[Shoubuliao]

Well, it's been about 8 months since I left Asia to return to the US. On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off. It's as if my sense of identity has disappeared.

When I was in China, where I spent most of the last four years, I felt this deep drive to make money, meet girls, travel, dress well - basically live the international man of mystery lifestyle. It wasn't without its headaches, but I felt a different level of drive and excitement about life than I do at home. I loved gaming in a foreign language, meeting expats from all over, taking trains around the country, etc. It brought about a ton of personal growth.

I recently moved to a very young and vibrant city in the US, and while that helps, I still don't find myself motivated by material success like I was in China. Whether or not material pursuits are ultimately meaningful, it felt really good to be focused on goals and holding myself accountable. Right now I don't feel all that motivated by anything.

Lately my desire to compete, to gain material wealth, to have sex, etc has declined dramatically. I don't think it's depression since I still lead an active lifestyle and socialize with people, but the root of the problem seems to be feeling trapped between two worlds: one where doing whatever the fuck I wanted was basically fine, which I found energizing, and the other where virtually everyone I know is married, having kids, and buying homes. This is no criticism of the latter, as I think those are all great things and I want them for myself eventually (I'm 30), but for whatever reason, I can't relate right now and it's killing my drive.

Anyway, I'm not really looking for a "solution" to my situation, more than anything else I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced similar things and how you dealt with it. I guess the simplest question to ask is how you stayed motivated after coming back. I'm all ears.

[choichoi]

Wow, interesting perspective. What motivated you to move to China? I ask because I am about to move there too. I am 30 and about to exit the military. I don't feel like America has much to offer me at this point in time.

[jj90]

Yes, you aren't alone.

I stay motivated by focusing on my goals, the end goal which is location independence. All I need to do to constantly motivate myself is looking around at the people around me and note that while they wonder at all the money in this city, they won't be getting a piece of it due to lack of drive, excuses, 4M's(marriage, minivan, mother in laws, martial art practices for the kids), ____(insert bullshit reason).

In most places in the West, we have a huge safety net and things are comfortable. Whether people consciously or not realize comfort limits success is another story.

However my drive didn't diminish, if anything it went harder. I used to be able to relate to my home country, now I can't so I'm getting the fuck outta here until things change. In time, all things change.

Good luck.

[PragueDude]

Just wanted to say I relate to ya man. I'm not in China but taking trains to smaller cities if one of my favorite things to do. That feeling of being a foriegner makes you feel cool.

[National Crusader]

First thing that I notice when I return from the US to Serbia is how, besides a few gypsies here and there, eveyone is white and slavic (but that's quite obvious). Another thing that immediately strikes me is how tall the people are. In the US I always feel above average being 6'1'' but in Serbia I'm very average. The life over there also moves a lot slower compared to America. Nobody seems to be in a rush and city centers are filled with young people every day just strollong around, sitting on benches or in coffee shops and socializing. You don't see that in America. In the US people are nailed to their smartphones or Netflix accounts and mostly spend their time in solitude. Many girls that would feel entitled and beautiful in the US are just average in Serbia and they don't even feel pretty. Just the life there makes you relazed and not so much worrisome. There's no discussions about Trump-Hillary, white privilege, black lives matter etc. When I return to America that kind of stuff immetately starts getting on my nerves and I tend to figure out the ways how to get away from it. Also, it's very easy to express you feelings in a county where everybody looks like you and has the same culture (no political correctness). In the US you always have to worry about not offending anyone (which I don't). With people in Serbia I can openly say that gypsies are thieves, that we should build a huge wall and put sharp shooters to protect out country from Arabs coming in etc. Nobody will challange those opinions because people know the facts and are reasonable. In the US somebody would immedeatly call me a racist etc, you know the drill. So your life changes in a way that it becomes slower and more free. Kinda irronic that life is more free than in the land of the free haha.

[Shoubuliao]

(08-13-2016 10:54 PM)choichoi Wrote:  

Wow, interesting perspective. What motivated you to move to China? I ask because I am about to move there too. I am 30 and about to exit the military. I don't feel like America has much to offer me at this point in time.

