[MongolianAbroad]

I made a decision to pursue certain goals and purposely cut ties with all my friends, both new and the ones I grew up with, in order to prevent their 9 to 5 mindsets from polluting my mind. I kept in touch with one that's like a brother, and he's also a businessman, so that's cool, but even if he wasn't, I'm not cutting him out regardless, great guy.

Overall, my productivity has been positively affected, and so has my overall happiness. If I had to make the decision again, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

For example, I've got things on my mind like what new business to launch, while they're thinking of where to have a cookout that weekend. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just if that's what you're thinking of every week, you'll accomplish nothing more than a bunch of cookouts.

If your friends are all engaged in the same activities you're engaged in, that further your goals, then by all means, keep interacting with them, but if instead they're engaged in mundane activities, or even worse, time-wasting activities like getting shit-faced, cut them from your life.

In the end, you're the only one responsible for achieving happiness in your life, and I would advise you to make sure the people in your life are helping you get towards that goal, or towards whatever your goal may be.

If your goal is just to chill and have cookouts, that's cool too.

[Disco_Volante]

Excellent points by Spaniard. The inertia of life and the people around you drag you into monotony and mediocrity. Family and friends do this mostly unintentionally, but if you feel the need for constant contact with certain people, holiday obligations etc.....that's how people get stuck in their hometown area their entire lives.

To grow you have to destroy first. Without heavy alone time you never formulate your own view on the world, you're just a regurgitation of the people you grew up around. You will end up like everyone else if you don't do something a bit drastic I'm afraid.

[Cr33pin]

The older I get the more I look back on those "blood brothers" I grew up with and had all through school. I doubt I will ever have friends that even come close to how much those guys meant to me back then. I think some of it has to do with our tribal instincts... growing up my crew was my tribe. Plus we all experienced growing up and learning an developing together. It's hard to recreate that as a man in his 30's. I miss it.... Of course I miss many things about my youth that I can't get back, thats just life.

The RVF was a god send though... overseas I met a lot of cool guys who I felt like I knew forever. It was very refreshing being in a foreign land but meeting guys who I felt right at home with. I always feel like a outcast in America as my red pill views clash with nearly everyone around me, so meeting up with other forum members who shared my views and beliefs was quite a nice change of pace. It's always a good time being surrounded be like minded people.

I still keep in touch with a lot of forum members daily via messenger apps... its not quite the same as real life interactions but its a decent substitute until we meet again.

[WanderingSoul]

Read this, you fucking crybabies: thread-64128.html

P.S., I feel the same way.

[3extra]

[crdr]

Be your own friend. You're chasing unicorns looking for "friends" past 18 years old.

[Mortay]

(08-03-2017 10:31 AM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

The RVF was a god send though... overseas I met a lot of cool guys who I felt like I knew forever. It was very refreshing being in a foreign land but meeting guys who I felt right at home with. I always feel like a outcast in America as my red pill views clash with nearly everyone around me, so meeting up with other forum members who shared my views and beliefs was quite a nice change of pace. It's always a good time being surrounded be like minded people.

^That literally has been my experience the past 2 years. I recently left the USA because I felt so isolated after getting red pilled. I lost so many friends because we just couldn't see eye to eye anymore. My only refuge was the RVF. Now I'm down to about 5 close friends in real life who luckily all got red pilled with me at the same time. Unfortunately they are still back at home.

It's a crazy feeling to realize your home is no longer your home, but rather your home is away from home. I've realized it's a lonely road and that's ok, but every time I get the chance to run into someone like minded, it makes it all worthwhile because I am reminded that I am in the right place.

[RedPillUK]

I thought some of those friendships I made in high school were for life, even though I've left the country. I know what you mean about blood brothers or growing up together and going through some tough situations together.

However now I've suddenly realised that they're not my friends at all, sometimes I'll chat away to them online about my life here or what they're doing and get basically nothing in response. The first few times, I thought maybe it's me talking too much and they're probably busy or whatever, but it's consistently like that so I've given up. Fuck em, luckily I still have a great relationship with my family.

