[Jetset]

(04-24-2017 10:07 AM)Beijong Wrote:  

I'm gonna tell her today that I don't see any future with us together and we need to see eachother as people who had a strong bond but aren't together anymore, and then answer this pregnancy question from this point of view.

I can see in her behaviour that she's emotionally distancing herself from me and rewriting the past in her mind "it seemed like it meant so much, but it wasn't real" kind of talk. She's trying to prepare herself for a break up, possibly for an appointment at the clinic.

I don't wanna send anything that could emotionally set her off at work though, so I'll wait til after work.

Document everything. Delete nothing.

[Vill@in]

(04-24-2017 10:07 AM)Beijong Wrote:  

I am mostly concerned about what to do if it IS mine though, because if it's not I can bugger off.

Cross that bridge when you come to it. You're wasting your time worrying about something that may be (and probably is) a made up fantasy.

Girls lie about this stuff all the time. It's happened to a lot of us.

Four positive tests and a doctor confirming pregnancy seems a little excessive. Sounds like hyperbole to me. Why wouldn't she tell you after two positive tests?

Either way, don't worry about a problem until you're sure it is a problem. You have better things to do with your time.

[Atlanta Man]

Just my 2 cents but given what you wrote:

This bitch is not pregnant, she just wanted to push your emotional buttons. She pushed those buttons now she is playing you. Ignore her and isolate her emotionally, watch how this pregnancy magically "resolves". Having said that , just to be safe, get this bitch an abortion- YOU make the appointment, YOU take her to the clinic, YOU pay for it, YOU make sure it is done, then YOU cut her off permanently .Trust nothing this crazy bitch says or promises, YOU can only trust YOU when you deal with this bitch.

[Leonard D Neubache]

(04-24-2017 10:07 AM)Beijong Wrote:  

...
btw - she works with children and she absolutely loves children.

Yeah right. She's a barely lucid whack job that goes cold on you for a month for no reason then goes apeshit digging into your digital world, but she really, really loves the precious children.

Mate, either you're leaving out the personal details that are self incriminating or this gal is the kind of batshit cray-cray that ends up drowning her kids in a bathtub one after the other.

[Jetset]

You know, I missed this part the first time around:

Quote:

I tell her to bugger off and never contact me again.

She contacts me again, shes got 4 positive pregnancy tests and a doctor confirming that she's pregnant.

The others are right. She's very likely not pregnant. I missed the part that she isn't just attention-seeking/drama-causing, she's trying to force open a closed door.

I knew a guy who cut contact with his ex-wife, so she "got cancer" so that he would talk to her again. Her pastor figured it out and gave her the boot after she declared herself miraculously "healed" and couldn't produce any documentation. This is a thing that happens.

[Beijong]

(04-24-2017 12:16 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

(04-24-2017 10:07 AM)Beijong Wrote:  

...
btw - she works with children and she absolutely loves children.

Yeah right. She's a barely lucid whack job that goes cold on you for a month for no reason then goes apeshit digging into your digital world, but she really, really loves the precious children.

Mate, either you're leaving out the personal details that are self incriminating or this gal is the kind of batshit cray-cray that ends up drowning her kids in a bathtub one after the other.

The detail I left out was that I was on a testosterone enanthate blast when we met, so I had about 5 times as much testosterone that a healthly male in his 20's would produce. I was horny all the time. After a few months I came off and my test crashed. I went like 2 weeks without a boner and then after that it slowly came back to where I was smashing once or twice a week.

She assumed that if I wasn't smashing her twice a day like I used to that I must be smashing someone else twice a day, and she started looking everywhere for evidence to prove this theory. -> hence reading all my private stuff when I would go to sleep, and being paranoid everytime I didn't respond to a text right away.

I explained to her the impact the drygs would have on my libido, but she didn't care, in her mind I had to be smashing other girls all the time.

Her theory was wrong, but she found out I had a couple of time in the first month and at that point after all her lunacy she decided that was gonna be the reason we split up..

I hope this clears some things up

[PapayaTapper]

(04-24-2017 01:17 PM)Beijong Wrote:  

(04-24-2017 12:16 PM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

(04-24-2017 10:07 AM)Beijong Wrote:  

...
btw - she works with children and she absolutely loves children.

Yeah right. She's a barely lucid whack job that goes cold on you for a month for no reason then goes apeshit digging into your digital world, but she really, really loves the precious children.

Mate, either you're leaving out the personal details that are self incriminating or this gal is the kind of batshit cray-cray that ends up drowning her kids in a bathtub one after the other.

