[Fred'n'K]

I am 22 years old, unemployed, not going to college, and not doing much of anything. I don't have any friends, and by that I mean that I don't hang out with anyone. Still living with my parents, still virgin, and totally numb emotionally. Hope that paints the picture. I obviously need some kicking in the ass.

Let's start with the job situation. I have been trying to find a job for over 2 years now; sending resumes, going to places, trying to talk with relatives to see if they can help me out, but I never get a call back, and the one time I actually got to go to an interview, I wasn't hired. It has been a very discouraging quest for employment, and I don't know what to do about that anymore.
Also, I don't have any friends. Ever since I moved from a medium sized city to a big one my social life has taken a plunge to nothingness. I used to have a few girls in rotation a couple of guys I hung out with and everything was fine, until my father decided that we should move to his home city. It has been constant torture. I feel more and more insane each day that passes, to the point that I don't think I deserve friends, attention or basic socialization, but instead deserve to die. And I can kinda rationalize why I feel like that, but that is irrelevant to the fact. I don't really know anyone in this city and I feel stuck in this rut.
My parents don't seem to care much about me, but at least I have a roof over my head, which is nice. They just mind their business as usual. My dad is retired and my mom does part time in a beauty saloon to keep busy. Their attitude towards me is of niceness if I engaged them, but if I don't, they don't care at all. I feel like a parasite living with them. I need to leave.

I've been struggling with motivation and the idea of choosing what I want to do, and doing it with discipline. I feel very lazy and I don't really care if I live or die; I don't feel that I matter at all (I know that sounds really emo, but unlike one, I don't say these things for attention). Every time I try to start a routine I do it for a couple of days, try to kick start all the good habits, and then stop because I feel awful after the initial spike in will power wears off. Everything grow meaningless and my reasons seem pointless.
I wish I could go to the gym, but I don't have any money to do that, and I feel really shitty to ask my parents for it.
All of my interests died down when we moved here. I wanted to be a music producer, I had cool plans for a book, and even had a youtube channel on the works, but all of that grew trivial to me.

The thing is that I want to change, truly, but I don't feel like I can, deserve or even if it's worth it.

I really hate to bother you guys with this, but google can only help so much.

[Delta]

FYI, a thread like this asking for personal advice belongs in the Newbie Forum.

[Delta]

Also, I don't have time right now to respond to everything, but this quote stands out to me:

Quote:

I wish I could go to the gym, but I don't have any money to do that, and I feel really shitty to ask my parents for it.

Pushups are your friend. Buy some dumbbells to do curls and military presses. Go running. A gym membership is ideal, but far from necessary.

[Fred'n'K]

(01-13-2017 01:03 AM)Delta Wrote:  

FYI, a thread like this asking for personal advice belongs in the Newbie Forum.

Sorry, I didn't know that. Is there a way to move it there?

[kartik13]

The best way to gain motivation would be to practise no fap. It will get you moving and grooving and get everything back on track.

[Swell]

Start selling POPCORN.

Low overhead, good profit margin.

You are welcome.

[Paracelsus]

This sort of "total collapse" you're in is common. Not having a job for 2 years is a hell of a morale crasher. It's a bit of a vicious cycle: you don't have a job, so you lose motivation, so you're less likely to do other self-improvement stuff, so you're less likely to improve, and so on.

However, we can talk about causes all day until the cows come home. And bear in mind nobody here is going to be able to diagnose precisely the right solution for you with pinpoint accuracy: we're not your shrink or your personal trainer. What we can do for you here is give you a number of suggestions together with why we suggest them and see if that does anything for you. You're going to have to conduct your own experiments on your own body, mind, and personality to see what works. Some of these things may reinforce one another: the body affects the mind which affects the body; what we're looking for is trying to get you into an upward cycle, create some momentum.

You diagnose both the problem and the solution when you say you start a routine but then give it up in a couple of days because there doesn't seem to be a point to it. To defer gratification you have to have something clear to defer your gratification in favour of. Therefore, two ways to see this:

(1) Find a better way to frame the goal you want, or outright find a different goal. Rather than making your goal specifically "I want the body of a Greek God," make it something specific: "I want to weigh X pounds in 6 months," or "I want to run the 100 in X seconds by X date." If even that seems vague and isn't getting you off your arse to start with, dangle pussy in front of yourself: "If I get my ass up and run for 30 days, afterwards I'll go buy myself a lap dance at the local strip club as a reward." Or P4P if you really must. That latter approach is only to get you going, I might add. Sooner or later you are going to have to find some goal that is long term and a good reason to pursue it.

Or:

(2) Try and ingrain certain activities as unconscious habits rather than set goals. This is the Scott Adams approach, i.e. you don't set goals, you set routines in place and turn that conscious behaviour into something unconscious. You may have already tried this and it's not working, so, your mileage may vary. In the long run, though, we tend to stick better to habits than we do conscious goals, because ingrained habits don't require any willpower.

I would strongly suggest you get some physical activity going first. Choose that not as a basic physical health alternative, but a mental health alternative: do something physical and the brain feeds you endorphins, which make you feel good, which makes you more inclined to do shit. Nofap might help if you're jacking off way too much, which drains your energy, but either way the key to understand is that the body and mind are connected. Influence one and you will influence the other, especially men, especially when it comes to testosterone, quite independent of TRTing or roiding or all that shit.