[ShotgunUppercuts]

I feel you on that man. ^

I dont talk to any of the guys i went to highschool with.
After i start reading rp shit i saw shit for what it was and i looked back on alot of stuff that happened in those "friendships " and i had no choice but to let them fly. Ill admit im still a bit bitter about that so i really don't expect much of people anymore as having true friends that guve a damn about you.

Soon after i cut them all off i ran into (by luck) one of my childhood friends that i lost contact with.he's from the neighborhood i grew up in during elementary kinda had a rough use bringin like me but he made it out and is doing good for himself ,stand up dude.The few months since we go back in touch he's a better friend than all those that i cut off by leaps and bounds so i dont plan on letting that go to waste .

I hope i find more of cats like that but from the outside looking in i seemed to be hard pressed. If i do ill maintain and cherish those friendships guys as long as its reciprocated.

[Razors Edge]

The mates you grew up with are the most important... always there. When you all get together you always have a blast and it's like you never left.. They will be friends for life and you can't put a price on that. Cut them off and your own peril.

When you travel you make new friends..but they come and go.

[The Alpha Virgin]

(01-02-2018 03:41 PM)Razors Edge Wrote:  

The mates you grew up with are the most important... always there. When you all get together you always have a blast and it's like you never left.. They will be friends for life and you can't put a price on that. Cut them off and your own peril.

When you travel you make new friends..but they come and go.

I believe it seldom is that way. If those same friends you grew up with are stuck in mediocrity and blue pilling - how are you gonna be able to relate to them as you walk higher up on the mountains of truth?

My old mates I grew up with are stuck with the Average Joe lifestyle and are mostly holding blue pill beliefs. None of them really want to travel (so therefore they're all stuck in my hometown while I've moved), improve themselves or even at least try and become an interesting intellectual who just read a lot of books and could tell me stuff they've read about.

I believe that to be the case for most guys. Most guys don't wanna improve, they pretty much just wanna be stuck in mediocrity and eat soy all day.

Most guys I've met haven't been interested in making an effort to improve themselves and therefore I've been forced to make new friends and connections with guys who actually wants to do that and who are better than me in some areas.

Had I spent more time around my old friends I grew up with, I'd just been more of a loser, just like them.

[Sombro]

There's nothing wrong with growing out of old friendships/relationships, whether male or female.
I'm not the same person I was in high school. Nor would I still want to be.
Quality friendships of shared values and principles outweigh quantity any day.

I would rather have no friends than toxic friends.

Being alone (read: solitude) is not the same as being lonely.

That said, as I get older I find it easier to strike up a convivial conversation with complete strangers to find a shared topic of conversation.

Anyway, there's no quick fix. As an introvert, you just have to practice being sociable in the long run.
Upside: the older you get, in time, an IDGAF frame allows this.

[bgbusiness]

For some short period of time, (6months or even 2 years), I don't see anything wrong with having no friends.
Have some acquaintance, but when you are focusing so much on yourself, I feel like you don't really need friends...
Maybe have some wings to go out, but that's it.

Like others have said, I agree that it's better to be alone than being in a social circle that you don't even like.

People change, situations change, feelings changes, life change and things change.
I don't try to hold on to the people from the past. It is what it is. If I want a better high quality social circle, I would have to become higher value so that I attract like minded individuals.

Idk what op wants...but that's just my 2cents.

Some quotes that I personally resonate with:
1. Make money, not friends.
2. Less people, less bullshit
3. Don’t waste your time chasing the buttleflies, mend your garden and the butterflies will come.
4. Eagles fly alone, pigeons flock together.
5. I know what I bring to the table, so I am not afraid to eat alone.

[jamaicabound]

Curious to hear your guys take on this. I'm naturally kind of an introvert and kind of a loaner. I also agree that going to happy hour everyday after work with friends and "farting around in sports bars" as Dan Pena puts it is a huge waste of time.

That said many people say and I think there's some truth to it that life and fulfillment is about having relationships. I would say it's also about progress and goals and progressing forward but I still think having relationships and connections is important and life would probably be unhappy without them.

What's your guys thoughts on that as well as balancing relationships while not letting them drag you down?