Yada yada yada

I hope this clears some things up

Does that somehow matter?

From what I can tell it's a binary proposition:

A= She is actually pregnant with your child.

B= She is NOT pregnant with your child.


Until you know which of the above scenarios are factual then further discussion is just "what if" mental masturbation.

[Jetset]

(04-24-2017 01:17 PM)Beijong Wrote:  

Her theory was wrong, but she found out I had a couple of time in the first month and at that point after all her lunacy she decided that was gonna be the reason we split up..

I hope this clears some things up

"I've got some hormonal bubbling making me feel like having some major drama and you're convenient...so let me look around the house until I figure out why you're secretly the devil today." AWALT.

"I'm going to contact your exes and rifle your private messages because your dick wasn't hard this morning so there must be some slut out there and I'm going to find her." NAWALT.

As above, the reasons don't matter. You know she's nuts. She probably doesn't have your baby. If she doesn't, get out of the blast zone. If she does, get out of the blast zone.

[Greyman]

Careful man.
Once emotional distancing happens; ANY benevolence she might have toward your well being will be null and void.

Remember these Cardinal Rules gentleman.
The hierarchy of a womans biological mindset hence needs goes like this, ostensibly:

First comes Child. Second comes Woman. Third and finally, comes YOU. In this race of life with a partner, a woman's priorities EVEN IF she's a good, moral person will land you Bronze...at BEST.... and that's the highest level we can hope for with a good woman! As it should be, biologically speaking I might add. This is assuming that your the provider in a stable "normal nuclear" family set up....

Your logical minds' still not comprehending the simple fact that your looking at this as a rational decision on BOTH your parts. Stop thinking like that; or reap the ensuing whirl wind bro.

[Travesty]

Tom Leykis:

Make her do a fresh pregnancy test infront of you to confirm she can be lying.

If she is truly pregnant:

Take her on an expensive dinner date. Tell her you thought it over and you love her and want a life together and maybe kids one day, not yet though. Talk her into abortion. Drive her to the clinic, pay for it.

Bonus is McDonald's drivethru for some McNuggets after.

Then completely block her.

[UlteriorMotive]

You may find some value in this article.

http://www.returnofkings.com/16089/how-t...n-abortion

[MVPnis]

Truthfully, I wouldn't worry. I can't tell you how many times a woman has pulled this on me.

Just some thoughts . cutting off sex month one usually means you're a monkey branch and she went back to the ex for a short while. She doesn't seem rational with the constant breakups . Taking her back so easy just leads to more and more of this behavior, she wasn't punished enough.

What you need to do is DEMAND a paternity test. Let her know you're not playing along and you're gonna be a pain in the ass the entire time. It's amazing how many miscarriages happen this way ( seriously) . If she does happen to be prego ( I doubt it), she will just pin it on beta orbiter or get the abortion.

She's looking for attention and drama. Don't give it to her. DEMAND the paternity test, stay distant and move on Don't sleep with her. Cut her out of your life for a couple months and this so called problem will miraculously vanish.

You're gonna be just fine. This always happens after a breakup and it's bullshit. Now, if you were together and she got prego, then I'd worry.

[SlickyBoy]

(04-23-2017 11:23 PM)Beijong Wrote:  

DO I: Tell her never to contact me again and that it's over, and if she keeps the child it's up to her to raise it, and give her child support?

That's the more economical path versus marriage, for sure. There is less risk for a guy to do what you did - knock up some woman, send in the checks and negotiate visitation rights with the court somehow, versus getting locked into what's likely to be a short marriage. Once the kid is old enough and there's no danger of divorce ass rape, you can hopefully have a regular relationship with your now college aged child. Sad, but this is where we are in modern America - first thought is cover your ass.

Quote:

DO I: Man up and marry the girl?

How many times do you have to get hit in the head? Why would you marry someone so manipulative and likely unhinged? Within ten years she will be fat and you will be divorced - and broke. At least with the "child support only" option she can't attach herself to half your shit. Marry this crazy woman and you give her the rights to half your shit that you haven't even worked to buy/save yet.

You can still try a prenup, but I'm guessing she'd flip at any suggestion - double the reason you should run, if that's the case. If you MUST marry her, and she goes for a prenup, well, make sure it's well drafted and it would be a safer alternative. Judges love to void prenups if not entered into knowingly and drafted expertly.

Quote:

DO I: Suggest terminating the pregnancy and going our separate ways?

Suggest what you want, but it'll be her call regardless.

Quote:

I still have a soft spot for her, and she's trying to find it and stab it.

She found it - it's your dick.