Can't go to the gym? Look up the book Never Gymless or Starting Strength -- these texts free you from having to use a gym to train, and take you from the ground up.

As far as the music production, writing a book, and youtube channel things are concerned: don't necessarily be worried if those things seem trivial right now. Part of that might be your current malaise, because your mood determines your focus, and it sounds like you're basically in a long funk right now ... but part of it might just be that they are trivial. After all, you're not a teenager anymore. People's interests change with time. If you get yourself back into a sort of groove and you're not finding those things are inspiring you, then maybe they simply weren't what you really wanted to pursue anyway.

And before you start to worry about the time you put in and lost: don't. Reframe it. At worst, you have spent a good amount of time determining that shit is not what you want to do with your life. And at best, you have a passing familiarity in sound engineering presumably given you were interested in music production. You have a limited education in speaking on camera given your interest in youtube. I don't know how deep you delved into those subjects, but these are very, very handy skills to have in areas of your life that you don't even know about yet. Scott Adams runs the line that for 95% of the population it's not about being the number 1 in a single talent, it's about having adequate skills in a number of areas. He provides a list of the skills he thinks are worthwhile to learn in today's world: I'd suggest you go seek them out, young man.

Next general comment: change some shit in your life. If you can't move out because you have no job, then consider taking a trip overseas, even if it's a short one. Or consider taking a trip across a border, be it Canada or Mexico. Start looking interstate.

Again, reframing your needs as questions helps: don't say you need to leave, say "How can I leave?" and work from there. You know how to play an instrument, you're bright enough to make a list of shit to be done. Sounds like you have free internet access too, so start using that as well.

In terms of meeting new friends and so on - start doing shit that is way out of the ordinary for you. Nothing illegal, mind you. Try an amateur acting class: this does wonders for inhibition problems because you're going to have to stand in the centre of a spotlight at some point and be as real as you can be. Whatever you choose, though, be sure to leave your ego behind and be prepared to be laughed at because you're fucking up something you've never done before. Every person has been laughed at because they fucked up. I promise you. You have to push past that, learn to ignore it, for the sake of deciding whether what you are trying is worth doing.

You are, frankly, wrong, when you say you don't matter at all. Being unlucky enough to be born as a millennial you have had it drummed into you by a generation of idiot teachers that You Are Super Special, you are coming down off that high in the same way my generation realised around the time Fight Club was released that we weren't all going to be movie stars, prom queens and the like. That sort of angst is not uncommon if you're in a physical funk, as you seem to be. But it does come to an end, and it comes to an end faster by you starting to ask yourself, really for yourself: what is it that you want? From this life, from existence? The world doesn't always give you what you want from it, but it will never give you anything unless you ask for it and work for it, unless you take a chance on something.

Next thing, i.e. you being a virgin: go get that sorted out right away with a hooker. Yes, I'm serious. A twenty-two-year-old man has no business walking around with a dry dick unless he's planning on the priesthood or prefers male asshole. I can tell you from personal experience that you can lose a whole fucking decade (pun is literal and intended) in your twenties putting pussy on the pedestal because you haven't banged a woman yet and you're shit-scared of what your dick or her cunt are going to do when they're brought together.

That'll allow you to get the basic mechanics of fucking down -- and if you explain your situation she might be willing to give you some pointers on how cunts work.

Don't give us this crap that you had "a few women on rotation": you're a virgin, so by definition you didn't fuck any of them, so you didn't have them on rotation, they had you on rotation in that nearly extrasolar orbit we call the friendzone. As I'm sure you've already found out, you can be the most supportive, kindest guy around and they still won't fuck you. Whenever a woman says "so sweet", she is always saying "not fuckable".

It's either fuck a chick for money to lose your virginity or go the hard way: approach, approach, and approach women who look fuckable, be in in the club, on the street, wherever ... although your approaches are going to be hindered not only by your inexperience with women but with your anxiety about the act of getting fucked. The Game subforum may be able to help a lot with that -- and game principles to some extent are principles for social interaction generally -- but whichever way you go, you can't afford to have that anxiety hobbling you when you go after a chick for sex.

In short, though: find out who the fuck you are, and do so by trying different shit. Go overseas, get fucked, jump out of a plane, do something different, do something with your hands, read some philosophy, challenge yourself, now's the time, figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, because that shit is happening now.

[Fred'n'K]

(01-13-2017 03:39 AM)Paracelsus Wrote:  

This sort of "total collapse" you're in is common. Not having a job for 2 years is a hell of a morale crasher. It's a bit of a vicious cycle: you don't have a job, so you lose motivation, so you're less likely to do other self-improvement stuff, so you're less likely to improve, and so on.

However, we can talk about causes all day until the cows come home. And bear in mind nobody here is going to be able to diagnose precisely the right solution for you with pinpoint accuracy: we're not your shrink or your personal trainer. What we can do for you here is give you a number of suggestions together with why we suggest them and see if that does anything for you. You're going to have to conduct your own experiments on your own body, mind, and personality to see what works. Some of these things may reinforce one another: the body affects the mind which affects the body; what we're looking for is trying to get you into an upward cycle, create some momentum.

