[Sam Malone]

For the men with kids, especially younger ones.. how do you do it ? Not so much a problem of getting notches, more so the balance between being a father and having that time to yourself (and notches).

Some backstory if it helps:

I'm 45, divorced after 10+ years (finalized over a year ago). I kept the house, and the kids are with me the majority of the time (I'm custodial). The ex actually pays me support (!!), and she has a habit of not 'being able to take the kids tonight/this weekend' about 50% of the time. She just recently remarried, she'd brought a few different men around my kids before settling down with sucker #4. Yeah, you read that right, she just married for the 4th time (I was #3).

As I read that, it comes across a little bitter and jealous, but it's not meant to be. It's to give a better explanation of my position.

I'm more concerned with my children. Quite a few times my oldest (of three, boy, girl, girl, and they are the only kids that either of us have) has asked me why their mother doesn't seem to want them around. She (mother) always wants to hang out with her friends or boyfriend (now husband).

Because of this (and the girls sort of feel the same way), I'm hesitant to bring any woman into my world. I don't want my children to think of me the same way they see their mother. Children need a father figure, and I've got a healthy relationship with my children that I don't want to jeopardize by bringing revolving women around.

On the other side of the equation, it severely limits my ability to be spontaneous with potential notches. There have been a few times where I've done a 'smash and dip' sort of thing from a Tinder or POF match, usually on one of my (few) kid free nights or weekends. More than once I've gone over to a single/divorced woman's place solely for the bang.. while her kids are in their bedrooms sleeping !! And the women are the ones suggesting that I come over !!

I couldn't do that. I couldn't imagine having some woman, some stranger that I've never met before, come over to my house while my kids are there.

(On a side note, these women are typically mid/late 30's or early 40's single mothers, that their kid's father is practically non-existent. 5's and 6's, but easy bangs if the online/text game is fair to good, and you're willing to spend extended time online or texting).

A couple months ago, one single mother I had in my rotation, her ex lives across the country. He comes to the area once a year, and when he's here he gets his/their kids for the week. It actually worked out that we had the same weekend available (and my ex didn't flake). So we chatted for a bit, I suggested we 'get out of town' for the night. She had a bag packed in half an hour, I picked her up, and we zipped up to Niagara Falls (I'm in western NY). We had a great time, no kids, no (potential) worries.. it was genuinely a great time. Light dinner, some sightseeing, and back to the hotel room.

That said, I enjoyed that flexibility.. the spontaneity.. "Fuck it, let's go to Niagara Falls !!". "Ok".

It was great !! Just the whole experience again of being able to do something at the drop of a hat was immensely satisfying. As lame as this might sound, I felt young again. Even she remarked that I seemed a little more (than usual) upbeat.

I ended up bumping her from my lineup a couple weeks ago, she wanted too much more too fast. This was one of the women that let me come straight to her apartment for the bang while the kids were upstairs sleeping. So it wasn't going to be anything long term (for me) from the start, and I never insinuated to her that it would be.

As I work toward making my game stronger and tighter, working on younger women, that spontaneity is a significant arrow to have in my quiver.

Maybe this thread is more of a "how to keep your ex in line" kind of question (?).

My kids always come first. There's no wavering on that for me. Not only because I see, hear, or read too many stories about some dumb shit some kid did, only to find out that the father isn't around. But because I am their father, and it's my job to be their father.

So how do you guys keep the balance between being or striving to be a good father, while still having your own needs met ? Not just physically, but mentally stimulating as well as having that ability to be 'spontaneous' ?

[General Stalin]

I don't have any kids and have never been married but I'm subscribing to this thread because it's an interesting topic I'd like to here more about from those experienced. I could offer some info but it would all be purely from outside observation of others and speculation. I'd rather here from people that have been there.

OP, I would venture to say your situation is very unique in that you have majority custody of your children. Most men are lucky to even get something like 50% custody, and the men always have to pay.

[DimeBait]

I was divorced at 28 with 5 y.o twins. Fortunately, my ex and I had equal parenting time. I was clear with chicks I dated that my kids came first. It actually worked out great. I'd bang them at night with the expectation that my kids were coming over at 10am whether they actually were or not, lol.

Your situation is a bit different as the primary caregiver. Unfortunately, you have to suck it up bro and take care of those kids till, either your ex steps up, or they're old enough to be somewhat self-sufficient. There will be plenty of time for gallivanting later, but right now your kids are priority No. 1. Women have been doing this for years.

