[btownbuck89]

I was a shy kid growing up. It always really bothered me. So over the years I've made a significant effort to get my act together. Started working out, got a college education, and left my home in the Midwest to move out East to NYC. I eventually got a job as a sales manager at a startup company and helped them grow the team out to the point where I now have a team of 15 people I am managing. I'm 27.

So why am I posting this? I met a girl when I first moved to NYC. We dated for a year and half and I need help determining whether I've lost a great girl or if this chick would have been trouble later on down the line.

She was very sweet and caring towards me for the entire first year we dated. Because of all the stuff I've read on sosuave, here and rollo's blog I felt I held a pretty strong frame with her. She would constantly text me first, buy me things and was coming over to my place 2-3 times a week for sex. It was great. And again, I could do no wrong. 5 months into the relationship I accidentally forgot her birthday and she didn't get mad at all, which I thought was strange. Also at 5 months into our relationship I had to get surgery at the dentists office and she insisted on coming, which again I thought was strange. But again, I felt like I could do no wrong with this woman and it was a great feeling.

Her background: She comes from a bit of a dysfunctional family. Her and her Mom are close but her Mom hates her Dad. I only met her family once but the Dad wasn't there. I'm not even sure he lives with them. This girl was a very outspoken feminist and would occasionally slip in comments into our conversations how women are not appreciated or given their fair share in the workplace and about how men have disrespected women for years and years. I would call her out on this stuff and tell her how I didn't want her bringing it up anymore (again, trying to keep a strong frame), and she would comply and even act embarrassed for bringing these types of topics up.

In retrospect I don't think I gave her enough confirmation that I wanted to keep her around in the relationship because after about a year she started pulling back a bit. I could sense she was losing interest so I broke up with her. My thought here was that by doing this I would reengage her interest in me but she immediately agreed she thought this would be a good idea and went ghost on me.

Now again, this was my first ever relationship and her acting as if she was completely fine with moving on really f*cked with my head and I turned into a mega chump. I called her a few days later and told her that I had made a mistake and that I wanted her back. She very coldly refused and said we needed space. A few weeks went by and I sent her a text saying how badly I missed her and that I wanted to talk to her again. She agreed and I called her later that night. I'll never forget that call because it was as if she was a completely different person. This sweet, caring articulate girl I had know for a year was suddenly using slang and talking like some ghetto chick from NYC. It was unbelievable. She was angry because she felt like I treated her as a f*ck buddy and nothing more during the course of our relationship.

I'm not proud of this but I kept begging her for another chance and she finally agreed. The first time we were together after that she was different. She was intentionally saying a-lot of feminist things and was using sex as a bargaining chip now. Saying we were going to take things slow this time and that I needed to wait before I could have sex with her again. I noticed that she also had blue streaks in her hair now. I asked her why she did that and she said because it looked pretty. It looked bizarre to me.

A few weeks went by and we started having sex again and she started becoming more submissive and caring like she used to be. Started buying me things again. I moved into a new apartment and she bought the bed sheets, candles, shower curtains, etc. She even bought me a $120 watch for my birthday. The sex was good. She has always been very submissive during sex and enjoyed all the different positions I wanted to f*ck her in and enjoyed getting facials. It was back to how it used to be and great.

Until I caught her texting some other guy. She claimed I shouldn't worry about this guy and never hid or protected her phone from me, but I was so insecure that I checked her phone later that night while she was in the shower and while the texts weren't too bad he was definitely flirting with her. I called her out on this and she told me that he was some guy from work who had flirted with her in the past and that I shouldn't worry because she told him about me being her boyfriend.

This may have been fine before I took the red pill but I definitely know something was up here. I kept asking her why she would put this guy's # in her phone if he had been flirting with her at work and she just gave me this "I don't know" look.