China's a great place to spend a few years, you'll have a blast. Things will definitely get on your nerves at times, but put effort into learning the language and it'll be awesome. I mainly went because it related more to my desired career options than most countries. What are you going to do over there?

[Shoubuliao]

(08-14-2016 03:55 AM)jj90 Wrote:  

Yes, you aren't alone.

I stay motivated by focusing on my goals, the end goal which is location independence. All I need to do to constantly motivate myself is looking around at the people around me and note that while they wonder at all the money in this city, they won't be getting a piece of it due to lack of drive, excuses, 4M's(marriage, minivan, mother in laws, martial art practices for the kids), ____(insert bullshit reason).

In most places in the West, we have a huge safety net and things are comfortable. Whether people consciously or not realize comfort limits success is another story.

However my drive didn't diminish, if anything it went harder. I used to be able to relate to my home country, now I can't so I'm getting the fuck outta here until things change. In time, all things change.

Good luck.

Yeah, I hear ya on all of this. Thing is, I try to remind myself that life in China wasn't all roses either, that I moved back for a reason. I completely agree with you on safety nets in the west. I don't know that that's what's caused my drive to diminish, it may be partly responsible. In a way it's more like being a baller in the US just looks boring to me compared to abroad.

[Shoubuliao]

(08-14-2016 12:31 PM)National Crusader Wrote:  

First thing that I notice when I return from the US to Serbia is how, besides a few gypsies here and there, eveyone is white and slavic (but that's quite obvious). Another thing that immediately strikes me is how tall the people are. In the US I always feel above average being 6'1'' but in Serbia I'm very average. The life over there also moves a lot slower compared to America. Nobody seems to be in a rush and city centers are filled with young people every day just strollong around, sitting on benches or in coffee shops and socializing. You don't see that in America. In the US people are nailed to their smartphones or Netflix accounts and mostly spend their time in solitude. Many girls that would feel entitled and beautiful in the US are just average in Serbia and they don't even feel pretty. Just the life there makes you relazed and not so much worrisome. There's no discussions about Trump-Hillary, white privilege, black lives matter etc. When I return to America that kind of stuff immetately starts getting on my nerves and I tend to figure out the ways how to get away from it. Also, it's very easy to express you feelings in a county where everybody looks like you and has the same culture (no political correctness). In the US you always have to worry about not offending anyone (which I don't). With people in Serbia I can openly say that gypsies are thieves, that we should build a huge wall and put sharp shooters to protect out country from Arabs coming in etc. Nobody will challange those opinions because people know the facts and are reasonable. In the US somebody would immedeatly call me a racist etc, you know the drill. So your life changes in a way that it becomes slower and more free. Kinda irronic that life is more free than in the land of the free haha.

I haven't checked out that part of the world yet, but it sounds awesome. I 100% relate to you about being able to easily express your feelings. Even as a minority in China, I could pretty much say whatever I wanted since everyone there has the same culture and I knew the few topics to avoid (e.g. Taiwan, SCS). Politics in the US is utter garbage and the SJW feelings police have ruined free open discussion for everyone.

China's nationalism annoyed me a great deal at points and I really looked forward to coming back to a united USA, where despite differences in opinion people were still open minded and supportive of alternative viewpoints and had a (somewhat) clear sense of national identity. The USA I've been in the last 8 months is anything but that. The country has never been more hostile and polarized in my life. Even as a minority in such countries, I deeply miss the feeling of living in a place with a common culture.

[Agreddor]

(08-13-2016 10:31 PM)Shoubuliao Wrote:  

Well, it's been about 8 months since I left Asia to return to the US. On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off. It's as if my sense of identity has disappeared.

When I was in China, where I spent most of the last four years, I felt this deep drive to make money, meet girls, travel, dress well - basically live the international man of mystery lifestyle. It wasn't without its headaches, but I felt a different level of drive and excitement about life than I do at home. I loved gaming in a foreign language, meeting expats from all over, taking trains around the country, etc. It brought about a ton of personal growth.

I recently moved to a very young and vibrant city in the US, and while that helps, I still don't find myself motivated by material success like I was in China. Whether or not material pursuits are ultimately meaningful, it felt really good to be focused on goals and holding myself accountable. Right now I don't feel all that motivated by anything.

