[Hoser]

16 years ago my formerly-conservative and ex-military brother announced he was dating a girl we both knew from childhood. I was VERY unhappy to hear this, as I viewed her as a poisonous, haughty, feminist 'intellectual' (but I repeat myself, thrice). I counseled him against the idea. He chose to marry her (I don't think he'd ever had a serious GF other than her), and I subsequently lost him as a close friend.

Over the years, I watched all evidence of masculinity in my brother disappear. The man who formerly mocked liberals for their stupidity withered, becoming a complete cuck who would take his wife's toxic side in her SJW arguments, and upbraid me for using non-PC words. He even became a John Scalzi fan.

His wife told him a few days ago that she's leaving him. There's no other man that I know of (this warpig looks and sounds like Lindy West, only uglier, and older), but she is about to complete her Masters degree. I don't know a lot of details, because my brother and I don't talk much anymore, the swamp creature having denounced me as a reprobate minion of the evil patriarchy.

SUMMARY: I'm thrilled that I might have the chance to see/help my brother salvage his life after these years spent in cucked intellectual prison. On the other hand, I am genuinely sad for him that he's losing something that, for whatever reason, still gave him joy and meaning over the past decade and a half. He's admitted to being in tears a lot lately. He says they are going to stay friends, which I think is a bad idea. I just want to see him kick her out of his life and start to make a better one for himself.

How can I best be there for my brother and, if possible, help him decide to down the Red Pill?

[Dr. Howard]

(01-08-2017 09:18 PM)Hoser Wrote:  

16 years ago my formerly-conservative and ex-military brother announced he was dating a girl we both knew from childhood. I was VERY unhappy to hear this, as I viewed her as a poisonous, haughty, feminist 'intellectual' (but I repeat myself, thrice). I counseled him against the idea. He chose to marry her (I don't think he'd ever had a serious GF other than her), and I subsequently lost him as a close friend.

Over the years, I watched all evidence of masculinity in my brother disappear. The man who formerly mocked liberals for their stupidity withered, becoming a complete cuck who would take his wife's toxic side in her SJW arguments, and upbraid me for using non-PC words. He even became a John Scalzi fan.

His wife told him a few days ago that she's leaving him. There's no other man that I know of (this warpig looks and sounds like Lindy West, only uglier, and older), but she is about to complete her Masters degree. I don't know a lot of details, because my brother and I don't talk much anymore, the swamp creature having denounced me as a reprobate minion of the evil Christian patriarchy.

SUMMARY: I'm thrilled that I might have the chance to see/help my brother salvage his life after these years spent in cucked intellectual prison. On the other hand, I am genuinely sad for him that he's losing something that, for whatever reason, still gave him joy and meaning over the past decade and a half. He's admitted to being in tears a lot lately. He says they are going to stay friends, which I think is a bad idea. I just want to see him kick her out of his life and start to make a better one for himself.

How can I best be there for my brother and, if possible, help him decide to down the Red Pill?

At this venture your best bet is to just shut up and offer to hang out with him and listen or assist with divorce related shit.

Once he is past the depression and gets some good events under his belt, feel free to draw the connections between those events and red pill stuff.

[Hoser]

Wise. TY, Dr.

[Quintus Curtius]

When someone is reeling from multiple emotional blows and going through the worst experience of his life, you have to have a certain amount of sensitivity to the situation.

As Dr. Howard said, I think the best thing you can do is just "be there for him" in the sense that you:

*Don't preach to him
*Don't lecture him
*Don't try to get him to "talk it out"

The only thing you really can do is "be available" and let him know through your actions (rather than words) that you are there to support him. If you see him looking down, offer to take him out and go do something.
People just want to know if you care, that's all. He'll be able to sense it from your behavior.

Just let him go through his healing process.

[EvanWilson]

First, be happy that he is going to be rid of her. Imaging how sad you would feel if she was not going to leave him, and drained everything from him, and he ended up a completely broke man within a decade or two?

I am going to guess he is late 30s or early 40s, so after the swamp creature is gone, you can get him with someone that he should be with, but not now until the beast is gone.

