[Bycicleguy]

I drink since I was 15 and never had a problem with it, but since the last year I have acquired a very nasty habit.

Everytime I drink hard, I start looking for fights, it's hard for me to confront people when I'm sober, for example, someone is doing something that bothers me, I have to breath deep before I could go to them and tell them, hey don't do this men.

But when I'm tipsy I loose the boundaries of what is correct to say, it happens me that I offend people just being very honest, also, I just become intolerant, I don't like someone and I just insult him, even if he did not anything to me. It's not violent, like I insult people laughing, there was a time my group got into a conflict with another guys because we started small chat and when they asked me where we were going I said something like "to your moms house!". The guy shoved me immediately and a casual small chat in a bar door escalated quickly.

I might be having fun, but then I just get pissed off for the most trivial shit.

I'm not even too drunk, I mean I remember exactly what I'm doing and I don't feel like coordination problems, it is just that I loose any boundaries of what I'm saying. For some reason I haven't got my ass kicked yet, though I have been in a couple of one on one fist fights for my behaviour, nobody seriously hurt.

I have been seriously thinking lately, should I give up alcohol? The thing is I'm in my early 20's and alcohol makes me pretty sociable and it actually helps me in my game, because not giving a fuck about what I'm saying is great to avoid thinking, is she really into me? what should I speak about now? But I constantly feel bad the next day for the shit I started.

[Going strong]

(04-24-2016 03:32 PM)Bycicleguy Wrote:  

You know I drink since I was 15 and never had a problem with it, but since the last year I have acquired a very nasty habit.

Everytime I drink hard, I start looking for fights, it's hard for me to confront people when I'm sober, for example, someone is doing something that bothers me, I have to breath deep before I could go to them and tell them, hey don't do this men.

But when I'm tipsy I loose the boundaries of what is correct to say, it happens me that I offend people just being very honest, also, I just become intolerant, I don't like someone and I just insult him, even if he did not anything to me. It's not violent, like I insult people laughing, there was a time my group got into a conflict with another guys because we started small chat and when they asked me where we were going I said something like "to your moms house". The guy started to shove me inmediately and I was like bring it on.

I might be having fun, but then I just get pissed off for the most trivial shit.

I'm not even too drunk, I mean I remember exactly what I'm doing and I don't feel like coordination problems, it is just that I loose any boundaries of what I'm saying. For some reason I haven't got my ass kicked yet, though I have been in a couple of one on one fist fights for my behaviour, nobody seriously hurt.

I have been seriously thinking lately, should I give up alcohol? The thing is I'm in my early 20's and alcohol makes me pretty sociable and it actually helps me in my game, because I'm not giving a fuck about what I'm saying is great, but I constantly feel bad the next day for the shit I started.

Only (quite obvious) answer to your pledge is, finding the right amount of alcohol to drink, in your case. Couple of drinks, so that you loosen up and "become pretty sociable", but no more than that... Now, will you have the strength of will to stop drinking after the 2 first glasses, that's the question. Try your best to.

[Hannibal]

You should quit.

[Brodiaga]

You have to take care of this problem as soon as possible. It's not just the drinking itself, it's the fact that you put yourself and others at risk. You will avoid a lot of trouble if you learn how to control your drinking and your temper. Two separate problems, each one is very hard to solve but not impossible.

If I were you, i would consider joining the Drinking Wagon Challenge thread-30625.html

Also, read The Power of Habit to learn more about how habits work, losing bad habits and forming good ones.

I used to drink more than I do now. What helped me to cut down was thinking about the consequences of drinking too much and realizing that the negative by far outweighed the positive.

For some guys, having a few drinks with friends is ok, but it seems like for you even that's too much before you learn how to handle alcohol. Quit drinking, replace this habit with lifting/sports, then when you are confident that you have learned to control yourself, perhaps you can start drinking socially again but set a limit to 2-3 drinks max.

Another side benefit or quitting/limiting drinking is that you'll save a lot more money. Alcohol prices in bars and clubs are ridiculous. If your friends waste too much money on drinks, just lose these friends. You'll be better off without them.

Another thought: think about all the shit that could happen to you because of drinking. It's generally a bad idea to focus on the negative, but for you it may be good because you are already in a pretty shitty situation. So, if you keep drinking and being aggressive, you could get your ass kicked, or kick somebody else's ass and then go to jail for that, get a criminal record and forget about ever getting a decent job, renting a decent place, etc. If you drive drunk, you could also get a DUI. Even if you don't drive, you could fall down and break bones or worse.

