[BetaNoMore]

Hello,

Getting back into game after more or less a year long hiatus since breaking up with a gf. I've never been great at game but with the time off, my skills are definitely worse than they already were. Have a few questions re: when the girl says "What are your intentions" when number closing.

Approach:

Was at a coffee shop on a campus today and a girl sat beside me with her friend. Her friend stepped away and I immediately used the elderly opener and asked: "Excuse me, is that a good watch?"

She seemed receptive to conversation and we talked about watches etc for a few min. I then transitioned the convo to a few other things (like our fields of study and added a few light-hearted jokes). At around the 5 min mark, I had to leave to get to class so I said:

Me: "Hey, I gotta head to class. It was nice talking to you and I'd like to continue it later."

She immediately had a look of hesitation on her face.

Her: You mean as friends?
Me: You seem hesitant...
Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."

I was slightly rattled at this point but not terribly

Me: "I enjoyed talking to you and would like to talk to you again and go from there. Tell you what, I'll text you and you can decide whether or not you want to respond."

Got her number but I'm not thinking anything will happen.

Questions for you experienced gamers:

I know that you can't make someone like you with a flip of a switch by doing x,y,z so maybe there's nothing I could have done in this situation because she already was adverse to seeing me as a potential suitor at the beginning or maybe the convo didn't go as well as I thought it did but...

1. Would it be right to say that more times than not, if a girl hesitates when you ask for the number, you're out of luck?

2. Is it more likely that you're done with the above combined with "as friends"?

3. With what frequency does a girl ask "what your intentions are" in this situation if she was possibly interested? 90/10?

4. Assuming that she was interested after asking the above, what is the best response? Do what I did and be somewhat non-committal or be extremely direct and say because you want to meet with her later on for a date?

Thanks again.

[General Stalin]

It's a shittest question. Go nuclear:

Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."
You: "To get married buy a house white picket fence have 2 kids and a dog, duh"
You: "Yeah of course just friends we can talk about boys, hair, pretty dresses, how much of a bitch jessica is, etc."

[debeguiled]

Always gotta love it when women time travel to the 1950's.

[ksbms]

(01-18-2017 04:36 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  

She immediately had a look of hesitation on her face.

Her: You mean as friends?
Me: You seem hesitant...
Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."

I was slightly rattled at this point but not terribly

Sometimes what girls ask is what they actually mean. It happened to me once before, too, but with a slightly different context (she was leaving the country in a month's time and I didn't present myself as a cad selecting for sex only).

If you ran indirect game from start to finish, then, well... she just got confused with no sexual intent present. It isn't abnormal to strike up a conversation just for the sake of it, in a café. Happened to me. What you could've done was to, over the course of interaction, clarify your position, e.g.:

- touch her hair and comment "I like how soft your hair is".

- "you've got athletic legs. I like them"

- "I like girls like you - sweet and feminine".

You get the picture.

However, it isn't impossible, like GS suggested, this was the test but I think GS's rebuttals would risk confusing the girl even further. I'd look deeply in he eyes and said something short and to the point, like: "you're a woman, I'm a man and I like feminine woman just like you." Then just stay silent and sexualise looking in her eyes awaiting response until she'd reply. Don't be ashamed to covertly signal to her you want to fuck her.

[TornadoByProxy]

Always be the buyer:
"I don't know you yet so I don't have any intentions"

But she ain't interested. Don't bother with this one.

[Alche]

Quote:

Me: "Hey, I gotta head to class. It was nice talking to you and I'd like to continue it later."

I don't understand your intentions either. Sounds weak and indecisive.

Quote:

Her: You mean as friends?

Legit question.

Quote:

Me: You seem hesitant...

You are reacting instead of ignoring.

Quote:

Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."

Again she has a legit question.

Quote:

I was slightly rattled at this point but not terribly

Me: "I enjoyed talking to you and would like to talk to you again and go from there. Tell you what, I'll text you and you can decide whether or not you want to respond."

First comment is ok. Then you turned it into a weak response.

Say what you want, don't give a fuck and go get the next girl.

[TooFineAPoint]

With a smirk:

"They are extremely salacious.

I can't even mention them in public.

That's why I'll need to tell you over the phone."

Chances are she won't know what "salacious" means. Good. Let her feel a little dense.

