[Bland]

Hey guys. I get a lot of first dates using online game because I have a pretty tight profile. However, I have significant trouble getting second dates or more.

I think my problem is I let talkative women lead the conversation and they end up asking boring questions about my work, which is very technical and I think turns them off.

What do you guys do to avoid this type of problem?

Also if anyone can point to a good thread on first dates I'd appreciate it. I did a search, but couldn't find anything. I know about Tuthmosis' thread, but that's more advanced than what I'm looking for. It doesn't really focus on my sticking point which I think is conversation.

[Ballr]

I simplify what I do for a living so even a dummy can follow. Generally my career is not the topic of discussion, just own the conversation and break in when she is digging more into it. Describe it as most interesting as possible and move on.

Probably less about interview questions than it is improvising, taking her through an array of emotions. (happy, excited, laughing, hamster running face). Perfect example is "What was the last book you read?". Makes her think you read a lot, instant value boost and gives her no time to either look dumb founded and / or give you a new subject to focus on.

[PapayaTapper]

If your job is boring / technical then pivot away to something funny and/or flirty


Personally I prefer organic conversation to "formulas" but try

Question
Question

Anecdote

Question
Question

Anecdote

(Cont)

Questions should be about her and open.

Anecdotes should be stories relevant to her answers and the line of conversation

And always inject sexual innuendo in any and all of the above.

Calibrate the level of innuendo to the interaction

EDIT: Tuth's first date recipe is a great plan to follow on any date,,,not just a first

[Bland]

Thanks Ballr.

Ballr Wrote:

Probably less about interview questions than it is improvising, taking her through an array of emotions. (happy, excited, laughing, hamster running face).

Yes this is a major sticking point for me. I prefer conversations that exist on a purely rational level so trying to have emotional conversations feels very unnatural to me, especially with someone I just met without any existing emotional connection.

[Bland]

Thanks PapayaTapper.

PapayaTapper Wrote:

And always inject sexual innuendo in any and all of the above.

Can you give me an example of this? I don't think I use any sexual innuendo on my dates. The only way I typically signal sexual interest is by touching her.

[Delta]

I used to have this problem. I diagnosed it as meeting up with girls who were such grizzled veterans of the dating scene that they couldn't muster any enthusiasm for a date with a guy in their own league. When a girl's energy and motivation for the date are low, she drones on about boring shit and gives off zero sexual vibe.

The solution is to screen harder for enthusiasm on her part (and on your part as well). When you find a girl that's genuinely excited to meet you, who behaves like the date is a significant event that she's looking forward to rather than an option she penciled into her schedule for if nothing better comes up (and you feel similarly), then it won't take any special effort to have a fun conversation; it will happen organically.

[Bland]

If anyone else reading is interested in sexual innuendo, I found this thread:
thread-42700...t=innuendo

[PapayaTapper]

(05-15-2017 10:53 PM)Bland Wrote:  

If anyone else reading is interested in sexual innuendo, I found this thread:
thread-42700...t=innuendo

Good thread

Here's a couple quick tips.

Keep strong eye contact with her (this is a golden rule anyway...cant be over emphasized).

I like to smirk slightly from time to time and intentionally make her think she missed a joke.

Ignore her questions and steer the conversation to where you want it to go

Sit next to her at the bar...not across at a table. Let your legs "accidentally" touch from time to time. (If you make contact with her leg and they stay in contact for an extended while generally means she's good to go)

Ask her about any jewelry she has on and touch it simultaneously

All of the above works tenfold during the 2nd glass of wine

[Bland]

That may part of the problem Delta. Thanks for your perspective.

I think that's not entirely it though because I can think of two separate dates I've had recently where over the course of the date the girl went from seeming in to me to looking uninterested.

In one case the girl had open body language and was facing towards me at the start of the date, but by the end of the date she had crossed her arms and turned slightly away.

In the other case the girl had initially sat with her legs pointed toward mine so that they were very close and touched at times. She was also playing with her jewelry. But shortly after she asked me about my job and I told her about it, she turned the other way so her legs were further from me and she stopped holding eye contact as long.

[Bland]

(05-15-2017 11:14 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Ask her about any jewelry she has on and touch it simultaneously

This is good and not something that I had thought of. I'm going to try it tonight.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-16-2017 11:29 AM)Bland Wrote:  

(05-15-2017 11:14 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Ask her about any jewelry she has on and touch it simultaneously

This is good and not something that I had thought of. I'm going to try it tonight.

Bracelets and rings are a great reason to grab and hold her hand (s).

