[Aenema]

I had gotten into game and used to lurk this website quite a bit and loved the wisdom these guys are dropping about women. It all made sense to me, in this liberal garbage world we live in, most girls are absolute trash. But 7 months ago I met an amazing girl who I had a ton in common with. She's extremely red pill and very anti-feminism. She's very intelligent and has theories and beliefs that I've never heard another western woman utter(like Zionism sexualizing hollywood/normalizing liberalism to destroy society, etc) and she's very skinny and pretty, an objective 8. But a late bloomer none the less. Didn't lose her virginity until 18 and was in an abusive relationship with a somewhat older man that she tried desperately to get out of. To my knowledge she has not had a lot of sexual partners, but as we've gotten closer and I've done more questioning into her past I found out some troubling things. After breaking up with this boyfriend, she went into a downward spiral and was a heavy pot smoker. She claims that it killed her sex drive and was her escape from the college hookup lifestyle. Of course pot isn't that big of a deal, and her sex drive is fine. But I found out that she would occasionally get high off painkillers in her dorm room and she admitted to "chasing the dragon" once (that means smoking opium or heroin). I was stunned. She is overall a good girl, has an amazing relationship with her mom(they talk every day) and her mom actually knows about the drug use and never sent her to rehab or anything. She's good now, all she does is drink wine or an occasional hit off a joint but I have seen her take morphine for menstrual cramps and I never thought much of it until I found out that she did this chasing the dragon thing.

Would this be a deal breaker for you? I'm unsure how to feel. She says she is beyond that stage in her life now because she no longer feels that she wants to escape reality because she's so happy being with me. I really don't know what to do, I'm not sure I'd find another girl who is this awesome but even most trashy western girls havent chased the dragon so I find it very troubling.

[CleanSlate]

Substance abuse is a deal breaker for me, personally. How do you really know she won't start using again, if she hasn't already?

[Vaun]

What do you want her for? A wife or mother? Then she would be completely out for me. A fun sex partner? Maybe?

Deal breaker.

[Jetset]

(04-11-2017 10:13 AM)Aenema Wrote:  

She says she is beyond that stage in her life now because she no longer feels that she wants to escape reality because she's so happy being with me.

Until she isn't anymore, and then you're going to be dating a stripper.

[Aenema]

I'm 100% sure she's not using currently. She's a pretty normal well rounded person. Do you guys truly believe that a one time experience with a very hard substance is enough for me to never marry her? Yes most american girls haven't done something this extreme but dumping a girl over this feels a bit crazy considering the past of most girls. I have no desire to move to a foreign country solely to meet a more traditional girl. I like that she was honest enough to tell me about this. I'm really on the fence. If she had IV'd the substance it would be a deal breaker for sure but I just don't know if I can rationalize dumping a girl over smoking some shit a long time ago. She's a dream compared to the girls that I see guys in this forum complaining about. Doesn't really use social media, isn't an attention whore, great cook. Am I just blinded by the things that I like about her? My best friend thinks I'm crazy for considering dumping her over something in the past and says I should be happy that she wasn't in a gang bang or something, but he's not very red pill. Just a guy with some natural game.
Yes I asked this because I am considering marrying her. Foreign girls are traditional and cute but they're dumb as rocks for the most part, and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with a woman who I wouldn't be able to have an intellectual conversation with. I feel like this girl has become one of my closest friends and that I will not be able to find someone like this again. I don't want to grow old alone chasing the player lifestyle and I believe that experimenting with drugs isn't as bad as being a liberal college tinder whore. But I really truly am conflicted because I don't want her to be like 40 and start using drugs again.

[Aenema]

(04-11-2017 10:59 AM)Jetset Wrote:  

(04-11-2017 10:13 AM)Aenema Wrote:  

She says she is beyond that stage in her life now because she no longer feels that she wants to escape reality because she's so happy being with me.

Until she isn't anymore, and then you're going to be dating a stripper.

I guarantee this particular girl would never be a stripper. She hates showing her body. She wears full piece bathing suits to the beach despite having a hot tight little body.

[Jetset]

(04-11-2017 12:06 PM)Aenema Wrote:  

I don't want to grow old alone chasing the player lifestyle and I believe that experimenting with drugs isn't as bad as being a liberal college tinder whore. But I really truly am conflicted because I don't want her to be like 40 and start using drugs again.

I don't see the one-time use as a red flag. It's more of a yellow flag.

"She says she is beyond that stage in her life now because she no longer feels that she wants to escape reality because she's so happy being with me."

That is a red flag.

That kind of emotional dependence is a maturity thing. What stage in her life is she going to enter when things are tough with you? You don't need to deal with somebody who's all but admitting that this isn't even their final form.

[Vill@in]

I was going to say no, dumping her over her past drug use would be kind of silly IMO. Sucking on a glass dick is different than sucking on real ones.

But then I read this...