[Fightersword]

The girl knows what's up if she asks that question most of the time. Though the vibes I'm getting is that she wasn't interested and was trying to set the script in a direction that moves away from your desired outcomes. I'd have just given a fun response that makes it pretty obvious what I'd want, and if that doesn't flip her into a more receptive state I'd probably move on without giving it a second thought. A lot of the suggestions in this topic were good.

You won't get anything out of this girl. Normally a question like that I'd consider a shit test, but the way you presented it makes it seem like she was just giving a roundabout rejection. You probably weren't clear enough with your intentions and didn't leave the impact you needed to, so you got thrown into the no action bin.

[Serious Sam]

(01-18-2017 04:36 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  

Me: "Hey, I gotta head to class. It was nice talking to you and I'd like to continue it later."

She immediately had a look of hesitation on her face.

Her: You mean as friends?

At this moment, she was teetering on the brink of should I fuck this guy, brush him off, or keep him in my orbit? It was a test to gauge your response. It also likely signals that she either has a boyfriend or a guy she is seeing regularly, but she's still keeping her options open.

I've been asked the same or similar questions on several occasions, fucked up a couple of times, but changed my approach to it:

1) Agree and amplify: "BEST friends!" With this response, it has to flow naturally and come off in a joking manner. You'll either confuse her or get her to laugh, and I'd argue that both are solid responses because they tap into her emotions. If she laughs, that can segue into playful flirting and an eventual number close. If she's confused, maybe stumbling for something to say--and I personally love this response--then you can come in more direct, lead the conversation, be sly, and let her know you aren't going to just be a friend.

2) Hard direct: "Hell no. I want to take you out for a drink." This is one where you would have to gauge the situation. I've had mixed success, and I think the times if failed were due to me misreading the situation and going for the Hail Mary when I should have just run the ball up the middle.

Quote:

Me: You seem hesitant...
Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."

This girl's not dumb. She knows what your intentions are. A random guy she just met asked for her number. It's not because he wants another buddy. Girls love to play that whole "I had no idea he was into me" act, but it's bullshit. Once again, she was hitting you with a test,. How are you going to communicate your intentions without giving away your hand? That's where the art of subtlety comes into play.

Something like, "I was thinking a shotgun wedding in Vegas" can get her to laugh or shake her head, disarming her. Your intentions remain a mystery, and because you tapped into her emotions, you're now more likely to get a positive response when you text her later.

Quote:

I was slightly rattled at this point but not terribly

Me: "I enjoyed talking to you and would like to talk to you again and go from there. Tell you what, I'll text you and you can decide whether or not you want to respond."

Got her number but I'm not thinking anything will happen.

It's okay to be a little rattled when pitted with a question like this. That's where improvising and tweaking your game helps you win more of these situations than you lose. I agree with you, I doubt you'll get a positive response or any response at all, but text her anyway. Who knows, maybe the guy she's fucking--and every girl who ever gave me similar questions had some guy on the side or an LTR--will break her heart a few hours before she gets your text. Timing can work to your advantage a lot of times.

Quote:

1. Would it be right to say that more times than not, if a girl hesitates when you ask for the number, you're out of luck?

No. This is where you disarm her through humor and subtle communication.

Quote:

3. With what frequency does a girl ask "what your intentions are" in this situation if she was possibly interested? 90/10?

Like I said, she's teetering. She's not 100% on board. That's where tapping into her emotions and camouflaging your language becomes key.

[PapayaTapper]

Quote:

Her: You mean as friends?
Me: You seem hesitant...
Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."

First suggestion: Remove the terms "number close", "kiss close", "hug close", 'finger close"...(whatever other prefix you might see attached) from your lexicon. Putting your meat puppet inside a female human is the only "close" there is. Assuming THAT is your goal then everything else is preamble.

Second suggestion: Avoid direct , logical answers if possible. Examples:



PT: "Wow we just met and already you're trying to put a label on us...psycho" *smirk*

or

PT "I don't know if I like you enough to have you as friend yet. But..Who knows?... if I dislike you enough you'll be my girlfriend"

or

PT "Well I was just going to call my mom and have her help me plan the wedding but I don't know now"

Any version of the above (or a million others) calibrated to your personality and the interaction can be effective.

"What's wrong with direct answers PT?"

They're BORING and few things get you going down the path to forgotten or worse yet, "friendsville" than being the "B" word.
And direct answers are a "shit test" failed.