[Sam Malone]

(02-22-2017 11:31 AM)General Stalin Wrote:  

I don't have any kids and have never been married but I'm subscribing to this thread because it's an interesting topic I'd like to here more about from those experienced. I could offer some info but it would all be purely from outside observation of others and speculation. I'd rather here from people that have been there.

OP, I would venture to say your situation is very unique in that you have majority custody of your children. Most men are lucky to even get something like 50% custody, and the men always have to pay.

Understood. I'd be interested to hear what you have to say, General Stalin.

As far as the circumstances surrounding the divorce, long story short, I ran a Batman Gambit on a woman I'd known and been married to for over ten years:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BatmanGambit

Quote:

A complicated plan that revolves entirely around people doing exactly what you'd expect them to do. This trope relies heavily on Flaw Exploitation manipulating, although it can work with virtues instead of "flaws" just as easily. Sometimes the flaw is that the villains are so predictable that they'll take the first chance they have to do something mean and underhanded. Other times, the flaw is that the heroes are so heroic that they'll act for the greater good without even thinking about it. A particularly Genre Savvy person will recognize the fact that heroes always win—and design a plan based on the assumption that they will succeed.

I beared down and worked on a success strategy for my divorce while she was out screwing around. We were having trouble, and I had a hunch anyway. But once I found out for certain about her infidelity, I ran silent and deep, working like a sniper, and making every shot effective..

- Had her served at work, with no warning on my part. That was basically a warning shot across the bow.

*It's worth mentioning that once a legal divorce action has commenced, financial responsibilities separate. Moving forward from that point, your bills are your bills, hers are hers.. my ex didn't know that.. and ran the limits up on her credit cards in what (I think) was an attempt to stick me with half.

- She suggested prior that I move in with my mother. I'd learned from friends that were divorced that moving out is a no-no. That gives the one who stays the edge.

- She then decided that she wanted an easy divorce, and didn't want the kids to have to go to court. Whether she was truthful about that or not, I have no idea. But any trust that was left before I found out about her screwing around was gone by then.

- In that same vein, she had suggested that one of us should move into the spare room. My response was, "Sure, when do you want to move your stuff ?".. her jaw dropped on that one, and two days later, she stated that she'd found an apartment and she'd be out the following month. This was a crucial chess move in the game, her moving out meant that she was perfectly fine leaving the kids with me (and thus losing any possible argument that I was unfit or unable to care for them). Actions speak louder than words.

- I helped her move. Yeah, it sucked, but I didn't want who knows who in my house potentially helping her 'shop' for what she was going to take with her. And that night was one of the best nights of sleep I've ever had.

- I set a schedule that benefited me, kid-wise. Based on a two week schedule, the paperwork says she has them 6 out of 14 nights (it's actually more with her flaking). But the hard copy has me with more than 50%.

- She dragged her feet on filling out her end of the divorce paperwork. It worked to my advantage, it set the tone for what things were going to be post-divorce. It established a working schedule, and she lost any potential argument that it would need to change, because why is it a problem now if it hasn't been a problem over the last X months ?

- The school staff know and see me a lot more than they do her. That would go a long way if we ended up in a courtroom.

- Child Support... she worked her way through college classes while I worked until an injury put me on the sidelines for a while. She worked, and I became Mr. Mom for a while.. making her the higher earner. We saved that move for the last meeting before trial was set to start, my lawyer dropped that bombshell on her lawyer, and then we went back across the hallway to tell my ex. I could tell from 70 feet away the exact moment her attorney told her that I wanted $2500 in Child Support and Alimony. I'd never seen anyone's jaw drop like that. Texts me ten minutes later.. "Fuck you, Sam. You want a fight, you got one."

- As much as I didn't want to go to court, I was ready to. She knew it. And she knew if we went to court, I was going in hard and dry.

Her mother knew it, too. I think once the ex ran her credit cards to the max, she was going to borrow money from mom for a courtroom battle.