We had a big fight and she coldly dumped me the next day telling me that she wanted me to leave her alone or that she would call the police. All this after we had got back together and made a promise to really give this relationship a better shot. Not just a f*ck buddy thing but we talking about moving in together and her visiting my parents with me in Indiana. And now nothing, except "leave me alone".

Again, this was my first relationship and I'm going to use this experience as a way to better myself moving forward. But does this girl sound like Long term marriage quality or am I just caught up in thinking she was something she really wasn't?

Thanks

[TornadoByProxy]

I am sensing troll all over this one. Either way, this belongs in the newbie thread.

If I take you seriously, no you haven't taken the red pill yet. You have oneitis for a blue haired cheating feminist in NYC where beautiful women walk by you every day.

Stop posting and spend the next six months reading RVF.

[btownbuck89]

(11-06-2016 03:42 PM)TornadoByProxy Wrote:  

I am sensing troll all over this one. Either way, this belongs in the newbie thread.

If I take you seriously, no you haven't taken the red pill yet. You have oneitis for a blue haired cheating feminist in NYC where beautiful women walk by you every day.

Stop posting and spend the next six months reading RVF.

Couples things.

not a troll and how do i put this in the newbie thread?

[TornadoByProxy]

Delete.

[XXL]

You caught up in thinking she was something she really wasn't. I don't think it's your fault. Some hoes just ain't loyal.

Basically from what you write I can tell the girl didn't really care about you too much. You were just a phase in her life, maybe she was bored or was kind of lonely and you were a safe option to kill time with together. There's no way she could agree so easily to break up the first time if she cared. And the way she broke up next time and threatened you only tells me she was mental.

I've dated few girls like that. They seemed to be super into me but when things went bad they had zero problem dumping me. It was super bizarre watching girls who supposedly loved me completely turning their back on me like I was some one night stand guy. I couldn't believe it. And some of them also threatened me afterwards.

You dodged a bullet in my opinion. Enjoy your life. Oh and last thing...

[RedPillUK]

^ Why does everyone shout troll all the time? No one said anything about blue hair. It's not even 100% that she has cheated either.

I think you've started to take the red pill and want to talk to others about your experience that led you there. I also felt like that when I joined the forum but I mostly avoided talking about that experience and read instead. I still read a lot more than I write here. I think that was a smart decision because eventually I figured out the answers to a lot of things on my own. I would recommend you do the same.

The problem with your question "does this girl sound like long term marriage quality or not?" is that we really wouldn't know, you know her a lot better than we do.

The second problem is that you're not together right now anyway.

Another problem is that if you decide to pursue her again you will likely scare her away. I know it worked the first time but you it sounds like that was luck. Normally it reeks of neediness and desperation.

You will honestly get further at getting back together with her by completely ignoring her texts, and making it seem like you broke up with her. I know from experience this works very very well, girls love to leave relationships thinking the man's more upset over it than her. If you're not even slightly upset and she is, well she gets insecure and will try and get back with you. Fucked up, but that's how it is.

You're giving us your story but there's not a lot of ways we can help you in this situation. Your frame was most likely off if you had an argument and a breakup and she threatened to call the police. You probably blew up in very jealous fashion which most likely freaked her out. This probably means your inner game and mindset needs work.

[btownbuck89]

(11-06-2016 03:57 PM)RedPillUK Wrote:  

^ Why does everyone shout troll all the time? No one said anything about blue hair. It's not even 100% that she has cheated either.

I think you've started to take the red pill and want to talk to others about your experience that led you there. I also felt like that when I joined the forum but I mostly avoided talking about that experience and read instead. I still read a lot more than I write here. I think that was a smart decision because eventually I figured out the answers to a lot of things on my own. I would recommend you do the same.

The problem with your question "does this girl sound like long term marriage quality or not?" is that we really wouldn't know, you know her a lot better than we do.

The second problem is that you're not together right now anyway.

Another problem is that if you decide to pursue her again you will likely scare her away. I know it worked the first time but you it sounds like that was luck. Normally it reeks of neediness and desperation.

