[Mistaketrain]

Holy crow boys.
Am I glad I finally got a chance to come on here.
I need advice and feel so dumb lately.

OK. .18 months or so I got out of a 10 yr marriage.
I spent about a year just sleeping around, seeing girls, getting drunk at bars bringing girls back etc.
I'm not the best at picking up women, but I'm not the worst either.

Here's my issue... about 5 months ago I met this girl. I randomly met her at her place of work and messaged her on facebook after I found out who she was from a friend. She was still living with her husband, but they split up a few years ago, and both dated other people. This girl is not an average slob, she is amazing to talk to, has amazing qualities, and I wanted something serious with her.

I know I think I made some mistakes here..... for one, she told me that she's scared of sex because she was raped before. This in itself, along with the turmoil in her life, made me play a bit of a friend roll, and be nicer than I should.

We have kissed, and even got drunk and hooked up before, but things are cooling off and I'm just not sure how to reboot things with her.
She is very honest usually and told me I was too nice and should be a little more interesting instead of friendly and nice.

I ended up seeing another girl, and she is awesome. Being friends with the first one, I mentioned to her about the other girl. She definately shows signs of jeleousy, such as trying to mimic things I've told her the new girl does... for eg certain behaviors like being silly or calling on the phone.

But, she won't admit she likes me more than a friend, she'll be a tease sometimes, act jeleous .... but when I ask her if she wants to see each other again she says what about the other girl? And I say something like you want me to get rid of her? And she will say I would never ask that.

So I'm at a standstill here, I'm not sure if she wants something and is testing to see how I handle things, or if she just likes the attention I give her.

She's tested the crap out of me for so long, in fact she went so far as to say that she heard I sleep around and that's why she went cold just to test me and see how long it took to find a new girl.

I really like this girl, which I know is the first mistake is showing her that I guess.

I need a game plan to figure out where I stand and what to do. Any help or comments about this would be a huge huge favor !!

[LeoneVolpe]

Wow, what a mess. You've made countless errors, and here's a far from exhaustive list of them:

. Any girl who claims she's been raped in the past is bad news. I'm willing to bet if you were to ask if her supposed rapist was behind bars, she'd say she never called the police to press charges. To regret fucking a guy isn't the same thing as rape. This is attention whoring of the worst kind...and you're playing right into it by listening to her.

. You want to seriously date a woman who still lives with her ex-husband? Are you planning to let her move in with you? Are you OK with dating her even whilst she continues living with him? If you think they live together and aren't fucking (at least occasionally) you're sorely mistaken.

. I think you need to get yourself out of this situation ASAP, but as a general rule, when a woman starts to withdraw from you, the answer isn't to pursue her more intensely. You've clearly developed a case of one-itis here.

. It isn't very bright to date two girls who are friends and expect that to end well. Also, it's completely classless to discuss one girl with the other.

All girls will shit test men, but it sounds like you're dealing with a genuine game player and drama queen. Why would you want to get caught up in that? I think you need to dump both of these broads, go out and find some fresh, new prospects and discover what quality is. If this is the kind of chick you think is worth getting in a relationship with, your screening game needs some serious help.

[Mistaketrain]

Thank you. I know I need serious help lol.

The girls aren't friends I'm just friends with the one still and banging the new one.
And yeah I don't know what it was, she just knocked me off my game some how.

So if I stop talking to her for now, what's the best terms to leave on letting her know km still interested?
I know she is interested. Just being stubborn I think, I'm having trouble creating the sexual tension with her again.

[Baphomet]

(12-27-2016 08:05 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

So if I stop talking to her for now, what's the best terms to leave on letting her know km still interested?

You don't.

Brother, re-read what LeoneVolpe wrote. You have developed Oneitis for a woman who is at best damaged goods, and at worst deranged.

Quote:

I know she is interested. Just being stubborn I think, I'm having trouble creating the sexual tension with her again.

Nothing good will come from any further relationship with this woman. Jump off of the "mistaketrain" while you have the chance.

Terminate all contact with her, and move on to other less toxic adventures.

[Cobra]

OP avoid any contact with these women whatsoever. Geez man. You said you just got out of a marriage. Why are you trying to get into another one?

[Mistaketrain]

Awww crap I dunno.... she just always made me super happy to be around her. Maybe I'm stupid but I want that I think.
It's like I only have 2 speeds... committed relationship or man whore ????

[Baphomet]

(12-27-2016 09:03 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

Awww crap I dunno.... she just always made me super happy to be around her. Maybe I'm stupid but I want that I think.

Good luck then mate. We'll see you back here when she's finished with you.

