[questor70]

I'm dreading where this thread will wind up (Charlton Heston is surely waiting for his moment to laugh at my expense) but I'll give it a shot because this situation is tailor-made for this.

I said in the online dating threads that women tend to get really active on Sundays during the day. Maybe it's sort of depression over not having gotten a date the previous night or maybe they did and it was a dud. But I just know they are busy on the dating sites around this time.

By some stroke of good luck on CmB I got a match with someone who looked vaguely Indian or middle-eastern. After some texting she revealed she's Iranian (Persian). She's 38 and no kids, thin. I'd classify her as HB7. Most here would probably call her a 6 but I'm grading her on a sliding scale based on what I've gotten before and what I can hope to get at my current age and looks.

The reason she's 38 and no kids I think has to do with whatever happened that led her to the US in 2011 to pursue an advanced degree. This is the Boston area so overeducated women are commonplace. Despite the educational track her english is a little on the rough side.

Now, I've done a little skimming through the Persian chicks thread here and the article on ROK and don't find either immediately useful. This is sort of a nerdy persian chick and although I haven't figured it out yet, I don't think she's in close contact with her family or any sort of local Persian community, so there might be limited pressure on her to follow traditional behaviors.

I kind of see her more as a generic AWALT, but I am going to have to assess the situation at light-speed since I have a dinner date with her tomorrow night after work. It was going to be a lunch-date but then she threw out the idea of meeting after and even though I told her "well, if we do that, it will feel like more of a real date" she was down with that, which is a good sign.

The other good sign has to do with a dating anecdote she told me. Well, it's part of her baggage. She said she was wound up banging a guy multiple times in a week who revealed he couldn't get off fully without being pegged up the ass.

Unlike some here, I don't have any great need to perform kinky sex acts. So to some, her aversion to pegging guys might be seen as a red-flag. But on the flip-side she's just told me in the first text session that she was screwing a guy like crazy. It's the sort of lifestyle that I'm not at all used to. Single parent to single parent one date night a week and screwing around in a car in the back of a parking lot or booking a hotel is what I'm used to. A constant up-hill battle against logistics.

I largely wrote off pursuing women with no kids because if they're in their late 30s there is probably some really messed up reason why they never had them, and either way, they're going to wind up nagging me to give them one when I am looking forward to becoming an empty-nester soon.

A woman's long-term objectives are not something that enters into the mix much here, and so for this particular situation, because it seems things seem to be falling into my lap, I'd rather seize whatever opportunity is here while I can and capture an Iranian flag.

----------------------

As to tactics...

What has worked for me in the past has been to fine-tune what used to be my standard beta orbiter behavior into what people call "comfort game".

By using the online dating I avoid cold approach and enter comfort game.

So it doesn't take much of an opening for the conversation to veer over to dating anecdotes, which I know is generally taboo, but it's still part and parcel of my comfort game. Given the fact that most women have a litany of horror stories from online dating I feel it works well to present myself as an antidote. Even if I'm not the "type" they usually go for (i.e. too beta bux, too dadbod) they might be inclined to let me take a spin on their carousel as an experiment.

What they don't know is that, looks and demeanor aside, I can hold my own in the sack. So if I can take it that far I can probably spin the plate for a reasonable length of tme before they monkeybranch off.

Where I am now is we're still in the texting stage and I have to pick a restaurant for tomorrow. I should probably get back to her with a recommendation within the next 3-4 hours tops.

I'm not quite sure how to handle the actual dinner date, whether it should be tailored specifically for Persian chicks or what. I do need to stay congruent with my comfort game, though, so I can't just flip on a dime and start negging and clowning around.

The cool thing here is logistics, though. I have not really been in a situation to date a woman without kids in a very long time. The bad logistics is why I usually played it safe and traditional. The exception was with the clinger where we resorted to the car. The autistic chick I tried dating was not living with her kids, but her aversion to touch screwed up me trying to escalate that one. Knowing this one has no kids and lives alone means anytime I see her I could in theory get the bang that evening at her place. She's gonna know it. I'm gonna know it. It's on the table from the get-go that one thing could just lead to another.

So I'm ready for the barrage of advice. Let's see what you guys say.

[Jack_Smith]

...
Persian chicks are the bomb. Traditional, family values, strong work ethic, competitive, open minded, independent, passionate, subs in the sack. Romantics at heart. Down with older men. Closet freaks.

