[OneEyedMonk]

This girl does not respect you, and is parading you like a bull with a nose ring at an agricultural show, demonstrating to her friends how she controls you.

As often, on the surface it looks very innocent, but don't delude yourself: it was a masterful move, and you felt its power. You even came here.

The totally wrong response is the passive-aggressive: never respond by going dark, pulling back, etc. That's girly, and weak.

It is a slight better response to ignore it.

Rather, meet the situation head on. Nuke it once, and you will never have to do it again. Play on her insecurities. Small tits? Howabout: "Sure, but to get that guy you first need to get a boob job." Be a dick. Make everybody pay a price for disrespecting you, including your girl. You need to destroy her, to own her, to own her love.

[eskimobobseal]

I honestly don't think this would have been a big deal if it was just the two of you hanging out but saying that in front of friends is disrespectful. I'd talk to her firmly about it, make sure you're bold and controlling the narrative.

Trust me, not allowing her to misbehave will make her respect you more - it is the key to a healthy relationship (and deep down she wants you to not let her get away this this stuff)

[Alpha_Romeo]

"Sure, but to get that guy you first need to get a boob job."

I like it, but I can imagine the collective white knight/beta gasp that would result: "Man, why would you disrespect NutElla like that?..."

[thoughtgypsy]

Had something similar happen to me recently. Can't find the convo right now (does viber delete your convo after a certain date?) but the gist of it went like this:

"(celebrity) is so hot OMG"
'Yea he's cute. You should try dating him. I'd be happy for you guys.'
"are you jealous? hehe"
'Not jealous haha, I'm the one fucking you so I don't care. But I'm not an idiot, I know exactly what you're doing and it's pathetic. It's not gonna work on me.'
'Plus it's disrespectful. Don't act like that again, I don't like it.'
(ghost)
"I'm sorry."
"You're right, I'm just trying to make you jealous."
"Just scared of losing you sometimes"
etc etc

I'm pretty sure this came from a position of insecurity on her part. She had a run of jealousy leading up to that incident, and you know women, they think what works on them will work on us.

Have no idea if this would work on American girls. They get crazier every year and it's like a sociopathic arms race amongst them. YMMV

[thoughtgypsy]

(03-27-2016 04:08 PM)pitt Wrote:  

I usually wait for the next sexy woman to come on TV and I do the same and I amplify it. ''She is so sexy, oh my god, that is a real woman, if I was dating her, I wouldn't even look at other women in the streets''. Make sure she becomes insecure.

I actually laughed out loud at that one. I think that would be hilarious if you really took it far.

''She is so sexy, oh my god, that is a real woman, if I was dating her, I wouldn't even look at other women in the streets''
'Oh you like her?'
"No I LOVE her. I just wanna crawl up inside her and die and live there forever. I bet she shits bubblegum and farts perfume. She's soo perfect."
'Shut up already!'
"OMG I'm gonna go out, buy some hallmark cards and write her love poems until my wrist falls off. Then I will mail it to her as a sign of my eternal devotion"

No idea if it would work but it'd be worth the laugh

[The Black Knight]

I had a similar situation happen one time but alone with a chick; we were watching TV one day.

So this chick started getting all hot and bothered over Don Draper (Jon Hamm) and essentially said that she would bang him if he came along; citing the celebrity clause or something to that effect. The celebrity clause basically being: if a once in a lifetime opportunity comes up, you get a free pass to bang somebody.

I said: "That's fine. But you know that flirty chick at the coffee shop? The one that you complained about and said was hitting on me in front of you? She is a celebrity now."

I never heard about Don Draper again.

[ksbms]

(03-28-2016 04:57 AM)The Black Knight Wrote:  

I had a similar situation happen one time but alone with a chick; we were watching TV one day.

So this chick started getting all hot and bothered over Don Draper (Jon Hamm) and essentially said that she would bang him if he came along; citing the celebrity clause or something to that effect. The celebrity clause basically being: if a once in a lifetime opportunity comes up, you get a free pass to bang somebody.

I said: "That's fine. But you know that flirty chick at the coffee shop? The one that you complained about and said was hitting on me in front of you? She is a celebrity now."

I never heard about Don Draper again.

[ball dont lie]

(03-28-2016 03:45 AM)Alpha_Romeo Wrote:  

"Sure, but to get that guy you first need to get a boob job."