We settled on the courthouse steps the morning that the trial was supposed to begin. I think her mother finally realized I was in the driver's seat, realized that her (the mother's) money would be better spent flushing it down the toilet, and told her:



In exchange for her paying me a slightly lesser amount of Child Support (which I can renegotiate in a couple years), she waived her equity in the home, we left our 401K's alone (I have considerably more), she kept her newer car (and the payments lol), we were each responsible for our own debts, and a handful of other assorted stuff. We conceded alimony, as it was a long shot anyway. And I kept the equity in exchange for that (never give something without getting something). But those are the big ticket items.

[Sam Malone]

(02-22-2017 11:37 AM)DimeBait Wrote:  

I was divorced at 28 with 5 y.o twins. Fortunately, my ex and I had equal parenting time. I was clear with chicks I dated that my kids came first. It actually worked out great. I'd bang them at night with the expectation that my kids were coming over at 10am whether they actually were or not, lol.

Your situation is a bit different as the primary caregiver. Unfortunately, you have to suck it up bro and take care of those kids till, either your ex steps up, or they're old enough to be somewhat self-sufficient. There will be plenty of time for gallivanting later, but right now your kids are priority No. 1. Women have been doing this for years.

My ex said she wanted equal parenting time, but once she moved out, the kids were with me in two week stretches for the first three months. Then the ex finally came around to taking them on her weeknights as well.

Like you, I've made it clear from the get-go that my kids are priority #1. It's the truth regardless, but on some level, I think that statement gets the milf panties wet.

My kids are my life.

[RunsWithScissors]

I've been dealing with this too. I'm 42 with two boys ages 7 and 11, I've been divorced for 5 years. At first I only had the kids 2 days a week, I wanted them 50% (as we agreed to in the divorce) but ex always refused (poor wording in our divorce documents) so two years ago we go to court and I won 50% time. That's a whole other story but was a hugely formative event in my life.

After the divorce I did some dating but mostly spent time on my own, working to improve myself and lose the strong beta tendencies I had developed in my marriage. A year in found a woman that I mistakenly decided to invest in and got into a LTR. We took 6 months before I introduced her to my kids and over a year before she spent the night. We were together for 3 years and lived with us for most of the last year together. We eventually broke up and she moved out 1.5 years ago. The kids were attached to her and enjoyed her company, but it wasn't as impactful as the divorce with their mother. That entire relationship was a mistake that I've learned a lot from.

Since then I've been dating and hooking up, as you mention there's a bunch of single moms out there that want late-night company but I don't go to strange women's houses while their kids are asleep nor do I invite them to mine. I have one long-term (6+ months) plate that does come to my house occasionally after my kids are asleep, we bang and chat for a bit then she's out. I'm up-front with girls that I'm a dad and my kids are my priority. I don't reschedule or give up my parenting time for anything, certainly not for a girl. There's only been a couple of occasions where I've gotten a sitter so I could attend a special event with a date such as a concert or party.

I think it's really good for the kids to see Dad as a happy, active, social person. To that end I try to frequently do things with friends, coworkers and family, so that if a woman does come around it's not a big deal or special event for the kids. I set an example for the kids by being very social and outgoing when we are out in public, and when there's a cute waitress or single mom at the park it's no big deal for me to be chatting with them.

My ex got remarried last fall (her #3), he has twin 12 year old daughters and it's been an ordeal integrating their two families, so much so that they've rearranged his parenting time schedule so the kids aren't together on weekends. I fully intend to never combine families even though I do think I'm more relationship minded than player.

One area that's been a continuous struggle for me has been balancing the intensity of having my kids with me 50% and all the energy and affection and attention that encompasses, and then the silence and solitude and sometimes emptiness when the kids are gone. To be honest I get quite sad and lonely sometimes. I try to focus on my hobbies and lifting and projects and reading as well as social activities but I've found it hard making friends as I get older. I also have had to work with some neediness on my part when it comes to interacting with women; since I have very structured but limited free time I'm wanting to line up dates to take advantage of that free time, and that comes across as me being too enthusiastic or interested in the girl. I'm trying to shift that to inviting girls to do stuff with me that I'd be doing anyway and it seems to work better especially if I don't get attached to whether they join me or not.

Your situation sounds like it has some additional challenges, with you being the primary caregiver and with their mom being shitty about her time with them. I think whatever you do make sure the kids know it's not their fault their mom doesn't want time them and that you're always there for them, without badmouthing her if at all possible.

This is mostly just a bunch of my random thoughts as a single dad, hopefully some of it is useful. Feel free to ask questions or hit me on PM if you want to share experiences.