You will honestly get further at getting back together with her by completely ignoring her texts, and making it seem like you broke up with her. I know from experience this works very very well, girls love to leave relationships thinking the man's more upset over it than her. If you're not even slightly upset and she is, well she gets insecure and will try and get back with you. Fucked up, but that's how it is.

You're giving us your story but there's not a lot of ways we can help you in this situation. Your frame was most likely off if you had an argument and a breakup and she threatened to call the police. You probably blew up in very jealous fashion which most likely freaked her out. This probably means your inner game and mindset needs work.

Appreciate the thoughtful replies. Even before I become needy with her she was completely fine with me dumping her after what was essentially a 1 year f*ck buddy relationship. What really screws with my head is that maybe I wasn't "alpha" enough for her to want to chase me after I ended things?

She did make a bizarre comment when I tried to get her back. She said "Anytime a man wants to end things with me I will always agree even if it breaks my heart or kills me. I'll never fight to get a man back".

^again, I know for a fact her mother has poisoned her mind against her father and probably men in general, so I'm wondering if in the long run it wouldn't have mattered how "alpha" I was with this girl. I feel like she has such a deep hatred and mistrust for men, this would have turned out this way eventually.

[RedPillUK]

Yeah. The exact same insecurity you have that she doesn't want to chase you, is the one you might have been able to exploit towards her.

'Anytime a man... ' Blah blah blah. It sounds like tough feminist posturing. Women always say dramatic things that they don't really mean. Who the fuck cares. Undoubtedly there are situations where this will not be true.

Anyway, so all you can do is act more aloof, rude and cold than she is and she may or may not chase you back.

Then go read and work on your confidence and inner game. Do something else, start going out to places to meet other girls. It sounds like you're just running over this again and again in your mind. Stop thinking about all this unnecesary, future, needy type shit.

[Vaun]

You sound like a really smart guy, and this girl has held you back.

You should be putting your career first. It sounds like you are on the fast track to be really successful in your career, and in life in general. Girls like this will only slow that down, or totally wreck and destroy your potential in life if she calls the cops on you. Falsely or not.

Now she might not be a bad girl. For whatever reason, her interest in you has plummeted. That same girl who was coming to your side at the hospital, now thinks you're a chump. She's actively talking to other men. You can be sure she is taking other dick now, in her mouth and face, getting those facials she loved so much from another guy. Stings right? Its true.

Women don't care what you want, they only care what THEY want. If they dont want you anymore, you are out. I would bet the same things that ended this relationship the first time, are what canceled it the second time. Did you come on too strong? Women dont just change their mind about you. It takes time. It could be(very likely), something you did wrong, to wear down her interest level in you, to the point where she doesn't give a crap about you any more. They dont just go from 100% loving to text whore.

Let me be clear, and make no mistake, you did the right thing for sticking up for yourself. You did the right thing here, by calling out the texting. That is completely unacceptable. But you should be more concerned with how you ended up there. Why and when did she feel it was ok to start texting the dork at work? That was the time you lost her, not when you caught her. Really ask yourself what you did to drop her interest in you, to make her want to go out and do that. Just blaming her will never elevate your game in the future.

Your problem is that you are remembering the good stuff about her, way too much. Its what you mostly what you wrote about. You have this fantasy in your head that if you can just get her back, you can have that overly loving and thoughtful girl back. That if you just try harder, and be the perfect guy that you were, you can erase all of this bad stuff, and make it perfect again. I have news for you, its never coming back. You have to move to a new mindset, as the entire dynamic is new between you.

Anytime you take a girl back after a breakup, you have to take it extremely slow. Just hang out and have fun, then fuck. No relationship talk, no seriousness, and no drama. At that stage you should have had one foot out the door in other poon. You made the mistake of going all in again after she came back, when she should have been on probation for a solid three months before you really felt like you were back with her.

