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Bait, hook, reel, release...
#1

Bait, hook, reel, release...

Hi guys,

I believe most of you are familiar with the anagram above from Mystery. Well I have applied it in my dating game on a couple of occasions with some level of success, and sometimes failure. My current 'project' seems stuck somewhere in the middle. Let me explain and critique myself (and pardon me for the lengthy post).

Note:Some details will be omitted just in case she comes across this site.

BACK STORY

BAIT - So I am driving to the garage to have a friend's car repaired when I come across a stunning broad awaiting public transport. I pull over and offer to give her a ride to work; she finally agrees after some convincing and we speed off towards the city. There seems to be an instant connection; humorous conversation; instant rapport; no awkward moments of silence; she re-initiates conversations e.t.c. Many IOIs on display. I get to my destination and we exchange numbers. She requests me to drop her off at work but I decline citing a tight schedule with my mechanic (The car needed some substantial body work). Over the next couple of days we continue to make small talk via text, and I call her occasionally. I admit that at this point I haven't really "hooked" her but she does seem a little interested; she mentions being single for a while and even is playful and flirtatious. On valentines she sends me a text wishing me and my 'girl' a happy valentines. I reply in a joking way and insinuating that I actually do have a girl. Trying to DHV by appearing to be desired by other girls.

HOOK - I am not showing neediness. Play the game by the book. Slow, calculated text responses, missed calls, negging e.t.c. Her buying temperature is going up the thermometer by this point. Remember that at this point she incorrectly assumes that I am attached to someone else. We plan for a casual hang out at the weekend and it goes very well. I pick her up at her place and take her out to lunch and some fun activities afterwards. More IOIs (Laughing at jokes; unprompted touching; counter offers). The date lasts the better part of the day and evening and I drop her off at home late in the night. As I am about to leave I ask her whether I could take a lick then leave, which she's cool with (I actually did wan't to take a lick). As I'm leaving we hug each other good night and end up kissing briefly (MISTAKE 1) . I suppose at that point I should have resisted or immediately apologized for my rude behaviour (Remember she thinks I have a girl.)

REEL - This is the tough point that takes fishermen many hours to 'reel in the Tuna'. It is also where newbies like me find challenging

So, following the fun date we keep in touch via the occasional texts and phone calls. She does seem invested at this point because she initiates conversations, flirts and even asks when I can spend some time with her. Of course I play by the rules and act like I am seeing someone else, but in reality, work and business keep me occupied. We eventually see each other again after about a month when I pass by her place late in the evening after work. We end up making out (Mistake 2) and she brings up the 'what about my girlfriend?' issue. This is where I believe I made the wrong 'chess' move because I should have brought it up before she did (and I was expecting it, but the strong tide of emotions carried me away at that point). By failing to do so it made me seem to her like a 'player', which she did indirectly eventually say I am (remember technically I am NOT because I really don't have a permanent girl.)

AFTERMATH

So I actually do like this girl. The trick now is how to make her my girl. Its a bit complicated because she likes me too but tells me that since (she believes) I have a girl, I can never have her as my first priority. We do have very cool conversations on phone and her interest level still seems relatively high. She also appears to be very comfortable with me and opens up a lot about her life to me. However, she says indirectly that she doesn't want to be a 'side chick' because she feels she deserves better. In my head I am not sure what move to make in order to bring her into the fold to have her as my girl considering the circumstances.

My options at this point are:

1.) Orchestrate an unhappy relationship and eventual breakup with my imagined girl, allowing her to be my girl - The problem with this is that she could use it against me and say that I could at some point, in the future leave her for someone else.
2.) Continue along the same path and treat her as my side chick. This is likely to boomerang on me because, by the same standard, she can see other guys when we're not together. One of those guys could potentially end end up as her permanent BF. I cannot stop her from seeing someone else when I 'have a girl'.
3.)End the relationship - I could pretend to focus more on 'my girl' and slowly drift apart. This option is undesirable at the moment as I am single and I like this woman. I am not needy in any way but I think I enjoy and like her as a person and would want her as an LTR.

My question to the masterful, experienced gentlemen on this forum:

Has anyone been in such a situation before? What move would you make if you were in my shoes? How would you have handled some of the situations above? How would you 'reel' her in?

I am really outcome-independent on this one, so no matter what happens it will be a good lesson.
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#2

Bait, hook, reel, release...

Quote: (05-25-2016 05:54 AM)Uhondo Wrote:  

So I am driving to the garage to have a friend's car repaired when I come across a stunning broad awaiting public transport.

From this point on I couldn't help but read the rest of the post in 1940's detective cigar-and-fedora voice, which makes it very difficult to give a serious answer.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Regards,

Sam Spade.

[Image: 157819-HBA.jpg]

Quote: (01-19-2016 11:26 PM)ordinaryleastsquared Wrote:  
I stand by my analysis.
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#3

Bait, hook, reel, release...

BHRR is meant for a night game situation, not an extended and prolonged dating situation.

The issue could be that you didn't bang her after spending all that time with her. Your game may lack decisiveness. Post pua golden era, a lot of us feel like this time is the last time we're going to see a girl. Better to start any interaction with that in mind.

As for how to salvage this, it's all low probability stuff to get her back out. You're trapped in a lie of your own making. And you don't have the value to her that would make her accept being a secondary.

So I'd actually go to radio silence. If you're running in the same circles, you basically need to work your scene like you'd work a crowd. Maybe through back channels, she finds out that you're free.

But if you tell her, she's skeptical about anything you say.

WIA
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#4

Bait, hook, reel, release...

Props on the bus stop pickup.

Serious balls

WIA
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#5

Bait, hook, reel, release...

Hi Tex,

In the interest of brevity and to protect my identity I omitted some information.

If you have some advice regarding this situation its welcome.
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#6

Bait, hook, reel, release...

WIA,

I have to agree. Unfortunately I am caught in the web I spun, and anything I say is likely to be taken with a pinch of salt at best. Another important lesson learnt.
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#7

Bait, hook, reel, release...

Just say that you broke up with your imaginary girlfriend, you caught her cheating or whatever.
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#8

Bait, hook, reel, release...

Hit her with a "confession" that she was the "girlfriend" all along...

It started a joke on valentines (you went along with it) and you read that women like men more that have girfriends, and you were testing the theory.

Bingo, cute drama tension release, you are not a player and all impedance is gone for the lay.

IF she doesn't come to the party, next her and use your mad bus stop pick up skills to get another.

Either way, lets move this story along, and report back to us what she tastes like.

Good luck mate
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