can name me a successful black comedian who has pulled it off. I'm all ears.
But, the times I've even let one slip... Game over
I definitely know what you mean. There does seem to be an intrinsic cultural nuance to it. To answer your question, Kevin Hart comes to mind which is why he's achieved the level of cross-over not many other black comedians have.
Quote: (06-14-2017 05:27 PM)DimeBait Wrote:
I read in a couple articles that people who aren't afraid to make fun of themselves are much more likeable than others. Reading the recent Dick thread, Wi30's post reminded me of this. It's a bit counter-intuitive to my CF personality, but I know I should probably humble myself more, because I've inadvertently chased away a few LSE chicks. Anyone else knowingly, or even unintentionally incorporating this in their game style? Care to give some examples?
Blacks are vicious. You know this!
Quote: (06-14-2017 06:25 PM)DimeBait Wrote:
Quote: (06-14-2017 06:13 PM)crdr Wrote:
Being black...
I see it work with alot of white comedians.
Never with black comedians.
If you can name me a successful black comedian who has pulled it off. I'm all ears.
But, the times I've even let one slip... Game over
I definitely know what you mean. There does seem to be an intrinsic cultural nuance to it. To answer your question, Kevin Hart comes to mind which is why he's achieved the level of cross-over not many other black comedians have.
Not many at all. I don't even think Kevin Hart is that funny. Due to his self depreciation jokes. "I'm short... bub boom shh."
I hate Kevin Hart with a passion. One of the least funny guys I've ever heard.
I think people laugh at him not his jokes.
I think people laugh at him not his jokes.
Definitely agree, Kevin Hart is garbage.
It has to be done properly.
Used poorly, it will make everyone in the room feel uncomfortable.
It's easy to sound like you are fishing for a compliment.
Used poorly, it will make everyone in the room feel uncomfortable.
It's easy to sound like you are fishing for a compliment.
I'm the King of Beijing!
I use it if the girl is much younger, much less accomplished in life etc. than me.
It's a fine balance to demonstrate high value and use self-deprecating humour at the same time.
You run the risk of not being taken seriously.
You run the risk of not being taken seriously.
I use it to lower expectations significantly, and then barely rise above them. For example, I live in a small apartment. When I'm taking a girl there for the first time, I'll tell her that I'm taking her to "my shack." She'll laugh at the joke, but she's picturing a shed full of garden tools. My humble abode seems much better in comparison to the nightmare she had imagined.
I also use it when complimented on my strengths. I get a lot of compliments about my hair, and when I do, I'll say that it's a wig when it's obviously not. Another is if a girl says something like you must work out, I'll say "Just a little yoga"
I also use it when complimented on my strengths. I get a lot of compliments about my hair, and when I do, I'll say that it's a wig when it's obviously not. Another is if a girl says something like you must work out, I'll say "Just a little yoga"
I would do but I'm no good at it...
Rat, SCH, Mig and Bacchus all makes good points. It's a big part of my toolbox. The key for me is to not lay it on too thick. Essentially you want the self-deprecating to be transparently false, but appear modest and mildly humorous. Which is just as well as I struggle with being genuinely funny... Then re-frame without being a douche or too arrogant. Like Rat says, a tightrope. Luckily it comes naturally to me. I took my cues from a friend who I used to have, but make sure to re-frame, plus I'm better looking than him. Which is probably why we're not friends any more. Nah, I'm kidding, he's a great guy. I'm going rock climbing with him next week, you should come with.
You get the idea.
Rat, SCH, Mig and Bacchus all makes good points. It's a big part of my toolbox. The key for me is to not lay it on too thick. Essentially you want the self-deprecating to be transparently false, but appear modest and mildly humorous. Which is just as well as I struggle with being genuinely funny... Then re-frame without being a douche or too arrogant. Like Rat says, a tightrope. Luckily it comes naturally to me. I took my cues from a friend who I used to have, but make sure to re-frame, plus I'm better looking than him. Which is probably why we're not friends any more. Nah, I'm kidding, he's a great guy. I'm going rock climbing with him next week, you should come with.
You get the idea.
They who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety- Benjamin Franklin, as if you didn't know...
I never use self deprecating humour, I'm too dumb to figure out how it works.
Like Suits mentioned you have to do it properly.
Do it too much or say it the wrong way and you can come off insecure. For example, height is a common insecurity for a lot of guys. Do you make jokes about it? If so, how much/many? Too many and it's just going to make you look like an insecure loser who can't stop thinking about it.
I only use self depreciating humor in an Agree and Amplify context. That way I can take your 'joke' and even add to it, showing that I really don't give a shit.
Proceed with caution.
