[daWinner]

Hi all,

I am a long-time lurker and huge fan of this forum. I have learned a lot from reading awesome and insightful posts here.

I'll try to keep my story and problem brief and to the point.

Almost 2 years ago I got out of a 2 year relationship with a girl that really tore me a part (cheated on me while abroad in college and cheated right before we broke up). I was in-experienced and didn't really know what I was doing during this time. I had been with around 5 girls before her, but nothing as "strong" and long-term as this. After research from this forum and other outlets, I realized that a lot of her abuse was a result of me becoming complacent and lacking self-love.

Anyways the break-up was actually a really awesome thing at first. I started hitting the gym, eating right, meditating every morning and learned about game. Learning about game really gave me a lot of hope because I think a lot of my misery with women in the past was a result of not feeling like I had a lot of opportunity with women. So I dove into gaming which consisted of night game at first. When night gaming, I would usually ride solo to the club. I never had any success from night game and so I switched over to daygame and this only provided somewhere between 3-4 datess with no lays. This was over the course of 1 year or so. I hit both pretty hard. When night gaming I would go out 2 nights a week and when I started day gaming I was going out maybe 3 - 4 times a week. After a while I started strictly doing day game and I got pretty good in terms of approaching and having strong interactions. During this time I ended meeting a girl in my social circle who I would go on to bang for 2 months and as a result I really let my skills slip. This would lead to a 5 month period where I was no longer doing any sort of day gaming.

Lately, I have been pretty bummed out about letting my skills slip. In addition I have a lot of doubt given the way things are going with women and by this I mean women overall just being more into their social network world and their following there. I feel like just another thirsty guy trying to get her attention. Sometimes I feel like day game just isn't the best way to meet women(online isn't really an option because while I am not a bad looking guy, I have never had luck with online game). Also, I should mention that all of this has happened while I was living in one of the worst cities to game in the US(leaving out for anonymity), but the city is usually bashed pretty bad here.

On a more positive note, I recently got a job that would allow me to work remotely from anywhere in the US and possibly in South America. After some research on the forum I am interested in visiting Chicago/Austin/New York City/Nashville.

The only thing that concerns me is my lack of day game skill and feeling lonely when I get to these places. I lost a lot of friends because I invested so much time in my previous long-term relationship and after college a lot friends just drifted away. So, while I am super excited to be able to live wherever I want in the US, I am bummed about my poor social skills for meeting women and other like minded people to chill with. To top it all off, lately I have been coming really close to texting my ex. Recently my mind has been bombarding me with old memories and illusions that I can make things work again. To be clear, I know this is absolutely the worst thing I could do.

Personally, I think it just comes down to me trying to figure how I can stop being a little bitch about my ex and my current situation, but it's hard. I just feel super bitter these days and it fucking sucks. Lifting, making music, and advancing my career keeps me up tho.

I really hope this doesn't come off as too whiney and beta. I'd love to have some perspective from others who have been in my situation. I am super open to suggestions and advice if any one has anything to offer. Thanks for reading guys. It was quite therapeutic writing this.

[yeppels]

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

On a more positive note, I recently got a job that would allow me to work remotely from anywhere in the US and possibly in South America. After some research on the forum I am interested in visiting Chicago/Austin/New York City/Nashville.

The only thing that concerns me is my lack of day game skill and feeling lonely when I get to these places.

If you are actually working when visiting then your opportunity for day game will be limited. Also, since you work remotely, you have much less interaction with peers in your work area. Try looking for meetups directly related to your work field. There's a high chance you work in tech and all of these cities have tons of opportunities to meet people who do the same thing. Also, general entrepreneurial flavored meetups are good for meeting a diverse range of people. Don't hesitate to grab people's business cards/numbers/emails and invite them out to coffee if they seem interesting.

These aren't great for meeting women, but it's definitely worthwhile to build a professional network in different cities.

[daWinner]

(06-23-2016 11:36 AM)yeppels Wrote:  

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

On a more positive note, I recently got a job that would allow me to work remotely from anywhere in the US and possibly in South America. After some research on the forum I am interested in visiting Chicago/Austin/New York City/Nashville.

The only thing that concerns me is my lack of day game skill and feeling lonely when I get to these places.

If you are actually working when visiting then your opportunity for day game will be limited. Also, since you work remotely, you have much less interaction with peers in your work area. Try looking for meetups directly related to your work field. There's a high chance you work in tech and all of these cities have tons of opportunities to meet people who do the same thing. Also, general entrepreneurial flavored meetups are good for meeting a diverse range of people. Don't hesitate to grab people's business cards/numbers/emails and invite them out to coffee if they seem interesting.

These aren't great for meeting women, but it's definitely worthwhile to build a professional network in different cities.

I am not really concerned about my opportunities to day game since it's going to be a pretty chill tech job, but yes you are right I won't be having much face to face time with my co-workers, which is a bummer. Meet-ups sound like a good idea though.

You don't think Chicago/Austin/New York City are great for meeting women? I went to Austin about a year ago and it was flocking with some pretty fine girls. Guys here tend to praise Chicago and New York City as pretty good places for women.

[456]

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

I started hitting the gym, eating right, meditating every morning and learned about game.