Your girl sounds like a player.

DO. NOT. BORE. HER.

Fuck dinner out. I'd invite her over and cook for her. And make that pussy sing. Obviously.

[questor70]

She lives some distance from where she works right now and a greater distance still from where I live. She'll be moving to where she works next month.

I think it would appear too try-hard for me to propose meeting her at a restaurant near her home, given the distance, and too forward to suggest cooking at her place. I think the fact I'm actually getting a first-date experience rather than a coffee icebreaker is plenty. Also, she's already told me she saw that guy multiple times in a week. So if she likes me, she'll probably make herself available again even before the end of the week. Dating a woman without kids that has time during the week and a love-shack like this is a whole new ballgame for me.

She did tell me she's been going on lots of dead-end first dates, and she wondered whether she's being too picky. How many of these guys she winds up banging, I don't know. At least that one guy. But I just want to make sure I pass the audition, so to speak, otherwise this will be a very short thread.

[Vaun]

(05-14-2017 06:33 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I think the fact I'm actually getting a first-date experience rather than a coffee icebreaker is plenty.

I think you need to update your vernacular for actual dating.

[questor70]

(05-14-2017 06:50 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

(05-14-2017 06:33 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I think the fact I'm actually getting a first-date experience rather than a coffee icebreaker is plenty.

I think you need to update your vernacular for actual dating.

(and so it begins)

By all means tell me what kind of terms to use.

[questor70]

I'll spare you all the details, but the end result is I am now a Facebook orbiter.

Okay, Chuck, go ahead.

"Don't mind if I do!"

[PapayaTapper]

(05-15-2017 08:55 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I'll spare you all the details, but the end result is I am now a Facebook orbiter.

Okay, Chuck, go ahead.

"Don't mind if I do!"

[Vaun]

(05-15-2017 09:10 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(05-15-2017 08:55 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I'll spare you all the details, but the end result is I am now a Facebook orbiter.

Okay, Chuck, go ahead.

"Don't mind if I do!"

PT, is this some kind of quote from a movie?

Quote:

Okay, Chuck, go ahead.

"Don't mind if I do!"

Scratching my head here

[cascadecombo]

So did you just put yourself there or what?

[ThrustMaster]

All I'm gunna say is that Persian snatch is top notch, never met one that wasn't squeaky tight.

[PapayaTapper]

(05-16-2017 07:21 AM)Vaun Wrote:  

(05-15-2017 09:10 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(05-15-2017 08:55 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I'll spare you all the details, but the end result is I am now a Facebook orbiter.

Okay, Chuck, go ahead.

"Don't mind if I do!"

PT, is this some kind of quote from a movie?

Quote:

Okay, Chuck, go ahead.

"Don't mind if I do!"

Scratching my head here

(05-14-2017 03:11 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I'm dreading where this thread will wind up (Charlton Heston is surely waiting for his moment to laugh at my expense) but I'll give it a shot because this situation is tailor-made for this.

From his OP.

I find his defeatism sad yet strangely funny

[wi30]

(05-14-2017 03:11 PM)questor70 Wrote:  

I'm dreading where this thread will wind up (Charlton Heston is surely waiting for his moment to laugh at my expense) but I'll give it a shot because this situation is tailor-made for this.

I said in the online dating threads that women tend to get really active on Sundays during the day. Maybe it's sort of depression over not having gotten a date the previous night or maybe they did and it was a dud. But I just know they are busy on the dating sites around this time.

By some stroke of good luck on CmB I got a match with someone who looked vaguely Indian or middle-eastern. After some texting she revealed she's Iranian (Persian). She's 38 and no kids, thin. I'd classify her as HB7. Most here would probably call her a 6 but I'm grading her on a sliding scale based on what I've gotten before and what I can hope to get at my current age and looks.

The reason she's 38 and no kids I think has to do with whatever happened that led her to the US in 2011 to pursue an advanced degree. This is the Boston area so overeducated women are commonplace. Despite the educational track her english is a little on the rough side.

Now, I've done a little skimming through the Persian chicks thread here and the article on ROK and don't find either immediately useful. This is sort of a nerdy persian chick and although I haven't figured it out yet, I don't think she's in close contact with her family or any sort of local Persian community, so there might be limited pressure on her to follow traditional behaviors.

