[just a human]

Those who regularly approach women, know that 1-3 times in a year, you can meet a girl who you"really" like, and have some"special" , very "natural" connection with her. So called "pair bonding".
Shortly - my conclusion - there is no magical thing, called "pair bonding".
We know - there is physically attractive and unattractive women.
And then comes the hardest part to accept - from those women who we find physically attractive, there is very small percentage with some interesting and attractive personality traits.
Others are boring and empty.
Those traits are hard to define - it's some kinda attractiveness in behavior, that makes spending time with her very interesting.
And almost every guy who gets some interaction with one of those girls, wants to keep her in some way. Almost every guy feels "pair bonding" with her. Because simply - she is more interesting than others.
So- that's my thoughts about this "magical" thing.
What do you think guys? Do you agree /disagree with this?

[General Stalin]

Where have you heard of this claim that pair bonding is "magical"? Pair bonding is certainly a real thing but I don't think anyone believes that is some poetic, ethereal, intangible thing.

It's a biological chemical reaction between individuals that are attracted to one another. Two potential mates select each other and the interaction of the hormones and pheramones causes them both to become more intimate and favorable to each other.

Pair bonding is great. It makes you happier, increases dopamine and seratonin levals, also probably increases testosterone. Provides companionship and intimate human connection beyond surface level interaction and different than the love and comraderie you get from friends and family.

[just a human]

I don't say that pair bonding isn't real. I wanted to say that there are some girls out there who are so attractive (compared to others) that almost every guy who had luck to interact with them automatically feel "pair bonding" . The thing is that those girls don't respond to every guy who approach them. They contact only guys they really like. From this point of view theory of "pair bonding" looks stupid, because you just can't feel it with unattractive 5 no matter how good is her personality. But you will feel it with an 9 if she has some interesting personality traits as a bonus. And almost every guy in her life will feel the same about her.

[Robert Plant]

Not true. I've hooked up with super hot model types and did not pair bond with them. I am more strongly pair bonded to my current LTR than I have ever been to any other woman and most guys would say she is just barely cute. If she was a spoiled super model who got my hormones going I would not want to hang out for more than a few hours at a time. General Stalin is right that initially it is a chemical reaction, but to keep a pair bond working and have it grow over time, you have to have compatible personalities. My girl for example is logical/ scientific, submissive yet self-respecting, has her emotions under control and has a voracious sexual appetite. These are all qualities that work very well with my personality.

[questor70]

(05-28-2017 07:51 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

I don't think anyone believes that is some poetic, ethereal, intangible thing.

I think many do still cling to old-fashioned notions of love and soulmates, although they're probably an endangered species.

If all you do is have sex and never even talk before or after it would be pretty damn easy to "pair bond" with anyone who passes the boner-test. The problems come from what happens between sex sessions. That's when you find out your sex toy is as dumb as a sack of rocks, shares nothing in common, has offensive political views, is lying, cheating, manipulating, etc...

[Elster]

Isnt there some sort of canon that says that wife material goes beyond the fucktoyability visual thing and rarely coincides?

[Darkwing Buck]

(05-28-2017 07:51 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

I don't think anyone believes that is some poetic, ethereal, intangible thing.

Huh?

99% of women believe in it as well as 90% of blue pill/beta males otherwise marriage rates would be even worse than they are now.

A lot of simp/blue pill guys are only getting married cuz they actually believe in Disney style love and of course they've been conditioned and pressured by society.

[wi30]

I don't know the science behind it, but if you find a girl that you still want to hang out with after you nut, she's probably a keeper.

[Phoenix]

(06-21-2017 06:54 AM)just a human Wrote:  

I don't say that pair bonding isn't real. I wanted to say that there are some girls out there who are so attractive (compared to others) that almost every guy who had luck to interact with them automatically feel "pair bonding" .

Nope, that's just delusion. Pair bonding is a mutual process, and if you lie to yourself (AKA 'refuse to observe') that it's mutual with any given girl, that's no indication that pair bonding doesn't exist in general.

[just a human]

Yes man -it is mutual, but the stupidity is that there is girls who will "trigger" pair bonding in almost every guy who they interact with. And there is girls who will not make this happen. With attractive ones many guys feel pair bonding, with non attractive - almost no one. Let's face it - that's reality . Many guys just never have access to 8 and above. They can't try it by themselves.

[PapayaTapper]

(06-21-2017 04:27 PM)wi30 Wrote:  

I don't know the science behind it, but if you find a girl that you still want to hang out with after you nut, she's probably a keeper.

[General Stalin]

(06-21-2017 08:35 PM)just a human Wrote:  

Yes man -it is mutual, but the stupidity is that there is girls who will "trigger" pair bonding in almost every guy who they interact with. And there is girls who will not make this happen. With attractive ones many guys feel pair bonding, with non attractive - almost no one. Let's face it - that's reality . Many guys just never have access to 8 and above. They can't try it by themselves.

