[TheWhiteWolf]

Hi In my early twenties and looking to improve my life and my success with woman. At age 10 I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. This has impacted me greatly in terms of making small talk and reading body language. Though I have AS I consider myself to be on the extremely high functioning end of the spectrum. I have an IQ of 130. The only area I struggle in academically is spelling so I use a Speech to text program. I'm taking steps to improve my life I recently joined a BJJ club and I’m going to the gym regularly to help improve my physique. I was also thinking of taking up a musical instrument like guitar. I hear some people with Aspergers have an unnatural talent when it comes to music. I was thinking if I got good enough I could play in a band and that would be a way to get girls

Additionally I've been going out to clubs to improve my social skills. I've noticed well I’m at the club's I'd get checked it out fairly regularly by girls as I am 6,2 and fairly good looking. I'm just scared to approach as I feel I would get rejected for my social awkwardness. I was wondering if anyone here had overcome a condition like Aspersers or if anyone any advice on how to improve my success with women. I was thinking of looking into online dating. Pretty much all I’m focused on right now is getting laided.

I just feel I've been cheated out of a good life because of my condition. I know if I didn't have this condition with my physique and looks like probably be slaying right now. I desperately want to improve and don't want to take the coward's way out of life. I'd appreciate the feedback

I'm just at really low place in my life right now and I don't know how to fix it. I thought this forum would be a good place to turn to for support

PS if there are some errors in the post it is because of my speech to text program sometimes the program adds in words

[Lizard King]

First thing to do is stop thinking you are special or different, you're not.

Doing that will do more for your state of mind than anything else.

I don't believe, nor care about your IQ, as most people who publicly announce their IQ are actually 100 IQ.

You're just an average person like everyone else, subject to the same pitfalls and quandaries as everyone else.




Now get off your sorry ass and make yourself great again.

[PapayaTapper]

This dude has way bigger problems than you

Lizard King is correct. Your biggest problem is your inner dialogue You need to correct that.

Your established belief system is askew

There are many books on the subject but my favorite is



It provides actionable tools rather than rhetoric or theory on how effect significant change on your belief system

It comes in audio format as well

[PapayaTapper]

TheWhiteWolf

What speech-text program do you use? I'm asking because Im considering trying one

[younggun]

I used to be extremely socially awkward, my sister is autistic and people speculated when I was younger that I might be on the spectrum as well. Just from your one post I see similarities between you and how I used to be.

Quote:

I just feel I've been cheated out of a good life because of my condition. I know if I didn't have this condition with my physique and looks like probably be slaying right now. I desperately want to improve and don't want to take the coward's way out of life. I'd appreciate the feedback

This is mental masturbation. You sound like the kid in school who says "if I actually tried I'd be getting A's". Guess what, you're not getting A's. You haven't even showed up to the exam. So dwelling on this is useless.

The first paragraph of your post also sounds like something that would rub people the wrong way. First off, you're not going to pick up a guitar and be good enough to play in a band for the same reason you can't walk up to the hottest girl in the bar and bring her home. Also, don't assume that anybody gives a shit what your IQ is.

The reason I'm dissecting your post like this is because this is what people without Aspergers do.

Anyways, my suggestion to you is to really try to understand how social interactions work. Guys at the forum cite Seinfeld as an excellent way to learn. Personally, I watched a lot of stand-up and really paid attention to the delivery and timing. Just make sure you're not ripping off comedians jokes or being self-deprecating (e.g. Louis CK), people don't like that in a regular setting.

Afterwards, really focus on developing a social circle. You didn't mention anything about friends in your post. Maybe start a conversation after BJJ is over or at the gym. If you're in school that's another good source of new people.

Finally, you have to crawl before you can walk. I suggested social circle because this falls into what Jariel calls convenience game (don't have the link), and is definitely easier for someone with Aspergers. You have to make a good first impression, but you don't have to qualify yourself to girls right away, which feels more natural. I still struggle with cold approach.

Anyways, good luck and heed the advice of the senior members here. They know far more than I do

[Lizard King]

At the moment, your only opponent is you.

[highcardace]

Your problem is probably over-analyzing everyday situations, being as smart as you say. Treat life as a joke (which in a lot of respects it is) and look at all this social problems as an evolutionary game, and let your conscious mind suppress your disorder or your evolutionary programming.

“It is impossible to overlook the extent to which civilization is built up upon a renunciation of instinct....” -Sigmund Freud

One of the greatest quotes in my opinion, in which Freud essentially argues that great things are achieved by renouncing or overcoming your natural instincts, which is essentially unique only to humans.

[Valentine]

Socialise, socialise, socialise.

The more practice you get, the better you'll get at it.

Go on meetup.com - tons of events for any interest. Though focus on ones which will bring you in contact with good ratios of women.