While you provide no details on the divorce, I think the next priority is to help him get out of the marriage with as little lost as possible and as fast as possible, and hopefully not stuck with alimony payments. (i.e. lump sum payoff) After that is done, then you can recommend that he cut all contact with his ex. Let him tell her that he wants to remain friends with her until the divorce is over in order to avoid her going 'on alert'.

Do NOT try to get him running game or going out, until the divorce is over and done. The last thing you want is him hooking up with some hottie now, and having his ex go on the warpath with the help of an Americunt divorce law firm mill lawyer specialist.

For the moment, priority one is getting the divorce over and done with, and in a way that there is no need for any more contact with her. Once that is done, then you can work on his rehabilitation.

[Hoser]

All very sound advice. I will nix any 'try to help' mentality and just let him realize quietly that I'm kin, and I've got his back.

[Enoch]

Let's assume he has let himself go since marriage. Take him to the gym 3-4 times / week until he starts to get shredded again.

Then go out and find something to poke on.

Best thing you could ever do for him. Handing him the tissues isn't what is needed AFAIK.

[Comte De St. Germain]

Here's what I do with my high functioning beta friends to slowly get them to acknowledge my worldview a bit. Always be supportive and a good sport, but when the topic is directed to X or Y thing by their own initiative I drill in my own "non-PC" thoughts as hard as I can.

Believe it or not I've got a few things nailed into their heads. Same process should be used in this situation as well. Just be supportive as everyone else said until he's ready to talk about X or Y thing involving his marriage.

[Ranch Hand]

Hoser,

I also had a military buddy enter a similar relationship. My objections almost cost me the relation so I bit my tongue.

We had requisite transfers and the friendship of course slipped, but we would still talk. I figured all was well enough for the next 15 or so years (even concluded I may have been wrong about the bar-fly he married). When his marriage fell apart, I was there to help him (but not rub it in like Dr. Howard and QC recommend). We didn't have to say a word about the old laundry, it really wasn't relevant. He was just a friend and I was glad to lend an ear.

5 years later he was there for me when I most needed it. You did your part up front. Then you bit your tongue. Now help your friend. He'll remember.

[kinjutsu]

I agree with everything said before.
Be there as a friend not to gloat and say i told you so.

[Captainstabbin]

You have to prepare yourself for the very real possibility that, even with her out of this life, he's still lost to you. All of the ideas he's picked up tend to linger.

Unlike some of the others here, I wouldn't get too involved in his life for now. It's fine to be supportive if he's realized his (and her) errors but, if he's still as feminized as you suggest, giving too much of your support won't prompt him to change at all - and he'll forget you're around the second he picks up another neon-haired weirdo.

I have a friend who's lost 3 jobs (career jobs with great companies) because he dates women at work, then flies into a rage when things break up. He's distraught every time it happens, calls me wanting to talk or hang out - then does the exact same thing. If anything, my support solidifies the idea that he can continue to be an HR nightmare and expect to keep his friends and things to work out.

[A.S]

(01-08-2017 09:18 PM)Hoser Wrote:  

How can I best be there for my brother and, if possible, help him decide to down the Red Pill?

Focus on yourself first.

[T and A Man]

Firstly, just help him focus on getting through the divorce. That has to be finalised, it has to be legally complete. The first step of completeness.

Secondly, after that is done, engage with him, with a generosity and nobility men can do. You mentioned in one one aspect you felt sad because he list something that despite all if it, made him happy.

I'd be asserting no, he was unhappy, very unhappy, but he felt even greater anxiety about losing the routine of it. If he has been institutionalized with routine, common with ex-military, it can be quite ingrained.

I don't recall children as part of this scenario, if there is that binds him with a couple of things.

However, when his post-divorce healing commences, encourage some fraternal, masculine activity. Weights, hiking, etc, its a way of being active in your availability

If he asks why, just say "it's what men do".

Also, without saying it outright, its best he doesn't remain friends, cordial sure, especially if there are kids.

But remember with any some outside family, if you're not fucking her, you're her girlfriend.

Being demoted from husband to girlfriend is demeaning, its best to avoid that.