[TornadoByProxy]

(12-27-2016 09:37 AM)Baphomet Wrote:  

(12-27-2016 09:03 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

Awww crap I dunno.... she just always made me super happy to be around her. Maybe I'm stupid but I want that I think.

Good luck then mate. We'll see you back here when she's finished with you.

First, terrible thread title. If you're going to post threads, show a little more maturity and state what the thread is actually about.

Second, LeoneVolpe and Baphomet nailed it. No more needs to be said.

Third, but I guess I will anyway. You think that you can have all of those good feels she gives you all of the time. You can't. The misery you are feeling right now is probably the average feeling you will get with this girl. And most likely, it will be much worse. These good feelings you have are all in your head. Reality will be up and down, good and bad. And you don't seem to acknowledge or be prepared for the down.

We get it. She's better looking than you think you can get. So you dwell on her and try to figure out just how to trick her into being with you. "RVF, tell me the magic thing to do to get this girl please."

You need to grow up. You must at least be in your late thirties. Stop acting like a teenager. Go meet other women who don't have as much baggage and who are interested in you.

Damn, I hate oneitis.

[Dantes]

OP

You are getting some tough love here. I hope you listen to the advice.

You need to master your emotions. There is a place between being married and being a "man whore" as you describe it. Most guys here are living that life. Attend some meet ups and learn from these men.

I advise against entering into a LTR until you gain some balance and figure out what you want.

Good luck

[Jim Johnson]

Dude, you just went through a divorce and don't sound like you learned a single thing. First off, she is married, which is a clear indication that she is a whore. Second, she says she was raped, unless the guy is behind bars, she is a drama queen slut.

Don't get emotionally involved with this loser. She is poison. Clean yourself up, and find yourself a respectable woman. They are not married to other people, neither do they hang around bars.

[Mistaketrain]

Thanks everyone.

I told her we can't be friends no more. She's devastated.

She's technically married but her and her husband were split up for years and saw other people, just hid it from the kids for now. They're legally separating now.
And it's not that she's the hottest, she's cute for sure but it's just that she's so sweet and caring.

Anyways I guess just have some space now and see what happens.

[torridon747]

You're rationalizing her sluttiness for her. Gross, do some reading here brother. You can be better than this

[Leonard D Neubache]

You guys don't get it.

She's really cool. And hot in bed.

There's fair odds OP wil neeeeeevvvveeeeerrrrr find another woman like her evvveeeeerrrrrrr agggaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn!!!111!!1!!1

How many such women could there possibly be?

Welcome to the forum, newcomer.

Glad you found your way here. Hope you stick around. Good luck with your situation. I hope you take the advice above. These guys know their shit.

[Jim Johnson]

"It's like I only have 2 speeds... committed relationship or man whore ????"

That is a wise route to follow. Either one or the other. Both have good and bad attached to it. If you try to do both half-assed, you will only get the bad from each. You can't have it both ways.

[Rhyme or Reason]

crow boys?

[robreke]

(12-27-2016 12:56 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

OK. .18 months or so I got out of a 10 yr marriage.

I got out of a 7 year marriage a few years ago and went through something similar so I can relate.

(12-27-2016 12:56 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

.. about 5 months ago I met this girl.

You have oneitis

(12-27-2016 12:56 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

... for one, she told me that she's scared of sex because she was raped before.

She's trouble and a psycho, much like the first woman I really had great sex and a supposed "connection" with post divorce. If you date a lot, focus on self improvement, have a lot of sex with many women, you will get her out of your system and look back on this woman a year or so from now with something like mild disgust.

(12-27-2016 12:56 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

need a game plan to figure out where I stand and what to do.

* Focus on yourself - your business, making money, exercise, revamp and improve your wardrobe and look at travel options to get out of your element.
* Cut off all communications with this woman for at least a few months if not forever. Hard next her, which is a minimum of a few months, even if she texts you in that time frame. Then you can contact her down the road as if nothing happened if you are so inclined.
* Date and have sex with other women. Date around until you figure out what you're looking for and not looking for.

A man doesn't think straight when he has oneitis. Often, he is pedastalizing a girl that, when looked at at a later time, he can't believe he pedastalized this female. This is especially true after you end up hooking up with and possibly dating hotter, higher quality women.

[Mistaketrain]

I value everything here and have taken it all to heart.

I let her go for good today.

There's another girl I will be seeing soon that seems pretty cool.

There's a part of me I gotta shake out and get rid of, I really like female companionship so it's hard to not want to be close friends with them. Of course this is a death sentence in making attraction happen.