You diagnose both the problem and the solution when you say you start a routine but then give it up in a couple of days because there doesn't seem to be a point to it. To defer gratification you have to have something clear to defer your gratification in favour of. Therefore, two ways to see this:

(1) Find a better way to frame the goal you want, or outright find a different goal. Rather than making your goal specifically "I want the body of a Greek God," make it something specific: "I want to weigh X pounds in 6 months," or "I want to run the 100 in X seconds by X date." If even that seems vague and isn't getting you off your arse to start with, dangle pussy in front of yourself: "If I get my ass up and run for 30 days, afterwards I'll go buy myself a lap dance at the local strip club as a reward." Or P4P if you really must. That latter approach is only to get you going, I might add. Sooner or later you are going to have to find some goal that is long term and a good reason to pursue it.

Or:

(2) Try and ingrain certain activities as unconscious habits rather than set goals. This is the Scott Adams approach, i.e. you don't set goals, you set routines in place and turn that conscious behaviour into something unconscious. You may have already tried this and it's not working, so, your mileage may vary. In the long run, though, we tend to stick better to habits than we do conscious goals, because ingrained habits don't require any willpower.

I would strongly suggest you get some physical activity going first. Choose that not as a basic physical health alternative, but a mental health alternative: do something physical and the brain feeds you endorphins, which make you feel good, which makes you more inclined to do shit. Nofap might help if you're jacking off way too much, which drains your energy, but either way the key to understand is that the body and mind are connected. Influence one and you will influence the other, especially men, especially when it comes to testosterone, quite independent of TRTing or roiding or all that shit.

Can't go to the gym? Look up the book Never Gymless or Starting Strength -- these texts free you from having to use a gym to train, and take you from the ground up.

As far as the music production, writing a book, and youtube channel things are concerned: don't necessarily be worried if those things seem trivial right now. Part of that might be your current malaise, because your mood determines your focus, and it sounds like you're basically in a long funk right now ... but part of it might just be that they are trivial. After all, you're not a teenager anymore. People's interests change with time. If you get yourself back into a sort of groove and you're not finding those things are inspiring you, then maybe they simply weren't what you really wanted to pursue anyway.

And before you start to worry about the time you put in and lost: don't. Reframe it. At worst, you have spent a good amount of time determining that shit is not what you want to do with your life. And at best, you have a passing familiarity in sound engineering presumably given you were interested in music production. You have a limited education in speaking on camera given your interest in youtube. I don't know how deep you delved into those subjects, but these are very, very handy skills to have in areas of your life that you don't even know about yet. Scott Adams runs the line that for 95% of the population it's not about being the number 1 in a single talent, it's about having adequate skills in a number of areas. He provides a list of the skills he thinks are worthwhile to learn in today's world: I'd suggest you go seek them out, young man.

Next general comment: change some shit in your life. If you can't move out because you have no job, then consider taking a trip overseas, even if it's a short one. Or consider taking a trip across a border, be it Canada or Mexico. Start looking interstate.

Again, reframing your needs as questions helps: don't say you need to leave, say "How can I leave?" and work from there. You know how to play an instrument, you're bright enough to make a list of shit to be done. Sounds like you have free internet access too, so start using that as well.

In terms of meeting new friends and so on - start doing shit that is way out of the ordinary for you. Nothing illegal, mind you. Try an amateur acting class: this does wonders for inhibition problems because you're going to have to stand in the centre of a spotlight at some point and be as real as you can be. Whatever you choose, though, be sure to leave your ego behind and be prepared to be laughed at because you're fucking up something you've never done before. Every person has been laughed at because they fucked up. I promise you. You have to push past that, learn to ignore it, for the sake of deciding whether what you are trying is worth doing.

You are, frankly, wrong, when you say you don't matter at all. Being unlucky enough to be born as a millennial you have had it drummed into you by a generation of idiot teachers that You Are Super Special, you are coming down off that high in the same way my generation realised around the time Fight Club was released that we weren't all going to be movie stars, prom queens and the like. That sort of angst is not uncommon if you're in a physical funk, as you seem to be. But it does come to an end, and it comes to an end faster by you starting to ask yourself, really for yourself: what is it that you want? From this life, from existence? The world doesn't always give you what you want from it, but it will never give you anything unless you ask for it and work for it, unless you take a chance on something.

Next thing, i.e. you being a virgin: go get that sorted out right away with a hooker. Yes, I'm serious. That'll allow you to get the basic mechanics of fucking out of the way -- and if you explain your situation she might be willing to give you some pointers on how cunts work.

A twenty-two-year-old man has no business walking around with a dry dick unless he's planning on the priesthood or prefers male asshole. I can tell you from personal experience that you can lose a whole fucking decade (pun is literal and intended) in your twenties putting pussy on the pedestal because you haven't banged a woman yet.

Don't give us this crap that you have "a few women on rotation": you're a virgin, so by definition you haven't fucked any of them, so you don't have them on rotation, they have you on rotation in that nearly extrasolar orbit we call the friendzone. As I'm sure you've already found out with the girls "you" have on "rotation": you can be the most supportive, kindest guy around and they still won't fuck you. Whenever a woman says "so sweet", she is always saying "not fuckable".

It's either fuck a chick for money to lose your virginity or go the hard way: approach, approach, and approach women who look fuckable, be in in the club, on the street, wherever ... although your approaches are going to be hindered not only by your inexperience with women but with your anxiety about the act of getting fucked. The Game subforum may be able to help a lot with that -- and game principles to some extent are principles for social interaction generally -- but whichever way you go, you can't afford to have that anxiety hobbling you when you go after a chick for sex.