Men rush too much. I am guessing you did here. She doesn't care that you wanted it more than anything. She doesn't care that you want it now. She only wants to be without you. She wants you to go away.

You need to completely walk away and not contact this girl in any way, ever again. Is she really worth a restraining order? She is worth being arrested for, and throwing away your career over? You wont be managing 15 people any more after you have this on your record. Keep contacting and you will ruin your potential in life.

Learn from your mistakes, and walk away from relationship disasters like this. This was a good experience for you to learn from. If you keep going back to the well, you will be burned here. She is now banging this guy. You are out. Walk away, learn from this, and go have fun. You live in NYC man, at your age with your bank roll you should be out having fun with no exclusive girlfriend. Sounds like you need to live a little.

[Sancho]

Longtime lurker here.
Gonna try my hand at helping out. So forgive any unnecessary brashness.

Sounds to me that she isn't as good as you think.

Dude, you're not missing out on anything.
You just got attached to a particular run-of-the-mill american girl.

It's like if you had a 93 honda accord for your first car.
Anytime you see or hear about it, you will remember fondly because it was YOUR car.
It doesn't matter what anyone says bad about it, you will rationalize it away.


Yeah, you will remember the time together always.
It doesn't mean that you can't ever experience that again.
In fact, you might even find a better experience.
But that won't happen as long as your hung up on this girl.

[btownbuck89]

(11-06-2016 06:00 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

You sound like a really smart guy, and this girl has held you back.

You should be putting your career first. It sounds like you are on the fast track to be really successful in your career, and in life in general. Girls like this will only slow that down, or totally wreck and destroy your potential in life if she calls the cops on you. Falsely or not.

Now she might not be a bad girl. For whatever reason, her interest in you has plummeted. That same girl who was coming to your side at the hospital, now thinks you're a chump. She's actively talking to other men. You can be sure she is taking other dick now, in her mouth and face, getting those facials she loved so much from another guy. Stings right? Its true.

Women don't care what you want, they only care what THEY want. If they dont want you anymore, you are out. I would bet the same things that ended this relationship the first time, are what canceled it the second time. Did you come on too strong? Women dont just change their mind about you. It takes time. It could be(very likely), something you did wrong, to wear down her interest level in you, to the point where she doesn't give a crap about you any more. They dont just go from 100% loving to text whore.

Your problem is that you are remembering the good stuff about her, way too much. Its what you mostly what you wrote about. You have this fantasy in your head that if you can just get her back, you can have that overly loving and thoughtful girl back. That if you just try harder, and be the perfect guy that you were, you can erase all of this bad stuff, and make it perfect again. I have news for you, its never coming back. You have to move to a new mindset, as the entire dynamic is new between you.

Anytime you take a girl back after a breakup, you have to take it extremely slow. Just hang out and have fun, then fuck. No relationship talk, no seriousness, and no drama. At that stage you should have had one foot out the door in other poon. You made the mistake of going all in again after she came back, when she should have been on probation for a solid three months before you really felt like you were back with her.

Men rush too much. I am guessing you did here. She doesn't care that you wanted it more than anything. She doesn't care that you want it now. She only wants to be without you. She wants you to go away.

You need to completely walk away and not contact this girl in any way, ever again. Is she really worth a restraining order? She is worth being arrested for, and throwing away your career over? You wont be managing 15 people any more after you have this on your record. Keep contacting and you will ruin your potential in life.

Learn from your mistakes, and walk away from relationship disasters like this. This was a good experience for you to learn from. If you keep going back to the well, you will be burned here. She is now banging this guy. You are out. Walk away, learn from this, and go have fun. You live in NYC man, at your age with your bank roll you should be out having fun with no exclusive girlfriend. Sounds like you need to live a little.