I kind of see her more as a generic AWALT, but I am going to have to assess the situation at light-speed since I have a dinner date with her tomorrow night after work. It was going to be a lunch-date but then she threw out the idea of meeting after and even though I told her "well, if we do that, it will feel like more of a real date" she was down with that, which is a good sign.

The other good sign has to do with a dating anecdote she told me. Well, it's part of her baggage. She said she was wound up banging a guy multiple times in a week who revealed he couldn't get off fully without being pegged up the ass.

Unlike some here, I don't have any great need to perform kinky sex acts. So to some, her aversion to pegging guys might be seen as a red-flag. But on the flip-side she's just told me in the first text session that she was screwing a guy like crazy. It's the sort of lifestyle that I'm not at all used to. Single parent to single parent one date night a week and screwing around in a car in the back of a parking lot or booking a hotel is what I'm used to. A constant up-hill battle against logistics.

I largely wrote off pursuing women with no kids because if they're in their late 30s there is probably some really messed up reason why they never had them, and either way, they're going to wind up nagging me to give them one when I am looking forward to becoming an empty-nester soon.

A woman's long-term objectives are not something that enters into the mix much here, and so for this particular situation, because it seems things seem to be falling into my lap, I'd rather seize whatever opportunity is here while I can and capture an Iranian flag.

----------------------

As to tactics...

What has worked for me in the past has been to fine-tune what used to be my standard beta orbiter behavior into what people call "comfort game".

By using the online dating I avoid cold approach and enter comfort game.

So it doesn't take much of an opening for the conversation to veer over to dating anecdotes, which I know is generally taboo, but it's still part and parcel of my comfort game. Given the fact that most women have a litany of horror stories from online dating I feel it works well to present myself as an antidote. Even if I'm not the "type" they usually go for (i.e. too beta bux, too dadbod) they might be inclined to let me take a spin on their carousel as an experiment.

What they don't know is that, looks and demeanor aside, I can hold my own in the sack. So if I can take it that far I can probably spin the plate for a reasonable length of tme before they monkeybranch off.

Where I am now is we're still in the texting stage and I have to pick a restaurant for tomorrow. I should probably get back to her with a recommendation within the next 3-4 hours tops.

I'm not quite sure how to handle the actual dinner date, whether it should be tailored specifically for Persian chicks or what. I do need to stay congruent with my comfort game, though, so I can't just flip on a dime and start negging and clowning around.

The cool thing here is logistics, though. I have not really been in a situation to date a woman without kids in a very long time. The bad logistics is why I usually played it safe and traditional. The exception was with the clinger where we resorted to the car. The autistic chick I tried dating was not living with her kids, but her aversion to touch screwed up me trying to escalate that one. Knowing this one has no kids and lives alone means anytime I see her I could in theory get the bang that evening at her place. She's gonna know it. I'm gonna know it. It's on the table from the get-go that one thing could just lead to another.

So I'm ready for the barrage of advice. Let's see what you guys say.

Your self-esteem is god awful and you view yourself horribly. Start by fixing the bolded. Scour the forum for posts on inner game.

[questor70]

(05-16-2017 09:39 AM)cascadecombo Wrote:  

So did you just put yourself there or what?

I just made some false assumptions about the context. Wishful thinking.

I'm having to learn that a woman "responding" on a dating app by itself does not indicate serious interest. It would be better for me to screen out women who aren't serious than to pursue them all as if they are all viable leads.

This relates back to the other two incidents where I got telephone numbers and never could get a meetup, or the Brazilian from Badoo who flaked on a Saturday night dinner date.

Obviously if I came across more desirable in my profiles I would not be gathering bogus leads in the first place, so that's really the root of the problem.

So here are the red-flags:

1) She lives with a 65 year old roommate. Bad logistics.
2) She swiped me because she's wondering whether she's "too picky". In other words, she's feeling the wall and creeping menopause and debating whether to settle for beta-bux. She said prior to meeting up that "even if it doesn't work out it will probably be an interesting conversation". If she were more interested she would not have been that lackadaisical about the two of us having dinner.

I gave her no indication that I want to settle down and have a second round of kids. She also probably could sense I can't offer her logistics other than the summer when my daughter isn't around. Odds are the guy she dated for a week who wanted pegging had a bachelor pad to himself, but I doubt he was any more interested in having kids than I am.

So even if she were willing to "settle" for me physically, I couldn't give her any of the other prerequisites.