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

Not much to add-sounds like you have your ass covered legally and you have placed your kids first in the equation

SO many dads lose that valuable time/connection with their kids and have to fight their way both into their lives in hopes of leaving some time of imprint.

I'm a single father of two myself, 50% or more custody. No problems and arguments, full cooperation.

Agreed on the adoration and priority setting of your kids being an indirect panty wetter but more importantly shows prospective women that you will not compromise or rearrange your life for her on a whim no matter how promising she may appear. I always keep in mind she could be gone tomorrow.

She will have to get in where she fits in if she wants your time

[el mechanico]

Schedule your dates on your days off with no kids and build up some reserves..

Make sure they all live in different areas like not where you use the same grocery store or whatever...

Have them come over after the kids go to sleep, girls are whores they wont care most the time but if they do then next them, target busy women not the type that has all night to drive by your house..

I've got more I'm thinking...

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

As a single dad who is interested in dating it may be advantageous to maintain close family ties. They can help further instill your values, and provide company for your kids especially if you have a bigger family like me. My kids happen to have cousin their age, just as I had growing up.

Having this extended social network not only has allowed my kids to know their relatives/culture but also gives them insight on the importance of family and hopefully it's endurance for the coming generations.

[Vill@in]

You're a good father. I hope that once your kids grow up they recognize all that you did for them (and I'm sure they will). Blue Pill Society takes every opportunity to shit on single dads...whether they are good fathers or not is irrelevant.

Your logistics/living situation make it difficult to find time to go out/get notches. Do you have family members that can help watch?

I've got two young ones myself, from two separate long term relationships (never married). I'm lucky to be on a friendly relationship with both mothers and I get them on the same weekends. The weekends I don't have them I party like a Rockstar.

Keep up the good work, my man. It's a shame you never see any news articles/stories about "Great Single Fathers" instead of the cliché "Single Mom who does EVERYTHING and let's all worship her" tripe.

[questor70]

I have had sole custody of my 16 year old since she was still being potty-trained. A single dad with sole custody dating a single mom is extremely difficult. I have had incidents with kids walking in during the deed. Even the fear of that happening is a boner-killer. But you can break the bank going to hotels. You wind up fooling around in cars or in the woods a lot.

Dating in your mid 40s is strange because there's this narrow age-band with women from late 30s to mid 40s. The women who haven't had kids are desperately looking for a sperm-donor. The women who have had kids are (hopefully) empty-nesters or soon-to-be empty-nesters, but they're also staring down menopause. I see menopause as a good thing because then you don't have to worry about birth-control anymore, plus women have such complexes about it, it lowers their SMV. If they're recently divorced then they probably hadn't been having sex for a long long time. If you make them feel desired by pounding them silly you get all sorts of brownie points.

The hardest flavor of single mom to date is one with young kids, especially multiple younger kids. Kids of high school age are starting to learn to date for themselves so it's easier to broach the topic that mom or dad needs to go out and date so warm up your own food.

I think it takes a special kind of guy to be able to pull 20-somethings as a 40-something. I don't have what it takes and no amount of lifting is gonna change that. So all this red-pill talk about women hitting the wall in their early 30s is not applicable to me. I've learned to accept the reality that I'm not going to try dating any women more than maybe 6-8 years my junior but when it comes down to women that go for me, they are either my age or a little older.

I've heard from the field that there are a LOT of impotent men in the 50+ age bracket. Dating older women helps level the playing field just by virtue of your junk still working.

I'm hoping when I myself become an empty-nester that I'll be able to have some sort of renaissance. But for now, logistics is still a bitch.

--

P.S. Another thing single dads with sole custody have in their favor is a form of instant social proof. So yeah, it's beta, but it also spares you from a lot of the knee-jerk "creep" fears. It helps humanize you and make you seem more trustworthy. You can kind of work that to come across as though you're instantly in solidarity with the "single parents lonely hearts club band". It's easy to go straight from that to a convenient FWB situation because it will feel like "Gee, look at us! We're in the same boat! If you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours!". You start trading orgasms as if you're playing frisbee. You can get to sex for its own sake fairly easily, but it's hard to build real PASSION.