Join Toastmasters - practice public speaking, it really boosts confidence and gets you out of your head.

And go read Day Bang and learn the elderly opener. Approaching made easy.

[samsamsam]

For god sakes, don't lose before you play.

In other words, there is a fine line between healthy internal pressure and just limiting yourself.

Work on focusing outwards and not inwards.

[Fortis]

Don't mention your IQ, ever.

Also, don't think of yourself as a social retard.
Everyone on this forum has undergone embarrassing shit. I've had girls in my dorm room ready to fuck, but I was too busy playing pokemon on my game boy.

How's that for poor social skills?

I'd say, the best way to work at this is to put yourself in situations where you're interacting with women a lot and pushing towards make outs and bangs. Sign up for tinder and try and sexualize conversations ASAP. See what works and what doesn't. Do some approaches at night when your social skills will be less noticeable becuase of alcohol and other things.

Post what you've been doing so we can all chime in and let you know if you're really that bad socially or if it's all in your head. It won't be comfortable, but the guys on this forum won't steer you wrong if you're honest with them.

[greekgod]

1. Change your language. Branding yourself that way is literally shooting yourself in the foot.

There is this weird example of recent world events where a man had off the charts self esteem and parlayed that self esteem into a foray politically. It turns out his self esteem was so good that he beat people who have doing it for decades. Dozens of them. His self esteem was so strong even when pundits told him he sucked, he laughed. I can't remember his name but maybe if you look hard enough; youll find him.

In other words, inner dialogue reveals itself it outward performance.

2. Take an Improv class. Where I performed; they had Improv for social anxiety. I'm sure you can find one locally.

3. Reject your rejection. Yes, you may get blown out. Who cares? Do it anyway. The sooner you find out, the sooner youll stop thinking about this shit.

[JacksonRev]

Damn near anybody that focuses hard on self improvement will be on the spectrum. Doctors just need new diagnoses to drum up business.

What Every Body Is Saying and Telling Lies are good books to help with social skills.

FACE Trainng will help you read emotions as well as feel them better through practice.

And learn how to dance.

[TheWhiteWolf]

Thanks for all the advice guys. On the the guitar thing I didn't mean I'd be good enough to play in a band right away. I'm meant that if I'd practiced for a couple hours each night then maybe I'd be good enough to play in a couple of years. Also I've been reading Roosh's books it's just hard to take what you read and apply it in real life is there any videos of Roosh infield.

[TheWhiteWolf]

I’ve been talking to Aurini over Skype and that’s been helping me. I was wondering if there anyone else I could talk to I’m willing to pay.

[Fortis]

Talk to us. It's free.

Tell us what you've been doing in your interactions. Be 100% honest with yourself. If you're not sure how to do it, go read the assessment threads that Kaotic did. They're really informative.

[Sam Malone]

OP, the book PT recommended. Free download:

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=we...OjAcWMsI4w

The above works well on a Kindle.

If you do a Google search on the title you'll see a bunch of other choices to download

[XPQ22]

Don't worry for a second at your age that you've been "cheated out of a good life." You are a young man, just at the beginning of your life. And unlike me, you have the tools and information to do it as close to "right" as you can, first time.

[not-a-pua]

I think a lot of you guys don't know anything about Aspergers, so giving him hints that work for normal people will do him probably harm in the long run.

"Socialize". Are you guys aware that socialising is almost torture for Asperger people? It sucks them dry of Energy. They will need lot's of alone time.

I think the only hint I can give to TheWhiteWolf is to find a low maintenance girl. That doesn't require loads of social contacts and constantly chats or want's to go out all the time.

As an Aspi you have some really good qualities (usually): Being loyal, showing attention. The live as a player will not suit you, but you could be a really good husband and father.

As for the negative: You really have to find a woman that will not eat your heart. Because Aspis, due to their nature, are "natural" victims to a lot of harpies.

[Rush87]

(05-08-2016 01:33 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  

Hi In my early twenties and looking to improve my life and my success with woman. At age 10 I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. This has impacted me greatly in terms of making small talk and reading body language. Though I have AS I consider myself to be on the extremely high functioning end of the spectrum. I have an IQ of 130. The only area I struggle in academically is spelling so I use a Speech to text program. I'm taking steps to improve my life I recently joined a BJJ club and I’m going to the gym regularly to help improve my physique. I was also thinking of taking up a musical instrument like guitar. I hear some people with Aspergers have an unnatural talent when it comes to music. I was thinking if I got good enough I could play in a band and that would be a way to get girls

Additionally I've been going out to clubs to improve my social skills. I've noticed well I’m at the club's I'd get checked it out fairly regularly by girls as I am 6,2 and fairly good looking. I'm just scared to approach as I feel I would get rejected for my social awkwardness. I was wondering if anyone here had overcome a condition like Aspersers or if anyone any advice on how to improve my success with women. I was thinking of looking into online dating. Pretty much all I’m focused on right now is getting laided.

