[Iso]

I am wondering what you guys did to get rid of your anxiety if you had it. I want to try proven methods that have worked for average guys.

I think the only way I can get rid of my social anxiety is to lose my fear of embarrassment. I am scared of the spotlight being on me or any kind of embarrassment. I even cringe when others do stuff that put them in the spotlight.

[scotian]

(12-15-2016 09:20 PM)Iso Wrote:  

I am wondering what you guys did to get rid of your anxiety if you had it. I want to try proven methods that have worked for average guys.

I think the only way I can get rid of my social anxiety is to lose my fear of embarrassment. I am scared of the spotlight being on me or any kind of embarrassment. I even cringe when others do stuff that put them in the spotlight.

The first step to overcoming AA is to learn that you don't put newbie game threads in the fucking RVF lifestyle section, after that its a breeze bud!

[John Michael Kane]

Are you lifting weights? If not, why not? Also, get your testosterone levels checked, many men are low T, even at a young age. These two things alone can contribute to feelings of anxiety.

[Iso]

(12-15-2016 09:24 PM)scotian Wrote:  

(12-15-2016 09:20 PM)Iso Wrote:  

I am wondering what you guys did to get rid of your anxiety if you had it. I want to try proven methods that have worked for average guys.

I think the only way I can get rid of my social anxiety is to lose my fear of embarrassment. I am scared of the spotlight being on me or any kind of embarrassment. I even cringe when others do stuff that put them in the spotlight.

The first step to overcoming AA is to learn that you don't put newbie game threads in the fucking RVF lifestyle section, after that its a breeze bud!

I'm not looking for tips like approach her within 3 seconds of seeing her (game), I'm looking for changes in habits that people here used to get rid of anxiety.

[Khan]

During college, I started losing weight and at the same time I somehow became more social - started going out, visiting parties etc. Later, I started a weightlifting regimen which helped a lot in boosting my self-confidence and bringing my state of mind to 'I don't give a fuck' mode. Today, almost 10 years later, I can confidently say I don't suffer from social anxiety anymore. I do have occasional bouts of anxiety when giving a public lecture or when cold approaching, but that's normal I guess.

So if you want to get rid of anxiety, my advice would be to start lifting weights and pack on some muscle. Go out more, be social, sign up for activities which get you in contact with other people. If you're anxious with women, sign up for a dance class. Dancing will also help you with anxiety in general.

[Dusty]

Exposure is the best way to get over an irrational fear. Force yourself into it. If you had a fear of elevators, the way to conquer it is to ride a lot of elevators.

Avoiding things you fear only reinforces the fear. The relief of avoiding feels good, but it also tells the subconscious the thing you avoided was "really really bad." You need to break out if this rut. You can start small (eg, just saying hello to girls) then build on that.

Find my thread on here about the Guide to Rational Thinking book.

[Gyro]

(12-16-2016 11:47 AM)Dusty Wrote:  

Exposure is the best way to get over an irrational fear. Force yourself into it. If you had a fear of elevators, the way to conquer it is to ride a lot of elevators.

Avoiding things you fear only reinforces the fear. The relief of avoiding feels good, but it also tells the subconscious the thing you avoided was "really really bad." You need to break out if this rut. You can start small (eg, just saying hello to girls) then build on that.

Find my thread on here about the Guide to Rational Thinking book.

This guy has it right. I would listen to him.

I'm a newbie as well, and I spent the last couple years jumping through hoops and loops, trying to rid my anxiety and here are the things that helped the most At this point, i'm still not done, but I've come miles and miles further than what I was accustomed to.

First, let's define anxiety (according to Wikipedia's definition):

"Anxiety is an emotion characterized by an unpleasant state of inner turmoil, often accompanied by nervous behavior, such as pacing back and forth, somatic complaints, and rumination."


To sum that up, it's the result of too much thinking! Anxiety is simply worrying about things that might or might not even happen.

What helped me deal with social anxiety the most????

(1) Like Dusty said, approach the problem head on. If you're having motivation problems, get some social pressure involved. Tell a friend that you're afraid of approaching girls, and then have him pressure the fuck out of you to go up and say something. Usually a lot of guys give newbies the advice of going out alone, but usually this ends with the newbie giving himself a "free card" to make as many excuses as possible.

(2) Get a part-time job, where you have to cold-call people. Whether it be an independent broker, sales, call-center donations, political polling....there's thousands of organizations that need people to call other people for them. Get involved and trust me, it works wonders. Retail is also fantastic....anything with a high volume of people.