Necklace run a finger under it so the back of it is along her collar bone and nape of neck

Ear rings back of your fingers touch the side of her neck

Etc

The idea is to plausibly break the contact barrier early on and accelerate the comfort phase

[Bacchus]

Avoid talking about work (yours and hers) at all costs. If she brings it up, take a couple sentences to answer then introduce a new topic. You can say something like "I spend enough time thinking about work. Let's talk about something fun."

The #1 thing to talk about is emotions because chicks communicate through emotions. So you could mention how you did something exciting last week (it doesn't have to be last week, but just say it was) and describe the rush you felt when this happened but the dread when that happened and finally the relief at the end. And then you ask her when's the last time she experienced something like that if she's not volunteering a story of her own.

While she's telling her story, interrupt her to be a challenge, but let her draw out her emotions. You'll want her to ramble on about whatever she's thinking (as long as it's not about her job) while you switch between being dickish and relating to what she's saying.

The problem may not just be the conversation though. If these are online chicks, don't expect a second date just because the first one went well. Her profile gets 100 hits a day. I've had chicks flake on me after the first-date bang. So nothing's 100%

[Bland]

Just want to say thanks for everyone's help in this thread.

Just had what is for me a very successful first date. Didn't have sex because my logistics are bad (just moved and my bed isn't even assembled yet), but got a make out.

She still might flake, but I don't care because I feel like I'm improving.

I used basically all the things people said in this thread from strong eye contact (which I feel like was already a strength), to eliciting emotions, to sexual innuendo, to asking her about her necklace.

She was even, like Delta suggested, eager to meet up beforehand.

So thanks again everyone.

[TooFineAPoint]

There is a time and place for interview style (eg. when she is bashful and clearly into you), that can work as effective don't-fuck-up game.

Just interview more like Craig Ferguson and less like Jimmy Fallon.

[Bland]

Delete

[PapayaTapper]

(05-16-2017 09:44 PM)Bland Wrote:  

Just want to say thanks for everyone's help in this thread.

Just had what is for me a very successful first date. Didn't have sex because my logistics are bad (just moved and my bed isn't even assembled yet), but got a make out.

She still might flake, but I don't care because I feel like I'm improving.

I used basically all the things people said in this thread from strong eye contact (which I feel like was already a strength), to eliciting emotions, to sexual innuendo, to asking her about her necklace.

She was even, like Delta suggested, eager to meet up beforehand.

So thanks again everyone.

[ksbms]

It's not that much what you talk about but how you talk about it. Great eye-work and voice modulation, plus pnysical escalation will do some work even if topic mundane. However, if you can talk 'fun' things - that is, for girls - lightweight stuff charged emotionally, visually, sensually and audibly evocative - you'll be golden.

Also, questions should be at a minimum. Communicate through statements, unless you go into the routine of questions game.

[General Stalin]

Lots of great responses in this thread, especially from PPT.

I'd like to add one of the best ways to answer the "what do you do" question if you're job is technical and dry is to give a joke answer.

"I rob trains"

"I'm a male stripper"

etc.

Something she can giggle at then you can go on and keep the joke going. "Yeah stripping is okay it pays the bills but ya know I feel like such a piece of meat it's nice to spend time with a girl like you who appreciates me for my brains"

[Rhyme or Reason]

(05-15-2017 10:14 PM)Bland Wrote:  

Thanks PapayaTapper.

PapayaTapper Wrote:

And always inject sexual innuendo in any and all of the above.

Can you give me an example of this? I don't think I use any sexual innuendo on my dates. The only way I typically signal sexual interest is by touching her.

This is risky. You want to learn how to slowly dial up the heat over the course of the date rather than going directly from a 0 to 60. The innuendo will help a lot with that. It will also let you know where you stand with her and if she's potentially DTF. A couple of principles:

-if she BROACHES THE TOPIC OF SEX, FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER, it is a YUGE indicator that shes a slut and is down to fuck TONIGHT.

-If YOU broach the topic of sex and she goes with it, it's also a sign shes open to it.

-conversely, if you mention something sexual in nature and she balks, or gives you that "are you serious" look, or even calls you out "Why would you say something like that!?" That means you need to build more trust and attraction. Don't let these roadblocks stop you altogether though.

-pay close attention to her body language. I'm on board 100 percent with PT's 'sit next to her' thing. You can tell a lot about how a girl feels about you by how she reacts when you sit down directly next to her / get close to her. If her first reaction is to back away and create distance between you, that's obviously a bad sign. However if she doesn't, or if she scoots closer and welcomes the touch, you know its game on. Of course this is obvious but worth stating anyway.

-If you find yourself in a situation where you're doing all the talking, and shes not asking you any questions, it's probably time to bail. Also, let conversation threads die. Don't try to resurrect an old topic, bitches hate that. Especially if the topic was sex related.

