[Comte De St. Germain]

(04-15-2016 12:57 PM)Gyro Wrote:  

(04-15-2016 12:55 PM)Comte De St. Germain Wrote:  

^Can confirm I used to be the fat kid in elementary school so when I slimmed out growing up it gave me a lot of unwarranted self importance.

It's great for confidence but at the end of the day you bring up mentally that past stigma and get self conscious. The only thing he can do is as WIA suggested is be aggressive in the start. Your boner will outweigh past stigma.

OP(and be honest with me) are you a virgin?

quasi-virgin, yes..I've fucked 2 escorts and 7 hookers.

Well that's your problem you know how sex works and now channel that inner need and be more aggressive. If you act a certain way soon you'll think a certain way. Prioritize your nut over your fears.

[storm]

Grab her hand and put it on your dick.

[PapayaTapper]

"Change" Such an easy word to write, and say. Such a difficult one to practice.

You're looking for tactical solution (answers) to a strategic problem (question)

Real change requires real work.

There isn’t much in the world that is more painful than a broken childhood and parent / child relationship. And most will say that only but time will take that pain away.
Pain is part of life. And while it is seen by most as something to be avoided, pain can actually be a good thing. It opens a well and presents you with a valuable opportunity to grow. But it’s your job to decide what you are going to fill it up with —

Negative or Positive?

Fear or Desire?

One pushes.

One pulls.

One attracts

One repels

You notice a pattern yet?

Most people are ruled by one or the other

It's the most basic of choices we make everyday. Almost exclusively unconsciously

And it’s this choice that can take you to an entirely new realm of possibilities. You want to change your results in life (in this case the results of interacting with women)?

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU ARE COMMUNICATING WITH YOURSELF

Let me repeat that for emphasis

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU ARE COMMUNICATING WITH YOURSELF

Do you want to be ruled by hang on to the past/pain/not getting sex?

Or do you want to change that?

Baby steps

REALIZATION

While it can be scary to acknowledge change, you can find strength by commanding it. Tell yourself that things will never be the same. That you will never be the same. But this is an opportunity to realize new levels of opportunity and growth. And this doesn’t just mean in the long run.

Realize that while you may not be able to have control over what is happening, there are certain things you can control. For example: your body. When you take control of your body, the mind and emotions will respond. Become emotionally strong by first getting physically fit. Put your body first, get into a peak state, and you will be able to change your perspective on pain.

You seem to have that under control so you're ahead of the game

Realize that you also have the power to feed your mind. You can dwell in memories of your relationship with your father and replay it over and over. Or you can feed your mind information, poetry, spirituality, positivity. You can use the pain to discover more about yourself and what you want in life.

Realize that pain is a signal to turn inward. And taking control of your physicality and your emotional state is the first step towards a higher level of self-discovery and evolution.

CONNECTION

Sadness allows us to connect with ourselves. As bad as it feels, we connect. We connect with our emotions, we connect with our memories and we connect with our thoughts. This is why it is comfortable to stay in sadness and difficult to transcend — we are meeting our need for connection.

The only way out of this is to have something else you want to connect with more. You have to ask yourself, what do you value (desire) more than your pain (negative)?

By shifting the focus from your pain to something else, you’ll learn how to gradually let go of your pain and move on. This is the power of contribution.
Understanding how to find meaning out of your pain is a way to take a broken heart and turn it into something that will help you grow and expand your ability to love. We have to go through the emotions of shock, denial, hurt and anger. But eventually there is acceptance. And the best way to reach peace is to find a higher meaning out of our need to serve others.

UTILIZATION

If you can use your pain to find a more empowering meaning, then you can take that same experience and say: “I’m going to take control of my life. I’m going to make a change.” Rather than sitting and becoming a reaction (blaming your father and the past)— make yourself the effect of the event — you realize that you have the power to determine what things mean and how you will approach life from this point forward.

But

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU ARE COMMUNICATING WITH YOURSELF


One of the keys to utilization is envisioning a compelling future. What does your new vision look like? What are you going to be doing differently in the future? And what are you going to do differently today?

Remember, if you don’t take control and make the necessary changes, weeds are going to grow automatically. But if you learn and adapt, you can achieve a new level of living that would have never been possible had you not gone through the pain you have.

YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU ARE COMMUNICATING WITH YOURSELF

This requires real work. This work requires specific tools.

I'll make it simple.