[Kona]

People with drinking problems really bother me.

People with drinking problems WANT to have drinking problems. They want the attention, that's it. Whether it be from a family member, spouse or friend, there is somebody or a group of people they are trying to get a rise out of. If they are a homeless drunk they want attention from the people they panhandle from, or the cops that kick them off the sidewalk.

Look at yourself, when you drink you use the drinking as an excuse to be an asshole. Its not the alcohol its you craving attention. You believe the drinking lessens your responsibility for your own actions. That is bullshit.

Alcoholism is NOT a disease. Alcoholism is NOT genetic. I'm sure people can show me some science that says otherwise, but it is all bullshit.

The reason kids that turn into drunks because their parents were drunks are drunks because that's how they know to get attention. Maybe there's an attention whore gene.

I drink to excess regularly. I'm half in the bag right now. I can stop whenever I want and have repeatedly. Sometimes I only have one or two. I drink to have a good time and relax and be social. Plus I just like it, and people like you fuck it up for me.

What I suggest you do to put an end to your problem is simple:

Go back to the bar where you got pushed. Get drunk and mouth off to somebody else. Go by yourself though so you don't have your friends to back you up (pussy-ass way to attention whore).

Wait for somebody to beat your ass. If that doesn't help go back and do it again.

Eventually you'll learn self control.

Be a man.

Aloha!

[Bycicleguy]

I'm not saying is a disease or whatever, the problem is that I have been doing this stuff for some time as I said, but I really didin't realize it was an issue since a couple of days ago.

Usually I go to young bars or clubs where being the loudest asshole is actually kind of useful, you don't know the other guys, you can engage in a conversation casually but it's not the usual, I go to meet girls and drink with my buddies, and having tons of fun makes approaching easy. So if the night is over and I create some ridiculous drama, my friends help me and then we just laugh about it. I don't think they think is something to be worried, they actually praise it, I remember one time my friend introduced me a chick and he was like, "this is my friend X the only guy I know who manages to continually insult bouncers without getting his ass kicked!" (an exageration, but you get the point) I don't care about this attention, I don't feel pride about my behaviour, when sober I tend to avoid risk and uncomfortable situations.

When I say I have not my ass kicked yet I mean that I have not been seriously hurt, In this year I was already in a couple of fights, but people broke them like at 30 seconds or 1 minute. Believe me that doesn't cure it for me. Maybe one day if a get a bottle, my body will learn.

A couple of days ago I went to a house party of a friend and I did it again, I had another small incident a couple of weeks ago, but nothing to serious. In this particular occasion I was very embarrassed because it turned very heated and then I was thinking men.... I'm being a real jerk, and no, I don't want to be like that. It is stupid, and I don't want to sound like a victim, but yeah I have some self-control issues that are self-inflicted.

I think the real roots are:

First, I have very very dark sense of humor and view of life, somebody made a post about not being able to say "red pill stuff" without people being outraged. Is something like that too, like my closest friends are pretty much like me in that sense, and even the guys who I party with, like I can tell them jokes that would offend a lot of people and they will laugh about it. I can moderate this sense of humor when I'm sober, light it up, but when I drink I just don't hold it anymore.

Second, particularly in the last case, I can be very talkative without alcohol too, but I get very nervous when friends introduce me their new friends for example, I think I actually drink more in house parties because I feel more social pressure, like I can say whatever shit in a bar and it won't hunt me later, but here I have to keep a good image, without being boring, ironically this makes me drink more and lose control.

[Kona]

(04-24-2016 05:15 PM)Bycicleguy Wrote:  

"this is my friend X the only guy I know who manages to continually insult bouncers without getting his ass kicked!".

That's just not going to last.

You're friends aren't going to laugh about your behavior for much longer. They will just stop hanging around you.

Aloha!

[Bycicleguy]

That was an extreme case, it is not the norm, the guy threw one of my friends of the club because he was drunk, not doing anything bad (is not that my friends are super drunk usually, special case too), he was just resting in a chair, so that is the reason I insulted him while leaving to go home with my friend, even if I consider I do stupid stuff, I know you just don't mess with bouncers.

But that is what I'm saying, people is going to stop inviting me to house parties if I continue doing that stuff.

[el mechanico]

^ Chill out. Drink Mich ultra only stop at 7.

[CodyB]

Brodiaga said it best, it's two seperate problems.

A) You have violent tendencies to people who don't deserve it.
B) You have no impulse control when you drink

Neither are impossible to fix, but you do need to assess your life and figure out what is making you want to hit people. E.g. were you bullied as a child? did your parents beat you? do you feel inferior?