[deerhunter]

I was in this position when I got divorced, 2 kids that are with me full time. The shocking thing to me was how scandalous these moms can be about banging a guy they barely know when their kids are in the next room.
Right off the bat in my newly single life I had a late 30's, just divorced mom invite me to her place to check out her new hot tub. We had met (banged) once previously. Next morning her 6 year old son walks into her bedroom, sees me in the bed, and starts balling his eyes out. I felt like shit but she thought it was no big deal. Fucked up. She wanted to meet my kids, not happening.
Shortly thereafter I had a single mom who I had met once (also first date bang), text me to come to her place. It was only a mile away and she had great tits so why not. She lives in one of those small S.F. bay area 2 floor type places. Once she lets me in and closes the door she goes straight to blowing me, pauses, and says we have to be quiet since her 12 year old son is upstairs. Then she strips and bends over the couch. I proceeded to use the other 2 holes. If the kid came downstairs that would be the first thing he saw. I was disgusted with myself after I nutted and don't do that shit with kids around anymore. Don't introduce them to my kids either (except one main girl).
It will be tough to be spontaneous until your kids are old enough to mind themselves. Single women who are childless and have their own place are nice. For the first date bang It is handy to have access to an empty house, shop, office, boat etc. I like to meet them for a drink somewhere then suggest another spot after one or two drinks. Tell her you have to stop by the shop, house etc. on the way to check the whatever that you supposedly fixed earlier that day. Plumbing, thermostat, thermocoupler in heater (my favorite), the options of things are endless that require checking to make sure there is no flooding or freezing. At the office it could be some documents that need signing etc. .
I usually find out their favorite drink ahead of time and have that available. One thing leads to another and they have a spontaneous adventurous experience.
Another one i have used is to have my dog in the truck and say he needs to run. There are places near me to walk the dog. Dark parking lot next to a lake and they feel like a naughty high school girl again. They absolutely love it, months later I have had them say that was our best bang and want to do it again even though there is a perfectly good bed available. Apparently the front seat of my truck is a romantic spot.
Some women won't like the fact that your kids take up most of your time and energy but who cares. These days with online and cell phones available pussy is plentiful. When i was single before there was no texting, you had to call her house landline to communicate. This to me is the biggest change, along with the prevalence of anal, and gives you lots of options.

[iknowexactly]

I don't really have experience with this, but only an idea--

They miss mom, miss a mother figure.

You miss freedom. Why not hire part-time a nice non-sexual relationship nanny figure? Explain you like to have some free time, get a woman who is sexually unattractive but sweet who loves kids. They get some low key feminine presence, you cavort without bringing sluts around.

[RatInTheWoods]

Im similar age and similar set up, but my view on the situation is very different.

I think you should separate the themes

1) being interested/loving and present with your kids and
2) Having a social/sex/dating life

These are not exclusive things. While the kids will care and judge you for not doing number one, they WILL NOT judge you for number two.

In fact, I put it to you that it isn't healthy for you to hide, conceal or keep secrets about your LTRs from your kids.

Sure, all means no need to bang randoms infront of them, but if you have LTRs (even quite a few) then I advocate being open and honest with the kids.

Your frame should be "I have a life, I date, I have kids and I have no secrets"

Of course you need to date good women that interact positively with the kids, and next any woman that does the wrong thing.

I think the kids will enjoy seeing you happy, meeting the women in your life and doing things togther with them, especially the girls who will enjoy the feminine energy.

[DimeBait]

(02-22-2017 05:01 PM)RatInTheWoods Wrote:  

Im similar age and similar set up, but my view on the situation is very different.

I think you should separate the themes

1) being interested/loving and present with your kids and
2) Having a social/sex/dating life

These are not exclusive things. While the kids will care and judge you for not doing number one, they WILL NOT judge you for number two.

In fact, I put it to you that it isn't healthy for you to hide, conceal or keep secrets about your LTRs from your kids.

Sure, all means no need to bang randoms infront of them, but if you have LTRs (even quite a few) then I advocate being open and honest with the kids.

Your frame should be "I have a life, I date, I have kids and I have no secrets"

Of course you need to date good women that interact positively with the kids, and next any woman that does the wrong thing.

I think the kids will enjoy seeing you happy, meeting the women in your life and doing things togther with them, especially the girls who will enjoy the feminine energy.