EDIT - As others suggested, make no commitments until it is confirmed that she actually is pregnant and that it's yours. Find this out as soon as possible.

[Beijong]

Hey everyone, thank you for continuing the advice.

UPDATE: shes definitely pregnant, and it's more than likely mine. She has an ultrasound this week that she wants me to go to.

I told her "what? We're in an awful place and I'm not optimistic about any of this"

What followed was another conversation where she blamed me for everything and said it was my fault, she's not crazy, I made her crazy. It's my fault for this for that. I said we have no future together, obviously, and we need to handle this knowing that. She started crying, and after a while that for her own good she would have to do something that goes against her morals (implying termination), she sounded like she was in despair. The wheel kept turning "but it's probably for me and will give me another chance in life... And I'll live everyday grateful for everything I have. But it will be so hard because I'm not just losing you, I'll have to grieve the loss of my child" more tears

She says she wants me to be present for the procedure. I don't want to be. I don't wanna see the ultrasounds or be there, I can't take it man. After we got off the phone I could hear one of the babies in my neighbours apartment crying, which I never hear. Feelin like a bad omen or something. And I wanted to go hold the thing as if it was mine.

How can I ever look at a child again?

God dammit

Has anyone done this before?

I wanna ask her to just give birth to it and sign it over to me. She's beautiful and healthy, and I'm a tall decent liking guy. The kid might not have all life's advantages living with a single dad but genetic wise he'd have a good hand of cards dealt to him.

[Jetset]

(04-24-2017 08:25 PM)Beijong Wrote:  

What followed was another conversation where she blamed me for everything and said it was my fault, she's not crazy, I made her crazy.

You're not falling for it, are you? You are absolutely not at fault for her being vindictive, stalking your exes, and throwing temper tantrums.

Quote:

The wheel kept turning "but it's probably for me and will give me another chance in life... And I'll live everyday grateful for everything I have. But it will be so hard because I'm not just losing you, I'll have to grieve the loss of my child" more tears

Look, joke's on us if there's a baby. I'm just saying that people who enjoy maliciously lying and getting one over on others can take it to truly ridiculous lengths - lengths that normal people would never imagine.

Quote:

She says she wants me to be present for the procedure.

You were together for a few months of demented bullshit, not a few decades of blissful harmony. She says you're this terrible guy who's made her act like a lunatic, but she wants you to be there for this and will be torn apart by the loss of this crazy relationship where she's sure you cheat and which she broke off repeatedly? Come on.

Quote:

The kid might not have all life's advantages living with a single dad but genetic wise he'd have a good hand of cards dealt to him.

Suppose you do this. She's already telling you how she needs you back or else she'll have to mourn the loss of a child. "Grief-stricken mother" is the ultimate card to play, and if it's not a manipulation tactic, you surely realize that it will be almost as hard for her to have a child in this world and never see it, and that you will struggle to tell her "no".

Unless you're planning to leave the country and assume a new identity, there is almost no chance she will not harass you, your child, and every plate you bang for many years to come. Do what you want, you're the one who has to live with everything that happens, but that's a cold fact.

[MVPnis]

Women that accuse others strongly about cheating are usually cheating thenselves....its really the first and most obvious sign.

If she is pregnant then for you this is the biggest change in your life and too big of a thing for you to not demand a perternaty test. No matter how much shit you get..demand it.

[Greyman]

Look man.
You sound like a moral dude. Your in an immoral world. Kids will melt your shit in a way that I finally understand.....In a word Yes. I have (am) been in your shoes. And the subsequent fallout from low rent women having your kid is a literal stain on your soul. Not as bad as stitching up raped children in Afghanistan; that's the stuff of my personal nightmares, comparatively...but.

Those trappings of maleness your feeling now that your facing some real world decisions makes you appreciate why men go out and stand on walls, bleed with tribesmen who value kith, and die for the lie of God, King, Country... when really its the draw of that babes crying a few short apartments down that pulls you, right?

But a screwed up woman using the law and holding your son hostage by virtue of her abject ignorance is....brutal.

Its the times we live in gents. I wish I found the truth's expounded on here or had powerful male mentors before I had to learn these things on my own. Ya'all have helped me. Any younger lions better heed Beijong's (my) tales til we exert some common sense in the uncommon times we're all living in.

That's all I have.

[FireStarter]

(04-24-2017 08:25 PM)Beijong Wrote:  

UPDATE: shes definitely pregnant, and it's more than likely mine. She has an ultrasound this week that she wants me to go to.

I'm not saying that she's not pregnant, however, you have no evidence that she is. Unless you've seen her take the pregnancy tests or you've seen the doctor's report, all you've got to go on is her word. You should already know what that's worth.