I think you are confusing "pair bonding" with "halo effect."

People who are very attractive will generally garner positive attention from everyone simply because they are pleasant to look at. This will make others around them act friendlier towards them, be more accommodating, and put in more effort to fabricate a connection that is not there.

Like how a total schlub might hold the door for a hot girl or let her cut in line or whatever and she says "thank you!" and he thinks "Whoa did you see that? She was totally into me" - this is simply a delusion one's brain created when in the presence of someone very attractive.

Pair bonding is not something that can happen upon seeing someone or exchanging mere salutations. That sort of thing comes with getting to know someone and actually connecting and building favorable chemistry with one another over time.

[Dalaran1991]

Hilarious

So some kids who have approached a few girls, once in a while run into some girls he "really like" or "feel something very specail, very natural with", (read: oneitis) then proceed to talk about pair bonding.

If only one of the primay factors in human survivor mechanism that enables us to endure famine, animal attacks, natural disaster, scarcity of resources etc., could be reduced to such trivial generalization, I doubt humanity would advance past the fuckaroundincaves age.

Infatuation is the word, but it is for spoiled kids who loves fucking around and romanticizes their sexual relationship to feel special.
Pair bonding is a chemical-emotional-logical process designed to keep people together and survive shit you would never see in "Naked and afraid"

Tell me about the last time you were sick with an infectious disease, and she comes and makes you porridge and makes sure you get all the medicine. Then when you do the same thing for her.

Tell me when you are down on your luck with hardly a cent, and she gives you money / room and board without you asking so you can get back up. And you feel genuinely grateful.

Tell me of the time when you are in a crisis / stuck in a middle of nowhere and instead of going haywire, she stay calms and tells you that she trusts you will handle things.

Tell me of the time when after 30 years of marriage and the kids have all grown up, and you still hold hands and travel the world together (ok, thats a bit far off, but do think about it)

Then come talk about pair bonding.
For the moment, keep fucking around with broads and dont think too much.

[Elster]

I'm afraid of getting too lyrical on this subject, but I see it in a similar way to friendships and trees, they need the input of two in order to develop.
It's a seed like any other that has the potential to sprout, which doesn't necessarily mean it will. And even then with the proper nurturing and care there are many factors that can kill the sapling in its early development stages. But if it does manage to grow into a tree at one one point it will bear fruits and they will taste the sweetest in the entire world because these are the very product of your and her labor together. Something precious and unique that could only have Sprung from a combined effort and constant if not persistent work.
And even then, the tree must be kept alive and nurtured or even in it's strength it may fall to outside forces.
When you can find pleasure in each other's company regardless of the sexual activity and actively seek it then you will know that you have tasted this strange wondrous fruit...

[questor70]

"I see it in a similar way to friendships and trees, they need the input of two in order to develop."

Exactly. And that's why friendships are more durable than romances. This is also why betas lead with friendship. Rationally speaking it makes sense. But that's not how women operate. The female perspective is hardwired to place men in a position of having to prove themselves. That only works as long as men treat them like a prize worth winning, but they provide little to justify it other than their looks.

[RoastBeefCurtains4Me]

(06-21-2017 08:35 PM)just a human Wrote:  

Yes man -it is mutual, but the stupidity is that there is girls who will "trigger" pair bonding in almost every guy who they interact with. And there is girls who will not make this happen. With attractive ones many guys feel pair bonding, with non attractive - almost no one. Let's face it - that's reality . Many guys just never have access to 8 and above. They can't try it by themselves.

It is true that some girls have a quality that makes many men want to LTR or wife them up. However, these aren't always the prettiest girls. Physical attraction is only partly correlated with this tendency for guys to find them desirable as mates. There is certainly some correlation, but these girls are probably most common in the 4-7 range, rather than the 7-10 range.

[chitown72]

(06-22-2017 05:19 PM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

Pair bonding is a chemical-emotional-logical process designed to keep people together and survive shit you would never see in "Naked and afraid"

Tell me about the last time you were sick with an infectious disease, and she comes and makes you porridge and makes sure you get all the medicine. Then when you do the same thing for her.

Tell me when you are down on your luck with hardly a cent, and she gives you money / room and board without you asking so you can get back up. And you feel genuinely grateful.

Tell me of the time when you are in a crisis / stuck in a middle of nowhere and instead of going haywire, she stay calms and tells you that she trusts you will handle things.

Tell me of the time when after 30 years of marriage and the kids have all grown up, and you still hold hands and travel the world together (ok, thats a bit far off, but do think about it)

Then come talk about pair bonding.
For the moment, keep fucking around with broads and dont think too much.