This is a great reply and I appreciate the thoughtfulness you put into it. You're right, I am done with her and am totally moving on. I guess what's so frustrating to me is that women seem to get this pass to act like children, i.e. "I'm done with this toy so I'll just throw it down in the dirt and walk away". I mean do people no longer value commitment and sticking by someone's side through the ups and downs in life? I mean we spent a year and a half of our lives together and for most of that time I felt like I held it together pretty well. How can she not remember any of that and just throw it all away?

But again, you're right. I'm done with her and am moving on. It's just that I was raised and brought up in a culture (rural Midwestern America) where I was led to believe that your spouse, your partner in life was a big source of you happiness overall. My Mom and Dad have been married for 34 years. My grandparents have all passed but they were both married for 60+ years.

The way women just throw away men is pathetic. Surely they're not happy doing this?

[Vaun]

(11-06-2016 06:26 PM)btownbuck89 Wrote:  

But again, you're right. I'm done with her and am moving on. It's just that I was raised and brought up in a culture (rural Midwestern America) where I was led to believe that your spouse, your partner in life was a big source of you happiness overall. My Mom and Dad have been married for 34 years. My grandparents have all passed but they were both married for 60+ years.

The way women just throw away men is pathetic. Surely they're not happy doing this?

Well, there wasn't Sex In the City, Tinder and Instagram when your mom and grandma were dating Dad and Gramps. They dont make them like that anymore. And the same things are happening in the midwest, and there are better women in the city too. You did the right thing by standing up for yourself. Most betas these days overlook this stuff. I am regularly texting with girls with boyfriends. A good woman in love would never do this, and its all but impossible to get them back. In reality, you broke up with her. You showed her you weren't going to take her crap. This was a good learning experience for you.

[btownbuck89]

(11-06-2016 06:31 PM)Vaun Wrote:  

(11-06-2016 06:26 PM)btownbuck89 Wrote:  

But again, you're right. I'm done with her and am moving on. It's just that I was raised and brought up in a culture (rural Midwestern America) where I was led to believe that your spouse, your partner in life was a big source of you happiness overall. My Mom and Dad have been married for 34 years. My grandparents have all passed but they were both married for 60+ years.

The way women just throw away men is pathetic. Surely they're not happy doing this?

Well, there wasn't Sex In the City, Tinder and Instagram when your mom and grandma were dating Dad and Gramps. They dont make them like that anymore. And the same things are happening in the midwest, and there are better women in the city too. You did the right thing by standing up for yourself. Most betas these days overlook this stuff. I am regularly texting with girls with boyfriends. A good woman in love would never do this, and its all but impossible to get them back. In reality, you broke up with her. You showed her you weren't going to take her crap. This was a good learning experience for you.

Exactly, even though the relationship ended and blew up in my face over this I am glad that I called her out on it. Before reading Rollo's blog and sites like this I would have bought her B.S. about him being "just a friend from work", but I knew exactly what was going on. The more time I spend away from her the more comfortable I am letting go. The lesson here, for me I think, is in the future if this happens being able to handle it with more dignity as opposed to begging like I did.

[Cruisen_Chubby]

(11-06-2016 03:22 PM)btownbuck89 Wrote:  

I was a shy kid growing up. It always really bothered me. So over the years I've made a significant effort to get my act together. Started working out, got a college education, and left my home in the Midwest to move out East to NYC. I eventually got a job as a sales manager at a startup company and helped them grow the team out to the point where I now have a team of 15 people I am managing. I'm 27.

So why am I posting this? I met a girl when I first moved to NYC. We dated for a year and half and I need help determining whether I've lost a great girl or if this chick would have been trouble later on down the line.

She was very sweet and caring towards me for the entire first year we dated. Because of all the stuff I've read on sosuave, here and rollo's blog I felt I held a pretty strong frame with her. She would constantly text me first, buy me things and was coming over to my place 2-3 times a week for sex. It was great. And again, I could do no wrong. 5 months into the relationship I accidentally forgot her birthday and she didn't get mad at all, which I thought was strange. Also at 5 months into our relationship I had to get surgery at the dentists office and she insisted on coming, which again I thought was strange. But again, I felt like I could do no wrong with this woman and it was a great feeling.