(04-11-2017 10:13 AM)Aenema Wrote:  

She's good now, all she does is drink wine or an occasional hit off a joint but I have seen her take morphine for menstrual cramps and I never thought much of it until I found out that she did this chasing the dragon thing.

Morphine? For Menstrual cramps? Seriously? That's a red flag to me given her prior substance abuse.

[TTQQTT]

In my opinion if the person is strong he/she can get rid of an addiction for good. The real red flag for me would be this "she was in an abusive relationship with a somewhat older man". Other than that you already seem to be determined in your decision to keep seeing her, so the question seems pointless.

[UlteriorMotive]

If I were you I'd be keeping a close eye on her mental state, I wouldn't say this is a reason to drop her.

It's a shame that she has a history of substance abuse but this is a serious reason to not build a future with this woman.

She will have times of extreme lows and the craving for a fix might be enough to drag her back into that downward spiral.

If things in her life start to look rough you need to make a quick and clean exit brother.

[PapayaTapper]

In this world it's easy to make a mistake. A one off of heroin use wouldn't not necessarily be a deal killer for me...but as mentioned above it's definitely a "yellow flag" worth noting

People can change. Meaningful permanent change is extraordinarily difficult and requires extraordinary motivation.

Positive change is an order of magnitude more difficult than negative change. Without guidance (like from a strong father) humans are inherently weak and will more easily succumb to the negative

It's hard to know what her "truth" is from the limited info in this thread but perhaps her prior difficult circumstances pushed her true self in a negative/ dark way and once those extraordinary "negatives"(in her mind) were removed it allowed her to come back to her self.

Based on what you've provided I'd recommend "vigilant optimism".


Edit

(04-11-2017 12:25 PM)Vill@in Wrote:  

I was going to say no, dumping her over her past drug use would be kind of silly IMO. Sucking on a glass dick is different than sucking on real ones.

But then I read this...

(04-11-2017 10:13 AM)Aenema Wrote:  

She's good now, all she does is drink wine or an occasional hit off a joint but I have seen her take morphine for menstrual cramps and I never thought much of it until I found out that she did this chasing the dragon thing.

Morphine? For Menstrual cramps? Seriously? That's a red flag to me given her prior substance abuse.

I missed the "morphine for menstrual cramps" (good catch Vill@in)

Concern alert raised to Level Orange

[Fightersword]

I'd have considered having been in an abusive relationship before a red flag upfront, but the rest definitely solidifes her as a non-option for anything long term. Especially if you consider LTR's as potential mothers of your children, a drug history is a strikeout in itself.

[Steve McQueen]

Some of the comments are harsh, what are we women? Not tall enough/doesnt earn enough/etc, doesnt tick all my boxes... next!

Give the benefit of the doubt, we all go through tough times in life and at least she had the maturity to see she had a problem and deal with it.

Its different if its an ongoing thing but I will say morphine for cramps gave me pause for thought, thats a first

[Jetset]

(04-11-2017 12:51 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

I missed the "morphine for menstrual cramps" (good catch Vill@in)

Concern alert raised to Level Orange

...and "claimed to have been/allowed herself to be abused by old guy". I did catch it at first but then forgot about it as I got sucked into the drug narrative.

[Vaun]

(04-11-2017 01:32 PM)Steve McQueen Wrote:  

Some of the comments are harsh, what are we women? Not tall enough/doesnt earn enough/etc, doesnt tick all my boxes... next!

Give the benefit of the doubt, we all go through tough times in life and at least she had the maturity to see she had a problem and deal with it.

Its different if its an ongoing thing but I will say morphine for cramps gave me pause for thought, thats a first

No, its just a sign that as a man, you have such low enough self esteem that you would let a former(doubtful) heroin addict into your home, into your affairs, be seen in public with, intro to your friends and family, and low and behold, accidentally get pregnant. You want to build your legacy on that? Has the username "Pax Prentiss" been snatched up here yet??

There is a lot of settling in this thread. A lot of men ok with accepting trash into their lives. Things must be really bad out there for a lot of you, or, you think pretty poorly of yourselves.

[kaotic]

This girl seems to have recovered but using morphine as a vice for cramps is definitely an eyebrow raiser.

Pot isn't a big deal, but morphine is.

Sounds like that former ex of hers did a number on her unfortunately, she chased drugs to get away from her own issues.

I won't say she's broken, but I will say for long term prospects I don't see her as an LTR type girl.

Then again you've been with her 7 months.

Have you guys been in any fights ? How has she reacted ? Did she uptick smoking weed and morphine ?

Has been in any high stress situations ? How has she reacted ?

My concern for you is that, if shit hits the fan, will go back to her old ways ?

Same can be said for people who had a history of alcohol abuse.


Now, I personally know a few people who stopped drinking, and some of the most successful driven people I know.

Experiences may vary.