(3) Be THAT guy that says "hi" to everybody in his neighborhood. Honestly I'd start off like this: ask cashier how their day is (low effort) ---> ask people in line about stuff they're buying (low-medium effort) ---> make comments about surroundings to people in line --> making socially appropriate comments to people outside

(4) Diet....make sure you're getting enough vegetables, fruits, vitamins, etc. Because, trust me, it does wonders for your internal/external state. If you're too lazy to cook, just straight up get a juicer or blender, and just make like 4 pints of green mishmash a day. Trust me, it'll make you feel like a fighter jet.

(5) Cold Showers.....helps you build the mental "muscle" that allows you to get over activation energy humps

(6) Cut down fapping to 1/2weeks

It's all standard stuff really, but honestly, that's what works, and that's why this advice is usually echoed repeatedly. If you want anymore help, let me know man.
Getting rid of social anxiety is hard work, but it's worth more than anything in the world. It's hands down the best thing I ever embarked on doing, and I wish you the best on your journey to a better you.

[LeoneVolpe]

If you start working out, you'll feel more confident. If you stop jerking off, you'll be more motivated to start talking to girls. Combine both of those two things together and you're off to a great start.

If you prefer, you can start by making small talk with people (male and female) everywhere you go. Once you've gotten used to talking to people in general, switch gears and start concentrating on girls. Practice makes perfect.

[Anarchist101]

That's basically how I started about 5 weeks ago. I am no where near over it. The weight lifting and diet changes I made have helped alot. Not jacking off doesn't give me confidence, but I am definitely motivated because of it.

I also started learning Spanish. Being a for.we esl teacher abroad, I know all of the in's and out's of learning one. One thing you have to do is practice the language, or actively use it. So I started off going to the Mexican grocers around my city and making bs small talk with random Hispanic ladies, starting out in Spanish of course. Have yet to translate that into a number close, but I will get there if I keep it up.

I am still finding myself not approach as often as I should, but I do approach more (approached 5 today). So yeah, I have approached probably 40+ girls now in a month, definitely can say I still AA, so yeah it will take A LOT of approaches before I get over this bs disease.

[Gyro]

It's not a disease mate, it's a behavioral response that most people have.

It's not just you...it's me, and the chaps living above, below, and across from you as well.

Think of how you felt when you first got used to driving a car...you probably had similar feelings of "anxiety" that faded over time.

You don't learn how to put on contacts after one or two days, it takes a while, so give it some time and trust the work you put in.

[blck]

(12-16-2016 11:47 AM)Dusty Wrote:  

Exposure is the best way to get over an irrational fear. Force yourself into it. If you had a fear of elevators, the way to conquer it is to ride a lot of elevators.

Avoiding things you fear only reinforces the fear. The relief of avoiding feels good, but it also tells the subconscious the thing you avoided was "really really bad." You need to break out if this rut. You can start small (eg, just saying hello to girls) then build on that.

Find my thread on here about the Guide to Rational Thinking book.

Will just post this article here and link some Paracelsus great post there.

[H1N1]

I'm a real believer that this is actually very straightforward to fix. I used to be a real scowler. I was very impressed with how clever I thought I was and viewed other people as something of an imposition on me. I was young, and I'm glad it is a conceit that I'm mostly rid of.

The fix, and it has done wonders for my general happiness and outlook on life, was simply to make an effort to talk to those around me as I went about my day to day life. It doesn't have to be complicated or original, and you don't have to have a goal to talk to them for a certain length of time. It's an excellent habit to get into, for game and all other aspects of life, as it forces you to take a sincere interest in people, and to notice things about them that allow you to quickly personalise a conversation and create some moderate intimacy between the two of you. This is a great time of year to get started. Just work on it when you're out and about buying your Christmas presents. Have a joke with the guy next to you about whether the thing he's buying is for his wife or his mistress; when you see an old woman buying a toy, joke that it must be for her favourite grandson or how lucky she is not to have granddaughters, and then follow up with something nice about how you'd have loved something like that when you were younger. If you get in the habit of doing this, you will find yourself, from time to time, and not as often as you might like, talking to a pretty girl naturally as you go about your day. This kind of half-flirting playfulness is quite winning, and can be used to charm men, women and children. The point is, it is fun for them and fun for you, and will improve your quality of life more generally if it is something you're not already doing.