Do it too much or say it the wrong way and you can come off insecure. For example, height is a common insecurity for a lot of guys. Do you make jokes about it? If so, how much/many? Too many and it's just going to make you look like an insecure loser who can't stop thinking about it.
I only use self depreciating humor in an Agree and Amplify context. That way I can take your 'joke' and even add to it, showing that I really don't give a shit.
Proceed with caution.
"Once you've gotten the lay you have won."- Mufasa
"You Miss 100% of the shots you don't take"- Wayne Gretzky
It all comes down to humor.
A cruel joke is funny. An unfunny cruel joke is just cruel.
A sexist joke is funny. An unfunny sexist joke is just sexist.
Self deprecating humor is funny. Self deprecating humor that isn't funny is just self deprecating.
A cruel joke is funny. An unfunny cruel joke is just cruel.
A sexist joke is funny. An unfunny sexist joke is just sexist.
Self deprecating humor is funny. Self deprecating humor that isn't funny is just self deprecating.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
I use it rarely. It's a kind of humor you have to read the situation for just like all humor but especially with this. I can think of one example where it backfired. I was messing with this chick that I saw probably once a year but it was always on. She always called me short(I'm 6'1). I said "sure am. Shortest guy you know." Apparently we were in an NBA prospect farm because she pointed out 10 guys taller than me and maybe only 30 were around.
Most of the time the humor I use on chicks is basic school yard teasing. No matter how old women get, 5 year old cootie game works.
Most of the time the humor I use on chicks is basic school yard teasing. No matter how old women get, 5 year old cootie game works.
I use this type of humor sparingly. One of my strengths is making a girl laugh. Since I'm a gigantic person, some women get intimidated. I think when I use it, it helps them feel more comfortable knowing that I can laugh at myself or look "vulnerable."
Reporter: What keeps you awake at night?
General James "Mad Dog" Mattis: Nothing, I keep other people awake at night.
OKC Data Sheet
Quote: (06-14-2017 06:13 PM)crdr Wrote:
Being black...
I see it work with alot of white comedians.
Never with black comedians.
If you can name me a successful black comedian who has pulled it off. I'm all ears.
But, the times I've even let one slip... Game over
Richard Pryor. His best standup was about his drug use, mom running a brothel, failed relationships, and setting himself on fire.
"Feminism is a trade union for ugly women"- Peregrine
Quote: (06-15-2017 01:42 PM)vinman Wrote:
Quote: (06-14-2017 06:13 PM)crdr Wrote:
Being black...
I see it work with alot of white comedians.
Never with black comedians.
If you can name me a successful black comedian who has pulled it off. I'm all ears.
But, the times I've even let one slip... Game over
Richard Pryor. His best standup was about his drug use, mom running a brothel, failed relationships, and setting himself on fire.
That's not self deprecating humor. Self deprecating humor is a reverse humble brag tactic to gain cheap laughs. See video above.
All great comedians make fun of their life. But they don't make fun of themselves. Most black comedians end the punchline on triumph or a moral.
Woody Allen and others end their punchline in irony or a downbeat...
Quote: (06-15-2017 01:42 PM)vinman Wrote:
Quote: (06-14-2017 06:13 PM)crdr Wrote:
Being black...
I see it work with alot of white comedians.
Never with black comedians.
If you can name me a successful black comedian who has pulled it off. I'm all ears.
But, the times I've even let one slip... Game over
Richard Pryor. His best standup was about his drug use, mom running a brothel, failed relationships, and setting himself on fire. I'm kinda decent at self deprecating humor because it's usually the reverse of how I really am. Example, "what's it say about us that the black guy is the only one that's always on time? Am I a sellout, or do I need to hang with a better class of white people"?
"Feminism is a trade union for ugly women"- Peregrine
Hey, if it works for you go ahead. It's disastrous for myself.
I have plenty of white friends. When they try to poke fun of my blackness. Homie don't play that!
The jokes will never stop. Thus, you'll become a joke in their eyes.
This is just a covert tactic to get chummy with you to say the "N" word around you.
Kevin Hart is a slave for laughs. He'll do anything for money.
At the same time, I show respect with white people and don't make fun of them. It has worked wonderfully for my working career.
White girls and men alike love dry wit. Especially from a black guy. It's different.
I use humor that works for me. Like Chappelle, Seinfeld and Rock humor. Observational Humor slays if you do it well.
I will always recommend hanging out with a better class of people. Regardless of color. It'll do you well.
But, in the public's eyes a black man is lower in the pecking order than a white man. Especially if you let them.
Pryor ended up rebelling against the self deprecation that paid.
A white comedian can get away with self deprecation because he's got room knock himself down a notch.
A black man cannot. It is documented how much Pryor HATED crossing the race line to pander to a more judgmental "whiter" crowd.
But this is where the money is. The Apollo doesn't pay.
