[ivansirko]

(02-23-2017 05:30 PM)Jack_Smith Wrote:  

LOVE YOUR EX I fought that bitch for so long that it became ingrained. It's poison to your soul and it comes through in all your microcommunications. She she's it. The kids see it. Your dates see it. I (now) try to help my Ex in any way possible, short of writing that bitch a check. I want her to be happy; catch some good dick. I want the kids to have terrific relationships with her. I want her to have a (strong) voice in raising the kids. Once I set boundaries and then got my mind right, shit went much smoother for me and for the kids. She is a cooperative and largely helpful parenting partner now. Where we used to haggle over everything - drop off times, who pays for the uber, whose weekend is it, etc., now we freely swap time. This has opened up a lot of weekend opportunities for both of us. Not exactly spontaneity, but definitely weekend play time.

^This

Shows a good example for the kids that life moves forward.

[tremont]

Some people have trouble with their ex not holding up their end of the deal. We like to whine about how unfair divorce law is for men, but the laws can work for you too.

In particular, if your ex is not letting you exercise your custody rights or visitation you can take legal action. My ex threatened to deny me access to my kid only one time. I responded that I either my child would be there or I show up to her house with the police. This threat has never come up again.

I almost exclusively communicate with her via email, and some times text message. We never speak on the phone. I keep a record of every conversation. Crazy women will say some really dumb bad shit. You can use all of this if she tries to fight you in court later.

[RunsWithScissors]

tremont same deal for me, email exclusively with texts for more urgent communication needs. My ex has major anxiety and control issues, 2 years ago she took me to court trying to gain sole custody and move across the country, she lost and I got my 50% I'd been seeking for 3 years. With that said I largely agree with Jack_Smith to love your ex and show the kids how things can move forward positively but it's not always that easy. Ultimately my boys have two good homes where they are greatly loved and cared for.

[Alpha]

There is no "balance" of being a good father.

There is only what is appropriate.

Do what you need to take care of your children and be a good father first. Make sure your boy grows up to be a man and your girls don't grow up to be their mother.

Whatever is left is yours do with as you please. You're in a hard position, and (imo) the correct answer is probably not the one you'd want.

[Vaun]

My ex just got a serious boyfriend across the country, 3000 miles away. Someone from high school. Its written into our contract that she can not move away. She has a bf now which I am happy about, but this is concerning. I asked her point blank if she would move and she said no, but you know how women in love act. She would be a fool to leave her job and pension. I am with my child 50% of the time. I have been divorced for over 5 years, and largely raised my child on my own. Only one girlfriend met her, and we spent the better part of two years, and even though she was a crappy GF, she was good for my child. I have never brought another girl around. My child is really all I have. I have no other family, and I could take or leave my current profession. My ex and I used to argue but thats completely gone now. There was a time when my ex got really flirtatious, and luckily she got a boyfriend.

Day to day raising my child is easy, with my ex. She will say dumb things sometimes, but how I let it affect me, is completely up to me. Until I learned that I could completely compartmentalize my ex and her attitude, I got way happier. The drama is gone, and we flow. I really dont even think about my ex anymore at all, have no attraction to her at all in the slightest bit, and now that the drama is gone, life is easier. Truthfully, I get immense joy and happiness from being a father.

In just over 5 years, and I will be all done raising my child as a single father, at 46 yrs old. Then its international travel, and maybe becoming a ski bum again. Sometimes I get really down as a single father. I am alone in a large city with no family. I have a lot of friends though. I think I am a good father. We have a calm, happy, peaceful home and do awesome things together, outside of the day to day grind with school, classes, etc. My child can kick my ass in chess and most likely could beat most everyone here, from time on one of the best school chess teams. I am really proud of that haha. I am 100x more active in my childs life, than my father was in mine. And I truly enjoy it. And then I remember that I am completely free, and will never have that confined feeling of being with the wrong person again, which was truly like being in prison. Part of me wants to try to have another family. With game I meet tons of women. I tried a few LTR's, one was good, and the other was bad. Mostly I just randomly date with apps and approach, and its harder to take a break from women than actually getting them. For the first year after my divorce I was paralyzed with women and I couldn't even go on one date. Maybe I will try again someday for another family, because I believe in the power of families, but who knows, I am in a good spot now.

[questor70]

I have a situation where my daughter is with my parents in Florida each summer. It gives me a window of time to have fun which I haven't fully utilized because of past blue-pill white-knight feelings about flings being unfair to women. This summer, though, I think I'm ready to cut loose, thanks to all this new red-pill knowledge I'm absorbing.