[DarkTriad]

(04-11-2017 12:06 PM)Aenema Wrote:  

I'm 100% sure she's not using currently. She's a pretty normal well rounded person. Do you guys truly believe that a one time experience with a very hard substance is enough for me to never marry her? Yes most american girls haven't done something this extreme but dumping a girl over this feels a bit crazy considering the past of most girls. I have no desire to move to a foreign country solely to meet a more traditional girl. I like that she was honest enough to tell me about this. I'm really on the fence. If she had IV'd the substance it would be a deal breaker for sure but I just don't know if I can rationalize dumping a girl over smoking some shit a long time ago. She's a dream compared to the girls that I see guys in this forum complaining about. Doesn't really use social media, isn't an attention whore, great cook. Am I just blinded by the things that I like about her? My best friend thinks I'm crazy for considering dumping her over something in the past and says I should be happy that she wasn't in a gang bang or something, but he's not very red pill. Just a guy with some natural game.
Yes I asked this because I am considering marrying her. Foreign girls are traditional and cute but they're dumb as rocks for the most part, and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with a woman who I wouldn't be able to have an intellectual conversation with. I feel like this girl has become one of my closest friends and that I will not be able to find someone like this again. I don't want to grow old alone chasing the player lifestyle and I believe that experimenting with drugs isn't as bad as being a liberal college tinder whore. But I really truly am conflicted because I don't want her to be like 40 and start using drugs again.

It's never a "one time thing". How many times has she played with opiates before deciding to go "all in" with heroin? If she wasn't a habitual opiate user, even a small amount would have ODed her.

She's "trickle truthing" you anyway. Pot doesn't generally dampen a woman's sex drive...you know what does? Opiates. She was addicted to cock till she got addicted to opiates. Weaning herself off opiates and back onto cock now, but she'll always be backsliding. And unless she's got a 6 figure income, I guarantee she was blowing dudes for drugs on the regular.

I'm sure she's a sweet fun girl, but he has some issues that disqualify her as a mother of your children. Enjoy her for what she is, but don't even THINK of wifing her up.

[Robtormar]

First I was gonna be like dude she used to smoke pot so what. Dump a girl over past or even ocassional marijuana use? But then I read the morphine part. If she's been doing this for a while tread lightly my friend. Opiates are very strong drugs and getting off them can be very messy.

[samsamsam]

Think of how she views you, she has done all this bad shit before you. Now she has cleaned up herself. And now she is with you. I don't know you of course. And I am not trying to insult you.

But it sort of feels like you are the beta in her life. She won't see you as an alpha. And I hate these terms except I am not thinking that well right now. The forum is littered with stories (quoted from the news) to real life dudes who have been through this.

How old is she now? Is this the hottest or best chick you have ever had? Would it be fair to say you are dating up? Are you Forest to her Jenny?

[churros]

Not LTR material. There's too many negatives in play for the long term. Make her your primary for now and keep spinning plates.

Personally I rule out all smokers, pot or otherwise, and even girls who party for LTRs. Morphine? You've got to be kidding.

[dongiovanni]

Doing heroin once is OK in my opinion, half of my friends have done that. I'd be more worried about habitual painkiller use but seems like she's OK now, good luck.

[Steelex]

Wrong question.

She is a human, with flaws and mistakes. Some do drugs, some get gang banged, some do a couple of pornos. Very few of them are without flaw.

The real question is whether or not YOU can mentally deal with this. If you can't, then it's only going to get worse and bother you more, and will become a point of conflict.

Im in the same boat my friend. Better to just not get in that boat.

[Vaun]

(04-11-2017 06:48 PM)Steelex Wrote:  

The real question is whether or not YOU can mentally deal with this.

No, this is a question of character. You must not have had any experience with these types of folks. You must think you can't do any better.

There are a lot of hot single women in this world who are not former addicts. Are you going to bet your future on a horse with a limp?

[Exult]

"I guarantee this particular girl would never be a stripper. She hates showing her body. She wears full piece bathing suits to the beach despite having a hot tight little body."

No one else has commented on this part either- sounds like serious self esteem issues (which all girls have but this is beyond the ordinary). Pretty girl with a great body won't wear a bikini? Red flag?

What does the forum think about a breakup with no contact to see where she's at in a couple months? If she spirals off and starts using then you know you made a good choice vs if she handles it well and is going about her life then OP can re-initiate?

[torridon747]

More details please.

I've had my run-ins with the opiates so to say. 1.5 years I know how it is.

Sounds like she's not completely ready to kick, and you took her up and you like her a lot. When you're done with opiates you won't even take a perc or a vic for a tooth ache, let alone casually using morphne - trust me. You keep saying things like she's a good girl and all the the contact she has with her parents. Not to mention the complex about college girls and their dick options.

Don't be captain save-a-hoe. Just fucking don't. She's troubled, you like her. Keep it at that. Don't fall in love, it's not a player's place. Not LTR worthy, not exclusive worthy. Until she disrespects you - by all means put her on. If she's not ready to conquer her opiate problem there's nothing you can do to help. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.