Blacks in the past could not do in an white dominated audience. He has to self deprecate.
His early stuff is hard hitting. Especially during the Black Power days of the 60s which Pryor grew up with.
It's a societal double standard. But this is life.
Look at Bill Maher take on self deprecating humor... How did that go for him?
I have plenty of white friends. When they try to poke fun of my blackness. Homie don't play that!
The jokes will never stop. Thus, you'll become a joke in their eyes.
This is just a covert tactic to get chummy with you to say the "N" word around you.
Kevin Hart is a slave for laughs. He'll do anything for money.
At the same time, I show respect with white people and don't make fun of them. It has worked wonderfully for my working career.
White girls and men alike love dry wit. Especially from a black guy. It's different.
I use humor that works for me. Like Chappelle, Seinfeld and Rock humor. Observational Humor slays if you do it well.
I will always recommend hanging out with a better class of people. Regardless of color. It'll do you well.
But, in the public's eyes a black man is lower in the pecking order than a white man. Especially if you let them.
Pryor ended up rebelling against the self deprecation that paid.
A white comedian can get away with self deprecation because he's got room knock himself down a notch.
A black man cannot. It is documented how much Pryor HATED crossing the race line to pander to a more judgmental "whiter" crowd.
But this is where the money is. The Apollo doesn't pay.
Blacks in the past could not do in an white dominated audience. He has to self deprecate.
His early stuff is hard hitting. Especially during the Black Power days of the 60s which Pryor grew up with.
It's a societal double standard. But this is life.
Look at Bill Maher take on self deprecating humor... How did that go for him?
It sounds like the specifics of your situation is that low self esteem girls get a bit overwhelmed by your cockiness.
It seems to me that there is no need to go to the other extreme.
Just cut the frequency of your cocky statements in half, and see how she reacts.
Spend the rest of the time just going for rapport.
Low self esteem girls don't react well to teasing. They don't get the joke. They feel they are being exposed for the loser they are.
On the other hand, if you want to learn self deprecating humor as a new skill, there is no reason not to.
It seems to me that there is no need to go to the other extreme.
Just cut the frequency of your cocky statements in half, and see how she reacts.
Spend the rest of the time just going for rapport.
Low self esteem girls don't react well to teasing. They don't get the joke. They feel they are being exposed for the loser they are.
On the other hand, if you want to learn self deprecating humor as a new skill, there is no reason not to.
“The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents.”
Carl Jung
You'd have to give specifics. First thing, don't make your self-deprecation be the humor or story (humor always involves a story, even if it's untold).
I can't think of anything right off hand. I'll tell you one I used before on a hot babe a while back.
We're outside a bar because I was leaving, and we're standing face to face (I think we made out briefly). I lean back, look her up and down while I say,
"Six seconds........." (her wondering what I mean)
"....I bet I would only last 6 seconds"
Now that self-deprecating, whether it's true or not. Obviously I delivered it in a confident, 'I know what I'm doing' sorta way. I think I went on to say more, but obviously I can't reveal all my secrets.
Funny response though. She was flattered and loved it, but responded with a ..."you could go another round though" type question.
I don't know what my point is. Maybe that if you do go self-deprecating, don't ever do it when you're actually feeling self-conscious. It needs to be delivered from confidence.
I can't think of anything right off hand. I'll tell you one I used before on a hot babe a while back.
We're outside a bar because I was leaving, and we're standing face to face (I think we made out briefly). I lean back, look her up and down while I say,
"Six seconds........." (her wondering what I mean)
"....I bet I would only last 6 seconds"
Now that self-deprecating, whether it's true or not. Obviously I delivered it in a confident, 'I know what I'm doing' sorta way. I think I went on to say more, but obviously I can't reveal all my secrets.
Funny response though. She was flattered and loved it, but responded with a ..."you could go another round though" type question.
I don't know what my point is. Maybe that if you do go self-deprecating, don't ever do it when you're actually feeling self-conscious. It needs to be delivered from confidence.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
I think the general rule on using self-deprecating humor is that it depends on how attractive you are.
When a male 8 uses it, it registers as contrast game and makes him more approachable.
When a male 4 uses it, it might not even register as humor and instead just seem like a sign of their low self-esteem. It just cuts too close to the truth.
In a way, it's the flip side of cocky/funny. CF is best for guys who are average looking and below, while it comes across as too assholeish for the male models out there.
When a male 8 uses it, it registers as contrast game and makes him more approachable.
When a male 4 uses it, it might not even register as humor and instead just seem like a sign of their low self-esteem. It just cuts too close to the truth.
In a way, it's the flip side of cocky/funny. CF is best for guys who are average looking and below, while it comes across as too assholeish for the male models out there.
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