Dear community, I was hesitant to share this but I think that you are the only ones that can help me, besides myself. Been a long member of this forum so hopefully this thread gets traction. It will be long and reek of oneitis, so please bear with me. And maybe it should be in the newbie forum…
First, background: I’m turning 30 this year. I’m not American born, I’m Spanish, did my high school in the US, college and work life/business in Mexico/LatAm, now back in the US for my masters (STEM) and I have a good job already aligned. Just for the cultural differences nobody in this story is American so all those conceptions that we have about American women are out.
So, always been nerdish/hardworker, during high school I fooled around with some girls but nothing serious, moved to a little town in MX for college (18 years old), first day of college met a shy introvert girl, started dating, was (is) my first LTR, I was her first and only. We had a great experience, from 18 to 25 I thought that was the girl of my life, she is bonkers about me, her family loves me, she lives with her parents, not affluent, working girl, good looking but not stunning, I guess with the age I got better looking than her (we are same age). I became her one and only, perfect in her eyes, not that many friends, we did everything together from 18-25: travel, party, graduation, job, total college sweetheart story. Let’s call her Girl 1 (G1).
I was 25 years old, got a great job opportunity, moved out of town to a big city. G1 was sad but said that we could do long distance and she will wait to whenever I decided to marry her, her family wanted us to marry, she wanted to marry me, I wanted to…
Moved to another (big) city, started doing well at my job/business, 26 years old, fit, smart, with money. G1 pressuring me to marry, I was a member of this forum for self-improvement purposes and reading about your adventures out there decided to look for something on the side. Started hitting clubs and Tinder, bedded like ~9 girls in a span of 4 months. My relationship with G1 was starting to suffer, she visited me every two weeks (paid by me and by her work) and noticed that my mind was in another place.
Enter Tinder, match with a cutie, met her, really liked her, two days later second date, got the bang. But this was different…Let’s call her G2. Started to pursue G2, there was something about her, and she did not respond well to my invitations, we had monthly dates although I pursued her weekly, started to know more about her and really enjoying the process.
6 months later I was seeing G2 weekly and she demanded to be my girlfriend/something more serious, however, I was concerned about the red flags: bang in second date? Tinder?...Then G1 was still visiting me and wanting to marry me. I told G1 that I was not ready and that I wanted to have fun and please wait for me while I got the fun/curiosity out my system. She promised to wait for me.
Long story short: 2 years of dating G2, the funnest time of my life, best sex ever (not from the beginning, we really complemented each other as time passed) really digged into her past because I Was worried of her being a slut: 1 ex-boyfriend of 6years relationship she left him because of him cheating (so common in LatAm) this guy still pursues her, other boyfriend, and two not boyfriends/guys pump n dump. So I was her number 5 (I know all women are sluts but invested resources in digging, both directly from her and from other sources) so I have some confidence in that number. Her parents hated me (this is LatAm so girls live with parents and you need to meet the parents to date) because they said I was not serious. G2 wanted more commitment, always asking about what we were, where we were going, her parents were always on top of the relationship and she sided with them “you don’t even call me girlfriend and I give you everything about me”. She had never spent a whole night with a boyfriend or traveled, I bought tickets to different places and she invented some lies to her parents to travel with me. Best times ever. She did everything to please me but I never gave her a formal commitment, but I guess I’m an idiot because if you see a girl for two years in a row every two days, you’re in fact serious.
All this experience with G2 while at the same time flirting with other girls when going out but never banging, was not really interested, just all the way with G2. I talked to G1 almost weekly though and when I traveled to her hometown we saw each other and did boyfriend/gf stuff and sometimes sex (nothing compared with the chemistry with G2), she stated every time that for two years she was waiting for me, no matter if I had other girls or whatever. All of this confirmed by my social circle in her hometown (where I did college). G1 always talked about me and how someday I would come back and this last two years was just a “fun phase”.