In short, though: find out who the fuck you are, and do so by trying different shit. Go overseas, get fucked, jump out of a plane, do something different, do something with your hands, read some philosophy, challenge yourself, now's the time, figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life, because that shit is happening now.

Thank you for the suggestions. I will definitely read up on Scott Adams's skill list and the Gymless books you suggested. And I the part about a acting class caught my attention, because I had thought about it a few months back, but never gave it attention. I'll try to get into one. About paying a prostitute: I don't really have that kind of money, so that'll have to wait. And what I meant by rotation is that we kissed, they gave me BJs, soft stuff like that, but I definitely see your point and I do agree about the shallowness of it all.
I'll figure out what I want for the future more clearly. But right now I just want a quiet fulfilling life. Moving to small town is a top priority for me too.
Again, thank you for your time. Your insight was really helpful. Definitely gonna check the books.

[Matsufubu]

^^^

Well, I can't follow that. Excellent advice. I'll just say that I had a young man working for me in a very similar situation. Eventually he joined the army, and when I saw him again 2 years later he was a different man, with hardness in the eyes as well as the muscles. He'snow married to an 8. I'm not ex-military so if someone who is doesn't agree then I'll defer to their knowledge.

And yeah, get fucking laid, man. At 17/18 I'd say run some game and you'll close the deal eventually, but at 22 you're stuck in a rut. Get fucking laid, better a prostitute 7 than an easy score warpig, at least you'll learn something.

You sound like you've become a physical man without your mind catching up. If you're spending time on the chans, stop. It'll eat up crazy amounts of your time and energy, and before you know it the day is over and wasted.

Yes, you can get into shape without paying to go to the gym. Stay at it 6 weeks or so to see some results, and that will give you some confidence and belief to keep going.

And yes, you do fucking matter. You will become the man you need to be, and you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking when you posted this. All you need is a kick up the arse and some confidence, which comes from challenging yourself. Without challenge, a man withers, both physically and mentally. It doesn't matter what the challenge is, but you absolutely have to challenge yourself. When you meet that challenge you find a part of yourself, gain confidence and then it's onwards and upwards. You pick the challenge, whether it's getting in shape or selling something to make a few bucks and reinvest it. Whatever it is, just push yourself a bit.

I'd say you need to break your routine, now. Get out of your parent's house, because it sounds like you're a pet cooped up and waiting to die. That's why I suggested military, as it will give you physical training, camaraderie and a purpose. You're being kept, you're not living.

Good luck, man.

[2Wycked]

Well, Paracelsus has a nice long post, you should definitely read it, OP.

1. I definitely second hitting the gym. Lifting is no panacea to life's problems, but you can set tangible goals that benefit your mind and body directly. Sack up and broach the subject of a gym membership with your parents.

2. You mentioned college. . .I would check out local junior colleges. Very cheap and you can dip your proverbial toe in the water to see if a degree will be able to help you. You mentioned music production and writing. . .those are subjects you definitely can explore at juco. Here is a bit of tough love from on the subject of going back to school from The Last Psychiatrist (no, I don't think it is directly applicable to your situation, but the general discussion of young male ennui is).

3. It sounds like making friends was easier when you were younger. It is. This is a simple fact of life -- as you age, friendships don't form as easy. You are still very young, you just need to go where you know find people with similar interests (not a bar, lol). Any hobbies, OP? You could think about exploring hobbies you do have (local colleges, libraries and businesses are always having shin digs to bring people together, check out the newspaper). Or you could think about new hobbies like drawing or improv -- easy way to meet people, as those two hobbies have amateurs trying to break in.

4. It is tricky with these general "I'm lost with no direction" style threads that have crept up recently (new year; restlessness sets in during the bitter winter months), so the best we can really do is throw some ideas up for you and it's up to you to try some out. Hopefully you'll get some good ideas from this thread. Best of luck, OP.

[Sooth]

I can tell you're an idealist and quite intelligent. You already have the tools you need to overcome this but you need a year of reading to tie it all together.

Start with Gorilla Mindset buy our own MikeCF.

You mentioned it in your post - "I've been struggling with motivation and the idea of choosing what I want to do, and doing it with discipline."

Discipline is not a talent. You either have it beaten into you or you beat it into your self. It is something that you have to teach yourself. Nothing great is achieved without hard work. Work is how you create value.

You're young so don't get too stressed. No one knows exactly what they're doing at 22, but you must live with a sense of urgency.

[Fred'n'K]

(01-13-2017 04:23 AM)Matsufubu Wrote:  

^^^

Well, I can't follow that. Excellent advice. I'll just say that I had a young man working for me in a very similar situation. Eventually he joined the army, and when I saw him again 2 years later he was a different man, with hardness in the eyes as well as the muscles. He'snow married to an 8. I'm not ex-military so if someone who is doesn't agree then I'll defer to their knowledge.

And yeah, get fucking laid, man. At 17/18 I'd say run some game and you'll close the deal eventually, but at 22 you're stuck in a rut. Get fucking laid, better a prostitute 7 than an easy score warpig, at least you'll learn something.

You sound like you've become a physical man without your mind catching up. If you're spending time on the chans, stop. It'll eat up crazy amounts of your time and energy, and before you know it the day is over and wasted.

