Quote: (04-12-2016 10:22 AM)Brodiaga Wrote:
^What is the right sequence for us players then, WIA?
Great question, glad you asked.
OP is in Colombia, dealing with an entirely different culture - but the barebones of this sequence should apply.
There are a bunch of variations on this, so I'll just start with a typical US scenario
Guy sees girl on dating site.
He messages her.
She messages back.
He gets her phone #, and texts.
A handful of texts, and SHE SUGGESTS coffee.
It's good that she wants to meet up, but coffee suggests that this is basically an audition, a try out. Maybe just maybe, probably not, you'll be up to snuff.
That's her frame of mind.
As a player, you've got your own agenda.
1. What Day, What Time, What Venue?
The player goes into this knowing that she can stack the deck against him, against anything happening.
So the worst case scenario is Monday, Lunch Time, at the Starbucks downstairs from her office. If she doesn't immediately feel you, she can cut her losses immediately and not even give you a chance to show who you are. Reject anything that's too convenient for her.
Good scenarios are
- weeknight, Tuesday-Thursday
- weekday - Saturday or Sunday.
Now location...that depends on
2. What are your intentions for that specific meet up?
- Are you going for the super fast lay, less than 2 hours?
- Are you gonna put in the solid 7 hours?
- Is this more about screening (for you Seeking Arrangement dudes)
Intentions dictate to the location.
A super fast lay means you need a coffee spot close to where you want to sex her.
Solid 7 hours, you want the coffee spot to be at Point A, and then mosey to point B, walk to point c, Until you're pointing D into her V @ location F. You have the time to window shop, stroll the farmer's market, walk by the park, take a light lunch. Not because that's what you're going to do, but you have the option. And if the chick is lame, you want to be able to dump her and day game, IMMEDIATELY.
Screening - someplace neutral.
3. You may have to battle for the location.
If you don't get your ideal spots.
If you know your city, and your game is decent (like you know how to create attraction, when to neg, when to break rapport, when she's in comfort, what to do if she goes back to sassy mode...) - then the location doesn't particularly matter - except that it can't be her "home" coffee shop.
Minimize the amount of interaction she can have with other patrons (guys she's banging or orbiters or hating ass friends) and staff.
Even with good game - in a home base situation - you have to keep forcing her to pay attention to you when she's surrounded by friends, family, and acquaintances. It's like being invited to her house for X-Mas, and you don't know all the stupid stories and nicknames or people involved.
4. Arrival
If you get there first, start talking to people.
If she gets there first, talk to other people on your way to see her
If you both get there first talk to other people.
Why?
A chick wants a coffee date (or a breakfast date, or a brunch) because
- You're attractive enough to be seen with in public, but not so hot that she just wants you to Uber over to her flat for a little hide the salami session.
- Coffee date is low pressure for her - she won't be expected to dress up like she would for a club or a night time date
- There's no alcohol, so no chance of what happened last Thursday with that guy from the meat market martini lounge.
- And in her mind, there's no way she's gonna spread the legs before 11 pm.
Because the problem with online meetups is that as cute as the guy's photo is, they might be staged, or it could be lighting. As funny as his texts are, he might be boring in person.
What you want to do, even if you're an introvert, and especially if she's an introvert - is be social and show yourself being social.
That helps you pass the smell test, and it puts you in a social and talkative mood.
5. Ordering the coffee
You pay, you always pay. Let her get the next one, but it's just faster if you don't have to calculate who got what and whether to carry the 2.
Options
a) Cold Read
The two of you can get in line, and the obvious conversation is what kind of drink are you gonna get. Some guys are tempted to clown/troll/neg/tease off of whatever her choice is. A lame guy would compliment her.
Since a chick is typically stiff at the beginning of a date, you want low stakes fun. So have her guess what you drink, based off your profile, or you do try and cold read her coffee choice.
It's not about coffee, it's about interaction and getting the tone of the meet up right. Warm and engaging and social.
b) Using the Barista as a tool.
keep the socialization going and talk to her normally, but then riff with the barista about the craziest thing he's ever made. Bring her into the conversation, and use the barista as a verbal prop.
"We should totally get that"
c) Give her a job
You ask her what she wants, and then tell her to grab a table and you'll bring it.
This sets up a compliance frame, and if you were warm in the first few minutes of the interaction, she'll want you back because of social isolation.
The key with each of these steps is that what would be typically a normal coffee date - you're engineering in little pieces of game in order to get her interacting and complying. She's falling in to your frame, that's basically attraction.
This is within the first 10 minutes of seeing her.
Then the real headwork starts
6. The Conversation
The goal of this conversation
- Does she have any DTF Red Flags - i.e. is she batshit crazy?
- How did she get here? (did she drive, take the train, uber)
- What are her plans for the day/evening
- get the conversation flowing and move from formal/rigid/stiff to informal/relaxed/loose
A solid player plan usually involves night time and alcohol. Not to get her drunk, but a glass of wine loosens the tongue.
Coffee has the opposite effect. Day or night, she's going to be more alert.
So this is where you take advantage of that when it comes to your attraction and comfort game.
She's going to get more of what you actually say, in addition to your tone, body language, and other non-verbal communications.
So you want to flirt.
If she wakes up and gets sassy, you have to match wits until she breaks.
When she breaks, you go to comfort.
"You get serious for a second"
This is where the seduction happens.
She's already attracted, now she's verbally comfortable. And if you were smooth, you've been peppering the whole interaction with physical touches.
What's more, you know
- how she got there, and what you need to do if she drove
- who she lives with, who is checking up on her,
- what she had planned for the day, and whether or not she can squeeze in some sex/hanging out.
You could kiss her at a very dark coffee house, but the better move is to actually move her to someplace else.
This is where your knowledge of what's going on in your city is paramount.
You might take the game up a notch and suggest a local pub (which is conveniently close to your place)
Or if she's not there yet, take her for a walk someplace - because you picked a bad ass neighborhood that has walkable things to look at.
______________________________________________________
From there, it's basically connecting the dots.
Coffee House to Walk to Ice Cream to your place
Coffee house to bar to your place
Coffee House to Your place, if you sense she's really DTF and she passes your basic "crazy" screen.
The player walks into these situations with a plan.
WIA