I am not a naturally aggressive person and took a lot of shit at school. I got really angry about this in my early twenties and spent years getting it out of my system with weights in the gym. This made me pretty jacked but it still didn't solve my underlying discomfort with the whole idea of physical confrontation. So I decided to fix that by learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
BJJ is the first martial art I ever took seriously. I did a little judo as a kid and then some Japanese Jujutsu at uni but only last year did I finally get determined to commit and learn BJJ no matter what.
Learning BJJ is hard but the rewards are SO worth it. Sparring is like a forest fire that will burn all of the weakness and ingrained feminine bullshit out of your mind and body and leave behind only an unbreakable steel core. I have been doing this about a year now and it has 100% undoubtedly made me a better and more resilient man.
The confidence extends into every single aspect of your relationships with other men and even with women. Men are built to fight, we live in this crazy modern world where many of us are sheltered from it. Get comfortable with violence and get comfortable with fighting because that's what men are designed to do at their core. Other men instinctively respect a man who regularly fights/spars. These people just carry their body in a certain way that says "don't fuck with me".
I would absolutely recommend BJJ to any man who has never done martial arts before and wants to face and destroy his fear of physical confrontations.
It has taken away my fear of getting into a fight. Putting aside any discussion of "which is the most effective martial art?" (hint: it's whichever one you stick to and practice every day) the fact that I have to deal with real savages smashing me in the gym every day makes me far more comfortable with physical altercations. You think I'm afraid if some bozo in the club starts getting physical with me? Yesterday some guy twice his size flattened me and tried to choke me to death. This skinny club idiot is no threat whatsoever.
But make no mistake, coming into BJJ as a beginner is really tough. BJJ has a really steep learning curve in the beginning.
If you're already athletic and strong it helps. I'm a small guy but I squat 2.5x bodyweight and bench 1.8x BW which levels the playing field tremendously. I'd say it adds about 20kg of "weight" compared to an opponent who has done little strength and conditioning work.
TravellerKai's thread is great but he is an expert and probably doesn't remember what it's like to be a beginner at a martial art .
I've been doing this a year and I'm not a raw beginner any more, but I remember well how it feels at the start. So anybody who is learning or wants to learn BJJ and is feeling down or needs some advice, ask me anything here.
I wrote a little post on my blog about how to get started in BJJ, it might help someone who is thinking about giving up to stick with it.
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How To Get Over The Hump In BJJ
Rule 1: Decide you are going to get through it no matter what
This is really the only rule you need.
I guarantee that if you keep coming back to class for long enough, you will eventually “get it” and come to see the beauty of Jiu Jitsu.
But in the initial period when you are getting over the hump, the hard truth is that you will probably not enjoy most sessions. It will be difficult, humbling and challenging. You will feel like you are not making any progress. You will feel helpless and frustrated.
There is a trick to get past this, and that is to simply keep showing up and trying. Give it your best shot every session, that’s all you need to do, and you will improve over time.
As a beginner you should not look further ahead than the next class. Do whatever you have to do to get yourself into the next session and forget everything else. If you have a bad day of sparring, don’t be afraid to sit out for a while and just observe. You can learn a lot from observing but if you push on with sparring and make yourself completely miserable you might not be motivated to go back the next day. You must make sure you have enough gas left in the tank to get to the next session.
Set yourself a certain number of sessions per week and stick to it like glue. I recommend a minimum of three, any less than that and your progress will be quite slow.
Above all you must make the mental commitment to do or die. You will learn Jiu Jitsu and that’s the end of it, there is no other way for you. That is the most effective mindset and the only one that works. If you cannot find this determination within yourself, then Jiu Jitsu is probably not for you.
Rule 2: Change your metrics for success
In order to get through the tornado of chaos that is your first six months, you have to change your metrics for success.
You must convert the meaning of success in your mind. If you go into class with a big ego ready to kill and your metric for success is how many submissions you get, you will not last very long. Prepare to be humiliated – you will get smashed so accept it and learn from it.
Set yourself smaller goals for success instead. Did you survive an arm bar attempt? Great! Did you only get submitted twice this time instead of five times? Nice work, you are learning. These are great achievements in the beginning and you should not cheat yourself by ignoring them.
You must convert the meaning of loss in your mind. If somebody submits you and you take that loss personally you will not last very long. You must treat every single time you are submitted as a gift from your opponent. They have just taught you a way that you can be beaten. How generous of them to reveal this to you, now you can prepare and be ready to defend it next time.
Rule 3: Convert smashers into teachers
There are two types of opponents in Jiu Jitsu: smashers and teachers.
As a Jiu Jitsu newcomer you might despair because it seems like everyone is a smasher. What you do not realise is that most smashers can be converted into teachers with a few choice words and actions.
