[The Beast1]

I'm 6ft 85kg right now. About 18% body fat. I should have added that i switched to this diet back in May.

I was eating roughly 3000 calories a day on a bulking diet. It was making me astoundingly fat. I was at 99kg and at 25% bf before.

I cut down to 2100 for maintenance which helped me lower the weight to where i'm at now. I've been slowly upping my macros which seem to have taken care of the negative thoughts.

I'm aiming for lean gains. I'm tired of looking like a dough ball.

2100 seems to be my maintenance level. I've played with several online tests and a body track scanner that have given me that number.

Here's the timeline of events:

MId 2015: breaking awesome personal bests.
Late 2015: Move to the UK
September 2015: take a month off, getting adjusted to UK
October 2015: get back to gym, lower weight levels 10% since i was out
November 2015: Negative thoughts begin as i approach 250 lbs on squats.
December 2015: negative thoughts get the better of me, lower weight 25%. Thoughts go away
January-April 2016: struggle to get back anywhere near personal best. Negative thoughts come back as i get close to that range over 240.
May: realize i'm fat from bulking and cut back. Incorporate moderate cardio. Try IF
Summer 2016: Lost some weight. Got leaner.
September 2016: open this thread.
Septemer: try expanding how much i eat during my feeding window negative thoughts go away.

I'm beginning to think it's time for a complete overhaul on everything from routine to diet. My gains have been so small lately.

[nomadbrah]

(humble brag) It's been years since I remember that feeling, but I do understand what you mean. Good suggestions have been given, mine is to make sure you have strong core muscles, it sounds like you might not. Core is lower back and abs. Remember to draw in a full breath of air and then tighten abs completely. This has the effect of a natural weightlifting belt to stabilize your core. In addition, press up with your arms like you wanted to lift the weight off your shoulders. Tight core (air in, flexed abs) and pushing against the weight will help a lot.

250lbs at your weight is decent. This is where technique is needed and good form. Study your form. Train different, go lighter, add a couple of heavy squats once in a while. Also work on deep squats to get stronger in the bottom.