Yes, you can get into shape without paying to go to the gym. Stay at it 6 weeks or so to see some results, and that will give you some confidence and belief to keep going.

And yes, you do fucking matter. You will become the man you need to be, and you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking when you posted this. All you need is a kick up the arse and some confidence, which comes from challenging yourself. Without challenge, a man withers, both physically and mentally. It doesn't matter what the challenge is, but you absolutely have to challenge yourself. When you meet that challenge you find a part of yourself, gain confidence and then it's onwards and upwards. You pick the challenge, whether it's getting in shape or selling something to make a few bucks and reinvest it. Whatever it is, just push yourself a bit.

I'd say you need to break your routine, now. Get out of your parent's house, because it sounds like you're a pet cooped up and waiting to die. That's why I suggested military, as it will give you physical training, camaraderie and a purpose. You're being kept, you're not living.

Good luck, man.

The military always sounded good to me, but here in Brazil it is a joke. Since it is mandatory to all young man to join at 18, things are pretty half assed and ost of time you'll be just cleaning the floor and never actually learn anything useful. I knew many guys that had to 'serve' and their experiences seemed very subpar in comparison with the US military. I was not called in to serve due to asthma.

[Fred'n'K]

(01-13-2017 04:53 AM)Sooth Wrote:  

I can tell you're an idealist and quite intelligent. You already have the tools you need to overcome this but you need a year of reading to tie it all together.

Start with Gorilla Mindset buy our own MikeCF.

You mentioned it in your post - "I've been struggling with motivation and the idea of choosing what I want to do, and doing it with discipline."

Discipline is not a talent. You either have it beaten into you or you beat it into your self. It is something that you have to teach yourself. Nothing great is achieved without hard work. Work is how you create value.

You're young so don't get too stressed. No one knows exactly what they're doing at 22, but you must live with a sense of urgency.

Funny you mention Gorilla Mindset. I bought a few months back, but haven't got to reading it yet. Guess I'll check it out now. Thanks for reminding me of it.

[Nascimento]

Let me add a couple of things I don't think the others mentioned.

You're in Brazil, right? Needless to say your situation is very common there. If so consider what I say as being from one Brazilian to another. Tons of young-middle aged adults living with their parents, struggling to make an income.

It's not your fault. The economy is not making it easier for you.

Of course there's always something to be done. You'll figure it out -- if you want it badly enough. Recognize that feeling down about the situation like you are right now is necessary for moving forward. How else are you to kick your own ass? Motivation is internal -- looking to outside sources for external motivation is just feel-good nonsense that wouldn't help you anyway.

It seems like you're humble. Better said, not spoiled. Which is huge. You're glad to have a roof over your head and you're scared to be leeching off your parents. They don't see you as a parasite, and again, your situation is normal. Being at home at 22 is fine. That said, 32 is not. So start developing a plan to ensure you're in a better position 10 years from now.

Are you grateful for your ability to speak English? You're incredibly fluent. This alone gives you opportunities the majority of your peers would envy you for. Just the fact you can be on this forum and look up resources to help you get ahead is enough to make all the time you spent learning English worth it. After all, if it is your second language.

Lastly, the girl-virgin problem is perhaps the one that annoys you most. I know it because I was there too not long ago. Thankfully, it's easily solved... If you want it badly enough... I did--I was hitting the bars and clubs 2 times a week for a year. Many times solo, almost always sober. I would day-approach 5 girls a week. Do the math, and in a year you can see how being consistent with this routine would literally change your dating life forever.

Night game is great practice. No money for those expensive clubs? Try to find the no cover spots, and force yourself to sober-game. Get online and go on a date or two. And you can always trust day game to harden you up quickly... As long as you want it badly enough.

It really bears repeating. A man with a will to stop at nothing until he gets what he wants is practically unstoppable.

The tools are out there man. Being disappointed about your current situation is good. It's the impetus you need to get moving.

Good luck. Stick around, there's plenty on the forum to help you.

What large city are you in, by the way?

[Leonard D Neubache]

Do you have issues with diet?

Starting exercise without altering what you eat can lead you quickly into a slump if your eating habits are poor to begin with.

Get straight with your motivations. Quit focussing on the prize and focus on the steps you need to get there. Thirst is a killer because it traps your mind in an endless loop that actually prevents you from doing what you need to do to get laid.

And do some charity work. It looks better to a prospective employer that you're actually keeping busy and doing something for the community. You might find a renewed sense of self worth as well. Typically charity organisations are filled with old women (at least over here in Australia). That means you'll be the one doing all the heavy lifting which is a good thing.

Old women also have daughters and grand-daughters, and while I wouldn't normally suggest shitting where you eat, if it means losing your virginity then get that first bang however you can.

[Ringo]

You're part of what's called the Nini generation - neither work or study.

I share an apartment with a gringo who is doing the same thing - that is, nothing -, but he's 30. Honestly, as much as I get that it sucks, it's infuriating to witness.

What are your skills? Not desires (music producer, YouTube star), but actual skills, if you have any.

Obviously you're fluent in english and can write decently. From that I extrapolate you can write well in Portuguese? There's a ton of easy, low-paying gigs in Fiverr and other freelance websites for quick translation work. You won't get rich but at least you have some cash.