Sun Tzu says
You can convert smashers into teachers by being smart and cunning like Sun Tzu. Disarm your opponent first by appearing harmless.
Ask “Do you have a partner yet” not “Do you want to roll”. It is less threatening and promotes a more open, collaborative atmosphere from the start.
A superior opponent will mirror your energy.
If you apply 100% resistance your opponent will be forced to smash you with 100% power. If you apply only 30% resistance then a superior opponent will “smash” you using gentle power. There is no need to use a sledgehammer to flatten a blob of soft play-doh when a gentle push will do, and there is no need to use full power to smash a newbie when gentle power will do.
When your opponent applies gentle power, it is far more pleasant for you in the beginning and you will have valuable time to think during a roll.
Invite your opponent to teach you
Smashers need your permission to become teachers. You have the power to give them this permission.
Let’s say a superior opponent mounts you and gets an arm bar. You might be tempted to become angry with yourself then jump back up into the fray. If you are a raw beginner, this will not help. Instead try asking your partner:
Now your partner feels good because he is able to become your teacher. He feels a swell of pride and significance because he is able to help you. You have effectively disarmed his aggression. He will most likely show you a simple escape then you can start the roll in the same position and he will let you practice it a few times. As your teacher his focus has changed from “how can I submit this guy” to “how can I help this guy get better at Jiu Jitsu”. This is a much more useful interaction for you and will advance your Jiu Jitsu further than simply being a rag-doll for your partner to smash on.
Be grateful
Gratitude is the currency of Jiu Jitsu gyms. You should go out of your way to thank your sensei at the end of every class. Be specific with your thanks, say something like
Not many people do this, so you will stand out. Your sensei will remember your name with good feelings and look to help you out more. You might even receive special treatment over the other students.
Most of your fellow students are also able to become your teachers. You cannot pay them with cash but you can pay them with gratitude. One heartfelt piece of gratitude can go a tremendously long way towards getting someone to help you. After your partner has helped you with a technique, you should thank them well. Look into their eyes, warmly shake their hand and say:
With this approach you will find yourself in a gym full of teachers instead of a gym full of smashers, and your Jiu Jitsu game will improve quickly so that you will soon be smashing them back.
--
(Original post)
BJJ is the first martial art I ever took seriously. I did a little judo as a kid and then some Japanese Jujutsu at uni but only last year did I finally get determined to commit and learn BJJ no matter what.
Learning BJJ is hard but the rewards are SO worth it. Sparring is like a forest fire that will burn all of the weakness and ingrained feminine bullshit out of your mind and body and leave behind only an unbreakable steel core. I have been doing this about a year now and it has 100% undoubtedly made me a better and more resilient man.
The confidence extends into every single aspect of your relationships with other men and even with women. Men are built to fight, we live in this crazy modern world where many of us are sheltered from it. Get comfortable with violence and get comfortable with fighting because that's what men are designed to do at their core. Other men instinctively respect a man who regularly fights/spars. These people just carry their body in a certain way that says "don't fuck with me".
I would absolutely recommend BJJ to any man who has never done martial arts before and wants to face and destroy his fear of physical confrontations.
It has taken away my fear of getting into a fight. Putting aside any discussion of "which is the most effective martial art?" (hint: it's whichever one you stick to and practice every day) the fact that I have to deal with real savages smashing me in the gym every day makes me far more comfortable with physical altercations. You think I'm afraid if some bozo in the club starts getting physical with me? Yesterday some guy twice his size flattened me and tried to choke me to death. This skinny club idiot is no threat whatsoever.
But make no mistake, coming into BJJ as a beginner is really tough. BJJ has a really steep learning curve in the beginning.
If you're already athletic and strong it helps. I'm a small guy but I squat 2.5x bodyweight and bench 1.8x BW which levels the playing field tremendously. I'd say it adds about 20kg of "weight" compared to an opponent who has done little strength and conditioning work.
TravellerKai's thread is great but he is an expert and probably doesn't remember what it's like to be a beginner at a martial art .
I've been doing this a year and I'm not a raw beginner any more, but I remember well how it feels at the start. So anybody who is learning or wants to learn BJJ and is feeling down or needs some advice, ask me anything here.
I wrote a little post on my blog about how to get started in BJJ, it might help someone who is thinking about giving up to stick with it.
--
How To Get Over The Hump In BJJ
Rule 1: Decide you are going to get through it no matter what
This is really the only rule you need.
I guarantee that if you keep coming back to class for long enough, you will eventually “get it” and come to see the beauty of Jiu Jitsu.
But in the initial period when you are getting over the hump, the hard truth is that you will probably not enjoy most sessions. It will be difficult, humbling and challenging. You will feel like you are not making any progress. You will feel helpless and frustrated.