Great input. My kids have only been around me and one other woman who wasn't their mom. (my last LTR for several years) I can't say whether this has had any more positive effect on them than not, but she was the only person I was involved with seriously.
I have introduced them to a couple random chicks as dad's friends here and there, but we never hung out.
Now, they're nearly 18 and I still don't introduce them to flings unless their paths happen to cross.
I do, however, wish my kids got more exposure to social interaction. They are a little more socially awkward than I'd like.

[tremont]

I don't have full custody so my situation is a bit better than yours.

My #1 rule is don't bring sluts around my kids.

How is your bank roll? If I were in your situation I'd be budgeting a second small apartment and overnight babysitting at least once a week so I could go out. Make that shit an airbnb or vrbo part time and maybe it'll even pay for itself. Bring the girls back to your pad and don't introduce them to your kids until they've proven themselves worthy. If you have the extra room at your house, a full time live in Au Pair could be a good option.

Somehow I also feel like a man with kids can be a DHV. Its nothing like the black stigma of a single mother. You've proven yourself biologically, and also that you have your shit together. A father is a leader.

A buddy of mine in his 30's tells me when he goes to college campus all of the girls want to hook up with yound dads. Makes sense to me, considering the alternative 20 year old clowns.

[Conscious Pirate]

Thanks for starting this thread Sam. No kids myself but a buddy of mine is having a terrible time of it with his ex & kids dealing with the fallout. Been wanting somewhere to point him to. This thread will help no doubt. Very interested in everyone's experiences in this dept. Cheers.

[Ghost Tiger]

Don't date women because you think they would make a good "replacement" mom. I made this mistake. A few times. The women you date may sense this and then prey upon it by pretending to be someone they're not just to get in. Having said that... trust your kids' instincts. They'll know when you're making a mistake. Listen to their analysis, as it's unbiased for the most part and your kids want the best for you. El Mechanico's advice is great. Just resign yourself to your fate as a player until the kids are grown. Treat 'em like whores. They'll love you for it.

"Remind these bitches to mind their business. Believe me, the pimp game is very religious."

- Ja Rule

[Turnus]

Thanks for starting this thread. I've actually debated starting one like it for awhile as I knew there were other guys in the same position.

I've been divorced a little over a year as well. I have 3 kids, in my early 40's, and I have primary custody of the children (60/40). My divorce was very contentious, very expensive, and currently my older two children are completely alienated from me because of actions of the mother. I've had 3 or 4 CPS investigations because of lies the mother has told, etc. The mother is currently in violation of the custody order and will more than likely be facing some jail time and may even be losing legal custody of the children as she views the Court Order as merely a suggestion.

Regarding dealing with women. I have not introduced my kids to any women and I don't plan on doing so. If you want to unleash the crazy of your Ex, introduce another woman into the mix and you'll see Mama Bear go into full blown protection mode and it won't be pretty. Right now I'm content with casual short term relationships. Yes, it's a pain trying to coordinate schedules with single mom's but once you get them out it's generally worth it.

What I've tried to do since my divorce has been finalized

1. Focus on being a great Dad
2. Try and improve myself. Some introspection as to why the relationship failed, red flags I should have noticed
3. Meet new people. Women, men, just expanding my social circle and trying and surrounding myself with good quality people. Mentoring other guys that may be going through a divorce or are stuck in a bad marriage.
4. Have Fun! Yes, that means chasing after 20 somethings, partying a bit, new hobbies, and enjoying the freedom of not being stuck in an unhappy marriage.

Looking forward to reading and learning from other guys on this thread as well!

[ivansirko]

I am married with children but i agree with the rest this is an important thread.

One additional question if you choose to answer: When did you take the red pill? Before or after the divorce? Or was the Divorce itself the eye opener?

[dongiovanni]

I'm only 26, with no children but I have thought a lot about my future. If my marriage was ever to fail, I am very sure I would never bring another woman into the picture (even if the mother has effectively abandoned as your case). I would want to keep the family "pure" from outsiders and forgo my needs for my children's sake.

Perhaps you can develop a child care situation to work for your benefit. A best friend that serves as an "uncle" figure or a female family member.

An au pair is another idea but again that may affect the children mentally, positive or negative. The physical touch of an affectionate woman could be of benefit but they will undoubtedly become attached and you don't want a revolving door of girls they've grown attached to.

Good luck

[Rawmeo]

Expecting father here.