[MajorStyles]

I hope this woman is really gone. You mentioned she is getting her Master's Degree, which could mean that she has falsely equated her intellectual achievement with a higher SMV. She might even have a few female frenemies in Grad School that are encouraging her with girl-power nonsense. In short, she might be thinking that she can "do better" than your brother because of some bullshit, feminist logic.

I have seen friends in similar situations over the years. Once the harpy realizes that her SMV is NOT what she thought it was, she will often scuttle back to the beaten ex and rekindle the relationship (this could also coincide with a delinquent or impending student loan payment). Once the Facebook applause from her fat, divorced "friends" has withered, the reality of her shitty situation will smack in her the pudgy face. Then, she'll be scrambling to rectify the matter and "find love" again.

Note that in this type of situation, a lot of women "stay in touch" with the recently separated husband not because they care about him - it's because they don't want to see him get a hotter, younger, woman. And If the jilted husband does not emotionally rebound in a strong way, he will do a beta backslide and reconnect with the land whale.

It's valid advice to say "just be there for him." But there's also an argument that says "take him to the Philippines and let him bang hot, young snatch." That way, he might truly see that there are other fish in the sea. It's not an easy task, since most men are tied to their work commitments, afraid to venture outward, etc. Not an easy situation...

[Leonard D Neubache]

I would counsel him to cut his ties to the past and see his future as a new life. Suggest he see himself as born again in a sense.

Try to dig up some sort of memories of anything he wanted to become or belongings he wanted to own when he was younger that this bitch made it impossible for him to achieve. Even little things. Maybe he's always wanted a boat, or a cool car. Maybe he's always wanted to travel.

The point is, you have to make him see this as an opportunity.

I agree with Enoch. No tissues. At times like this you either sink or surf. You have to get him moving forward or he's just going to sink into the briny depths.

p.s. As the Terminator said, anger is better than despair. He's better off with a punching bag than a hanky to blow his nose into.

[roberto]

The only thing I'd add is perhaps to let him wallow a little until she truly is gone. We all know that whoever demonstrates the will to walk away holds the power in a relationship. A mate of mine is currently going through all this. Looking for places to live, hitting the gym more and hanging out with his bros more now he's convinced they're going to split. Suddenly she's crying and not so sure.

The above example isn't clear cut. There are four children involved, and he loves them dearly. I've told him to stop being so emasculated, take his bank card back and tell her how the house is going to run under his direction. I'm hoping that this can resurrect their relationship in some way, but sex only at birthdays and Christmas wasn't cutting it for him so that needs to change.

[Leonard D Neubache]

^There are times a man needs to simply become cold hearted and tell the woman straight up "I'm calling it, this relationship is for appearances only. I'll do my bit to pretend for the kids until they move out but it's only for show."

At that point the man's as free as he can be without walking out. If she wants to go full retard and take the kids then it's all on her. The kids will always remember that she left him, not the other way around.

[Roosh]

[roberto]

(01-09-2017 07:30 AM)Leonard D Neubache Wrote:  

^There are times a man needs to simply become cold hearted and tell the woman straight up "I'm calling it, this relationship is for appearances only. I'll do my bit to pretend for the kids until they move out but it's only for show."

At that point the man's as free as he can be without walking out. If she wants to go full retard and take the kids then it's all on her. The kids will always remember that she left him, not the other way around.

Ay, he's already at that point but he really wants to stay together for the kids.

What I'm trying to say is that if OP's other half sees that he's not giving a fuck about her moving out, she might change her tune, they sit down and talk, and we all know how that will pan out. Another six months or so of misery.

Not trolling, and not in any way suggesting that OP shouldn't be there for his bro. Poor choice of words, apologies.

[RIslander]

After the divorce is settled, one word: Thailand.

[Leonard D Neubache]

This is why American Beauty should be required viewing for men.

Just turn it off five minutes before the end.

[Hoser]

Roosh? If that's directed at me, what makes you think so? Does a guy have to have 1000+ posts before he asks a serious question?

[Hoser]

Everyone else: I appreciate your advice. I think I've got a bit of a handle on the situation now. No tissues, no preaching, no compromise. This I can do.

[Turnus]

Does he have any kids? If so he needs to lawyer up sooner rather than later. Tell him not to leave the house. Stay put and make her leave.

[Hoser]

For those who asked: they have no children.