Moved to the US back to earn my masters, G2 said what is going to happen I said let’s see how it goes, she cried like crazy in the airport; G1 gave me an ultimatum: “10 years of my life waiting for you and you’re going to the US, please let me be part of your life or I really cannot talk to you anymore”
Have been going out in the US hitting some girls but not really digging them, brought them to my place and barely getting erections. Missing G2 and not knowing what to do with G1. G1 put me an ultimatum so I said: Ok, come and visit me and let’s see how it goes, she discovered that my relationship with G2 was more serious than what she knew so she found her via internet and allowed her to see some pictures of us along with dates (she didn’t send directly but come one, not hiding/sending directly is kind of the same). G2 got heartbroken and said that I was a cheating, lying, asshole and that I was the love of her life for two years and wanted to be with me forever and I just banged her while at the same time having another girlfriend.
G1 said sorry but the other girl needed to be out of our life in order for us to be happy, however right now I’m destroyed, I can’t have sex with anyone, G1 is staying with me and sees me suffering and says that is heartbroken because she watches how my heart is with another girl and she waited/wasted for me 11 years. I feel like an asshole with both girls because I damaged both of them.
Right now and for the past month since G2 discovered everything, G2 does no contact for three days, then texts me, I ask for forgiveness, she says she loves me and forgives me and wants to recover what we had but then three days of no contact and hate messages the next day. Mostly G2 complains about trusting an asshole and being exclusive with me for two years, how she was 100% invested in the relationship and how I was always with my first LTR. Every time I receive the hate messages I cry a little bit and G1 sees me and she cries and is the worst situation. I cannot sleep, my life is slacking (still going to the gym though). Don’t know what I want with my life, maybe being alone however I don’t want to date an American girl or really hit the pickup life, I like LTRs with Spanish speaking girls and focusing on my body/career…
My ideal situation would be to have both “on demand” and picking up strange whenever I wanted haha but that’s the most egoistic asshole and impossible scenario.
Right now, either relationship is possible to be saved, but requires commitment. Both girls are complete opposites (inside and outside). What shall I do?, How do I choose?
G1:
•Loyal, has been there for me 10 years, always been by my side, knows my bad/good side, family loves me, been the only man in her life, hardworking, goes to the gym, sweet, not complicated, accommodates everything I want, forgives me everything, really all my life I’ve pictured that I die close to her (so romantic), organized, smart, more housewife skills, left everything at home to be with me, she sees me suffering and even says that if I miss G2 that much she would help me recover her but I would break her heart forever
•After 10 years is boring, I have hurt her a lot, same age as me, she wants sex and I don’t get an erection, I see her and I feel guilty of making her suffer so much, introvert, does not talk much, I don’t dig her that much physically, she is right now with me and I feel weird like there’s something not working but maybe the past is recoverable?, plays games like “you’re the only man in my life and I would never date again”, don’t wanna leave a nice girl jaded who loves me for something that could be lust…
G2:
•Fun, best sex ever, passionate, we can talk about everything, chemistry and passion we have built is amazing, really like her physically, affluent family, younger than me, I love the way she treats me and makes me feel, every time I think about a new experience I want to try (restaurant, movie, whatever) I picture myself with her, being with her is like a drug and I always want more and more and can't get enough
•From Tinder (though she claims I was her only Tinder date, confirmed), 5th cock inside her, more urban city girl, volatile, recovering her would be tons of work, family hates me, not the smartest, disorganized, plays games to try to make me jealous like “my ex BF texted me that he wants to marry but I told her I’m with you”, kind of hypocrite how she says she's family oriented but then says she wants to travel the world by herself,
I really don’t know what to do, I think I’m depressed because I can’t sleep more than two hours straight however I still like me and I go to the gym, take care of my career, studies are lacking, life is not good right now. At the same time, I know that I’m in my prime and that my future looks bright while both of them are hitting the wall and being from LatAm is even worse (although for G2 is easier as she is from a big city and a cutie). Having either of them implies commitment. And I love my freedom, my freedom while having girls though… I think I have created an alpha widow either way or another
Funny thing, there’s a RV ex forum member that knows both girls. I know this thread makes me seem like the worst kind of egoistic narcissistic asshole but I really want to make the best of this fucked up situation. If anything I think I love both of them. Shall I seek therapy? Open to any advice/question and would try to answer as honest as possible without revealing my identity.