Lately my desire to compete, to gain material wealth, to have sex, etc has declined dramatically. I don't think it's depression since I still lead an active lifestyle and socialize with people, but the root of the problem seems to be feeling trapped between two worlds: one where doing whatever the fuck I wanted was basically fine, which I found energizing, and the other where virtually everyone I know is married, having kids, and buying homes. This is no criticism of the latter, as I think those are all great things and I want them for myself eventually (I'm 30), but for whatever reason, I can't relate right now and it's killing my drive.

Anyway, I'm not really looking for a "solution" to my situation, more than anything else I'm just curious if anyone else has experienced similar things and how you dealt with it. I guess the simplest question to ask is how you stayed motivated after coming back. I'm all ears.

I always feel down whenever I return from vacation.

If anything, because the place I live in fails to offer what the countries I was in offered, I don't enjoy living here.

Because I don't enjoy what the country I live in has to offer me, I don't go out to have "fun"; I don't waste time on entertainment and use my time to work on my projects. My daily life revolves around fitness, the occasional daygame approach, networking and my projects.

In many ways, this corresponds exactly to why men need a certain amount of sexual experience, so that when they find a girl they like enough, they'll know exactly how to behave around her.

I hate the place I live in, I'm doing what I can to leave, so that when I get to where I want to be, I've done all the ground work and can truly enjoy myself.

I feel your pain brother, but theres nothing we can do about our predicament, except to work on ourselves, so that our wings are strong enough to propel ourselves away, when it is time to leave.

[SunW]

Quote:

On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off.

Better on paper how? Overall, what's your measure of success?

[Shoubuliao]

(08-15-2016 06:41 AM)SunW Wrote:  

Quote:

On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off.

Better on paper how? Overall, what's your measure of success?

I'm not talking about success as much as basic components of a healthy environment, such as rule of law, food safety, less corruption, right to own land, vicinity to family, economic opportunity, and hell, even though most people are sheeple, they do have a basic degree of civility not found in a lot of developing countries.

[Kid Twist]

(08-14-2016 12:31 PM)National Crusader Wrote:  

First thing that I notice when I return from the US to Serbia is how, besides a few gypsies here and there, eveyone is white and slavic (but that's quite obvious). Another thing that immediately strikes me is how tall the people are. In the US I always feel above average being 6'1'' but in Serbia I'm very average. The life over there also moves a lot slower compared to America. Nobody seems to be in a rush and city centers are filled with young people every day just strollong around, sitting on benches or in coffee shops and socializing. You don't see that in America. In the US people are nailed to their smartphones or Netflix accounts and mostly spend their time in solitude. Many girls that would feel entitled and beautiful in the US are just average in Serbia and they don't even feel pretty. Just the life there makes you relazed and not so much worrisome. There's no discussions about Trump-Hillary, white privilege, black lives matter etc. When I return to America that kind of stuff immetately starts getting on my nerves and I tend to figure out the ways how to get away from it. Also, it's very easy to express you feelings in a county where everybody looks like you and has the same culture (no political correctness). In the US you always have to worry about not offending anyone (which I don't). With people in Serbia I can openly say that gypsies are thieves, that we should build a huge wall and put sharp shooters to protect out country from Arabs coming in etc. Nobody will challange those opinions because people know the facts and are reasonable. In the US somebody would immedeatly call me a racist etc, you know the drill. So your life changes in a way that it becomes slower and more free. Kinda irronic that life is more free than in the land of the free haha.

This is awesome and I want to go to Serbia. I've met serbians here, and I always wonder what kind of reputation they have or if it's a good representation. Maybe you can fill me in, national. One I recently met who is attractive (but probably just above average over there, she's only been in US for a few 5? years) I can tell has a tremendous number of orbiters (instagram posts etc), tried to make me one. I immediately thought it was off because she wouldn't answer a phone call, just text. I'm wondering if this is how they are over there, or if it's an American/Western world influence. Also, I'd much rather meet a wholesome because we share the same religion, most I've met are proud to be orthodox, but I'm not sure if they are just tribal or actually if they care.

If you can fill any of that in, I'd appreciate it.