With drinking, lack of impulse control is not uncommon. But if you're deeply seeded urge is to go around and start shit, you should stop until you no longer have that urge.

[highcardace]

Stick with beer, you can usually control your buzz with beer. Stay away from hard liquor

[Gyro]

(04-24-2016 09:05 PM)highcardace Wrote:  

Stick with beer, you can usually control your buzz with beer. Stay away from hard liquor

Yes, one of the best decisions I've made was to renounce hard alcohol. I still have a blast at social events, but only using light beers.

I too, like OP, would end up doing crazy things b/c of heavy drinking like breaking doors, throwing televisions off of roofs, fighting friends, etc. These things were costing me friendships and money.

Honestly OP, some people can control alcohol and others (like me and you) are just so sloppy at it that it's more efficient/productive to just resort to extreme measures (complete abstinence from spirits).

[ScrapperTL]

(04-24-2016 08:09 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

^ Chill out. Drink Mich ultra only stop at 7.

I can dig this advice, Michelob Ultra only has 2 or 3 grams of carbs per bottle.
Perfect for staying lean, loosening up and "looking" social (holding a brew)

Once you gain a lot of self-confidence, alcohol won't be something you 'need' to drink, to be more socially engaging & entertaining - it becomes more like an accessory 'Look: I'm holding one too!'

Check out Chris articles on Goodlookingloser.com to help develop your self-confidence, he is a master of techniques when it comes to killing social anxiety.

[John Michael Kane]

I strongly recommend that you try and socialize with people outside of venues where there is going to be a lot of booze on tap. If you have a problem, the very first step is to isolate yourself from it. Life can be fun without alcohol.

[Kona]

(04-26-2016 04:52 PM)ScrapperTL Wrote:  

(04-24-2016 08:09 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

^ Chill out. Drink Mich ultra only stop at 7.

I can dig this advice, Michelob Ultra only has 2 or 3 grams of carbs per bottle.
Perfect for staying lean, loosening up and "looking" social (holding a brew)

Or "looking" gay.

Aloha!

[ScrapperTL]

(04-26-2016 06:52 PM)Kona Wrote:  

(04-26-2016 04:52 PM)ScrapperTL Wrote:  

(04-24-2016 08:09 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

^ Chill out. Drink Mich ultra only stop at 7.

I can dig this advice, Michelob Ultra only has 2 or 3 grams of carbs per bottle.
Perfect for staying lean, loosening up and "looking" social (holding a brew)

Or "looking" gay.

Aloha!

Haha. Fucker! I'll admit, you made me laugh on that one.

[el mechanico]

(04-26-2016 06:52 PM)Kona Wrote:  

(04-26-2016 04:52 PM)ScrapperTL Wrote:  

(04-24-2016 08:09 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

^ Chill out. Drink Mich ultra only stop at 7.

I can dig this advice, Michelob Ultra only has 2 or 3 grams of carbs per bottle.
Perfect for staying lean, loosening up and "looking" social (holding a brew)

Or "looking" gay.

Aloha!

You can look gay as you like but if a bottomless barrel of rum pours out of your mouth after three that's all that matters.

Aloha

[LeoneVolpe]

If you even suspect you've got a problem, you need to stop drinking. They say everyone you meet in life either serves as examples or lessons. An example is a person who has achieved success (in one form or another) and is worthy of respect, admiration and emulation. A lesson, on the other hand, is someone who has taught you what NOT to be, the antithesis of an example. In my life, I've encountered many of this latter type, and among them, several alcoholics. Let me tell you something you already know: You DO NOT want to be an alcoholic. Due to my exposure to these sad sacks of shit, I've made it a point to rarely even touch the stuff.

Alcohol can make for a great servant, but a horrible master. If you can have a drink or two, loosen up and have a good time than more than likely you'll be fine, provided you don't come to rely on it as a crutch. Alcohol should be used to enhance an experience, not create it. The problem is, as humans we have both a need for certainty and conversely the need for uncertainty. If we have too much certainty in our lives, we become bored. If we have too much uncertainty, we become anxious and/or fearful. Obviously, balance (as it is in most things) is key, but difficult to achieve.

I think that's why many people are drawn to the bottle in the first place. It's bottled uncertainty. Think about it, no one really knows what's going to happen when booze comes out, do they? Will you laugh? Cry? Get laid? Get hurt in a fight? DUI? It's a bit of a mystery, which is part of its allure, but also part of what makes it so pernicious.