[Realbor]

Im 28 at the moment, given the fact Ive wasted so much time being in social isolation and in a semi-depressed state makes me wanna have some years of just "fooling around" and trying different girls before I decide to settle with one and make a family.

It feels like u get shamed for this in society, everyone seems to think u should create a family in your mid twenties or at latest early thirties.

I feel like I wanna wait til atleast Im like 36 or something, I just dont feel "mature" or experienced enough to be able to be a really good father yet, not enough wisdom etc.

What are your guys thoughts about this?

[Travesty]

I think it's fine up until your 50's even. My dad had me in his 40s. I have no ill will that he will pass away sooner than most of my peer group's dads.

As long as you are stable, present, supportive, and physically active with a kid until around 11 (even the throwing the ball around really is just a bonus, boys have friends and teams for that), then you're fine.

I would say though you should plan to live at least until your kid is mid 20s. Earlier than that can be very tough on the kid.

By the way I've had four friends with parental deaths earlier in life who were much younger than my dad.

No guarantees even if you became a dad at some sort of perfect age.

[Lexington Patrick]

Waiting is actually the best thing you can do. Welfare recipients may have you believe that shitting out a kid is a casual thing to do on a Friday night at McDonalds; but having one is a serious deal for you, your girl, your kid, and society. You need to be financially and philosophically ready to raise that child so he doesn't end up getting mind raped by socialist society.

Have fun, make money, gain knowledge and then it'll be time to have a child.

[Laner]

My dad had me when he was 20.

I had my first (legitimate) son at 35.

I remember thinking back to when I was a kid, and my dad and his yahoo buddies doing all sorts of crazy shit. I though to myself, "These old men really have it made."

Those 'old men' were probably 25-30.

No matter what, your kid will think you are old. Whether you are 20 or 50, you will still seem old in the eyes of your kid.

This might be different if you are an invalid at 40 when your kids peers' fathers are fit and fun.

I have had one thought recently, that I am cool now but my kid won't remember it anyways. So I need to make sure I remain awesome until at least he starts to develop his long term memory.

[Elster]

(01-21-2017 05:55 PM)Realbor Wrote:  

Im 28 at the moment, given the fact Ive wasted so much time being in social isolation and in a semi-depressed state makes me wanna have some years of just "fooling around" and trying different girls before I decide to settle with one and make a family.

It feels like u get shamed for this in society, everyone seems to think u should create a family in your mid twenties or at latest early thirties.

I feel like I wanna wait til atleast Im like 36 or something, I just dont feel "mature" or experienced enough to be able to be a really good father yet, not enough wisdom etc.

What are your guys thoughts about this?

I'm only two years older than you so my opinion is worth farts. But here's my copper on the subject:

First of all what "society" are you referring to?
In "Mainstream first world" (ahem!ahem!) western society,having a kid by your mid twenies is frowned upon and seen as too early as it is deemed a "career killer"


Ultimately becoming a father will be more or less your decision (provided you take proper care and/or arent spermjacked) and the moment of decision cannot be scheduled nor planned (I'm envisioning an app that says "LVL UP JHON!!!YOU'VE OBTAINED A NEW PERK: YOU HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE YOU CAN NOW IMPREGNATE A HO, BRAH!)

But let's get on with it:

-Have you met the woman you deem worthy of having your children and/or raising them with her?

From what I understand there's pros and cons to having a kid earlier or later.
I am more familiar with the latter case as I come from a clan of Metuselahs.
As an older father you'll have a harder time dealing with the physical apsects of having a kid,specially once they acquire motor skills they'll be balls of energy waiting for their family to exhaust it so it can recharge again as it is young and excited at having learned to more or less pilot the body and wants to test him/herself with every interactive thing in the world. Take into account this involves sleep loss which you can handle better when you're younger but are less likley to tolerate as you get older.
PLus things like teaching your kid how to fight,wrestle,or do sports in general will be abit more difficult and you might not see it grow to an age in which you can both hang out in a bar as fellow adults and be pleased or dissatisfied with the turn your offspring took.

Now on the positive,your accumulated experience and wisdom will certainly boost and aid the general intellectual and adaptative capacity of the child since it will feed one way or another onto yuour excperience and thus be able to handle situations that kids with younger parents may have issues with as their own parents havente ncountered yet situations such as the ones you are likley to have already gone through.


-Do you want to leave offspring? Does your legacy matter to you? Is it worth it to you?



-----

As for my own take on it.

