[PoppaPump23]

Telling a friend not to tolerate shitty female behavior is tantamount to displaying bad boy credentials? Interesting. I understand the notion of not forcing your point of view on another person when they haven't asked for it. On the other hand, if you care about the person, it's natural to want to nudge them in the right direction. Responding because you care and responding to get the person to change are not the same thing. Same behavior, different intentions.

[Repo]

Even if you care, don't give advice like that in front of a group unless you are specifically asked. Have a private man to man talk. Nothing good ever came from giving unasked for advice to another man in front of females. Best case you will trigger them, but he still won't hear you.

[John Michael Kane]

(02-06-2017 08:51 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

Telling a friend not to tolerate shitty female behavior is tantamount to displaying bad boy credentials? Interesting. I understand the notion of not forcing your point of view on another person when they haven't asked for it. On the other hand, if you care about the person, it's natural to want to nudge them in the right direction. Responding because you care and responding to get the person to change are not the same thing. Same behavior, different intentions.

Nothing wrong with providing a male friend advice if you suspect he's about to make a mistake, or is currently making a mistake. In fact, I'd argue that is part of being a good friend. The delivery matters though. If you get really strident, it tends to turn people off, even if you're technically correct about the correction. Discretion and calm delivery is how you win over someone who is in error.

[PoppaPump23]

Agree completely, great comment.

[LeoneVolpe]

(02-06-2017 08:51 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

Telling a friend not to tolerate shitty female behavior is tantamount to displaying bad boy credentials? Interesting. I understand the notion of not forcing your point of view on another person when they haven't asked for it. On the other hand, if you care about the person, it's natural to want to nudge them in the right direction. Responding because you care and responding to get the person to change are not the same thing. Same behavior, different intentions.

The venue in which you chose to do it is what I'm referring to. Your behavior could be construed as trying to publicly give off the "I don't let girls boss me around" vibe which, to me, in that setting among mixed company, comes off looking tryhard. Even if your friend legitimately needs advice, there's a time and place for everything.

[PoppaPump23]

If that's how you perceived my behavior then fine, but you're making assumptions. Calling a chair a chair doesn't require a pretext. I agree that there's a time and a place for everything. I don't agree that it always requires privacy. The relationship and comfort level established with the friend needs to be taken into consideration. He has no qualms about me speaking openly in a close group of friends, so again, it should be considered on a case by case basis.

[Repo]

You are trying to justify your actions, but answer me this, has your friend actually attempted to take your advice? Or is he doing the same thing he has always done?

[John Michael Kane]

I'll just say in follow-up, the best place to correct a friend is in private. Always let people save face. Also make sure to correct your fellow man when he's fully sober. If he was drinking when this took place, he's not going to be hearing you clearly. I think your intentions are good, but make sure to use tactics that work. Trust me, I used to be very insistent and bold in correcting behavior I didn't like in front of a crowd. That usually is a good way to alienate people though. Best to say "can I talk to you for a moment outside?" if it is something that needs to be dealt with right then and there. Always let the other party save face.

[LeoneVolpe]

(02-06-2017 09:47 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

If that's how you perceived my behavior then fine, but you're making assumptions. Calling a chair a chair doesn't require a pretext. I agree that there's a time and a place for everything. I don't agree that it always requires privacy. The relationship and comfort level established with the friend needs to be taken into consideration. He has no qualms about me speaking openly in a close group of friends, so again, it should be considered on a case by case basis.

If you weren't running into problems with your behavior you wouldn't have started this thread. Obviously, you don't like the reaction you've been getting and came here for advice. And you got the reaction you did because you chose to have that discussion publicly and not in private.

[PoppaPump23]

Again with the assumptions. I started this thread because I was curious about how guys handle snarky chicks, not because I was worried about my problematic behavior. The "problem" was with the chick, not my friend. And no, I got the reaction I did because the chick disapproved of the wording I used. Yeah, I got a bad reaction because I "discussed it publicly", but that's the proximate cause, not the ultimate cause. Tweaking the content of my response to assuage her political correctness wouldn't have had the same outcome. Had it been another chick who wasn't so stuck up her own ass, then their wouldn't have been any issue

[Rhyme or Reason]

As far as I'm concerned this is another way of her saying "You're such an asshole"

In other words, a compliment.

[BassPlayaYo]

(02-06-2017 07:02 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

Perhaps I should have clarified the context more, in regards to being offensive. I completely agree with being able to calibrate your responses accordingly, and not coming across like a jerk just to get a reaction. There's also a difference between coming across like an asshole just to be edgy and explaining something in a way that's perceived as sexist to her. The context is more so in the middle of conversation, or out with a group of people where different topics are being discussed. For example, I was out with a group one night, and the topic was brought up about how my friend's wife nags him all the time and he just submits without pushing back. And I say something to the extent of "Dude, you can't let her treat you like a child all the time. If she can't be more respectful to you, then that chick needs to go. Her role is to support you, not tear you down." Followed by girl at the table saying "Let me guess, you're single aren't you?" They don't respond to your point at all, just deflect. And yeah, I'm not very politically correct with the things I say, but fuck that. There's no reason to be obnoxious but I don't water down the message either just to appease people.