There are a couple of additional techniques which are also helpful:

1. An authentic smile. I am a ridiculously smiley person by nature, and life is much better for me when I don't suppress this fact by trying to be a tough guy. Perhaps the single best thing you can do to guarantee a successful interaction from the outset is to make eye contact with someone and give them a sincere smile. That person will instantly feel valuable, and more important, and they will love you for it. This sort of thing is a habit, and if you practise it on all those around you, you will not suffer from lack of congruence when you do it to a pretty girl. I think one of the flaws with the pickup stuff is that it is so focused on results with girls that it is hard to develop the demeanour and personal nature that is of itself attractive. This is about the closest thing in my view to a hack that normal guys can do to develop magnetic qualities. I have honestly *never* had a bad reaction to a conversation with a stranger that I've started with a smile.

2. When you talk to someone, anyone, try to notice the colour of their eyes and pay some lingering attention to it. Try to work out exactly how much blue and how much grey has gone into the composition of her irises (you can do the same for men). It gives you a look of sincere interest in whatever they are saying. This is one of the single most effective tricks you can use to build empathy and intimacy quickly. This is the way to pull the expression associated with the literary cliche of 'looking into someone's soul'.

[Giovonny]

Stop being a pussy!!!

The rest is just details..

[XXL]

Challenge yourself by facing your fears. There's no other way. You can live in comfort and laugh at others in the spotlight all you want or you can become better at it.

Choose your destiny..

[spydersuit]

(12-16-2016 11:03 AM)Iso Wrote:  

(12-15-2016 09:24 PM)scotian Wrote:  

(12-15-2016 09:20 PM)Iso Wrote:  

I am wondering what you guys did to get rid of your anxiety if you had it. I want to try proven methods that have worked for average guys.

I think the only way I can get rid of my social anxiety is to lose my fear of embarrassment. I am scared of the spotlight being on me or any kind of embarrassment. I even cringe when others do stuff that put them in the spotlight.

The first step to overcoming AA is to learn that you don't put newbie game threads in the fucking RVF lifestyle section, after that its a breeze bud!

I'm not looking for tips like approach her within 3 seconds of seeing her (game), I'm looking for changes in habits that people here used to get rid of anxiety.

Ways to minimize anxiety and stress physically:

1. Diet - eat healthy
2. Exercise
3. Reduce substance use (e.g., alcohol, tobacco, street drugs)
4. Get adequate sleep (7-8 hours)

The scientific evidence is overwhelming that these basic steps work to reduce stress and anxiety. Now if you do these things, will your approach anxiety automatically decrease? Probably not, but you need to learn to take care of yourself first.

Approach anxiety may never go away completely. Like what the other members are saying, you need to keep practicing. Who gives a shit if you fail? If you never try, then you will never get laid. Practice, practice, practice.

More importantly you need to do your homework and read more in the forum. You probably have about 40 hours of reading ahead of you.

[greekgod]

Without knowing where you live, everyone in cities wears headphones to class, to work, to the grocery store, etc. This atomizes you.

Go a month with none of that and acknowledge everyone you make eye contact with.

Social anxiety is like a diesel engine. Slow........, lumbering.....labor intensive in first gear and then you build up some momentum and shit rolls down hill.

Find a momentum builder and roll with it.

[rockoman]

Like Dusty said you are going to have to force yourself out of your comfort zone. This is part of being a man.

Spend a couple of weeks getting randomly social with people of all ages, men as well as women - on public transport, at work, in shops etc. Try and strike up polite convos with strangers about weather, the transport etc.
Try and make the conversations last as long as is is comfortable and natural. You'll find that many people are eager to talk, especially old people, given the loneliness that plagues so many in modern society.

When you have practiced this for a while you can continue to the next stage.Take a train ride to a nearby city - but far enough away that nobody knows you. Walk about for a bit and make a vow to yourself to approach three girls - just three - before going home.

Don't worry too much about your opener at this stage. Just a mild compliment and introduce yourself. Try and keep the chat going for a couple of minutes. Even if you get a brush-off that counts as one of the three.

When you have done this you will find that the sky has not fallen. You can drive home and know that you have grown as a man. The overwhelming majority of men would never have been able to do what you have just done.

Note - if you find that contrary to expectations you are enjoying the whole thing, then by all means push each interaction as far as it will go and approach more girls, just make sure you keep your vow to yourself.

[Atom89]

You need to approach more, keep going, you will get rejections and women will look at you with dirty looks and give you an angry face. Accept it.