[nek]

(01-03-2018 11:45 AM)jamaicabound Wrote:  

Curious to hear your guys take on this. I'm naturally kind of an introvert and kind of a loaner. I also agree that going to happy hour everyday after work with friends and "farting around in sports bars" as Dan Pena puts it is a huge waste of time.

That said many people say and I think there's some truth to it that life and fulfillment is about having relationships. I would say it's also about progress and goals and progressing forward but I still think having relationships and connections is important and life would probably be unhappy without them.

What's your guys thoughts on that as well as balancing relationships while not letting them drag you down?

These things don't have to be mutually exclusive. Good relationships will help you progress. Having like-minded people to bounce ideas off is important.

[Delta]

(08-03-2017 10:31 AM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

The older I get the more I look back on those "blood brothers" I grew up with and had all through school. I doubt I will ever have friends that even come close to how much those guys meant to me back then. I think some of it has to do with our tribal instincts... growing up my crew was my tribe. Plus we all experienced growing up and learning an developing together. It's hard to recreate that as a man in his 30's. I miss it.... Of course I miss many things about my youth that I can't get back, thats just life.

It's unbelievable how true this is. The bonds you form during your developmental years simply can't be recreated in adulthood. It's like a switch flips in people's minds around age 23-24 that turns them cold, cynical, and transactional. Before then you're driven by the warm, fuzzy feeling of nurturing meaningful bonds with peers; after then, by the satisfaction of personal achievement.

I'd love to know if this is something instilled by American culture, or a universal human condition.

[treypound]

(01-06-2018 01:08 AM)nek Wrote:  

(01-03-2018 11:45 AM)jamaicabound Wrote:  

Curious to hear your guys take on this. I'm naturally kind of an introvert and kind of a loaner. I also agree that going to happy hour everyday after work with friends and "farting around in sports bars" as Dan Pena puts it is a huge waste of time.

That said many people say and I think there's some truth to it that life and fulfillment is about having relationships. I would say it's also about progress and goals and progressing forward but I still think having relationships and connections is important and life would probably be unhappy without them.

What's your guys thoughts on that as well as balancing relationships while not letting them drag you down?

These things don't have to be mutually exclusive. Good relationships will help you progress. Having like-minded people to bounce ideas off is important.

Good relationships can help you progress, however many people make professional relationships over compensate for their personal life, and hence their entire identity is their job/career. If that falters, they are a shell of themselves.

[nek]

(01-06-2018 05:12 AM)treypound Wrote:  

(01-06-2018 01:08 AM)nek Wrote:  

(01-03-2018 11:45 AM)jamaicabound Wrote:  

Curious to hear your guys take on this. I'm naturally kind of an introvert and kind of a loaner. I also agree that going to happy hour everyday after work with friends and "farting around in sports bars" as Dan Pena puts it is a huge waste of time.

That said many people say and I think there's some truth to it that life and fulfillment is about having relationships. I would say it's also about progress and goals and progressing forward but I still think having relationships and connections is important and life would probably be unhappy without them.

What's your guys thoughts on that as well as balancing relationships while not letting them drag you down?

These things don't have to be mutually exclusive. Good relationships will help you progress. Having like-minded people to bounce ideas off is important.

Good relationships can help you progress, however many people make professional relationships over compensate for their personal life, and hence their entire identity is their job/career. If that falters, they are a shell of themselves.

There are relationships that can help you progress, even professionally, that aren't "work" relationships. Friends that understand that you won't have time to do certain things due to work obligations, people that provide you with a boost of energy instead of dragging you down, etc.

[Ski pro]

I've been feeling a similar way recently, I looked back through this thread and found my own advice to start reaching out to people, organizing to see people etc.

Took my own advice, things are looking better again. You have to make the effort, life is so busy that otherwise your friendship will be lost.

[Agastya]

(01-06-2018 02:37 AM)Delta Wrote:  

(08-03-2017 10:31 AM)Cr33pin Wrote:  

The older I get the more I look back on those "blood brothers" I grew up with and had all through school. I doubt I will ever have friends that even come close to how much those guys meant to me back then. I think some of it has to do with our tribal instincts... growing up my crew was my tribe. Plus we all experienced growing up and learning an developing together. It's hard to recreate that as a man in his 30's. I miss it.... Of course I miss many things about my youth that I can't get back, thats just life.