What kind of jobs are you applying for? If nothing works, get a job as a waiter, work your way into bartending. Brutal but easy work (that's what I did in 2011/2012 to save money for a big trip).

I guess you could use Tinder to acquire some basic experience talking to girls, but what you really need is live approaching. All it takes is a set of balls.

Fitness - I've got some great minimal to no equipment necessary books (shoutout to Hannibal), I can send you those. If not, go to YouTube and look for "calisthenics".

You could probably benefit from training martial arts, whichever you have access to or interest in (boxing, judo, BJJ, karate). That will help with fitness, discipline and making friends. You can even find places to learn for free, depending on where you are located.

PM me if you are in Sao Paulo.

[Easy_C]

Honestly?

If you're in a complete rut you need to hit the reset button. I've been there too.

That means come to grips and be comfortable with your old identity will die. If you can't accept that then you aren't ready. Good thing once you hit rock bottom is that you don't really have anything worth clinging on to except perhaps some material possessions.

So here's my advice. Destroy your entire life and abandon it.

That means you leave all your friends, any possesions you don't need, and your old place behind. Move somewhere completely new and start doing something completely different. Since you don't have any clear goals yet you NEED something that opens up a lot of different ways to go while you get to know yourself better.

f.


There's a couple ways to do this. Whatever you do get out from your parent's house and starting building a life that you can have ownership over.

First one is to go back to school. Sure you'll be a few years older but that won't hurt you too much. New university(the bigger the better) in a new place. I didn't get a clear read on your interests. If you aren't sure then make sure to take a multi-disciplinary smattering of classes your first year (at least one business, one STEM, one "artsy" class among your electives). You should notice a pattern emerge as to what kind of homework you like doing best and/or which ones you do the best(note my wording). Then look into related careers and see if it can be monetized. If the answer is "yes" that's your major. If not then that's your hobby and the runner up is your major. If you have no idea whatsoever I'd recommend doing a dual STEM/Finance major. Courseload for that is intense and could delay graduation by a semester or two but the upside is that it's impressive on a resume and you will come out of school being qualified for an extremely large selection of careers. An Engineer/Finance major could go into the investing/Wall Street world, design a new flow control system for use with rocket fuel, work in B2B sales, travel the country with a management consulting firm, or just settle into a comfortable accounting type job...and if you have hustle it's doable out of undergrad from a much wider range of schools than you'd think. At undergrad level a good state school, good grades, and good networking will do it.


If you don't have any resume-certified skills start by joining an apprenticeship program. Plumbers, electricians, roofers, and the like can make obscene amounts of money towards the middle of their career so don't turn down your nose at a mediocre apprentice salary. Upside is you generally work with a masculine crowd and that will rub off on you over time. It doesn't open up quite as wide a realm of possibilities but it can easily put you into a position where you are a self-employed redpiller.

Third option? Join the military. This is probably the easiest way to hit the "reset" button on your life. Even with all the PC crap going on the training is still great for building up your soft skills and character. The reason it is easiest is because most of that transition will be planned for you. You'll go to training where they send you, go to a base they send you to, and get the training you are selected for (a high score will usually get you into commo/logistics/etc. jobs that translate well into civilian jobs). I don't recommend doing it for long since it can make the job search after harder. However if you know how to play the veteran card it can be an extremely powerful life tool.

[Fred'n'K]

(01-13-2017 08:30 AM)Nascimento Wrote:  

Let me add a couple of things I don't think the others mentioned.

You're in Brazil, right? Needless to say your situation is very common there. If so consider what I say as being from one Brazilian to another. Tons of young-middle aged adults living with their parents, struggling to make an income.

It's not your fault. The economy is not making it easier for you.

Of course there's always something to be done. You'll figure it out -- if you want it badly enough. Recognize that feeling down about the situation like you are right now is necessary for moving forward. How else are you to kick your own ass? Motivation is internal -- looking to outside sources for external motivation is just feel-good nonsense that wouldn't help you anyway.

It seems like you're humble. Better said, not spoiled. Which is huge. You're glad to have a roof over your head and you're scared to be leeching off your parents. They don't see you as a parasite, and again, your situation is normal. Being at home at 22 is fine. That said, 32 is not. So start developing a plan to ensure you're in a better position 10 years from now.

Are you grateful for your ability to speak English? You're incredibly fluent. This alone gives you opportunities the majority of your peers would envy you for. Just the fact you can be on this forum and look up resources to help you get ahead is enough to make all the time you spent learning English worth it. After all, if it is your second language.

Lastly, the girl-virgin problem is perhaps the one that annoys you most. I know it because I was there too not long ago. Thankfully, it's easily solved... If you want it badly enough... I did--I was hitting the bars and clubs 2 times a week for a year. Many times solo, almost always sober. I would day-approach 5 girls a week. Do the math, and in a year you can see how being consistent with this routine would literally change your dating life forever.

Night game is great practice. No money for those expensive clubs? Try to find the no cover spots, and force yourself to sober-game. Get online and go on a date or two. And you can always trust day game to harden you up quickly... As long as you want it badly enough.

It really bears repeating. A man with a will to stop at nothing until he gets what he wants is practically unstoppable.

The tools are out there man. Being disappointed about your current situation is good. It's the impetus you need to get moving.

Good luck. Stick around, there's plenty on the forum to help you.