There is a trick to get past this, and that is to simply keep showing up and trying. Give it your best shot every session, that’s all you need to do, and you will improve over time.
As a beginner you should not look further ahead than the next class. Do whatever you have to do to get yourself into the next session and forget everything else. If you have a bad day of sparring, don’t be afraid to sit out for a while and just observe. You can learn a lot from observing but if you push on with sparring and make yourself completely miserable you might not be motivated to go back the next day. You must make sure you have enough gas left in the tank to get to the next session.
Set yourself a certain number of sessions per week and stick to it like glue. I recommend a minimum of three, any less than that and your progress will be quite slow.
Above all you must make the mental commitment to do or die. You will learn Jiu Jitsu and that’s the end of it, there is no other way for you. That is the most effective mindset and the only one that works. If you cannot find this determination within yourself, then Jiu Jitsu is probably not for you.
Rule 2: Change your metrics for success
In order to get through the tornado of chaos that is your first six months, you have to change your metrics for success.
You must convert the meaning of success in your mind. If you go into class with a big ego ready to kill and your metric for success is how many submissions you get, you will not last very long. Prepare to be humiliated – you will get smashed so accept it and learn from it.
Set yourself smaller goals for success instead. Did you survive an arm bar attempt? Great! Did you only get submitted twice this time instead of five times? Nice work, you are learning. These are great achievements in the beginning and you should not cheat yourself by ignoring them.
You must convert the meaning of loss in your mind. If somebody submits you and you take that loss personally you will not last very long. You must treat every single time you are submitted as a gift from your opponent. They have just taught you a way that you can be beaten. How generous of them to reveal this to you, now you can prepare and be ready to defend it next time.
Rule 3: Convert smashers into teachers
There are two types of opponents in Jiu Jitsu: smashers and teachers.
As a Jiu Jitsu newcomer you might despair because it seems like everyone is a smasher. What you do not realise is that most smashers can be converted into teachers with a few choice words and actions.
Sun Tzu says
Quote:Quote:
All warfare is based on deception.
You can convert smashers into teachers by being smart and cunning like Sun Tzu. Disarm your opponent first by appearing harmless.
Ask “Do you have a partner yet” not “Do you want to roll”. It is less threatening and promotes a more open, collaborative atmosphere from the start.
A superior opponent will mirror your energy.
If you apply 100% resistance your opponent will be forced to smash you with 100% power. If you apply only 30% resistance then a superior opponent will “smash” you using gentle power. There is no need to use a sledgehammer to flatten a blob of soft play-doh when a gentle push will do, and there is no need to use full power to smash a newbie when gentle power will do.
When your opponent applies gentle power, it is far more pleasant for you in the beginning and you will have valuable time to think during a roll.
Invite your opponent to teach you
Smashers need your permission to become teachers. You have the power to give them this permission.
Let’s say a superior opponent mounts you and gets an arm bar. You might be tempted to become angry with yourself then jump back up into the fray. If you are a raw beginner, this will not help. Instead try asking your partner:
Quote:Quote:
That was a great submission, I don’t know what I’m doing when I’m mounted. Can you show me a simple mount escape I could try please?
Now your partner feels good because he is able to become your teacher. He feels a swell of pride and significance because he is able to help you. You have effectively disarmed his aggression. He will most likely show you a simple escape then you can start the roll in the same position and he will let you practice it a few times. As your teacher his focus has changed from “how can I submit this guy” to “how can I help this guy get better at Jiu Jitsu”. This is a much more useful interaction for you and will advance your Jiu Jitsu further than simply being a rag-doll for your partner to smash on.
Be grateful
Gratitude is the currency of Jiu Jitsu gyms. You should go out of your way to thank your sensei at the end of every class. Be specific with your thanks, say something like
Quote:Quote:
Thank you [sensei name], that was a great class. I really liked how we did the arm bar drill first, that was something I wanted to work on and it helped me a lot.
Not many people do this, so you will stand out. Your sensei will remember your name with good feelings and look to help you out more. You might even receive special treatment over the other students.
Most of your fellow students are also able to become your teachers. You cannot pay them with cash but you can pay them with gratitude. One heartfelt piece of gratitude can go a tremendously long way towards getting someone to help you. After your partner has helped you with a technique, you should thank them well. Look into their eyes, warmly shake their hand and say:
Quote:Quote:
Thank you [student name], you have really helped my understanding with [technique].
With this approach you will find yourself in a gym full of teachers instead of a gym full of smashers, and your Jiu Jitsu game will improve quickly so that you will soon be smashing them back.
--
(Original post)
My blog: https://fireandforget.co
"There's something primal about choking a girl. I always choke a girl as soon as possible after meeting her, it never fails to get the pussy juices flowing."