Two years and a half ago I scorned at the idea...
fast forward to last year: my bird lost it by month three and I was very affected by it.
In my own story, I've lived enough interesting things and am looking forward to many more but I feel its about time I make a kid or two.
It's as if I went through enough things that suddenly despite my previous affirmations and clinging to a strange concept of selfish existence I feel compeled,enthusiastic even,about playing god and moulding a thing made of my flesh-even though it will carry a shard of me (and the mum!) it will be its very own thing,for the better or the worse.
Contribute to the cycle and all that I guess?

I look forward to having children,hopefully I'll be lucky enough to see it happen...

[Jason55]

(01-21-2017 05:55 PM)Realbor Wrote:  

It feels like u get shamed for this in society, everyone seems to think u should create a family in your mid twenties or at latest early thirties.

Just do not get shamed by society or let anyone else influence you or tell you what to do. Its a huge decision and a huge job, something that can last 20 years or more in time and financial responsibility. Don't be lulled into this because it is what society expects of you. You have to really want it, and at the right time you want it. Really this desire is an instinct. No where is it required by law. Some people are perfectly happy being child free. Just don't let anything change your own feelings, whether society, instincts, or your relatives opinions. Do whats honestly right for you.

[Leonard D Neubache]

Waiting a few years under the current political circumstances might not actually be a bad idea at all.

My advice on this usually boils down to "do you have the capacity to be as fit at 35 as most of the 25 year old slobs your child's peers will have for fathers.

I was also informed in another thread (and it checked out) that the older a man gets the more likely he is to sire daughters instead of sons, so assuming you want at least one son you might have to bang out three or more kids to get there.

[Spectrumwalker]

Folow your gut. You're not ready. Guaranteed. If you've been living in isolation and in a depressed state you need to fix that. That has caused emotional instability in you most likely and are nowhere near ready to be a father. From the tone of your own writing, you very well know you're not ready and what you need to do. I would venture to say a majority of guys in the west brought up by the baby boomers are not emotionally ready or fully grown men until their 30's. You're not alone; do not forget that. And, don't let anyone tell you, or shame you otherwise. Screw them. They're just like crabs trying to prevent another crab from escaping the bucket. You will never get your youth back. Use this time to become the man you know you are and want to be. Get to know yourself first, and improve yourself. Let yourself grow. The desire for family is natural. It will be your role as leader of your own clan to influence them and lead them. If you become a father and husband who isn't ready and is not sure of his place in the world, you're wife might usurp your role and ultimately hate you for it and next thing you know you're looking at ruin. If you're going to be out there with different girls though trying to get a feel for what you like. Do not fuck up. No matter how pretty she is, or how big puppy dog eyes she gives you, do not fuck up. Wrap it up. If marriage and family is on your mind, you don't want to have to tell your future wife you have some std from a bar skank you brought home one night. Or even worse bring a kid into this world you're not prepared for with a woman who you don't even respect. Do not fuck up. I wish you luck on your journey.

[Unchained]

Fuck what society thinks. Are you running for political office? Do what the fuck you wanna do.

smh

[weambulance]

Seems to me it's more about the kind of young, fertile broad you can attract and keep around than your specific age as the man.

I'm in my very early 30s and I'm not married or even in an LTR right now. I do want kids, at least 3, but I don't think it's likely I'll have any before I'm 35, based purely on my financial position.

[Hell_Is_Like_Newark]

46 years old. Got a boy in the oven. Tried for 9 years without the aid of science with no succcess. Went the Ivf route. It is never too late.

[Adonis]

I used to think like you. "Damn I'm in my late 20's, I need to have a kid before I get too old!"

Now I'm saying, "I'm so glad I wasn't impulsive and waited!" Mid to late 30's is prime time for a guy whether mentally, financially or physically.

Do you think you will be able to pass on more to your progeny now, or once you have amassed another decade of life experiences?

The only thing in life that you can't get anymore of is time. Health, wealth, status and fame can all be regained.

I am 35 and have only begun to seriously think of having kids within the last year or so.

[fokker]

I'm hoping to settle down and start a family at around 35-40, but I'll just wait and see what happens.

[MongolianAbroad]

My dad was like 46 when he had me, and my mom was like 20.

My father is by no means perfect, but then again, I've never met a perfect father. I've met perfect mothers, but a perfect father, no, not yet. We're men, we are what we are.

Having had that experience, I can say that despite any flaws, I was tremendously blessed to have a father who was at that stage of life.

I would get home, sit on the couch with my mom and my little brother and sister, start doing my homework, then turn on the TV to watch my dad give the daily "state of the city" address.