A kid shouldn't have anyone in their lives that's not a family member. No side-chicks for the father, and no new boyfriends for the mother. If I'd ever divorce, I'm make sure that no girl comes in contact with my kids - they need to grow attached to only 1 woman, and it's their mother. It's true on both sides.

[Jack_Smith]

BACKGROUND 50+ Single Dad with primary physical custody of 2 boys 14/17. We also had my parents with us for the last few years, now just dad (~90). Divorced 10+. From several dates with age appropriate singles, divorcees, and moms, I quickly learned that I had ZERO interest in dinner dates, movies, shit chatting about the kids, baggage, etc. - all the shit that 100% of age appropriate women (42-55) bring. So I didn't; focused on raising my kids, taking care of the rents, and building my business. Got in shape along the way (15% @ 200#). Little over a year ago, I got turned out by my kids teacher (27). Now back with a vengeance. Here's what I've learned works for me, FWIW. YMMV.

LOVE YOUR EX I fought that bitch for so long that it became ingrained. It's poison to your soul and it comes through in all your microcommunications. She she's it. The kids see it. Your dates see it. I (now) try to help my Ex in any way possible, short of writing that bitch a check. I want her to be happy; catch some good dick. I want the kids to have terrific relationships with her. I want her to have a (strong) voice in raising the kids. Once I set boundaries and then got my mind right, shit went much smoother for me and for the kids. She is a cooperative and largely helpful parenting partner now. Where we used to haggle over everything - drop off times, who pays for the uber, whose weekend is it, etc., now we freely swap time. This has opened up a lot of weekend opportunities for both of us. Not exactly spontaneity, but definitely weekend play time.

SPONTANEITY The opportunities for this are pretty rare as a single parent. Everything worthwhile involves sacrifice. I try to focus on that which I do have - two terrific, smart kids that I enjoy immensely, that are well adjusted and who are thriving despite all odds, and with whom I have a deeper relationships than ever possible had I not changed all those diapers myself. You're finding your spots for spontaneity already. Enjoy that, savor the moment, focus on finding your next spot.

DATE YOUNG For me, this is the only way to go. They are flexible, fit, fun, and down to fuck. They need some quality dick, and they like the leadership, sexually and otherwise of an older man. Be their lover. Target zone for me is 24-29. DILF targetting is a thing for Millenials, so I'm told...

FAMILY INTEGRATION My kids know I date and know about Teach. They don't entirely approve, but they do get that mom and dad need lives too and they're down for that. I don't bring women home, and we don't do "family" events with dates. I prefer it this way as do they. They say they want to know, but they don't want the direct experience and say they don't like mom bringing her boyfriend around.

LOGISTICS Logistics are 10X important for single dad game. Here's the state of the art for me today. I have a couple hotels in town that have meetup friendly lounges. I set up the room with champagne and music. Meet in the lounge. Pull upstairs for our "next round." D2, if needed, is either an explicit hookup or a cooking date at an AirBnB weekend bachelor pad, which is preceded by explicitly sexual texting so there can be no mistake that it is on.

[RunsWithScissors]

(02-23-2017 05:30 PM)Jack_Smith Wrote:  

DATE YOUNG For me, this is the only way to go. They are flexible, fit, fun, and down to fuck. They need some quality dick, and they like the leadership, sexually and otherwise of an older man. Be their lover. Target zone for me is 24-29. DILF targetting is a thing for Millenials, so I'm told...

Where/how are you meeting these young girls?

[Jack_Smith]

(02-23-2017 05:42 PM)RunsWithScissors Wrote:  

(02-23-2017 05:30 PM)Jack_Smith Wrote:  

DATE YOUNG For me, this is the only way to go. They are flexible, fit, fun, and down to fuck. They need some quality dick, and they like the leadership, sexually and otherwise of an older man. Be their lover. Target zone for me is 24-29. DILF targetting is a thing for Millenials, so I'm told...

Where/how are you meeting these young girls?

First one was kid's teacher. She pulled me. The rest of my pipe I have built through Tinder & Bumble. There is abundance to be had there, if you are in a major MSA. Its a marketing project - define and understand your target market; know what you want; build a pipeline mgt and screening process. I am three weeks in and have had probably 150 matches (not all in my home MSA). The challenge is matching and closing the right girls. I have learned enough in the 3 weeks I have been on this to know that it is will be absolute goldmine once I get back into spring shape and upgrade pics.