Since the whole appeal of the situation was the prospect of dating a woman with no children and the privacy/time to bang like crazy, finding out her logistics sucked tempered my enthusiasm.

She pouted when showing me her shitbox car on the way out. She just isn't making enough money as a career student with an educational visa to live on her own. When she moves closer she'll wind up with another roommate getting in the way.

Now, if we had started our exchange during the summer I would have tried to spin things towards a casual hookup arrangement. How I establish frame is dependent on my situation. It's just incongruent for me to pretend I'm "that guy" that women have ONSs with and talk about the ongoing travails of dedicated single fatherhood at the same time. It may be close to the reality, but there's a creepy American Beauty effect if I push that dual-personality thing too hard. So I really don't know how to make it work until I'm finally empty-nest. That's why the women who ultimately go for me are haus-fraus who think I'm special because I understand what it's like to have the responsibility of full custody. Misery loves company, as they say.

[Vill@in]

OP didn't you make a post recently that you were in love with a Cam Girl? Ah yes, here it is: thread-61791.html

Most people may be hesitant to give you advice because you didn't seem to take it in that thread.

And honestly I'm not even sure it's advice you're looking for? This post reads mostly like a self doubting diary entry.

[questor70]

It was more of an attempt to prove that I'm making an effort. A babystep, maybe, but something. Of course what constitutes an effort to you guys and what I'm capable of doing are two different things. Vaun is really the reason why I have two warnings here and yet the last time he addressed me he said "keep posting". So OK. He doesn't think I'm completely hopeless. So I'm still posting. If people think I don't belong it wouldn't take much to get me banned but until then, I'm trying to do the best I can, which is something shy of Leonard's suggestion that I 'completely jettison my persona and start over'.

[sterling_archer]

She has 65 year old roommate???

[questor70]

(05-16-2017 11:29 AM)sterling_archer Wrote:  

She has 65 year old roommate???

Yeah. I had to clarify that so people didn't just chime in and say a roommate just offered more opportunities vs. challenges.

I do read this forum very closely and see how other people who share their problems get chewed to shreds. The reason I'm self-deprecating is I do not live in blissful ignorance of my own limitations. Better to cop to it up front than to project some sort of phoney cockiness that has no foundation. I know very well there's a disconnect between what I have to offer women and what women really want. Scolding me for using nerdy terminology is pointless. I'm a nerd. No matter how I try, I will remain, at heart, a nerd. Just like sluts have 'slut tells' I'm going to slip and give off 'nerd tells'. But outside of women's base desire, society rewards nerds with financial security. I've "failed" my way to being a 1%er. So I have plenty of self confidence...just in areas other than women.

[Vill@in]

No one is scolding you. And it's good you want to improve yourself. But you HAVE to get rid of that "oh, woe is me I'm so pathetic" persona.

If you're looking on advice or how to improve your game, there are multiple threads on here using the Search function.

This place is here to help our fellow man, not tear him down. I'm sure Leonard and Vaun were just giving you shit...it's what guys do to each other. No ill will or malice behind it. Tough love, so to speak.

So you're a nerd. Honestly nobody really cares. It seems to bother you more than anything. Every single one of us here have our own limitations that we improve on each and every day. Do the work necessary so that your self diagnosed limitation becomes irrelevant.

"Fake it until you make it" if you have to.

[Vaun]

(05-16-2017 11:18 AM)questor70 Wrote:  

It was more of an attempt to prove that I'm making an effort. A babystep, maybe, but something. Of course what constitutes an effort to you guys and what I'm capable of doing are two different things. Vaun is really the reason why I have two warnings here and yet the last time he addressed me he said "keep posting". So OK. He doesn't think I'm completely hopeless. So I'm still posting. If people think I don't belong it wouldn't take much to get me banned but until then, I'm trying to do the best I can, which is something shy of Leonard's suggestion that I 'completely jettison my persona and start over'.

Leonards suggestion seems to be the only one that has stuck out of the dozens, if not hundreds by now, so lets stay with that one. You need to demolish your outsized ego and admit to yourself you have some serious work to do on yourself. Self confidence, shit, just manly pride in yourself.

I am not here to mock you relentlessly, but those warnings were due to your PM's that I found to be highly weird, and not normal.

I think you are posting more because you know this already. I wouldn't even approach right now or date. Take care of your house first then go out the door.

[questor70]

Message received. Will do.