Hi guys,
I believe most of you are familiar with the anagram above from Mystery. Well I have applied it in my dating game on a couple of occasions with some level of success, and sometimes failure. My current 'project' seems stuck somewhere in the middle. Let me explain and critique myself (and pardon me for the lengthy post).
Note:Some details will be omitted just in case she comes across this site.
BACK STORY
BAIT - So I am driving to the garage to have a friend's car repaired when I come across a stunning broad awaiting public transport. I pull over and offer to give her a ride to work; she finally agrees after some convincing and we speed off towards the city. There seems to be an instant connection; humorous conversation; instant rapport; no awkward moments of silence; she re-initiates conversations e.t.c. Many IOIs on display. I get to my destination and we exchange numbers. She requests me to drop her off at work but I decline citing a tight schedule with my mechanic (The car needed some substantial body work). Over the next couple of days we continue to make small talk via text, and I call her occasionally. I admit that at this point I haven't really "hooked" her but she does seem a little interested; she mentions being single for a while and even is playful and flirtatious. On valentines she sends me a text wishing me and my 'girl' a happy valentines. I reply in a joking way and insinuating that I actually do have a girl. Trying to DHV by appearing to be desired by other girls.
HOOK - I am not showing neediness. Play the game by the book. Slow, calculated text responses, missed calls, negging e.t.c. Her buying temperature is going up the thermometer by this point. Remember that at this point she incorrectly assumes that I am attached to someone else. We plan for a casual hang out at the weekend and it goes very well. I pick her up at her place and take her out to lunch and some fun activities afterwards. More IOIs (Laughing at jokes; unprompted touching; counter offers). The date lasts the better part of the day and evening and I drop her off at home late in the night. As I am about to leave I ask her whether I could take a lick then leave, which she's cool with (I actually did wan't to take a lick). As I'm leaving we hug each other good night and end up kissing briefly (MISTAKE 1) . I suppose at that point I should have resisted or immediately apologized for my rude behaviour (Remember she thinks I have a girl.)
REEL - This is the tough point that takes fishermen many hours to 'reel in the Tuna'. It is also where newbies like me find challenging
So, following the fun date we keep in touch via the occasional texts and phone calls. She does seem invested at this point because she initiates conversations, flirts and even asks when I can spend some time with her. Of course I play by the rules and act like I am seeing someone else, but in reality, work and business keep me occupied. We eventually see each other again after about a month when I pass by her place late in the evening after work. We end up making out (Mistake 2) and she brings up the 'what about my girlfriend?' issue. This is where I believe I made the wrong 'chess' move because I should have brought it up before she did (and I was expecting it, but the strong tide of emotions carried me away at that point). By failing to do so it made me seem to her like a 'player', which she did indirectly eventually say I am (remember technically I am NOT because I really don't have a permanent girl.)
AFTERMATH
So I actually do like this girl. The trick now is how to make her my girl. Its a bit complicated because she likes me too but tells me that since (she believes) I have a girl, I can never have her as my first priority. We do have very cool conversations on phone and her interest level still seems relatively high. She also appears to be very comfortable with me and opens up a lot about her life to me. However, she says indirectly that she doesn't want to be a 'side chick' because she feels she deserves better. In my head I am not sure what move to make in order to bring her into the fold to have her as my girl considering the circumstances.
My options at this point are:
1.) Orchestrate an unhappy relationship and eventual breakup with my imagined girl, allowing her to be my girl - The problem with this is that she could use it against me and say that I could at some point, in the future leave her for someone else.
2.) Continue along the same path and treat her as my side chick. This is likely to boomerang on me because, by the same standard, she can see other guys when we're not together. One of those guys could potentially end end up as her permanent BF. I cannot stop her from seeing someone else when I 'have a girl'.
3.)End the relationship - I could pretend to focus more on 'my girl' and slowly drift apart. This option is undesirable at the moment as I am single and I like this woman. I am not needy in any way but I think I enjoy and like her as a person and would want her as an LTR.
My question to the masterful, experienced gentlemen on this forum:
Has anyone been in such a situation before? What move would you make if you were in my shoes? How would you have handled some of the situations above? How would you 'reel' her in?
I am really outcome-independent on this one, so no matter what happens it will be a good lesson.