Keeping her unsure with subtle innuendo is a great way to keep her thinking about the interaction and intrigued (ie with you). You want to give her a story to tell

Intrigue=Excitement

Excitement = Tingles

Tingles= attraction

Attraction+comfort = Arousal

Arousal+Logistics = Sex

Sex="Closing"

[Rhyme or Reason]

PT are you saying that hottie I just saw at the coffee shop doesn't count as a Proximity Close?

[Mufasa]

(01-19-2017 04:02 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

PT are you saying that hottie I just saw at the coffee shop doesn't count as a Proximity Close?

..only if you busted a nut

[PapayaTapper]

(01-19-2017 04:02 PM)Rhyme or Reason Wrote:  

PT are you saying that hottie I just saw at the coffee shop doesn't count as a Proximity Close?

When you get to be my age it's called the "Ogle Close"...

[BetaNoMore]

Thanks for the helpful replies. Based on your advice, I've noticed that I've become boring with my convos now with direct, logical answers.

I'll focus more on indirect, light hearted, and some agree and amplify. Problem with me is I can tend to become too sarcastic and go the other extreme so will need to calibrate.

[realologist]

The first problem is you didn't build any attraction before that. I'm guessing there was no flirting with body language or words before you asked for the number. That probably triggered her alarms because you asked for her number with out doing that.

Now if you get that shit test again the key is be more playful, challenging and fun like others have touched on. I liked Stalin's responses.

Another example that's more direct
Girl: "What are your intentions"
You: Well you seem like a fun girl and thought you would like to meet up and take coffee shots off each other's bodies.

[BetaNoMore]

(01-19-2017 08:01 PM)realologist Wrote:  

The first problem is you didn't build any attraction before that. I'm guessing there was no flirting with body language or words before you asked for the number. That probably triggered her alarms because you asked for her number with out doing that.

Now if you get that shit test again the key is be more playful, challenging and fun like others have touched on. I liked Stalin's responses.

Another example that's more direct
Girl: "What are your intentions"
You: Well you seem like a fun girl and thought you would like to meet up and take coffee shots off each other's bodies.

I'll definitely need to read up on how to build attraction and put it to practice. My mindset to this seems incorrect. I've never really understood how to flirt but as of now, my approach is just to show up, start a convo and hope for the best and if I'm not repulsive, hope that the girl will bite. After reflecting, this clearly doesn't work unless you're in the top 5-10% of looks especially with all the steady flood of attention women get from smartphones, social media and online dating apps.

[Hypno]

(01-18-2017 06:57 PM)General Stalin Wrote:  

It's a shittest question. Go nuclear:

Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."
You: "To get married buy a house white picket fence have 2 kids and a dog, duh"
You: "Yeah of course just friends we can talk about boys, hair, pretty dresses, how much of a bitch jessica is, etc."

very good. also try this

Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."
You: smile devlishly. "They are rated R. I'm not sure I can can tell you. How old are you - are you at least 17?"

its a shit test so agree and amplify. advertising that you are a cad is efficient for both of you. She may be legitimately worried that you just want to talk about wrist watches or pretty dresses or some crap and is only willing to spend time with you if its going to lead to sex.

[elRey]

Everything ought to be clear from the vibe you're putting out.

Get things physical from the start, lots of light sexual touching.

When I ask for a girl's number, I always tell her I want to go out for a drink/smoke a joint with her and I'll message her about when/where. Asking her to 'keep the conversation going' is pointless. You want to meet as soon as possible, walking distance to your place. Actually inviting her to your place is ideal, but I don't do it too much - if anything communicates your intention, it's inviting her to your place.

[Virtuoso]

It seems that more women are using this trying to disarm with a psychology "struggle"

[Virtuoso]

Tried "Best friends" after "As friends?" response, where I've received the response "This position is already taken.". Hmm, playing hard to get

[PapayaTapper]

(01-21-2017 10:50 AM)Virtuoso Wrote:  

Tried "Best friends" after "As friends?" response, where I've received the response "This position is already taken." Hmm, playing hard to get

You received that response because basically this is what your answers said to the girl: "I'm a fag and I want to braid your hair and talk about boys with you"

"This position is already taken." from her means "I already have a full assortment of boring orbiter boys that don't make my pussy tingle and what I want is a man that does"

She's not playing hard to get. She's telling you exactly what she wants. Your just not getting the message and giving it to her.

Remember this:

Attraction is NOT a choice. It's a visceral response. All it takes is the right stimuli to initiate that sequence.