Even if she is pregnant you have no way of knowing it's yours until a paternity test is done.

It's amazing how many times I've witnessed this same situation and the girl just happens to have a "miscarriage" after realizing she no longer has power over the guy.

[Steelex]

No dude fuck that shit get the fucking abortion.

You don't understand what this means. You can't comprehend it. You're too fucking stupid. Trust me I am too. You can't raise the kid on your own.

Sometimes living a decent life means doing some gritty shit like taking a girl to the clinic.

A while back I got this god awful 19 year old pregnant. She loved me. I told her the only way we could have a life together is if she got rid of it.

Took her to the clinic, then back to her house. Changed my number that day.

Wash your hands of this. Trust me.

[Beijong]

She's dead set on getting the abortion

She wrote me so many letters saying how she would love me forever that I periodically threw out when she pulled her shit. And her "pro life" morals are equally worthless.

God damn it I have been a fool

I guess I won't have to worry about her anymore at least.

Maybe I can get my shirts back

[Beijong]

Also: if anyone's ever wants to get a vindictive bitch to abort a baby, volunteer to raise it on your own. If she thinks it'll hurt you, she'll probably do it

[Jetset]

(04-25-2017 12:16 AM)Steelex Wrote:  

No dude fuck that shit get the fucking abortion.

Steelex has a really concise writing style that I admire. All that shit I wrote trying to communicate the same point.

(04-25-2017 05:06 AM)Beijong Wrote:  

Also: if anyone's ever wants to get a vindictive bitch to abort a baby, volunteer to raise it on your own. If she thinks it'll hurt you, she'll probably do it

So you threw this out there and she doubled down on the abortion just to spite you, despite supposedly being pro-life and this being her (possibly imaginary) baby, too?

You're upset right now, but someday you're going to be balls-deep in a sane woman with lots of money saved from not raising a lunatic's kid as a single dad, reflecting happily on the bullet you dodged here and what a good thing that turned out to be.

Also, you might want to go to the clinic with her. Number one, it'll be hilarious if it turns out there's no baby. Number two, it won't be hilarious if she lies about getting the abortion and ends up having your kid after all.

[Jack_Smith]

Textbook Borderline Personality Disorder

Gaslighting
Projection
Rage/Tantrums
Manipulation
Vindictive
Cheating

Her biggest fear is abandonment. Make sure you conclusively resolve your paternity situation before you dump her. Then make sure you dump her.

[Dalaran1991]

All I keep seeing in this thread is the OP doubling down on white knighting and ignoring almost all advice. Dude, do you want actual advice from savvy people who probably have been there done that, or do you want us to extoll your white knight virtues? If the former please head to Reddit or Mark Manson's forum for some feel good shit.

You don't even know just in how much shit you are in. After making mistake after mistake of staying with a poisonous, revengeful viper you are now making the mistake of thinking you can raise your son on your own. As in, taking him to baseball practice everyday and have loving "like father like son" moments. All because it strokes your freaking ego, which is why you ended in this mess in the first place.

I'll help people spell this out one more time for you: if your 1 vs million "let me raise the kid" gamble to get her to abort does not work, you are looking at paying child support for almost all the rest of your life, to a dramatic, tantrum throwing, immoral cunt. She will keep your kid and raise him to hate you, just like she does. You will end up not seeing your kid at all at best. At worst, you will have a trashy kid raised by a trashy woman who will add even more drama to your life. You think this is some movie drama where the kid thinks "I miss dad. He is not as bad as mom said"?

Forget keeping a good relationship with your kid's mom (if that's even yours). If you cant be on good terms with her before, what makes you think it will be better in the future. Unlike men women dont become calmer or wiser with age. They wallow in the resentment and bitterness of youth. Age only serves to amplify a woman's personality, and your ex doesnt have a stellar character to begin with. Even now she is trying to guilt you into not cutting out. You fall for that, you dead for life.

I dont know you and yet I cring at imagining your future having to deal with this shitty woman forever and a neverending struggle to be close to a kid that is not meant to be yours. If you refuse to hear the advice here, I expect to see you again in 5 years on Reddit or other shit talking about how your life is ruined because of your ex and your child.

[Jetset]

(04-25-2017 10:25 AM)Dalaran1991 Wrote:  

Forget keeping a good relationship with your kid's mom (if that's even yours). If you cant be on good terms with her before, what makes you think it will be better in the future.

If there's one thing that makes a dysfunctional relationship with a crazy person more stable, it's the stress of raising a child.