What large city are you in, by the way?

Thanks. I do see your point about not being my fault, but I don't really like to see myself through that perspective, since it may lead to laziness if I'm not careful.
I am living in Vitória - ES.

[Fred'n'K]

(01-13-2017 09:04 AM)Ringo Wrote:  

You're part of what's called the Nini generation - neither work or study.

I share an apartment with a gringo who is doing the same thing - that is, nothing -, but he's 30. Honestly, as much as I get that it sucks, it's infuriating to witness.

What are your skills? Not desires (music producer, YouTube star), but actual skills, if you have any.

Obviously you're fluent in english and can write decently. From that I extrapolate you can write well in Portuguese? There's a ton of easy, low-paying gigs in Fiverr and other freelance websites for quick translation work. You won't get rich but at least you have some cash.

What kind of jobs are you applying for? If nothing works, get a job as a waiter, work your way into bartending. Brutal but easy work (that's what I did in 2011/2012 to save money for a big trip).

I guess you could use Tinder to acquire some basic experience talking to girls, but what you really need is live approaching. All it takes is a set of balls.

Fitness - I've got some great minimal to no equipment necessary books (shoutout to Hannibal), I can send you those. If not, go to YouTube and look for "calisthenics".

You could probably benefit from training martial arts, whichever you have access to or interest in (boxing, judo, BJJ, karate). That will help with fitness, discipline and making friends. You can even find places to learn for free, depending on where you are located.

PM me if you are in Sao Paulo.

I don't quite know what would qualify as skills. As a fellow Brazilian you're probably familiar with how things work here. No papers, no knowledge in the eyes of employers. I can fix computers (helped my father with his side business for a while. He dropped it all when we moved), I know how to do taxes, I know how to cook, know psychology (studied that intensively since 2011), am familiar with the basics of woodworking, I can analyze books and media to write an essay about it, etc... I know a little bit of many things, since I spend most of my time watching videos about many things on youtube.
Martial arts training seems like a lot of fun, but I'm not sure if I should do it now, since I'm so weak and not used to intense physical exercise. I'll begin with the exercise routine and eventually evolve it to martial arts.
Never heard about Fiverr. I'll check it out. Thanks.
And I don't live in São Paulo, but in Vitória.
Thanks for all the tips.

[Fred'n'K]

(01-13-2017 12:22 PM)Easy_C Wrote:  

Honestly?

If you're in a complete rut you need to hit the reset button. I've been there too.

That means come to grips and be comfortable with your old identity will die. If you can't accept that then you aren't ready. Good thing once you hit rock bottom is that you don't really have anything worth clinging on to except perhaps some material possessions.

So here's my advice. Destroy your entire life and abandon it.

That means you leave all your friends, any possesions you don't need, and your old place behind. Move somewhere completely new and start doing something completely different. Since you don't have any clear goals yet you NEED something that opens up a lot of different ways to go while you get to know yourself better.

f.


There's a couple ways to do this. Whatever you do get out from your parent's house and starting building a life that you can have ownership over.

First one is to go back to school. Sure you'll be a few years older but that won't hurt you too much. New university(the bigger the better) in a new place. I didn't get a clear read on your interests. If you aren't sure then make sure to take a multi-disciplinary smattering of classes your first year (at least one business, one STEM, one "artsy" class among your electives). You should notice a pattern emerge as to what kind of homework you like doing best and/or which ones you do the best(note my wording). Then look into related careers and see if it can be monetized. If the answer is "yes" that's your major. If not then that's your hobby and the runner up is your major. If you have no idea whatsoever I'd recommend doing a dual STEM/Finance major. Courseload for that is intense and could delay graduation by a semester or two but the upside is that it's impressive on a resume and you will come out of school being qualified for an extremely large selection of careers. An Engineer/Finance major could go into the investing/Wall Street world, design a new flow control system for use with rocket fuel, work in B2B sales, travel the country with a management consulting firm, or just settle into a comfortable accounting type job...and if you have hustle it's doable out of undergrad from a much wider range of schools than you'd think. At undergrad level a good state school, good grades, and good networking will do it.


If you don't have any resume-certified skills start by joining an apprenticeship program. Plumbers, electricians, roofers, and the like can make obscene amounts of money towards the middle of their career so don't turn down your nose at a mediocre apprentice salary. Upside is you generally work with a masculine crowd and that will rub off on you over time. It doesn't open up quite as wide a realm of possibilities but it can easily put you into a position where you are a self-employed redpiller.

Third option? Join the military. This is probably the easiest way to hit the "reset" button on your life. Even with all the PC crap going on the training is still great for building up your soft skills and character. The reason it is easiest is because most of that transition will be planned for you. You'll go to training where they send you, go to a base they send you to, and get the training you are selected for (a high score will usually get you into commo/logistics/etc. jobs that translate well into civilian jobs). I don't recommend doing it for long since it can make the job search after harder. However if you know how to play the veteran card it can be an extremely powerful life tool.

I understand where you're coming from, I looked into the trades myself many times, looked up good courses around here, researched about the military, and learned about the local public college, but unfortunately some of the paths you suggested are not so practical in the situation I am in. The trade schools that offer good courses, such as the electrician, plumber and roofer, are quite expensive, with the cheapest I found being 47% of the minimum wage.
I don't know if colleges here in Brazil offer this 'Courseload', but from what I've seem, you do the High school test and pick a major that matches your score. At least that was what I was told in high school.
The military is a joke here, as my friends used to tell me. Nothing like the US. Good if you want to clean the floors, never pick up a gun and just run.
But thanks for your time. I do appreciate it.