[Phoenix]

(01-19-2017 03:05 AM)Alche Wrote:  

Quote:

Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."

Again she has a legit question.

LOL it's not a legit question. The intention of every man who comes up to talk to a girl is ultimately to bang her, and every girl knows that.

So all the joke answers are good.

[BetaNoMore]

After reading this thread, engaging in self reflection and watching some youtube pick up footage, I've realized that I forgot that in order to do pick-up, I must act like what Roosh would describe as a "clown."

I know that almost all women will not provide you with male friendship attributes such as deep discussions on philosophy, politics, or anything truly serious. My game has never been adequate but my recent self reflection has reminded me that in all cases where I have succeeded with women, I've had to channel my inner "clown" by being playful, giving non-sensical responses, lightly teasing her and acting goofy with tones of sexual intent. There has NEVER been an instance where I succeeded by having a conversation with a serious tone or by talking about substantial subject matter. The problem with me is my lack of nuance or calibration as I either go from one extreme to another. I will either too goofy or sarcastic while taking teasing too far thus making me look like a complete, annoying idiot OR I shift to being someone serious who only talks about things that a woman has no interest in.

Since becoming single for over a year now and having a 6 month dry spell, my mindset and goals have shifted to doing things to make life meaningful. Unfortunately, this has meant that I've lost the self reminder to keep things light and fun when engaging with women. My convos are now just straight up boring with them. If my goal is to have any success with any woman, I'll have to learn how to interact with women and do so with with nuance and calibration.

edit:
It becomes tough to want to make the sacrifices necessary to become adequate with game looking at how so many women are terrible nowadays: case in point: these stupid women's marches against Trump. Women have never had it so good yet so many are petulant, un-satiable, ungrateful children who have no qualities of being a wife and a mother. Eh.

[XPQ22]

Quote:

Me: "I enjoyed talking to you and would like to talk to you again and go from there. Tell you what, I'll text you and you can decide whether or not you want to respond."

(01-18-2017 04:36 PM)BetaNoMore Wrote:  

Her: You mean as friends?
Me: You seem hesitant...
Her: "I just want to know what your intentions are..."

To go get a big-ass hamburger and talk to a woman who doesn't wanna give me the third degree.



I think the problem here is that, well, you overthunk it. I don't know how it came off in person, but lines like the one above and this:

Quote:

Me: "Hey, I gotta head to class. It was nice talking to you and I'd like to continue it later."

Sound kinda stilted and awkward, at least in text. If you give her the opportunity to give you the third degree, as if you're vaguely ashamed of what you're doing, well - she's going to give it to you, you were kind of asking for it.

"You seem hesitant" is not a line anyone would use in sales closing, to use an analogy for game I don't really like but fits, sometimes. If you give people an opportunity to back out, they will often take it. If you're going to get shot down, let her do it! Don't do the work for her!

Less is probably more in a situation like this. I think just saying "Hey, I gotta run to class, what's the best way to get in touch with you?" or even "Hey, I gotta run, what's your number?" would have worked better. She has the choice not to, but let her make the call. If she comes back to a very kind of afterthought, casual request like those with "BUT WHAT ARE YOU'RE INTENTIONS" then yeah, I'd be pretty certain I was dealing with a lost cause. But with your situation we can't really say for sure and will likely never know.

"Plausible deniability" means a lot. The problem isn't that she didn't really know your intentions, it was that your intentions were too clear in that moment, and the cat got scared.

[XPQ22]

(01-21-2017 12:06 PM)Phoenix Wrote:  

LOL it's not a legit question. The intention of every man who comes up to talk to a girl is ultimately to bang her, and every girl knows that.

So all the joke answers are good.

I think one of the biggest problems newbies face is that yes, girls understand this, they aren't entirely game-ignorant, if you rattled off some of the points made in one of Roosh's daygame guides they'd say like "Yep, yep, that's usually how the script plays out when a guy approaches me in a coffee shop."

The idea is to both know you know, but to play out the script right so it feels organic and not forced.

"What are your intentions?" is IMO indeed not a legit question, it's a blowout statement. It's a way of informing the would-be suitor that for whatever reason, she's not going to play by the nudge-nudge wink-wink say no more script. There's no right answer to it, because that wasn't the intent of "asking" it.

You might be able to flip the script by responding with a joke answer or something, but why fight uphill battles.