I just feel I've been cheated out of a good life because of my condition. I know if I didn't have this condition with my physique and looks like probably be slaying right now. I desperately want to improve and don't want to take the coward's way out of life. I'd appreciate the feedback

I'm just at really low place in my life right now and I don't know how to fix it. I thought this forum would be a good place to turn to for support

PS if there are some errors in the post it is because of my speech to text program sometimes the program adds in words

The short answer to the question: "How to stop being a social retard is simple…" At least in my case, was to stop caring. As long as you talk with confidence and conviction it doesn't matter what you say.

I've been a huge introvert most of my life... In fact I am still socially retarded. The only difference now, is that when I inevitably say something socially retarded I just own it and move on. You could be quoting Tarantino dialogue and still sound retarded if you don't speak with conviction & ownership of your words.

[TheWhiteWolf]

(05-12-2016 06:59 AM)not-a-pua Wrote:  

I think a lot of you guys don't know anything about Aspergers, so giving him hints that work for normal people will do him probably harm in the long run.

"Socialize". Are you guys aware that socialising is almost torture for Asperger people? It sucks them dry of Energy. They will need lot's of alone time.

I think the only hint I can give to TheWhiteWolf is to find a low maintenance girl. That doesn't require loads of social contacts and constantly chats or want's to go out all the time.

As an Aspi you have some really good qualities (usually): Being loyal, showing attention. The live as a player will not suit you, but you could be a really good husband and father.

As for the negative: You really have to find a woman that will not eat your heart. Because Aspis, due to their nature, are "natural" victims to a lot of harpies.

I was thinking i should try and find a girl with aspergers. if the girl had a mental condition perhaps she'd be open to dating a socially awkward guy. It's just impossible to find girls like this as mental illness is much more common in men.

[Cortés]

^^^ I wouldnt say specifically look for a girl who also has aspergers.dont let your condition be an excuse, keep improving yourself. It will certainly take you much more effort than others to get better with game. Go out and approach as many girls as possible. Take notes on your phone about each approach. If you post some dialogue from your interactions Im sure that many members here (me included) would be willing to give you pointers. Theres no point in not trying, you have nothing to lose by approaching women. As long as you are willing to listen and try new methods, you will see improvement.

[Gyro]

I don't know about this man, maybe I'm ignorant to what asperger's sydrome entails but I sincerely don't believe it's in your best interest to keep self-referring yourself as an "aspie".

This is a cataloging term defined by psychologists so that they could categorize a certain behavior pattern....it's not meant to be a badge or title that you give yourself.

1st things 1st: stop calling yourself an "aspie", and stop thinking you're an "aspie". it's a term that's no longer than a century old....that's your great grandparent generation.

[not-a-pua]

(05-12-2016 06:35 PM)TheWhiteWolf Wrote:  

I was thinking i should try and find a girl with aspergers. if the girl had a mental condition perhaps she'd be open to dating a socially awkward guy. It's just impossible to find girls like this as mental illness is much more common in men.

I would totally advise against that. You will end up not talking at all and get to comfortable in your Aspie. Go and read Tony Attwoods book "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome". It has some advice on dating andf relationships as well.

[Ethan Hunt]

(05-12-2016 06:59 AM)not-a-pua Wrote:  

I think a lot of you guys don't know anything about Aspergers, so giving him hints that work for normal people will do him probably harm in the long run.

"Socialize". Are you guys aware that socialising is almost torture for Asperger people? It sucks them dry of Energy. They will need lot's of alone time.

I'm not entirely sure I agree with this point. With all conditions that affect learning it does not make it not possible. Just takes a bit longer to learn than the majority of people.

To OP. I don't know how Aspie you are. I have heard a few speak and their voices have been very robotic and very monotone with little to no variation in pitch. A vocal coach could help with that, if it is the case, and allow you to become more expressive. Even if you have to consciously think about what you are doing and how you are doing there will become a point that becomes second nature.

There are some very good vocal couches on youtube to help, such as Charisma on Command. His videos showcase a person whom he deems to be Charismatic and he then points out why he thinks so and breaks it down point by point. Gives real examples of famous people to emulate.

[TheWhiteWolf]

I've been going out more I'm finding that I'm OK in social situations. I used to be very anxious. I just find I'm at a loss for words when in a conversation. I can hold a conversation for the first 5 minutes then I've run out of stuff to talk about. If you haven't lived an exciting life and you not quick with words how do you find stuff to talk about in a conversation.