Her background: She comes from a bit of a dysfunctional family. Her and her Mom are close but her Mom hates her Dad. I only met her family once but the Dad wasn't there. I'm not even sure he lives with them. This girl was a very outspoken feminist and would occasionally slip in comments into our conversations how women are not appreciated or given their fair share in the workplace and about how men have disrespected women for years and years. I would call her out on this stuff and tell her how I didn't want her bringing it up anymore (again, trying to keep a strong frame), and she would comply and even act embarrassed for bringing these types of topics up.

In retrospect I don't think I gave her enough confirmation that I wanted to keep her around in the relationship because after about a year she started pulling back a bit. I could sense she was losing interest so I broke up with her. My thought here was that by doing this I would reengage her interest in me but she immediately agreed she thought this would be a good idea and went ghost on me.

^ This right here doesn't happen if she doesn't have another vine to grab onto... for months, she has had other guys in the bullpen... Guaranteed. No woman who is dead set on you as her man would simply agree and "go ghost". She was gone long before that.

Now again, this was my first ever relationship and her acting as if she was completely fine with moving on really f*cked with my head and I turned into a mega chump. I called her a few days later and told her that I had made a mistake and that I wanted her back. She very coldly refused and said we needed space. A few weeks went by and I sent her a text saying how badly I missed her and that I wanted to talk to her again. She agreed and I called her later that night. I'll never forget that call because it was as if she was a completely different person. This sweet, caring articulate girl I had know for a year was suddenly using slang and talking like some ghetto chick from NYC. It was unbelievable. She was angry because she felt like I treated her as a f*ck buddy and nothing more during the course of our relationship.

This will hurt... but she was taking other pipe. "Needing space" is a woman's version of a man's "hall pass". Furthermore, any time a dramatic mood change happens like that, she has taken another pipe... maybe two.

I'm not proud of this but I kept begging her for another chance and she finally agreed. The first time we were together after that she was different. She was intentionally saying a-lot of feminist things and was using sex as a bargaining chip now. Saying we were going to take things slow this time and that I needed to wait before I could have sex with her again. I noticed that she also had blue streaks in her hair now. I asked her why she did that and she said because it looked pretty. It looked bizarre to me.

She was trying to push you away... it'd be easier for her if you lost interest in her than if she had to always deal with your doting. All of the things she did... she did for a reason.

A few weeks went by and we started having sex again and she started becoming more submissive and caring like she used to be. Started buying me things again. I moved into a new apartment and she bought the bed sheets, candles, shower curtains, etc. She even bought me a $120 watch for my birthday. The sex was good. She has always been very submissive during sex and enjoyed all the different positions I wanted to f*ck her in and enjoyed getting facials. It was back to how it used to be and great.

She got pumped and dumped and went back to branch number 1


Until I caught her texting some other guy. She claimed I shouldn't worry about this guy and never hid or protected her phone from me, but I was so insecure that I checked her phone later that night while she was in the shower and while the texts weren't too bad he was definitely flirting with her. I called her out on this and she told me that he was some guy from work who had flirted with her in the past and that I shouldn't worry because she told him about me being her boyfriend.

Anytime a phone is placed face down or consistently on silent, there is some creepy shit going on. If a guys name popped up and he was from work, unless it's about scheduling, a work event, or swapping shifts--- it's no good. You were right to be suspicious.


This may have been fine before I took the red pill but I definitely know something was up here. I kept asking her why she would put this guy's # in her phone if he had been flirting with her at work and she just gave me this "I don't know" look.

lol

We had a big fight and she coldly dumped me the next day telling me that she wanted me to leave her alone or that she would call the police. All this after we had got back together and made a promise to really give this relationship a better shot. Not just a f*ck buddy thing but we talking about moving in together and her visiting my parents with me in Indiana. And now nothing, except "leave me alone".