He'd wear these giant white-rimmed glasses that reporters would criticize constantly, because they couldn't find any dirt on him, and they had to criticize something, as that's what those types do, so his white-rimmed glasses it was. Kind of like Trump's hair.

He'd come home and sit myself and my siblings down and we'd talk about philosophy, such as the balance between the heart, the mind, and the loins.

My brother and I wondered who my dad couldn't beat up. Maybe Andrew The Giant, and that was a close call. My father was the biggest guy we'd ever seen.

My dad would take me with him to work at his law office in Mexico. He would carry me on his back sometimes for several miles, especially if it flooded, as Mexican streets often do, so that I wouldn't fall into an open sewer and drown.

We'd eat all you can eat cheesecake and orange juice for breakfast. Well, I thought it was all you can eat anyhow, because I would simply ask for more and the waiters would bring it.

On the way back home to the U.S., we would cross the international border on foot, and we would make bets on how many turtles we would see in the river. Whoever got the closest to the turtles we saw would win the bet. I didn't have any money, so if I lost, my mind somehow quickly moved on to other things. If I won, it was a good day.

On the way home, I would ask my dad for clarification on important topics, such as whether sumos had baby sumos. I thought I was doing important work, being my dad's right hand man and all.

We had good times and bad times, but my father's flaws, as bad as they were in retrospect, were much worse in his youth. Some of us tend to temper our flaws with age, and he was like that.

If I had been born to a younger version of my dad, I wouldn't have had a dad, because although he left his previous family several houses and always sent them money, even though he was under no obligation to, he did, in the end, leave those 5 kids and that prior wife. They didn't have the guidance that my siblings and I had.

Having said that, I'll also add that there's never a perfect time to have children. There's also never a perfect time to hit on that girl, never a perfect time to get married, never a perfect time to take that trip abroad, never a perfect time for anything.

If you wait for the perfect time, for the stars to align, you'll end up living your life as a star gazer, and never get anything done.

In sum, a lot can be said for striking a balance somewhere, but in my case, I feel blessed to have had my father raise me in his mid 40's and 50's, and not in his more youthful years.

[Hypno]

you can be financially ready but not mentally ready. waiting until your 30s or even 40s is viable. societal programming discourages this because for women its less viable. if you have a healthy age difference with your wife the fact that you are older won't matter.

[Ranch Hand]

I know a man that married at 19, had 3 kids, all is well. A high quality man with high quality (virginal, devoutly Christian) woman and kids. He has clearly been the leader of his family and they have all benefited from his care. Much Respect.

Then I read Spaniard88's personal history and I think: Damn, his dad was 46, making babies with a 20 YO! And Spaniard88 clearly has awesome memories of his father! Much respect.

They both had this in common:

1. Make yourself a quality man - the best man you can be at that given age.
2. Find a quality women - preferably young or at least younger than you, from ANY suitable culture (don't limit yourself to US, North America, etc.)
3. Marry.
4. Procreate.
5. Lead.

You won't be perfect at any age. You won't be totally prepared at any age. Maybe cash will always be tight at a young age. Maybe you'll be too old to help at wrestling practice if you wait too long. But you can make yourself a quality man, pursue and demand a quality woman, and still lead at any age.

[dallasguy]

Fuck society's feelings. You are a man, not a woman.

[lavidaloca]

(01-22-2017 09:59 PM)Ranch Hand Wrote:  

I know a man that married at 19, had 3 kids, all is well. A high quality man with high quality (virginal, devoutly Christian) woman and kids. He has clearly been the leader of his family and they have all benefited from his care. Much Respect.

Then I read Spaniard88's personal history and I think: Damn, his dad was 46, making babies with a 20 YO! And Spaniard88 clearly has awesome memories of his father! Much respect.

They both had this in common:

1. Make yourself a quality man - the best man you can be at that given age.
2. Find a quality women - preferably young or at least younger than you, from ANY suitable culture (don't limit yourself to US, North America, etc.)
3. Marry.
4. Procreate.
5. Lead.

You won't be perfect at any age. You won't be totally prepared at any age. Maybe cash will always be tight at a young age. Maybe you'll be too old to help at wrestling practice if you wait too long. But you can make yourself a quality man, pursue and demand a quality woman, and still lead at any age.

Skip the marriage part.

[doc holliday]

Mid 30s is a great age to start having a family. I agree, these days for most guys, 20s is too young to have a kid (even though I had two kids by the time I was 28. But that was 20 years ago when things were somewhat different). More guys are waiting until their 40s to have kids but man, chasing babies at that age is tough. Plus there is the problem of being a senior citizen when your kids are teenagers the later you start. Biggest thing though is to find the right chick to have kids with. Better to have no kids and marriage than one with the wrong chick.