[Bland]

(05-17-2017 01:01 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

(05-15-2017 10:14 PM)Bland Wrote:  

Thanks PapayaTapper.

PapayaTapper Wrote:

And always inject sexual innuendo in any and all of the above.

Can you give me an example of this? I don't think I use any sexual innuendo on my dates. The only way I typically signal sexual interest is by touching her.

This is risky. You want to learn how to slowly dial up the heat over the course of the date rather than going directly from a 0 to 60.

Just to clarify, I start with very innocent touches on her shoulder and progress from there. I know not to go from 0 to 60.

I do think the sexual innuendo really helps though.

[Delta]

(05-17-2017 12:44 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Lots of great responses in this thread, especially from PPT.

I'd like to add one of the best ways to answer the "what do you do" question if you're job is technical and dry is to give a joke answer.

"I rob trains"

"I'm a male stripper"

etc.

Something she can giggle at then you can go on and keep the joke going. "Yeah stripping is okay it pays the bills but ya know I feel like such a piece of meat it's nice to spend time with a girl like you who appreciates me for my brains"

I like to say silly things too, but do you ever get girls who are so tightly wound that they refuse to play along with your jokes or make any of their own? Like they view a date as simply the most efficient way to gather information on you, rather than something that should be fun. A depressingly large portion of the girls I've met via online have fit this description.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-17-2017 07:44 PM)Delta Wrote:  

(05-17-2017 12:44 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Lots of great responses in this thread, especially from PPT.

I'd like to add one of the best ways to answer the "what do you do" question if you're job is technical and dry is to give a joke answer.

"I rob trains"

"I'm a male stripper"

etc.

Something she can giggle at then you can go on and keep the joke going. "Yeah stripping is okay it pays the bills but ya know I feel like such a piece of meat it's nice to spend time with a girl like you who appreciates me for my brains"

I like to say silly things too, but do you ever get girls who are so tightly wound that they refuse to play along with your jokes or make any of their own? Like they view a date as simply the most efficient way to gather information on you, rather than something that should be fun. A depressingly large portion of the girls I've met via online have fit this description.

See "Does she have the happy gene?".

This is one of my primary "screen tests" now. If she's not smiley and laughing very early on then the date/interaction is like the show The Sopranos: OVER

Sourpussy?

Sheeeeit....

[brick tamland]

If you're regularly going on dates with prospects from online, you might consider trying harder for the 1st date bang. Your resources (money & time) are going into something where there's no guarantee of a payoff. As someone said above, the girls get more than enough offers from other guys online. Going on a date with you or the other guys is right up their alley as it combines several things that all girls enjoy - dressing up, getting a guy's undivided attention and eating out and drinking. Add a selfie or two depending how cool the location is. You'd be surprised how bored they'd be otherwise.
So going on a date is less of a big deal to her than to the guy, as there's always another offer coming for sure.

As for your snag, the well-worn advice from years ago is that serious and logical questions should be humorously deflected and/or give her intriguing answers.
The main point - logical conversations will hardly help you to connect and build attraction. Connect with her, whatever it takes. Eye contact, probing her emotions and psyche, stoking her imagination etc. And if you get her in bed, get the job done well.

[General Stalin]

(05-17-2017 07:44 PM)Delta Wrote:  

(05-17-2017 12:44 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

Lots of great responses in this thread, especially from PPT.

I'd like to add one of the best ways to answer the "what do you do" question if you're job is technical and dry is to give a joke answer.

"I rob trains"

"I'm a male stripper"

etc.

Something she can giggle at then you can go on and keep the joke going. "Yeah stripping is okay it pays the bills but ya know I feel like such a piece of meat it's nice to spend time with a girl like you who appreciates me for my brains"

I like to say silly things too, but do you ever get girls who are so tightly wound that they refuse to play along with your jokes or make any of their own? Like they view a date as simply the most efficient way to gather information on you, rather than something that should be fun. A depressingly large portion of the girls I've met via online have fit this description.

If a girl can't relax smile and joke around then I'm not going to be continuing the date with her. I don't have time for uptight boring bitches.

[Hypno]

(05-16-2017 09:44 PM)Bland Wrote:  

Just want to say thanks for everyone's help in this thread.

Just had what is for me a very successful first date. Didn't have sex because my logistics are bad (just moved and my bed isn't even assembled yet), but got a make out.

She still might flake, but I don't care because I feel like I'm improving.

I used basically all the things people said in this thread from strong eye contact (which I feel like was already a strength), to eliciting emotions, to sexual innuendo, to asking her about her necklace.

She was even, like Delta suggested, eager to meet up beforehand.

So thanks again everyone.

Congrats!!