TL,DR: All my life with one girl, LTR for two years with other girl with which I had best chemistry ever while maintaining a relationship with first girl, both know about each other and accuse me of being a cheating asshole, I’m depressed and don’t know what to do.
First, background: I’m turning 30 this year. I’m not American born, I’m Spanish, did my high school in the US, college and work life/business in Mexico/LatAm, now back in the US for my masters (STEM) and I have a good job already aligned. Just for the cultural differences nobody in this story is American so all those conceptions that we have about American women are out.
So, always been nerdish/hardworker, during high school I fooled around with some girls but nothing serious, moved to a little town in MX for college (18 years old), first day of college met a shy introvert girl, started dating, was (is) my first LTR, I was her first and only. We had a great experience, from 18 to 25 I thought that was the girl of my life, she is bonkers about me, her family loves me, she lives with her parents, not affluent, working girl, good looking but not stunning, I guess with the age I got better looking than her (we are same age). I became her one and only, perfect in her eyes, not that many friends, we did everything together from 18-25: travel, party, graduation, job, total college sweetheart story. Let’s call her Girl 1 (G1).
I was 25 years old, got a great job opportunity, moved out of town to a big city. G1 was sad but said that we could do long distance and she will wait to whenever I decided to marry her, her family wanted us to marry, she wanted to marry me, I wanted to…
Moved to another (big) city, started doing well at my job/business, 26 years old, fit, smart, with money. G1 pressuring me to marry, I was a member of this forum for self-improvement purposes and reading about your adventures out there decided to look for something on the side. Started hitting clubs and Tinder, bedded like ~9 girls in a span of 4 months. My relationship with G1 was starting to suffer, she visited me every two weeks (paid by me and by her work) and noticed that my mind was in another place.
Enter Tinder, match with a cutie, met her, really liked her, two days later second date, got the bang. But this was different…Let’s call her G2. Started to pursue G2, there was something about her, and she did not respond well to my invitations, we had monthly dates although I pursued her weekly, started to know more about her and really enjoying the process.
6 months later I was seeing G2 weekly and she demanded to be my girlfriend/something more serious, however, I was concerned about the red flags: bang in second date? Tinder?...Then G1 was still visiting me and wanting to marry me. I told G1 that I was not ready and that I wanted to have fun and please wait for me while I got the fun/curiosity out my system. She promised to wait for me.
Long story short: 2 years of dating G2, the funnest time of my life, best sex ever (not from the beginning, we really complemented each other as time passed) really digged into her past because I Was worried of her being a slut: 1 ex-boyfriend of 6years relationship she left him because of him cheating (so common in LatAm) this guy still pursues her, other boyfriend, and two not boyfriends/guys pump n dump. So I was her number 5 (I know all women are sluts but invested resources in digging, both directly from her and from other sources) so I have some confidence in that number. Her parents hated me (this is LatAm so girls live with parents and you need to meet the parents to date) because they said I was not serious. G2 wanted more commitment, always asking about what we were, where we were going, her parents were always on top of the relationship and she sided with them “you don’t even call me girlfriend and I give you everything about me”. She had never spent a whole night with a boyfriend or traveled, I bought tickets to different places and she invented some lies to her parents to travel with me. Best times ever. She did everything to please me but I never gave her a formal commitment, but I guess I’m an idiot because if you see a girl for two years in a row every two days, you’re in fact serious.
All this experience with G2 while at the same time flirting with other girls when going out but never banging, was not really interested, just all the way with G2. I talked to G1 almost weekly though and when I traveled to her hometown we saw each other and did boyfriend/gf stuff and sometimes sex (nothing compared with the chemistry with G2), she stated every time that for two years she was waiting for me, no matter if I had other girls or whatever. All of this confirmed by my social circle in her hometown (where I did college). G1 always talked about me and how someday I would come back and this last two years was just a “fun phase”.