Her response is to be expected to your comments which are "out there" in the context of that gathering. It's not so much about political correctness as it is about being aware of the surroundings your in. You're not going to convince your friend to act any differently than he is and this is something you should already know especially when it comes to his marriage. Let the guy live his life. Most married guys aren't laying down the law, they're compromising, making it work, keeping things harmonious so they can continue to get some pussy.

The bold part outed your naivete with respect to how marriages work and she called you on it. Chalk that one up to experience and play your cards closer the next time, read the room, etc. Again, leave you friend and his marital bliss alone. :-)

[LeoneVolpe]

(02-06-2017 10:39 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

Again with the assumptions. I started this thread because I was curious about how guys handle snarky chicks, not because I was worried about my problematic behavior. The "problem" was with the chick, not my friend. And no, I got the reaction I did because the chick disapproved of the wording I used. Yeah, I got a bad reaction because I "discussed it publicly", but that's the proximate cause, not the ultimate cause. Tweaking the content of my response to assuage her political correctness wouldn't have had the same outcome. Had it been another chick who wasn't so stuck up her own ass, then their wouldn't have been any issue

The irony of your saying I'm making assumptions whilst making them yourself.

"Never underestimate the power of denial."

[XPQ22]

If you make a dickish comment and she rolls her eyes and says "Ugggh oh my god that's sooo typical": you gonna bang her

If you make a dickish comment and she says "I can see why you're single": you ain't gonna bang her (she's writing you off as a guy who doesn't have any other girls in play, that is "I can tell your SMV is miserably low")

With practice you learn to calibrate your jerkitude to elicit the former response and not the latter. It helps if you do it a slightly self-deprecatory way, like an inside joke. "Yep, I know. Being an asshole, as usual. But I am such a charming rogue, aren't I?"

Remember you're shooting for Han Solo style, not trying to flip her to the Dark Side. "You have your (nice guy) moments. Not many of them, but you do have them."

[XPQ22]

(02-06-2017 10:39 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

I started this thread because I was curious about how guys handle snarky chicks, not because I was worried about my problematic behavior.

Snarky chicks call for "Not sure if kidding or serious" game!

"What are you so happy for?"

"America's gonna be great again."

"Oh, riiiight. Do you really thi..."

"Shh. I'm huge-ing over here."

"Oh so you f..."

"HUGE."

"Hahaha(?)"

"YUUUUUUGE"

And then never tell her who you did or didn't vote for. It's none of her business.

[MMM]

Just smirk, brush the "dirt" off your shoulders and say "I can see why you're interested in my relationship status, get in line baby." With an over the top wink.

[realologist]

The only reason she said it is because it's the truth. Girls don't say things like that if they don't mean it.

You want girls to be saying this to you;

Do you say this to all the other girls?
I'm surprised your not taken, married, etc.
Why are you single?

When she asks questions like that she is basically saying "why did you choose me?" You become the buyer. She is not on your level.

What applies with you is to reiterate what WIA has said time and time again. "Too much redpill, not enough game."

[LastKing]

My response would be:

"No, I'm single because I'm a terrible person, I fuck hookers and do too many drugs, and deep down I hate women."

Fuck em, fight fire with fire.

[zeitgenosse]

(02-06-2017 07:02 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

And yeah, I'm not very politically correct with the things I say, but fuck that. There's no reason to be obnoxious but I don't water down the message either just to appease people.

That s the point. You ve made a decision here. I don t water down the message ... so you have to take responsibility for the consequences ... or I am wrong at this point.

(02-06-2017 08:33 PM)LeoneVolpe Wrote:  

^ To build off what Repo said, I think OP was also trying to use this situation to display his "bad boy" credentials to try and impress any nearby girls rather than selflessly give a beta friend some dating advice.

A little bit brutal, but I think it s true, what does PoppaPump think about it?

[Mufasa]

"I can see why your old ass is alone"

[AnonymousBosch]

(02-06-2017 12:57 PM)PoppaPump23 Wrote:  

This comment usually occurs after I say something sexist or offensive to them.

The best response I ever heard to this was from a mate of mine a few years back: a rugby coach and a legend with women.

A girl did the "... and this is why you're single" response on Facebook to one of his posts, (which was no worse than standard 70's Aussie humour).

His reply: "Nah, I'm single because my dick is too damn big and I'm worried I'll kill someone."

A few minutes later, one of his exes jumped in. "Any other guy saying that I'd say was full of crap, but in this case, he's right."

A minute later, her daughter: "Eeeewww, Mum!"

[Fortis]

I wouldn't say sexist things in neutral company. That's like revealing your power level before the fight starts.