Start by reading (or listening to) Tony Robbins' Unleash The Power Within

You asked for advice. That's my 2 cents. If you follow it you'll reap a whole lot more

[Balkan]

I can empathize with the OP's behavior here. Throughout high school and my first 2 years living in dorms at college, especially freshman year, I had girls throw themselves at me. A lot of girls joked that I was gay because I had so many opportunities but rarely made moves. On one occasion, I was in my dorm's common room on a friday night doing a chemistry group assignment with a girl in my lecture (just friends). Some random chick walked in, beelined over to me, and introduced herself. She left giving me her room number (1 floor up) and said her roommate was out of town for the weekend. I was so unfamiliar with taking initiative that I wasn't going to follow through. I probably wouldn't have even texted her. Only after my female friend made a joke that I could easily bang her that night, did I connect the dots. I wasn't even that clueless, I knew shit would go down if I went upstairs, it was just out of my reality to make moves on girls. I was nervous but I said fuck it, I went up and we banged in 10 minutes. That really wasn't much initiative at all, all I did was show up and push for the make out and the rest tumbled from there. It sounds like you have similar opportunities OP. This is truly game on easy mode as most guys have to hustle to get these opportunities. Regardless, at the beginning when you don't have many reference experiences that prove making moves=getting laid, you have to fake it a bit. It was a hard stage for me to push through but realize there is no magic bullet for becoming more aggressive. It gets easier over time but you simply have to want it.

I also came from a damaging family. I also got pushed on the MD track. My turning point was a gradual one, but eventually I stopped using my family/crazy academic schedule as an excuse. I'm not a cold approach machine, but I take way more initiative than I used to. Strive to take steps, even if they're baby-steps, outside of your comfort zone on a daily basis. The best way to do this is talking to everyone. Once you get in the habit of being chatty, warm approaching that girl in the periphery of your social circle or responding to IOI's gets a lot easier. PapayaTapper dropped a fantastic post above. Your inner dialogue is brutal. You're only reinforcing your beliefs that you are x and you can't become y. This just isn't true. Read Mike Cernovich's Gorilla Mindset and try injecting some positivity in your daily life.

[Gyro]

Great advice from everybody, I took the day off today to indulge in some introspection and I'm pretty sure I know the issue.

I'm afraid of expressing my emotions/intimacy. Sure I might be witty, good with words, and have a good lifestyle/experiences, but I need to work on (or fake) intimacy. From my interactions with friends, family, etc, everyone does describe me as emotionally cold.

Thanks everyone once again, I'll definitely give that tony Robbins book a read today.

[LongDongSilver]

You are overthinking just start kissing and groping its not rocket science, grow some balls you arent 13 now christ.

[Richard Cory]

The quantity and quality of the wisdom gifted to you in this thread already is unreal OP. This forum is amazing, many people live their lives without receiving so much advice and insight from intelligent men. Everything you really need to know has been said twice already but I'd like to throw a couple things out there.

First things first, go on amazon and order Albert Ellis' Guide to Rational Living. While you wait for it to arrive go to the deep forum and find Dusty's thread on the book. Read it twice. At least. After reading your post, and your replies to the responses you've received, I think that it is critically important for you to expose yourself to these concepts as quickly as possible.

You really don't need advice per se. You know exactly what your problem is and you know exactly what you need to do to fix it. The issue likely is that you hold some false and limiting belief(s) that prevent you from acting on this knowledge, and you seem to lack the tools you need to identify, access, and transform this belief. If you are willing to put in the work, Dusty's thread, Ellis' works, can change your life.

Second I would like to address WeekendCassenova and Phoneix's opposing perspectives on assigning blame versus taking responsibility. I think they are both correct. Your parents are resposible, or "to blame" if you must, for how you were raised and the toxic environment of your childhood. However, you are an adult, and the responsibility is yours to learn how to turn those experiences into positive influences on your life. All experiences, no matter how negative, contain lessons that we can use to improve and grow.

Learn to police your thoughts. Read Dusty's thread immediately. You're in the right place. The incredible amount of value that this forum has added to my life is unmatched by any other single source.

[Onto]

(04-15-2016 04:57 PM)Gyro Wrote:  

Great advice from everybody, I took the day off today to indulge in some introspection and I'm pretty sure I know the issue.

I'm afraid of expressing my emotions/intimacy. Sure I might be witty, good with words, and have a good lifestyle/experiences, but I need to work on (or fake) intimacy. From my interactions with friends, family, etc, everyone does describe me as emotionally cold.

Thanks everyone once again, I'll definitely give that tony Robbins book a read today.

I think you're on to something, but I wonder if you're also afraid the intimacy will make you vulnerable in some way? Vulnerable to them?

With a hooker you never have to be concerned with care, either from them or from you.

But with a regular girl the question of care is there, even if it's unconscious at first.

Edit: I guess a question would be, "What do you think may happen if you do reciprocate a girls advances and have sex with her?"