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Controlling temper when met with resistance...
#26

Controlling temper when met with resistance...

In game speak there is a term.

Average Frustrated Chump.

Don't be an AFC.

You need outcome independence.

In lay man's terms that's enjoying the journey & not being hung up on the destination.
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#27

Controlling temper when met with resistance...

Quote: (06-28-2016 03:55 AM)Gpx90210 Wrote:  

Let some chick piss me off once again. I'm working on this...

Met this pretty hot chick from Venezuela at a local bar for drinks, from Tinder. She drove out about 45 minutes to meet me downtown AT 1130 PM mind you. Toward the end of the first drink, I drop my line about how I want to make her a special drink that I created and ask her to come with me. She gets up and then once she gets to the car, she insists she wants to take her own. I walk her to her car and once she gets there she drops the "I don't feel any chemistry, I tried but I'm sorry."

I look at her and I'm like, "what, you think I WANT to fuck you?"
She goes "Well, I don't know but I'm sorry I have to go."

SO my dumb ass, quite literally, tells her to go fuck herself and I dip. Bad, bad game decision. She could have easily called me later or another night.

How do you keep your temper in check when bitches are fucking with your head? [Image: huh.gif]

Your speed was too high, she wasn't comfortable with you yet. Given the late meet, she might very well have been if you had had a longer interaction (and a couple more drinks) before suggesting to bounce. You gauge speed based on how she's responding to you, not based on some imaginary iron-clad system some guy on the internet posted once.

So basically, it was your fault, your doing, and not some "bitch" who was "fucking with your head". Your behaviour is unreasonable.
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#28

Controlling temper when met with resistance...

Basically what Pheonix said. There may have been potential, but inviting a girl you just met back to your place that soon forces her to basically decide yes or no on fucking you. You want to wait until she's giving you some serious signs that the answer is going to be a yes.

So either a. it was going nowhere regardless, or b. you messed it up by pulling the trigger way too early. I'm guessing a.

"SO my dumb ass, quite literally, tells her to go fuck herself and I dip. Bad, bad game decision. She could have easily called me later or another night."

That was never going to happen. Your anger was unreasonable, but she was a lost cause anyway.

You need to work on your conversational and social skills.

thread-45011...#pid957065

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It is an exercise in pushing through your discomfort with socializing, only. You need to put in your hours deliberately being sociable. Social anxiety comes from the same source of every other anxiety - uncertainty in outcome. And uncertainty in outcome comes primarily from lack of experience. Get experience and then it fades.

I remember meeting a guy in a bar once who had severe approach anxiety problems. So I basically dragged him with me into a group of women, to force him to sink or swim. He swam OK. He even said afterwards 'yeah that wasn't too bad'. I bumped into him again in the same bar, like 9 months later. I asked what he'd been up to, how many more times he had gone out and approached women. He said:

Quote:
Nah I haven't since last time we met

Mind-blowing. Some people are their own worst enemy.

Suggestions:
Level 1 Easy: Incidental socialization, where going alone is normal, and being social is secondary to the primary activity.
- Dancing classes
- Language classes
- Basically any kind of class
- Getting a job where interpersonal interaction with customers is required

One thing to note here is that with a class, the new social group is 'fresh' each time. If you fuck up, you simply reflect on your lessons learned, and repeat the process again at a new place. You don't have to worry about reputation like in a fixed, long-term community like a school year-level.

Level 2 Medium: More of an active role in being social.
- Interest-groups/communities (hobbies, politics etc)
- Travel, and staying in dorms etc. Here many people are both alone and outgoing, so it's very easy to make temporary new friends. You're not compelled to be sociable (you could just sight-see), but you'll find it relatively easy to do so.
- Get-togethers you are invited to by friends. Here you can talk to people you don't know, but who know your mutual friends, and are hence more open.
- Team sports, such as the ever-popular touch football. Here you are ostensibly there to play a game, but it's very social.
- Inviting people you've met to hang out. If you meet people who like you at a class etc, you can get their facebook details, and invite them to get a beer etc, to talk about X and Y etc. Again, if someone decides they don't want to hang out, you've still learned lessons, and you can repeat with a 'fresh' person.

Level 3 Fluency: Becoming completely comfortable sociably and taking initiative.
- Going alone to bars and meeting new people ("hey where you from/what do you do here?").
--You can start this by just going into a bar, buying a drink at the bar, and standing/sitting at that bar. You don't even have to talk to anyone. Just stay put and bathe in the social anxiety of being alone in a busy place. After you've done this for an hour, leave. Then do it again. It really develops your initial sense of social freedom and not fretting over what other people think of you.
- Cold approaching women (the highest level being during the day)
- Inviting and going on dates. In the beginning, never treat a date as an 'event'. Treat it as one link in a long chain of dates to come, as 'training' first and foremost.

You have a responsibility to yourself to rack up hours. If necessary, have a quota of hours that you need to meet every week.

***********
You may not have anxiety like the OP in that thread, but that post still applies.
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