It's unbelievable how true this is. The bonds you form during your developmental years simply can't be recreated in adulthood. It's like a switch flips in people's minds around age 23-24 that turns them cold, cynical, and transactional. Before then you're driven by the warm, fuzzy feeling of nurturing meaningful bonds with peers; after then, by the satisfaction of personal achievement.

I'd love to know if this is something instilled by American culture, or a universal human condition.

This is the biggest thing for me. I still have a lot of my childhood buddies living near me, but I've found that it's just not the same hanging out with them. We used to have hilarious times, plotting about banging girls, talking shit, doing drugs. Easily the funniest times of my life were with these guys.

Things are different now, our identities are more shaped by our jobs and our hobbies than by each other. I have a serious girlfriend and spend most of my remaining free time writing or doing martial arts, which none of them do -- so it's harder to relate.

I have two or three friends whose company I genuinely enjoy. Then a couple others who I don't vibe with as well as I used to, but have been there for me at the darkest moments of my life. For those guys I will be eternally grateful and will have their back in anything if they needed it.

You get a lot pickier as you get older too. I'm only 22, but I tolerate a metric ton less bullshit than I used to. One of my old buddies has become super arrogant and started dating a fat ghetto Latina with kids -- used to be one of my best friends, but now I have a really minimal desire to ever spend time with him. I don't have time for bad vibes or bull shit.

I've cut off a lot of people over the years. It was painful but necessary. There are a lot of fucking losers out there who will drain your energy and make their problems yours. I can't say as happy as I used to be, but I feel fulfilled and stronger for the experience.

I'd love to hear about other people's experiences with this. Friendship isn't really something that is talked about in our culture. You can find a million songs, movies, or books about ending a relationship with your GF, but none tell you how to deal with losing friends.

[Delta]

(01-07-2018 07:30 PM)Agastya Wrote:  

This is the biggest thing for me. I still have a lot of my childhood buddies living near me, but I've found that it's just not the same hanging out with them. We used to have hilarious times, plotting about banging girls, talking shit, doing drugs. Easily the funniest times of my life were with these guys.

Things are different now, our identities are more shaped by our jobs and our hobbies than by each other. I have a serious girlfriend and spend most of my remaining free time writing or doing martial arts, which none of them do -- so it's harder to relate.

There's another thing that sucks the life out of adult friendships; girlfriends.

To be clear, I'm not arguing against the notion of serious relationships. I believe the benefits of having a quality girlfriend far outweigh the drawbacks.

However, it's clear to me that girlfriends are one of the biggest factors that cause male friendships to fizzle out in adulthood. And I'm not just talking about how your buddies (or maybe you) aren't around to hang out as much because they're busy with their girlfriend. I'm also talking about how even when you do find time to get together, girlfriends tag along and completely change the dynamic.

I'll bet those great times you had with your buddies when you were younger involved lots of crude humor that women would find offensive, immature behavior, and heartfelt conversations about your deepest thoughts and feelings. And I'll also bet that now, when you guys hang out with your girlfriends by your side, none of that stuff happens anymore. The focus is shifted toward being well-behaved in front of the women, and not revealing any weakness. Your "serious" conversations now are probably shallower than a kiddie pool, and your "jokes" tame enough that you'd be comfortable saying them in front of your company's HR director. In other words, you're hardly bonding anymore.

This hunger to communicate with other men like I used to, like no women (or uptight male feminists) are listening, I think is what keeps me hooked on the forum.

[ShotgunUppercuts]

Ah yea.one of my best mates had a girlfriend and since then ive on seen him 4 times in the past three years. I think thats on him thiugh because ultimately he makes the choice of who he spends his time with .hell if i was lucky to see him she was there and she was a fucking bitch and her behavior would go unchecked.Maybe it's best that that happened. I dunno .

[Agastya]

(01-07-2018 09:25 PM)Delta Wrote:  

There's another thing that sucks the life out of adult friendships; girlfriends.