Keep going.

Learn to converse and relate well. Just have a conversation, don't expect anything, just ask them about their plans, what they are doing and just keep the conversation flowing.

You need to keep practicing being social, talk to people around you. The more experience you have, the more confident you will become.

As another poster has stated, expose yourself of the things you fear, this is the only way to get over it.

Good luck

[Eddie Winslow]

Get an approach coach. It obviously doesn't need to be a paid professional, but a friend, sibling, classmate, etc. who will hold you accountable and remind you that you are being a huge pussy when you chicken out or make an excuse. If you're out at a bar, befriend any guy and then say "hey, should I go talk to that girl?" 9 times out of 10 he will say "go for it, what do you have to lose?" regardless of whether or not he would do the same thing himself. Now you have a spectator who will be disappointed if you do not

Put pressure on yourself to perform if you are trying to get over a fear. Once the fear dissipates, then you can make it more laid back experience.

[Rocha]

(12-15-2016 09:20 PM)Iso Wrote:  

I am wondering what you guys did to get rid of your anxiety if you had it. I want to try proven methods that have worked for average guys.

I think the only way I can get rid of my social anxiety is to lose my fear of embarrassment. I am scared of the spotlight being on me or any kind of embarrassment. I even cringe when others do stuff that put them in the spotlight.

Martial arts. After getting ragdolled on the floor by a 100kg guy and survive.. You will fear no 50kg girl.

[phase.iv]

Athletic body, beard, good clothes, male posture, walk around smiling and seeking eye contact. Then go all in. Its like jumping 10 meters down into the water. First your fear it, after done one time its easy.

[Cobra]

Start with smiling and then have a conversation to go along with it. I do this at work, not for approaches.

I have done this for approaches in the past and it worked almost all the time.

You are trying to REDUCE anxiety. Remember that. Not get rid of it completely because that won't happen.

[Stroked351w]

(12-19-2016 09:56 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

I'm a real believer that this is actually very straightforward to fix. I used to be a real scowler. I was very impressed with how clever I thought I was and viewed other people as something of an imposition on me. I was young, and I'm glad it is a conceit that I'm mostly rid of.

The fix, and it has done wonders for my general happiness and outlook on life, was simply to make an effort to talk to those around me as I went about my day to day life. It doesn't have to be complicated or original, and you don't have to have a goal to talk to them for a certain length of time. It's an excellent habit to get into, for game and all other aspects of life, as it forces you to take a sincere interest in people, and to notice things about them that allow you to quickly personalise a conversation and create some moderate intimacy between the two of you. This is a great time of year to get started. Just work on it when you're out and about buying your Christmas presents. Have a joke with the guy next to you about whether the thing he's buying is for his wife or his mistress; when you see an old woman buying a toy, joke that it must be for her favourite grandson or how lucky she is not to have granddaughters, and then follow up with something nice about how you'd have loved something like that when you were younger. If you get in the habit of doing this, you will find yourself, from time to time, and not as often as you might like, talking to a pretty girl naturally as you go about your day. This kind of half-flirting playfulness is quite winning, and can be used to charm men, women and children. The point is, it is fun for them and fun for you, and will improve your quality of life more generally if it is something you're not already doing.

There are a couple of additional techniques which are also helpful:

1. An authentic smile. I am a ridiculously smiley person by nature, and life is much better for me when I don't suppress this fact by trying to be a tough guy. Perhaps the single best thing you can do to guarantee a successful interaction from the outset is to make eye contact with someone and give them a sincere smile. That person will instantly feel valuable, and more important, and they will love you for it. This sort of thing is a habit, and if you practise it on all those around you, you will not suffer from lack of congruence when you do it to a pretty girl. I think one of the flaws with the pickup stuff is that it is so focused on results with girls that it is hard to develop the demeanour and personal nature that is of itself attractive. This is about the closest thing in my view to a hack that normal guys can do to develop magnetic qualities. I have honestly *never* had a bad reaction to a conversation with a stranger that I've started with a smile.

2. When you talk to someone, anyone, try to notice the colour of their eyes and pay some lingering attention to it. Try to work out exactly how much blue and how much grey has gone into the composition of her irises (you can do the same for men). It gives you a look of sincere interest in whatever they are saying. This is one of the single most effective tricks you can use to build empathy and intimacy quickly. This is the way to pull the expression associated with the literary cliche of 'looking into someone's soul'.

This is something I really needed to read. Thank you for typing this up.