[National Crusader]

(08-15-2016 03:59 PM)Kid Twist Wrote:  

(08-14-2016 12:31 PM)National Crusader Wrote:  

First thing that I notice when I return from the US to Serbia is how, besides a few gypsies here and there, eveyone is white and slavic (but that's quite obvious). Another thing that immediately strikes me is how tall the people are. In the US I always feel above average being 6'1'' but in Serbia I'm very average. The life over there also moves a lot slower compared to America. Nobody seems to be in a rush and city centers are filled with young people every day just strollong around, sitting on benches or in coffee shops and socializing. You don't see that in America. In the US people are nailed to their smartphones or Netflix accounts and mostly spend their time in solitude. Many girls that would feel entitled and beautiful in the US are just average in Serbia and they don't even feel pretty. Just the life there makes you relazed and not so much worrisome. There's no discussions about Trump-Hillary, white privilege, black lives matter etc. When I return to America that kind of stuff immetately starts getting on my nerves and I tend to figure out the ways how to get away from it. Also, it's very easy to express you feelings in a county where everybody looks like you and has the same culture (no political correctness). In the US you always have to worry about not offending anyone (which I don't). With people in Serbia I can openly say that gypsies are thieves, that we should build a huge wall and put sharp shooters to protect out country from Arabs coming in etc. Nobody will challange those opinions because people know the facts and are reasonable. In the US somebody would immedeatly call me a racist etc, you know the drill. So your life changes in a way that it becomes slower and more free. Kinda irronic that life is more free than in the land of the free haha.

This is awesome and I want to go to Serbia. I've met serbians here, and I always wonder what kind of reputation they have or if it's a good representation. Maybe you can fill me in, national. One I recently met who is attractive (but probably just above average over there, she's only been in US for a few 5? years) I can tell has a tremendous number of orbiters (instagram posts etc), tried to make me one. I immediately thought it was off because she wouldn't answer a phone call, just text. I'm wondering if this is how they are over there, or if it's an American/Western world influence. Also, I'd much rather meet a wholesome because we share the same religion, most I've met are proud to be orthodox, but I'm not sure if they are just tribal or actually if they care.

If you can fill any of that in, I'd appreciate it.

Here's 2 websites with a bunch of photos of girls from clubs, just look through it:

https://www.facebook.com/gdeizaci/photos/?tab=albums

https://www.facebook.com/beogradnocu.com...tab=albums

Btw, what are you, Russian, Greek..?

[GyopoPlayboy]

(08-13-2016 10:31 PM)Shoubuliao Wrote:  

Well, it's been about 8 months since I left Asia to return to the US. On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off. It's as if my sense of identity has disappeared.

...

I recently moved to a very young and vibrant city in the US, and while that helps, I still don't find myself motivated by material success like I was in China. Whether or not material pursuits are ultimately meaningful, it felt really good to be focused on goals and holding myself accountable. Right now I don't feel all that motivated by anything.

This hits pretty close to home for me, OP. I ran my own 6-figure business in Asia before shutting it down and going home. Coming home let me see my fam again, re-connect with old friends...and realize how much I missed being out in Asia.

Even when I was struggling to make it in Asia, I still enjoyed it more deep down than when I took a very stable job at a F500 company in LA. Back in Asia, I worked 14-16 hour days sometimes, but I loved the fact that they were my hours and that I earned exactly what I billed. The hunger and drive for money and freedom always kept me sharp and on point. In the US, when the workday is over, I find my brain shutting down for the rest of the night as I go out to the bar with the boys to grab a drink. It's definitely dulled me. I hate it. I give so much of myself to my job that I have so little left afterwards. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm getting immense pressure to find a wife, have kids, and settle down. No thanks, I don't want that bullshit right now.

I plan to go independent again as soon as possible but I've learned so much from the mistakes I made the last time around 5 or 6 years ago. When I ran my consultancy, I did nearly everything myself and burnt out quickly. I've been building up a roster of people I trust and who are good at their jobs over the last two years to become founding members with me and talking to clients about my branching out on my own (they are all supportive) so that when I hit my target rainy day funds, I can hit the ground running and never have to look back again.

So yea...environment matters. Ambitious people in the US who grow up in the midwest or some boring small town always find their way to the big cities for that very reason.