I believe most of you are familiar with the anagram above from Mystery. Well I have applied it in my dating game on a couple of occasions with some level of success, and sometimes failure. My current 'project' seems stuck somewhere in the middle. Let me explain and critique myself (and pardon me for the lengthy post).
Note:Some details will be omitted just in case she comes across this site.
BACK STORY
BAIT - So I am driving to the garage to have a friend's car repaired when I come across a stunning broad awaiting public transport. I pull over and offer to give her a ride to work; she finally agrees after some convincing and we speed off towards the city. There seems to be an instant connection; humorous conversation; instant rapport; no awkward moments of silence; she re-initiates conversations e.t.c. Many IOIs on display. I get to my destination and we exchange numbers. She requests me to drop her off at work but I decline citing a tight schedule with my mechanic (The car needed some substantial body work). Over the next couple of days we continue to make small talk via text, and I call her occasionally. I admit that at this point I haven't really "hooked" her but she does seem a little interested; she mentions being single for a while and even is playful and flirtatious. On valentines she sends me a text wishing me and my 'girl' a happy valentines. I reply in a joking way and insinuating that I actually do have a girl. Trying to DHV by appearing to be desired by other girls.
HOOK - I am not showing neediness. Play the game by the book. Slow, calculated text responses, missed calls, negging e.t.c. Her buying temperature is going up the thermometer by this point. Remember that at this point she incorrectly assumes that I am attached to someone else. We plan for a casual hang out at the weekend and it goes very well. I pick her up at her place and take her out to lunch and some fun activities afterwards. More IOIs (Laughing at jokes; unprompted touching; counter offers). The date lasts the better part of the day and evening and I drop her off at home late in the night. As I am about to leave I ask her whether I could take a lick then leave, which she's cool with (I actually did wan't to take a lick). As I'm leaving we hug each other good night and end up kissing briefly (MISTAKE 1) . I suppose at that point I should have resisted or immediately apologized for my rude behaviour (Remember she thinks I have a girl.)
REEL - This is the tough point that takes fishermen many hours to 'reel in the Tuna'. It is also where newbies like me find challenging
So, following the fun date we keep in touch via the occasional texts and phone calls. She does seem invested at this point because she initiates conversations, flirts and even asks when I can spend some time with her. Of course I play by the rules and act like I am seeing someone else, but in reality, work and business keep me occupied. We eventually see each other again after about a month when I pass by her place late in the evening after work. We end up making out (Mistake 2) and she brings up the 'what about my girlfriend?' issue. This is where I believe I made the wrong 'chess' move because I should have brought it up before she did (and I was expecting it, but the strong tide of emotions carried me away at that point). By failing to do so it made me seem to her like a 'player', which she did indirectly eventually say I am (remember technically I am NOT because I really don't have a permanent girl.)
AFTERMATH
So I actually do like this girl. The trick now is how to make her my girl. Its a bit complicated because she likes me too but tells me that since (she believes) I have a girl, I can never have her as my first priority. We do have very cool conversations on phone and her interest level still seems relatively high. She also appears to be very comfortable with me and opens up a lot about her life to me. However, she says indirectly that she doesn't want to be a 'side chick' because she feels she deserves better. In my head I am not sure what move to make in order to bring her into the fold to have her as my girl considering the circumstances.
My options at this point are:
1.) Orchestrate an unhappy relationship and eventual breakup with my imagined girl, allowing her to be my girl - The problem with this is that she could use it against me and say that I could at some point, in the future leave her for someone else.
2.) Continue along the same path and treat her as my side chick. This is likely to boomerang on me because, by the same standard, she can see other guys when we're not together. One of those guys could potentially end end up as her permanent BF. I cannot stop her from seeing someone else when I 'have a girl'.
3.)End the relationship - I could pretend to focus more on 'my girl' and slowly drift apart. This option is undesirable at the moment as I am single and I like this woman. I am not needy in any way but I think I enjoy and like her as a person and would want her as an LTR.
My question to the masterful, experienced gentlemen on this forum:
Has anyone been in such a situation before? What move would you make if you were in my shoes? How would you have handled some of the situations above? How would you 'reel' her in?
I am really outcome-independent on this one, so no matter what happens it will be a good lesson.