[Alche]

Paracelsus made an awesome post for you. The point he made I want to emphasize is go bang a hooker. Honestly, if I did not get lucky with my first at 21yrs old, I would probably be a virgin for the next 10 years. I had many chances before that age but always fucked it up. It does not matter if you are good at talking to girls.. there will always be a block in your mind. So seriously banging a hooker will feel like (in your case), being reborn and something you need to do.

Here are some things I want to add. You are in this situation because you are stuck in a negative mindset. (well duh). It's why you can't get a job, it's why you can't get laid, it's why you are lonely and have no friends.

I came across this youtube comment yesterday and thought it was worded quite well so here is the quote.

Quote:

For Negative thinkers: Thoughts are neural pathways within your brain. Repeating the same types of thoughts strengthens the neural pathways and causes them to occur more frequently. They become easier to think each time. Have a think about the mechanics behind thought. Just because you are thinking negatively over and over doesn't mean it is true or correct. It often means those pathways have become strengthened, which may seemingly give more validity to what these thoughts are. Try to trivialize negative thoughts and break their cycle. With time, persistence and a rational approach to thought you can weaken the power these neural pathways have.

Realise that you are not your thoughts. They are just thoughts. They come and go. Start by consciously breaking these thought patterns.

How? Stay conscious, and wait like cat waiting for a mouse to come out of his hole. Be aware of the thought as an observer and just let it pass. You will then be able to begin build and strengthening positive habits.

'Eckhart Tolle: Awakening to your life's purpose' May be a book you would benefit from.

[Mig Picante]

Ghetto workouts, there's plenty of bodyweight exercises you can do with no equipment. Push ups, sit ups, pullups, dips, 100m sprint, 5km run, farmers walks, carrying objects will make you stronger, etc

To get money, offer to wash a car, weed a garden, clear a yard, pick up rubbish, run an errand. Anything you can do to make some money while you are looking.

[Ringo]

(01-13-2017 04:02 PM)Fredn'K Wrote:  

I don't quite know what would qualify as skills. As a fellow Brazilian you're probably familiar with how things work here. No papers, no knowledge in the eyes of employers. I can fix computers (helped my father with his side business for a while. He dropped it all when we moved), I know how to do taxes, I know how to cook, know psychology (studied that intensively since 2011), am familiar with the basics of woodworking, I can analyze books and media to write an essay about it, etc... I know a little bit of many things, since I spend most of my time watching videos about many things on youtube.
Martial arts training seems like a lot of fun, but I'm not sure if I should do it now, since I'm so weak and not used to intense physical exercise. I'll begin with the exercise routine and eventually evolve it to martial arts.
Never heard about Fiverr. I'll check it out. Thanks.
And I don't live in São Paulo, but in Vitória.
Thanks for all the tips.

I understand your concern, but Brazil is a mixed bag. All bureaucracies and paperwork go out the window if you "know a guy". Unless you're looking for a job as a doctor, engineer, airplane pilot, most entry level jobs don't required certifications.

You have many options involving your skills and a ton of others that require none, but you need to light a fire under your ass and get moving.

For me, although I've always been independent and wanted to move out early, what sped up the process was living with my stepfather, whom I despised and who despised me back, said I was a bum, etc. I'm only a bit older (25) but I've been living on my own and supporting myself for a few years now. What is your fire?

I'll say this, the three most important things for me to kickstart my life were: travelling abroad for a few months, making money and doing Ayahuasca.

Travelling low budget is #1, but you might not have any cash. Ayahuasca is a fantastic tool to connect with yourself, but it seems you are gearing towards depression so I would tread carefully there. Which leaves us with making money.

Your English is fantastic so I assume you're at least middle, most likely upper middle, class?

Just to throw out a couple of ideas:
- Try to get some gigs fixing computers - make a business card and visit all restaurants, small shops, salons in the neighborhood, offer to reboot their computers and clean up the hardware (easy work).
- On the same note, you could offer to make websites for businesses around you using a platform like Squarespace, which is super easy to use and gives great results. Alternatively, learn to make Wordpress websites using Lynda courses (you can Torrent those).
- If you're good with your hands, make a simple, cheap, fun product like a Big Bubble Maker and sell it on the streets wherever people congregate and there's kids - here in SP it would be near a park like Ibirapuera or Villa Lobos, or on Av. Paulista. Profit margins could be great.
- Create a "fit meal" service for people who work around your area and deliver it to them. Research the macros, do a weekly menu and advertise to local offices.
- Start translating on Fiverr.
- Get a job as a waiter on a cool restaurant. (No skills required)
- Get a job at a cool clothing shop. (No skills required)
- Get a job as an apprentice at a woodworking shop, if it's something you would like to pursue. This can be a bit of taboo if you are middle class or higher because people think of it as stepping down on the social scale. But if it's your passion and you become good at it, it can be very profitable.

On Martial Arts: nonsense, don't wait. If you think it will be fun, find a good teacher and start doing it as soon as possible. Training will help you get stronger.

I'm willing to skype with you if you would like, let me know.