[Steelex]

So im interested in the opinion of men who have been in this position.

Currently im living with the mother of my son, he's a year old. We've tried our best at making a relationship work. However, there are just too many personality differences. We just have different ideas of what we want out of a relationship. Im not saying it's terrible, but I don't know that I want to compromise on this forever.

However, there are some benefit to staying. The obvious is spending time with my son, and knowing that some other guy won't be playing a fathering role to him. I don't think I could be ok with that. The other is not paying child support.

Interested in getting your opinion.

[RatInTheWoods]

Life is too short to spend in a deeply unhappy situation.

Change is scary, and the unknown is difficult to tackle.

There is life after divorce, meaningful and authentic relationships with better women await, and you can remain in your sons life as a happier, more fulfilled man instead of an unhappy, bitter presence.

Best of luck and good wishes no matter what your choice mate.

[Cheetah]

Is the mom hot?

[BrazilianCocaine]

Make sure to ejaculate in a more compatible Woman next time. Get a vasectomy and store sperm cyrogenically now.

[realologist]

At this point I can say your relationship was probably better before the kid was born. Once that happened the kid took away time and energy from the relationship so it naturally dipped. It's fairly normal for that to happen once kids enter the picture

Either way if it's not something you want to stick with you shouldn't but make sure it's really the decision you want to make.

[Steelex]

It was better before. However, given the choice I wouldn't have chosen her as my partner. She's a damn good mother, but we have our differences.

[Jetset]

(04-16-2017 06:53 PM)Steelex Wrote:  

It was better before. However, given the choice I wouldn't have chosen her as my partner. She's a damn good mother, but we have our differences.

I got no answers, but after some of the recent "should I leave" threads from people who are so obviously wasting their time swimming in raw sewage, it's cool that you seem to have a level head about this.

[realologist]

You clearly don't want to be with her. Don't. Make sure not to be a dick about and handle it delicately.

Any dating/banging you do keep it discreet. A recent break up and you instantly messing with a few new chicks will end up with a scorned woman trying to wreck you through FOC.

Not something you want to deal with.

[DimeBait]

Nope! Those personality differences will eventually manifest in conflicts on raising your child and eventual resentment and result in the inevitable.
My sons (twins) just turned 18 and though coparenting has been a challenge in an of itself, my life would have been absolute purgatory staying with her.

[NewDayNewFace]

I'm in a very similar situation. Only difference is she moved away for a year with my son. Back when I got her pregnant I knew I didn't want to be with her for the rest of my life. We just never really got along and we always argue. I used to think that if I was ever on my deathbed I'd regret staying with this women. Two years later to this day I feel the exact same way.

[rudebwoy]

delete

[Vill@in]

I have tried it and it doesn't work. Happiest I have been in years since I left.

[Steelex]

Definitely not something to take lightly

[Vill@in]

(04-17-2017 09:46 AM)Steelex Wrote:  

Definitely not something to take lightly

Definitely not. I spent six years with my ex and I was unhappy (with her) for five of them. However being there for my daughter and seeing her grow up and not missing out on stuff was worth it. I sacrificed some things but I don't regret any time I spent with her. My ex is a good mother and we get along now so I feel better about that.

You can still be a good father if you're not living with the mother of your child. The only negative is child support but it's a small price to pay, IMO.

[Windom Earle]

A few weeks after I got my ex-wife pregnant (wife at the time) I came clean and let her know that I didn't think we had a future together due to the poor state of our relationship.

Counselling and probably cowardice on my part kept me from going through with a separation, but that feeling of dread and doubt never left me.

Four months of post natal depression that my wife was experiencing was the final nail in the coffin for the relationship, as was a hot Russian that had her way with me.

I'm not proud of the way it all unravelled and particularly the bad light that was cast upon me in my family's eyes, but it really was a blessing in disguise and something I probably wouldn't have ever done of my own accord.

In hindsight, the choice is easy if you have doubt about staying in a broken relationship, one where contempt and disrespect are commonplace on both sides.

Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship. Make a break for it and follow any dreams that may have been trampled on by a nagging shrew and later forgotten about. At the same time, get your shit together (if required) and bed the type of women that you once thought were out of your reach. This is a soul nourishing pursuit in and of itself.

[Rawmeo]

Consider it very carefully. Try everything you can to make it work. Renouncing to your family is a very hard decision that should be made only in last recourse. If you really cannot make it work, then game other women on the side, give yourself a break. While not officially dumping her, take some time for yourself and enjoy the beauties of life. Consider it again in a few months. If nothing works, then it's better to be alone than with the wrong person. And get your sperm frozen + a vasectomy to ensure you never impregnate the wrong woman.

[Hypno]

(04-17-2017 09:55 AM)Vill@in Wrote:  

(04-17-2017 09:46 AM)Steelex Wrote:  

Definitely not something to take lightly

Definitely not. I spent six years with my ex and I was unhappy (with her) for five of them. However being there for my daughter and seeing her grow up and not missing out on stuff was worth it. I sacrificed some things but I don't regret any time I spent with her. My ex is a good mother and we get along now so I feel better about that.

You can still be a good father if you're not living with the mother of your child. The only negative is child support but it's a small price to pay, IMO.

I was married and we stuck together twice as long. Don't know which would have been better - we fought a lot, and in some ways that is unhealthy but in other ways its real and red pill - but I don't regret it because like you said I got to be there. Now I am going to pay child support AND alimony, but that is my problem.

As to OP, you should see a family law lawyer and maybe document some sort of parenting plan that specifies your rights, etc. For example, my STBX keeps threatening to move out of state. It all depends on what is most important to you. Also, from a financial point of view, its usually determined by formula and based on your income now. If you reach some sort of written agreement, it might be possible to crystalize the amount of you child support - you probably don't want your obligation going up as your income goes up.

[Jack_Smith]

(04-17-2017 11:12 AM)Windom Earle Wrote:  

...the choice is easy if you have doubt about staying in a broken relationship, one where contempt and disrespect are commonplace on both sides.

This is a crucial point. A Go/No Go relationship/family decision is not a No-Brainer. Some relationships/family situations can be improved with investment, some cannot. All unsalvagable relationships share a single, observable element - CONTEMPT. Once that has set in, it's over. (There is research for this, which my considerable anecdotal experience supports.)

Second point. Life is fucking short. Really fucking short. I have buried 6 peers in the last decade, including 2 groomsmen. Whatever decision you make, make it. Don't get sucked into waiting around for something to change, or sticking with it "for the kids." If you decide to stay and try to build a family unit, do it full on with everything you have as a man, and make it a project with clear objectives and a timeline. And always mind that Contempt...

Lastly, Relationship Game is a Different Thing. There is another active thread on this right now, if you are not already on it. Some relevant info here.