Moved to the US back to earn my masters, G2 said what is going to happen I said let’s see how it goes, she cried like crazy in the airport; G1 gave me an ultimatum: “10 years of my life waiting for you and you’re going to the US, please let me be part of your life or I really cannot talk to you anymore”
Have been going out in the US hitting some girls but not really digging them, brought them to my place and barely getting erections. Missing G2 and not knowing what to do with G1. G1 put me an ultimatum so I said: Ok, come and visit me and let’s see how it goes, she discovered that my relationship with G2 was more serious than what she knew so she found her via internet and allowed her to see some pictures of us along with dates (she didn’t send directly but come one, not hiding/sending directly is kind of the same). G2 got heartbroken and said that I was a cheating, lying, asshole and that I was the love of her life for two years and wanted to be with me forever and I just banged her while at the same time having another girlfriend.
G1 said sorry but the other girl needed to be out of our life in order for us to be happy, however right now I’m destroyed, I can’t have sex with anyone, G1 is staying with me and sees me suffering and says that is heartbroken because she watches how my heart is with another girl and she waited/wasted for me 11 years. I feel like an asshole with both girls because I damaged both of them.
Right now and for the past month since G2 discovered everything, G2 does no contact for three days, then texts me, I ask for forgiveness, she says she loves me and forgives me and wants to recover what we had but then three days of no contact and hate messages the next day. Mostly G2 complains about trusting an asshole and being exclusive with me for two years, how she was 100% invested in the relationship and how I was always with my first LTR. Every time I receive the hate messages I cry a little bit and G1 sees me and she cries and is the worst situation. I cannot sleep, my life is slacking (still going to the gym though). Don’t know what I want with my life, maybe being alone however I don’t want to date an American girl or really hit the pickup life, I like LTRs with Spanish speaking girls and focusing on my body/career…
My ideal situation would be to have both “on demand” and picking up strange whenever I wanted haha but that’s the most egoistic asshole and impossible scenario.
Right now, either relationship is possible to be saved, but requires commitment. Both girls are complete opposites (inside and outside). What shall I do?, How do I choose?
G1:
•Loyal, has been there for me 10 years, always been by my side, knows my bad/good side, family loves me, been the only man in her life, hardworking, goes to the gym, sweet, not complicated, accommodates everything I want, forgives me everything, really all my life I’ve pictured that I die close to her (so romantic), organized, smart, more housewife skills, left everything at home to be with me, she sees me suffering and even says that if I miss G2 that much she would help me recover her but I would break her heart forever
•After 10 years is boring, I have hurt her a lot, same age as me, she wants sex and I don’t get an erection, I see her and I feel guilty of making her suffer so much, introvert, does not talk much, I don’t dig her that much physically, she is right now with me and I feel weird like there’s something not working but maybe the past is recoverable?, plays games like “you’re the only man in my life and I would never date again”, don’t wanna leave a nice girl jaded who loves me for something that could be lust…
G2:
•Fun, best sex ever, passionate, we can talk about everything, chemistry and passion we have built is amazing, really like her physically, affluent family, younger than me, I love the way she treats me and makes me feel, every time I think about a new experience I want to try (restaurant, movie, whatever) I picture myself with her, being with her is like a drug and I always want more and more and can't get enough
•From Tinder (though she claims I was her only Tinder date, confirmed), 5th cock inside her, more urban city girl, volatile, recovering her would be tons of work, family hates me, not the smartest, disorganized, plays games to try to make me jealous like “my ex BF texted me that he wants to marry but I told her I’m with you”, kind of hypocrite how she says she's family oriented but then says she wants to travel the world by herself,
I really don’t know what to do, I think I’m depressed because I can’t sleep more than two hours straight however I still like me and I go to the gym, take care of my career, studies are lacking, life is not good right now. At the same time, I know that I’m in my prime and that my future looks bright while both of them are hitting the wall and being from LatAm is even worse (although for G2 is easier as she is from a big city and a cutie). Having either of them implies commitment. And I love my freedom, my freedom while having girls though… I think I have created an alpha widow either way or another
Funny thing, there’s a RV ex forum member that knows both girls. I know this thread makes me seem like the worst kind of egoistic narcissistic asshole but I really want to make the best of this fucked up situation. If anything I think I love both of them. Shall I seek therapy? Open to any advice/question and would try to answer as honest as possible without revealing my identity.
TL,DR: All my life with one girl, LTR for two years with other girl with which I had best chemistry ever while maintaining a relationship with first girl, both know about each other and accuse me of being a cheating asshole, I’m depressed and don’t know what to do.
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