[Jungle]

There's no "one size fits all" regarding what age men should become a father. Nevertheless I do believe there is an ideal age, and this could be adjusted plus or minus 1-5 years depending on a man's own context and situation.

I think the ideal age for a man to have his first offspring is 34.

34 is old enough that a man can have his financial situation and mental state in order. At 34 a man has had enough time to play the field and thoroughly taste every flavour of gelato before he picks his favourite and also enough time to gain the life experience necessary to determine what is a quality babymama. It also allows enough time to procreate more offspring during the ages 35-40. So that he is completed it by the age of 40.

The babymama should ideally be 8-10 years younger, obviously this could be +/- a couple years too.

Yes a man can successfully do it in his 40s instead and this is certainly better than not having kids at all... and yes biologically it's not as dangerous in the way that it is for a woman having children at 30+... But a man is "middle-aged" at 40+ and is coming out of his prime in his 40s, and would likely benefit from having some level of stability by this chapter of their life. Also, if waiting until 40 for example, in the future this man would be his 60s whilst his eldest child would be in their 20s.

However I'm not a father yet, so I can't really offer a first-hand opinion on this topic... I'd like to hear some more wisdom from some members on the forum who are fathers.

[Laner]

Being mid 30s with a young child is certainly much less stressful than it would have been in my mid 20s. The energy factor does play a certain part, but there are also ways to play 'smarter' with kids. Little boys still have a hard wired desire to play rough, and its important to do so, but its also important to show them that there is a time and a place for this. Young fathers it seems just push the physical and not as much intelligent portion.

Patience is also something that I learned to deal with by my 30's. And fatherhood takes a lot of patience. Anger is something that can cause real strain, not just on children, but perhaps even more so on the relationship with the mother. Women who are in a relationship with a masculine man know that anger and violence are a real thing, and have a healthy fear of it. But when she feels that this might harm her baby or herself (no matter how real is might or might not be) she will take the side of safety 99% of the time. And it should be the goal of every father to raise his kids.

I am on the team of between 30-40 to have children. I fall into this camp, so I am perhaps biased. But like others have mentioned, the financials can be less stressful at this age. I myself am actually more financially vulnerable now as an entrepreneur than I was at 22 as a journeyman metal fabricator. What I do have now is the knowledge and ability to make money, to know how and where to acquire it. These will be the most important skills I will teach my son, so I am glad I have more of the skills now than before.

[MaceTyrell]

I don't want a kid until 35 AT THE EARLIEST.

Your age goal for children is more than acceptable. I

[LeoneVolpe]

Here's my two-cents:

There's nothing wrong with waiting 'til later in life to become a father. Hell, Mick Jagger recently fathered another child at age 73! You've got plenty of time. If you have big dreams in life, it's probably best you wait until you've accomplished at least some (dare I say most) of them before deciding to bring a child into the world. If you don't, you'll likely get bogged down under the weight of fatherly responsibility and lack the time, energy and money to chase your own dreams.

I'm not saying fatherhood isn't rewarding in itself, but I'm willing to bet when most of us were little boys we didn't dream of growing up to become fathers. We wanted to be professional athletes, policemen, firemen, soldiers, etc. We wanted lives of adventure and excitement. Go out and live a little, then start a family. Thankfully we don't have to worry about biological clocks in the same way women do...it's one of the few perks of being a man that still exists in our fucked up modern-day society, so take advantage of it.

[StackGsMan]

I'm also 28 with no kids that I know of. I've wanted to have children all my life, and even though people think I'm ridiculous, I want like 10.

Despite that I plan to wait until at least my mid to late thirties before having any children (unless I meet the perfect girl that has my children and is faithful to me while letting me fuck on the side ). I would give you my reasons, but they have all been summed up well in this thread.

Having a child later in life is not a bad thing and can be even better than doing it young for many reasons. You will be much better served by approaching, meeting, dating, fucking, and breaking up with a lot of women now just for the experience. Handling the mother of your child is probably the single most important and tricky part of fatherhood, and more experience with women and maturity can only help.

[Vicious]

Had my first in mid-thirties, I could have waited more but I didn't even want to be one of those ancient dads that can't even throw you kid a baseball without getting back pains. There's also all the stuff you have to take care of when investing and remodeling a house (I don't recommend raising a family in apartment).

The biggest question is however at what age you're meeting a suitable mother to your children. That is by far the toughest task. Most guys are not going to be able to wait until they are 50 and then land a woman in her prime who's ready to have your kids and bring them up properly.