Oh hey, look! another branch to swing on.... bye Felicia.

Again, this was my first relationship and I'm going to use this experience as a way to better myself moving forward. But does this girl sound like Long term marriage quality or am I just caught up in thinking she was something she really wasn't?

You thought she was something she wasn't.

Thanks

I don't comment a lot but this sounds an awful lot like my first relationship. It led me to TRP. This scenario happens so often I can see it a mile away on guys who don't quite get it or haven't experienced it before.

It's almost spooky how situations like this, completely unrelated to each other, play out the same way time after time. Almost right down to the same words used (we need a break, don't worry about him, phone down, going ghost, coming back, mood swings, etc.).

I'm glad you got this experience out of the way at such a young age. Think about losing your girl and half your assets... You got out easy brother.

[btownbuck89]

(11-06-2016 07:03 PM)Cruisen_Chubby Wrote:  

(11-06-2016 03:22 PM)btownbuck89 Wrote:  

I was a shy kid growing up. It always really bothered me. So over the years I've made a significant effort to get my act together. Started working out, got a college education, and left my home in the Midwest to move out East to NYC. I eventually got a job as a sales manager at a startup company and helped them grow the team out to the point where I now have a team of 15 people I am managing. I'm 27.

So why am I posting this? I met a girl when I first moved to NYC. We dated for a year and half and I need help determining whether I've lost a great girl or if this chick would have been trouble later on down the line.

She was very sweet and caring towards me for the entire first year we dated. Because of all the stuff I've read on sosuave, here and rollo's blog I felt I held a pretty strong frame with her. She would constantly text me first, buy me things and was coming over to my place 2-3 times a week for sex. It was great. And again, I could do no wrong. 5 months into the relationship I accidentally forgot her birthday and she didn't get mad at all, which I thought was strange. Also at 5 months into our relationship I had to get surgery at the dentists office and she insisted on coming, which again I thought was strange. But again, I felt like I could do no wrong with this woman and it was a great feeling.

Her background: She comes from a bit of a dysfunctional family. Her and her Mom are close but her Mom hates her Dad. I only met her family once but the Dad wasn't there. I'm not even sure he lives with them. This girl was a very outspoken feminist and would occasionally slip in comments into our conversations how women are not appreciated or given their fair share in the workplace and about how men have disrespected women for years and years. I would call her out on this stuff and tell her how I didn't want her bringing it up anymore (again, trying to keep a strong frame), and she would comply and even act embarrassed for bringing these types of topics up.

In retrospect I don't think I gave her enough confirmation that I wanted to keep her around in the relationship because after about a year she started pulling back a bit. I could sense she was losing interest so I broke up with her. My thought here was that by doing this I would reengage her interest in me but she immediately agreed she thought this would be a good idea and went ghost on me.

^ This right here doesn't happen if she doesn't have another vine to grab onto... for months, she has had other guys in the bullpen... Guaranteed. No woman who is dead set on you as her man would simply agree and "go ghost". She was gone long before that.

Now again, this was my first ever relationship and her acting as if she was completely fine with moving on really f*cked with my head and I turned into a mega chump. I called her a few days later and told her that I had made a mistake and that I wanted her back. She very coldly refused and said we needed space. A few weeks went by and I sent her a text saying how badly I missed her and that I wanted to talk to her again. She agreed and I called her later that night. I'll never forget that call because it was as if she was a completely different person. This sweet, caring articulate girl I had know for a year was suddenly using slang and talking like some ghetto chick from NYC. It was unbelievable. She was angry because she felt like I treated her as a f*ck buddy and nothing more during the course of our relationship.

This will hurt... but she was taking other pipe. "Needing space" is a woman's version of a man's "hall pass". Furthermore, any time a dramatic mood change happens like that, she has taken another pipe... maybe two.