[Sidney Crosby]

When I return to Canada everything is so much easier, the service is a million times better and usually my comfort level increases dramatically, that being said, Am I having more fun? Usually not.

[Shoubuliao]

(08-15-2016 10:24 PM)GyopoPlayboy Wrote:  

(08-13-2016 10:31 PM)Shoubuliao Wrote:  

Well, it's been about 8 months since I left Asia to return to the US. On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off. It's as if my sense of identity has disappeared.

...

I recently moved to a very young and vibrant city in the US, and while that helps, I still don't find myself motivated by material success like I was in China. Whether or not material pursuits are ultimately meaningful, it felt really good to be focused on goals and holding myself accountable. Right now I don't feel all that motivated by anything.

This hits pretty close to home for me, OP. I ran my own 6-figure business in Asia before shutting it down and going home. Coming home let me see my fam again, re-connect with old friends...and realize how much I missed being out in Asia.

Even when I was struggling to make it in Asia, I still enjoyed it more deep down than when I took a very stable job at a F500 company in LA. Back in Asia, I worked 14-16 hour days sometimes, but I loved the fact that they were my hours and that I earned exactly what I billed. The hunger and drive for money and freedom always kept me sharp and on point. In the US, when the workday is over, I find my brain shutting down for the rest of the night as I go out to the bar with the boys to grab a drink. It's definitely dulled me. I hate it. I give so much of myself to my job that I have so little left afterwards. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm getting immense pressure to find a wife, have kids, and settle down. No thanks, I don't want that bullshit right now.

I plan to go independent again as soon as possible but I've learned so much from the mistakes I made the last time around 5 or 6 years ago. When I ran my consultancy, I did nearly everything myself and burnt out quickly. I've been building up a roster of people I trust and who are good at their jobs over the last two years to become founding members with me and talking to clients about my branching out on my own (they are all supportive) so that when I hit my target rainy day funds, I can hit the ground running and never have to look back again.

So yea...environment matters. Ambitious people in the US who grow up in the midwest or some boring small town always find their way to the big cities for that very reason.

Dude, thank you. I felt like I probably didn't articulate my thoughts very well in the first post, but what you said is exactly how I'm feeling now. In a perfect world I'll spend half the year in the US and half in Asia. Working to make that happen is what keeps me motivated, though like we both mentioned, the pressure to marry and have kids/set down roots can blur that focus. Good luck with your plans, sounds like you're on you're way.

[Agreddor]

(08-15-2016 10:24 PM)GyopoPlayboy Wrote:  

(08-13-2016 10:31 PM)Shoubuliao Wrote:  

Well, it's been about 8 months since I left Asia to return to the US. On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off. It's as if my sense of identity has disappeared.

...

I recently moved to a very young and vibrant city in the US, and while that helps, I still don't find myself motivated by material success like I was in China. Whether or not material pursuits are ultimately meaningful, it felt really good to be focused on goals and holding myself accountable. Right now I don't feel all that motivated by anything.

This hits pretty close to home for me, OP. I ran my own 6-figure business in Asia before shutting it down and going home. Coming home let me see my fam again, re-connect with old friends...and realize how much I missed being out in Asia.

Even when I was struggling to make it in Asia, I still enjoyed it more deep down than when I took a very stable job at a F500 company in LA. Back in Asia, I worked 14-16 hour days sometimes, but I loved the fact that they were my hours and that I earned exactly what I billed. The hunger and drive for money and freedom always kept me sharp and on point. In the US, when the workday is over, I find my brain shutting down for the rest of the night as I go out to the bar with the boys to grab a drink. It's definitely dulled me. I hate it. I give so much of myself to my job that I have so little left afterwards. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm getting immense pressure to find a wife, have kids, and settle down. No thanks, I don't want that bullshit right now.

I plan to go independent again as soon as possible but I've learned so much from the mistakes I made the last time around 5 or 6 years ago. When I ran my consultancy, I did nearly everything myself and burnt out quickly. I've been building up a roster of people I trust and who are good at their jobs over the last two years to become founding members with me and talking to clients about my branching out on my own (they are all supportive) so that when I hit my target rainy day funds, I can hit the ground running and never have to look back again.