Good initiative -- You moved beyond your emotions and created new reference experiences.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

I have a lot of doubt given the way things are going with women and by this I mean women overall just being more into their social network world and their following there.

Common sentiments, common threads: online-vs-offline, dating-site/app vs instagram/snapchat, etc.

In the end social circles grow through face-to-face experience. If you want to try and forgo social media, maximize your in-person "media" and people will post around you. Or be utilitarian and approach it like approaching lifting.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

I recently got a job that would allow me to work remotely from anywhere in the US and possibly in South America. After some research on the forum I am interested in visiting Chicago/Austin/New York City/Nashville.

Congrats but Warning: remote work usually means working alone at home, which can sever social connections in even the Best cities. Wherever you go, there you are.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

The only thing that concerns me is my lack of day game skill and feeling lonely when I get to these places.

You've had some day game success in a bad city, and are moving to a good one -- you'll only grow on that front.

Loneliness is a Whole Other Beast and will follow you to the most social, fun cities. The better the city, the worse your loneliness will get as FOMO is amplified.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

Lifting, making music, and advancing my career keeps me up tho.

Awesome -- those are "supposed" to help your psyche.

But even Lifting, Making Music, and Career could be HURTING your psyche if you are approaching all three in an alone manner.

- Solo gym, or circle of likeminded lifters?

- Bedroom producer, or regularly inviting others over for sessions, and traveling elsewhere to get up? Any collaborations?

- Your remote career -- are you remote dev (isolated), or remote sales (out interacting all day, write presentations from your apartment)?


---

Takeaway: your biggest wins will probably come from adjusting your life processes / habits to be a little more social. You already have the fundamental skills and initiative in check.

[SirTimothy]

Any time you feel like contacting an ex, read this:
thread-52478.html

[yeppels]

(06-23-2016 11:57 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

(06-23-2016 11:36 AM)yeppels Wrote:  

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

On a more positive note, I recently got a job that would allow me to work remotely from anywhere in the US and possibly in South America. After some research on the forum I am interested in visiting Chicago/Austin/New York City/Nashville.

The only thing that concerns me is my lack of day game skill and feeling lonely when I get to these places.

If you are actually working when visiting then your opportunity for day game will be limited. Also, since you work remotely, you have much less interaction with peers in your work area. Try looking for meetups directly related to your work field. There's a high chance you work in tech and all of these cities have tons of opportunities to meet people who do the same thing. Also, general entrepreneurial flavored meetups are good for meeting a diverse range of people. Don't hesitate to grab people's business cards/numbers/emails and invite them out to coffee if they seem interesting.

These aren't great for meeting women, but it's definitely worthwhile to build a professional network in different cities.

I am not really concerned about my opportunities to day game since it's going to be a pretty chill tech job, but yes you are right I won't be having much face to face time with my co-workers, which is a bummer. Meet-ups sound like a good idea though.

You don't think Chicago/Austin/New York City are great for meeting women? I went to Austin about a year ago and it was flocking with some pretty fine girls. Guys here tend to praise Chicago and New York City as pretty good places for women.

Ah, I meant the meetups that are tech/business oriented are not great places to meet women. The cities themselves are fantastic, and it's good to balance out friends/professional contacts and women.

[daWinner]

(06-23-2016 12:09 PM)456 Wrote:  

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

I started hitting the gym, eating right, meditating every morning and learned about game.

Good initiative -- You moved beyond your emotions and created new reference experiences.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

I have a lot of doubt given the way things are going with women and by this I mean women overall just being more into their social network world and their following there.

Common sentiments, common threads: online-vs-offline, dating-site/app vs instagram/snapchat, etc.

In the end social circles grow through face-to-face experience. If you want to try and forgo social media, maximize your in-person "media" and people will post around you. Or be utilitarian and approach it like approaching lifting.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

I recently got a job that would allow me to work remotely from anywhere in the US and possibly in South America. After some research on the forum I am interested in visiting Chicago/Austin/New York City/Nashville.

Congrats but Warning: remote work usually means working alone at home, which can sever social connections in even the Best cities. Wherever you go, there you are.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

The only thing that concerns me is my lack of day game skill and feeling lonely when I get to these places.

You've had some day game success in a bad city, and are moving to a good one -- you'll only grow on that front.

Loneliness is a Whole Other Beast and will follow you to the most social, fun cities. The better the city, the worse your loneliness will get as FOMO is amplified.

(06-23-2016 02:19 AM)daWinner Wrote:  

Lifting, making music, and advancing my career keeps me up tho.

Awesome -- those are "supposed" to help your psyche.

But even Lifting, Making Music, and Career could be HURTING your psyche if you are approaching all three in an alone manner.

- Solo gym, or circle of likeminded lifters?

- Bedroom producer, or regularly inviting others over for sessions, and traveling elsewhere to get up? Any collaborations?

- Your remote career -- are you remote dev (isolated), or remote sales (out interacting all day, write presentations from your apartment)?


---

Takeaway: your biggest wins will probably come from adjusting your life processes / habits to be a little more social. You already have the fundamental skills and initiative in check.

I really enjoyed your insight and completely agree with everything you said. I hope to do my best to get better at approaching before I head out to a new city.