[Serious Sam]

(12-28-2016 09:52 PM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

I value everything here and have taken it all to heart.

I let her go for good today.

There's another girl I will be seeing soon that seems pretty cool.

There's a part of me I gotta shake out and get rid of, I really like female companionship so it's hard to not want to be close friends with them. Of course this is a death sentence in making attraction happen.

Good to see you let her go.

Heed the advice in this thread and on the rest of this forum. The girl you described has more red flags than shark-infested waters.

I'd also advise you do some introspection, especially regarding your divorce. What would you say contributed to the ultimate demise of that relationship? Looking back on it, did your ex-wife exhibit any red flags you may have ignored before you married her? What behaviors of hers did you tolerate at first, but not later on? In hindsight, could you see that the marriage was doomed to fail from the start?

Really think about those questions, then apply what you've found to any future women you meet. I know you've learned from that divorce. Something like that gives a man many tough pills to swallow, and if he hopes to grow, he has to face some uncomfortable truths, including his own weaknesses. You want to avoid a similar result in the future, so take the time to focus on yourself for a while, be honest with yourself, listen to sound advice, and apply what you've learned to the world around you.

[Mistaketrain]

Good thoughts....
I have no problem criticizing myself as I know it's a key for positive change.

My wife was insecure about her body, and life, she was a really miserable person and very immature.
I had a bad feeling from the start, but of course always hoped she'd grow up and change one day, and I had more than average tolerance keeping the kids in mind as well.

I'm not sure what happened to her, maybe someone here can shed some light.... in the end, I tried helping her feel better about herself, bought her boobs, got her into feeling and dressing sexy, but at the end of it, she screwed up bad financially, knew I'd be pissed, and jumped into a relationship with someone that was really low value and everyone laughs at her. I'm still not sure why she chose that instead of a high value guy. It's like she's so depressed about herself that she doesn't want anything good. And she always thought I'd leave her even though I was faithful the entire marriage. Just super insecure and sees herself as a really low value girl.

Because of that I can't stand girls that are similar now. I love ones that are super confident and make me feel like I'd be lucky to have them.

[Baphomet]

(12-29-2016 11:51 AM)Mistaketrain Wrote:  

Because of that I can't stand girls that are similar now. I love ones that are super confident and make me feel like I'd be lucky to have them.

That, is how a woman is supposed to feel about a man.

Why on Earth would you maintain a female mindset?

[Mistaketrain]

Good point.

I guess I've gotten that way somehow.

Just sick of girls that are easy and lack emotion I'm thinking?

Not sure, never really analysed it.

[Mistaketrain]

So that girl texted me and said she's upset I blocked her on fb and we ended up talking a little.

She's from europe and I just don't feel the same about this as I would with other girls in the past.
I kind of feel like this was a shit test to see if I'd get this extreme and actually make her leave me alone.

I've stopped talking to girls before, and I mean like attractive ones that I wanted, but this just feels different somehow. Like somehow I always felt like there was a chance with her. Maybe she's just really good at what she does lol.

I don't know what I'd do without reading the comments in this thread, it would be best if I didn't think and just listened

[Schlep]

OP

I'm going to try to give you the best advice I can. I'm slightly older then yourself. Also went through a divorce and had to start all over again.

Stop being a little bitch. Stop blaming all your problems and your failed marriage on your ex wife. Your a man and you need to hold yourself accountable. Was your divorce all your fault? No, of course not. But, some of it was. Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself how you can improve.

My opinion is you should avoid women for awhile and work on yourself.

Best of luck

[Rob Banks]

(12-27-2016 12:02 PM)Jim Johnson Wrote:  

...she says she was raped, unless the guy is behind bars, she is a drama queen slut.

This.

In fact, even if it was a legitimate rape and the guy was in jail, the girl would still be messed up in the head.

There is a reason why rape has always been considered such a serious crime. In the old days, when women were expected to save themselves for marriage, a girl would be considered "damaged goods" if she got raped (even if it was a legitimate, violent rape).

Just because a woman's murderer is behind bars doesn't make her any less dead. And just because a woman's rapist is behind bars doesn't make her any less fucked.

[Robert High Hawk]

What might be useful here too is a little bit more context on your situation. Are you in a position to meet lots of new women? You mention you spent a year just sleeping around, hanging around bars etc... If that's true then you probably have some good game, or at least are in some kind of decent position to meet (and bed) new girls, which is not something that comes so easily to men in your situation.

So if that's the case, even less of a excuse to develop one-itis.

How's your situation regarding fitness levels, free time to meet/self improve, and access to women?