So yea...environment matters. Ambitious people in the US who grow up in the midwest or some boring small town always find their way to the big cities for that very reason.

(08-16-2016 03:09 PM)Shoubuliao Wrote:  

(08-15-2016 10:24 PM)GyopoPlayboy Wrote:  

(08-13-2016 10:31 PM)Shoubuliao Wrote:  

Well, it's been about 8 months since I left Asia to return to the US. On paper my life is better by virtually every metric, but for some reason, something just feels off. It's as if my sense of identity has disappeared.

...

I recently moved to a very young and vibrant city in the US, and while that helps, I still don't find myself motivated by material success like I was in China. Whether or not material pursuits are ultimately meaningful, it felt really good to be focused on goals and holding myself accountable. Right now I don't feel all that motivated by anything.

This hits pretty close to home for me, OP. I ran my own 6-figure business in Asia before shutting it down and going home. Coming home let me see my fam again, re-connect with old friends...and realize how much I missed being out in Asia.

Even when I was struggling to make it in Asia, I still enjoyed it more deep down than when I took a very stable job at a F500 company in LA. Back in Asia, I worked 14-16 hour days sometimes, but I loved the fact that they were my hours and that I earned exactly what I billed. The hunger and drive for money and freedom always kept me sharp and on point. In the US, when the workday is over, I find my brain shutting down for the rest of the night as I go out to the bar with the boys to grab a drink. It's definitely dulled me. I hate it. I give so much of myself to my job that I have so little left afterwards. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm getting immense pressure to find a wife, have kids, and settle down. No thanks, I don't want that bullshit right now.

I plan to go independent again as soon as possible but I've learned so much from the mistakes I made the last time around 5 or 6 years ago. When I ran my consultancy, I did nearly everything myself and burnt out quickly. I've been building up a roster of people I trust and who are good at their jobs over the last two years to become founding members with me and talking to clients about my branching out on my own (they are all supportive) so that when I hit my target rainy day funds, I can hit the ground running and never have to look back again.

So yea...environment matters. Ambitious people in the US who grow up in the midwest or some boring small town always find their way to the big cities for that very reason.

Dude, thank you. I felt like I probably didn't articulate my thoughts very well in the first post, but what you said is exactly how I'm feeling now. In a perfect world I'll spend half the year in the US and half in Asia. Working to make that happen is what keeps me motivated, though like we both mentioned, the pressure to marry and have kids/set down roots can blur that focus. Good luck with your plans, sounds like you're on you're way.

Very interesting points you've both made. As someone in his early 20s, I will one day have to deal with these problems as you have right now.

All the best.

[PragueDude]

To the Serbian guy, I'd love to get a beer with ya man. You articulated the reasons I left my country. Smartphones, lack of interest in others, SJW's, you name it. Where I'm currently at, and maybe it's related to the Slavic nature, there's nothing like that.

[cholula]

I can relate a lot with the OP. I spent the last few years traveling in exotic places all over the world, living the international man of mystery lifestyle. Then it got routine and boring so I came home because I actually missed my family more than I enjoyed the thrill of travel and adventure.

Actually if I'm being real here it's because I was doing all of this travel on a fixed income and I started to feel limited as my standards increased. No more staying in hostels for me, it's all about AirBNBs, premium gym memberships, eating at fine restaurants and mingling with the upper echelons of the society where I'm cruising to.

You could say that the identity that I was living out over the last few years died. Now I'm struggling to find a new one to replace it with. Hence why I'm back in the states. I'm taking steps to make sure that I'm the same person here as when I'm abroad. It's easy to hack the social ladder when you go abroad, not so much when you're back in the US.

Part of my feelings of disconnection with the US come from feeling that this is a mundane challenge. Everything is more exciting when you're doing it in a foreign language. Going to the gym is fun because you get to come up with new openers and have to learn new vocabulary to communicate with people. Doing it in the US just seems boring in comparison.

Maybe I'm just being a primadona. Maybe I have a lower sex drive because I'm not surrounded by sexy foreign women. Maybe I don't spend enough time around people.

I don't know what the problem is. I do know that I'm here right now and I'm going to stack that cash so that I can get out of here again.