I'm not proud of this but I kept begging her for another chance and she finally agreed. The first time we were together after that she was different. She was intentionally saying a-lot of feminist things and was using sex as a bargaining chip now. Saying we were going to take things slow this time and that I needed to wait before I could have sex with her again. I noticed that she also had blue streaks in her hair now. I asked her why she did that and she said because it looked pretty. It looked bizarre to me.

She was trying to push you away... it'd be easier for her if you lost interest in her than if she had to always deal with your doting. All of the things she did... she did for a reason.

A few weeks went by and we started having sex again and she started becoming more submissive and caring like she used to be. Started buying me things again. I moved into a new apartment and she bought the bed sheets, candles, shower curtains, etc. She even bought me a $120 watch for my birthday. The sex was good. She has always been very submissive during sex and enjoyed all the different positions I wanted to f*ck her in and enjoyed getting facials. It was back to how it used to be and great.

She got pumped and dumped and went back to branch number 1


Until I caught her texting some other guy. She claimed I shouldn't worry about this guy and never hid or protected her phone from me, but I was so insecure that I checked her phone later that night while she was in the shower and while the texts weren't too bad he was definitely flirting with her. I called her out on this and she told me that he was some guy from work who had flirted with her in the past and that I shouldn't worry because she told him about me being her boyfriend.

Anytime a phone is placed face down or consistently on silent, there is some creepy shit going on. If a guys name popped up and he was from work, unless it's about scheduling, a work event, or swapping shifts--- it's no good. You were right to be suspicious.


This may have been fine before I took the red pill but I definitely know something was up here. I kept asking her why she would put this guy's # in her phone if he had been flirting with her at work and she just gave me this "I don't know" look.

lol

We had a big fight and she coldly dumped me the next day telling me that she wanted me to leave her alone or that she would call the police. All this after we had got back together and made a promise to really give this relationship a better shot. Not just a f*ck buddy thing but we talking about moving in together and her visiting my parents with me in Indiana. And now nothing, except "leave me alone".

Oh hey, look! another branch to swing on.... bye Felicia.

Again, this was my first relationship and I'm going to use this experience as a way to better myself moving forward. But does this girl sound like Long term marriage quality or am I just caught up in thinking she was something she really wasn't?

You thought she was something she wasn't.

Thanks

I don't comment a lot but this sounds an awful lot like my first relationship. It led me to TRP. This scenario happens so often I can see it a mile away on guys who don't quite get it or haven't experienced it before.

It's almost spooky how situations like this, completely unrelated to each other, play out the same way time after time. Almost right down to the same words used (we need a break, don't worry about him, phone down, going ghost, coming back, mood swings, etc.).

I'm glad you got this experience out of the way at such a young age. Think about losing your girl and half your assets... You got out easy brother.

You're right. Tough to hear, but definitely a lesson learned. The way these women look right in your face and lie...jesus christ man.

[Cruisen_Chubby]

It's hard not to get jaded; but it's a two way street.

Men do this to women. Women do this to men.

You will learn-- and a few years from now, unbeknownst to you... You will be the heartbreaker.

[Celestial]

Doesn't sound like LTR material to me, intuitively sounds like she was cheating. You probably could have made it work a bit longer by openly flirting with other chicks around her but that is playing with matches near gasoline.

[Rawmeo]

Well, next. Not much to add to that. She was a feminist so it's a good thing she's gone.

[Razgriz]

First girlfriends are like first cars. They are awesome at the time. So many new things to experience and see. But in retrospect you realize the 93 Buick Regal you were driving with no grill and horrible paint sucked and you have moved onto bigger and better things.

Get over it. Move on. Move up!

[btownbuck89]

(11-08-2016 09:03 PM)Razgriz Wrote:  

First girlfriends are like first cars. They are awesome at the time. So many new things to experience and see. But in retrospect you realize the 93 Buick Regal you were driving with no grill and horrible paint sucked and you have moved onto bigger and better things.

Get over it. Move on. Move up!

Very well said. You are correct! On to bigger and better things!