To be clear, I'm not arguing against the notion of serious relationships. I believe the benefits of having a quality girlfriend far outweigh the drawbacks.

However, it's clear to me that girlfriends are one of the biggest factors that cause male friendships to fizzle out in adulthood. And I'm not just talking about how your buddies (or maybe you) aren't around to hang out as much because they're busy with their girlfriend. I'm also talking about how even when you do find time to get together, girlfriends tag along and completely change the dynamic.

I'll bet those great times you had with your buddies when you were younger involved lots of crude humor that women would find offensive, immature behavior, and heartfelt conversations about your deepest thoughts and feelings. And I'll also bet that now, when you guys hang out with your girlfriends by your side, none of that stuff happens anymore. The focus is shifted toward being well-behaved in front of the women, and not revealing any weakness. Your "serious" conversations now are probably shallower than a kiddie pool, and your "jokes" tame enough that you'd be comfortable saying them in front of your company's HR director. In other words, you're hardly bonding anymore.

This hunger to communicate with other men like I used to, like no women (or uptight male feminists) are listening, I think is what keeps me hooked on the forum.

This is right on the money. I genuinely do like my girlfriend and could see myself marrying her down the line, so my weekends generally go towards kicking it with her. I consider this my "fun time" when I get to fuck, enjoy the company of a feminine woman, and go out and do fun shit. This is the only free time I have that I use solely to relax. After work, I would rather spend my time writing/doing martial arts than going home to smoke weed and talk bullshit with my friends.

You're also completely correct about the conversations I used to have with my boys. We would joke about running train on women and banging various girls we grew up with. This made sense in the context of the women we were around -- largely thots who I would probably never date. However, dating a woman I actually like and respect just makes it harder for me to talk about this stuff, I don't really care about other women and don't feel the need to discuss them.

I've still had serious conversations with my old friends, but we just generally don't like each other as much as we used to. This is for a variety of reasons. But we're also all entering the working world. We used to be free spirited college kids whose lives revolved around psychadelics, joking around, and chasing thots, but these things just become less interesting and relevant as time goes on. Conversations that would have been funny two years ago just get annoying as fuck in the present. For myself, at least, I get a lot quieter and pickier as time goes on. I'd rather kick it with myself doing some writing or even just helping out around my parent's house than smoke weed and dick around with my friends.

[Rhyme or Reason]

It's already been said in this thread but I'll reiterate.

When you're young, you make friends just because.

As you age, you need more and more 'practical reasons' to associate with people.

In adulthood, it seems the only unconditional bond with another person is most likely going to be your kids.

[zatara]

(01-03-2018 12:26 AM)bgbusiness Wrote:  

For some short period of time, (6months or even 2 years), I don't see anything wrong with having no friends.
Have some acquaintance, but when you are focusing so much on yourself, I feel like you don't really need friends...
Maybe have some wings to go out, but that's it.

Like others have said, I agree that it's better to be alone than being in a social circle that you don't even like.

People change, situations change, feelings changes, life change and things change.
I don't try to hold on to the people from the past. It is what it is. If I want a better high quality social circle, I would have to become higher value so that I attract like minded individuals.

Idk what op wants...but that's just my 2cents.

Some quotes that I personally resonate with:
1. Make money, not friends.
2. Less people, less bullshit
3. Don’t waste your time chasing the buttleflies, mend your garden and the butterflies will come.
4. Eagles fly alone, pigeons flock together.
5. I know what I bring to the table, so I am not afraid to eat alone.

This is a terrible philosophy to have. A life without close male friends is an empty life. Even with a healthy relationship, a good family life, and a productive job every man still needs good male friends as well. Its not either/or - its completely possible to have all of these at the same time.

If your current social circle isn't suiting your lifestyle, or isn't trustworthy, you should absolutely drop them. But anyone finding themselves in a situation when they have no close friends should immediately work to fix that.

Take up a suitable hobby, or join a sports team, and get out there and make new friends of a similar mindset. Its not hard, and is incredibly rewarding emotionally, psychologically and socially.