Quote: (07-20-2011 01:30 PM)Theogreat Wrote:
The average black cannot get an attractive non black woman without a lot of money and status. Even then most of the time their dealing with a goldigger. Hey I don't like it either but it is what it is. Way too many black men put non black women on pedestals that they don't deserve. Most women including black women look down on black men.
Athalone or anyone else on this forum have you ever seen an attractive white/asian/hispanic/indian from a good middle class family that is intelligent dating a Black man? I bet you the answer will be no. Fucking is way different then a LTR/marriage.
Firstly, to respond to your last question, I have seen several instances of attractive, middle class non-black women willing to date (not just fuck, but date) black men. I've personally been their target on more than one occasion. It happens.
The key is assimilation. Basilransom already explained this very well, so I'll just bring an addendum.
I frequently talk of my
experiences at the Ivy I go to, and how black men don't do particularly well there. The girls are almost uniformly upper-middle class or above and relatively conservative when compared to the average co-ed. They rarely hook up with black men, much less date them.
I've spoken to dozens of black men on campus about this very topic (including most of the best athletes on campus), and they nearly unanimously agreed on the difficulty of approaching non-black women here. It is much harder than it was in most of our hometowns and at other colleges.
There are, however, rare cases of black men successfully dating out here and regularly hooking up with non-black women. You almost never see it, but it does exist.
The few black men who successfully transcend these social barriers are
fully assimilated into the prevailing (and largely WASPy/caucasian) culture.
1. They are often the "token black guy"-the one black male in an entirely white, preppy social group. These black men are very tight with the upper-middle class/affluent non-black guys that these non-black girls most commonly see themselves dating. They went to school with them, they party with them and they play sports with them.
The black guy, by extension, sort of blends in. He is still much less likely to get with those women than his non-black male peers, but he has a far better shot because he is close to(and socially approved by) the guys who are part and parcel of the larger culture. He'll usually end up with a girlfriend from that social group as a result of his assimilation.
2. They often attended the same prep schools and elite public schools that these non-black women attended, giving them a useful element of familiarity when approaching non-black girls from that environment. They fully grasp the nuances of white culture.
3. They transcend black stereotypes, and can often come across as "oreos".
You know how you'll occasionally turn on the TV and see a college lacrosse game on, and out in the field you'll
notice a black guy("Wtf,
a brotha on a
lax team?")?
Those are the type of guys I'm talking about. They have fewer problems with white girls, even the preppy, upper class ones-they're too well assimilated.
If you are black and you a) aren't encased in a social circle filled with upper-middle class/affleunt non-black guys, b) don't understand the nuances of this culture(it is very different) and c) can't transcend black stereotypes(speak english, listen to broader varieties of music, do well in school), you will fail miserably.
I personally have mastered point c, which is enough to do well with most ordinary non-black women and convince them to consider dating you. I attracted plenty of cute ones in high school and still do whenever I go out in my hometown(as do many of my other black male peers here). White girls considered me an option because I transcended stereotypes, leading to wider social assimilation(I was like a lot of their white peers) and greater acceptability with them. They were comfortable enough to approach me.
With the preppy culture at my school, I'd also need point a and b to succeed. I lack them, so those girls are largely off limits.
The problem, of course, is that in the grand scheme of things only a microscopic portion of black American men are able to assimilate to this level. Points a and b require a level of familiarity with this affluent white society that very few black men have and that black society actively discourages them from having. I can't imagine the teasing a lot of black urban kids would get from other blacks for wanting to play lacrosse. They
get taunted badly enough already just for speaking English and trying to get good grades(which alone is enough to also preclude them from meeting point c as well).
Thus, because so few black men are able to meet any of these criteria (even just point c), you're left with the impression that these girls just hate black men for being black. In reality, race is not the issue. Class and cultural assimilation are.
Cultural divides create the disconnect.
Eliminate them as a black guy(assimilate), and you'll see a difference.