I'm not here to debate pair-bonding and I do agree with you but just letting you know I met my wife while unemployed, have since gotten laid off a couple times while having newborns and two mortgages, have undertaken two house reno's, traveled to a lot of countries together, she has come through on the other things you mentioned. Yes I probably have a unicorn somewhat.

I would say a lot of guys though aren't so lucky.

[chitown72]

(06-23-2017 11:09 AM)RoastBeefCurtains4Me Wrote:  

It is true that some girls have a quality that makes many men want to LTR or wife them up. However, these aren't always the prettiest girls. Physical attraction is only partly correlated with this tendency for guys to find them desirable as mates. There is certainly some correlation, but these girls are probably most common in the 4-7 range, rather than the 7-10 range.

I think this is where a lot of guys make a mistake in trying to find the prettiest girl to marry. Nothing wrong with that for some people but long term wise, I see them often starting on the wrong foot by putting them on the pedestal during the dating phase which then gets amplified once she gets her ring. If you start off wrong, I can guarantee that you will be her slave for the rest of the marriage, however long it may last. I'm not saying marry an ugly chick but someone that is avg to avg+ with long term potential to still look great down the line when many other women's looks fade(IE: Look at her parents and grandparents).

[just a human]

How I came to conclusion that I mention in first post?
From my personal experience in LTR and with women in general, and personal experience of closest male friends of mine.
Is it possible to find a reasonable good girl (compared to others) for LTR or marriage in terms of physical attractiveness and behavior,in the area I live ( eastern Europe)???
Yes - it is possible, but they are very, rare.
Very rough calculation - if You approach around 25 girls each week,and only those who You found physically attractive ( we approach by the looks -that's a fact) then You can find those unicorns 1 time in 6 months -and that is 1 girl of 600! But as I said - this is very rough calculation, but it is based on reality here.

[Elster]

I met mine outside a ferry terminal in an industrial port that looked like an endless concrete wasteland.
Those were fitting extraordinary circumstances I should think!

[Silver_Tube]

I'm 6 months into an LTR with a chubby girl who is maybe a 6 at best. The last time I had an LTR this long was 10 years ago. Maybe it is one itis I don't know. It feels really good, she sucks my cock every day, hasn't let the passion taper off, is usually sweet and pleasant. Same age as me but no evidence of carousel riding has surfaced yet.

What got us interested in each other was similar politics and a lot of common books and movies interests. We have a similar sense of humor which is nice. I think some people are just more compatible with one another. I certainly don't feel that every person has a match though, obviously certain types are more matchable than others.

I'm having a great time with her but I find myself in the game forums a lot more, trying to remind myself that AWALT. This relationship is softening me and i can feel it.

[Conquistador]

Will be interesting what happens when she stops sucking your cock and or starts placing demands on you. I would be careful with this, as you already mentioned you can feel yourself going soft.

[chitown72]

(06-26-2017 10:38 AM)Silver_Tube Wrote:  

I'm having a great time with her but I find myself in the game forums a lot more, trying to remind myself that AWALT. This relationship is softening me and i can feel it.

First off 6mos ain't nothing but if everything is going well, I'd say go with the flow and forget everything else you hear or drown out all the static.

[just a human]

This is a part of an comment from "red pill women" forum on reddit (witch is sometimes interesting to read) :
" I go to a more conservative college, (one of the christian types where half the students graduate married) and its interesting to see how beauty standards are different when the majority of the girls here are thin and cute. You rarely see anyones who is actually fat, and even chubby is the minority. I'm okay size-wise in most places, as someone in their early 20s at 5'8 and about 135 lbs, but I sometimes feel sized out here! But with so many of the girls being goodlooking, its interesting how the focus tends to shift to the girls who are fun (ei receptive to new activities and flirty) [although the really gorgeous girls get attention no matter their personality!] the girls who are plainer or a little bigger either dont really date, or have to be proactive about it themselves."
So- that's what I am talking about! From all the girls who are physically attractive, there are few, who are attractive in terms of personality. Those are the most interesting girls to be with. Interaction with them are easy and fun. And almost every guy who got luck to be with them will feel that" pair bonding" ! Sad part is, that they are very very rare, and most of them will run cock carousel till the end of their days, cause everyone wants to be friend, lover, or husband of them and they tend have highest level of hypergamy.

[ShuaiGe]

I think that it's fine

Hollywood would have you believe in soulmates and fantasy. A few red pill readers would have you believe that you can't trust any woman ever.

Like most things, it's probably somewhere more towards the middle.

Just feel out each situation and person for yourself and don't lose yourself in a jaded mentality or a fantasy where you're not making decisions and judgements properly.

Regarding how you treat very personal situations, even though myself and the others on the forum wish you well, your decision is still a personal one.
I recommend you don't listen to me, look inside yourself and make your own judgement without allowing others to color your view in one way or another, this way you can see clearly how you want to move forward.