I like it, but I can imagine the collective white knight/beta gasp that would result: "Man, why would you disrespect NutElla like that?..."

Im not very good with the comebacks, putting women in their place, but I would have to agree with this.

She says X guy is so hot. Let me her know X guy does not think shes hot.

[PapayaTapper]

(03-28-2016 12:55 AM)OneEyedMonk Wrote:  

This girl does not respect you, and is parading you like a bull with a nose ring at an agricultural show, demonstrating to her friends how she controls you.

As often, on the surface it looks very innocent, but don't delude yourself: it was a masterful move, and you felt its power. You even came here.

The totally wrong response is the passive-aggressive: never respond by going dark, pulling back, etc. That's girly, and weak.

It is a slight better response to ignore it.

Rather, meet the situation head on. Nuke it once, and you will never have to do it again. Play on her insecurities. Small tits? Howabout: "Sure, but to get that guy you first need to get a boob job." Be a dick. Make everybody pay a price for disrespecting you, including your girl. You need to destroy her, to own her, to own her love.

(03-28-2016 03:45 AM)Alpha_Romeo Wrote:  

"Sure, but to get that guy you first need to get a boob job."

I like it, but I can imagine the collective white knight/beta gasp that would result: "Man, why would you disrespect NutElla like that?..."

The problem with this type of response is you're publicly stating that you've settled for a chick that you know the chode on TV would reject because of small tits (or whatever flaw you choose to exploit) What does that say about you?

Fix this shit privately with a "that was the only disrepect strike you're going to get" position statement. No discussion...just a clarification

[H1N1]

I think tone and intention say far more than any set of words by themselves. There's a big difference between a reasonable observation and a deliberate attempt to show you up or make you feel insecure.

Girls are always going to find other guys attractive, they are always going to enjoy attention from handsome men that other girls desire. If you date pretty girls and go out in public with them and their friends, guys are going to hit on them and they, being human, are going to feel flattered. If this sort of stuff gets to you then you will always struggle to get unfettered enjoyment of one of life's great pleasures. If a girl is disrespectful, just as if a guy is disrespectful, then you should cut them out of your life. But if they are just having fun and don't mean anything by it, and certainly don't mean to disrespect you, then there's no reason to over-analyse it. We all make errors of judgment sometimes, without malice, and it seems like often here every one of these gets ascribed to some kind of sinister Machiavellian streak that all women are dying to expose at all times.

I have no idea AtD whether it was a harmless misjudgment or a deliberate and provocative assault on your self-worth, I'd have had to have been there.

Very often here women are painted as these highly cunning, duplicitous, and fundamentally unpleasant creatures who have to be outsmarted and put in their place at all times. It just doesn't sound like much fun, and, like the rest of us, girls want to enjoy themselves. If you can't be playful, charming, amusing, frivolous and simply enjoy someone's company because you're always trying to 'win', then what's the point? You might as well pay a professional and get on with something more constructive in the time you've freed up from fretting. All to often it seems like a lot of guys here suffer all kinds of slings and arrows just for the sake of getting their leg over. If the sex is the only part your enjoying in the process, just buy it and get on with your life.

As for how to respond, if you have to do any more than raise an eyebrow at her to elicit an apology or some kind of cute and playful reaction, then I'd guess that some malicious disrespect was intended.

[Wreckingball]

I've come to conclusion that agree and amplify is the solution to basically everything.
It shows that:
#1 You're not butthurt
#2 You don't give a shit
#3 You're a funny guy (if you pull it out correctly)

So in this case, and since it was in front of a lot of people i would say something like:
- I would also fuck him
- Me first, then you can have my leftovers

[WestIndianArchie]

If that happens, if a girl can make a comment and that causes me to go out of my zone, something is off with my game.

WIA

[MMM]

Like PapayaTapper said, "The problem with this type of response is you're publicly stating that you've settled for a chick that you know the chode on TV would reject because of small tits (or whatever flaw you choose to exploit) What does that say about you?" The better response is to say "babe, that guy, pffffft, you're out of his league. You deserve someone who gives you the goods, a god like me." Or go with the tease, "awwww I didn't know you're a celebrity-X fangirl? My little [cousin/sister/niece] is sooooo into him too. That so precious"

But I agree that it’s a subtle, or not so subtle, sign of disrespect. As an aside, my girl did this to me in private a while back. I wasn't so much offended as dumbstruck in awe at the manifestation of open hypergamy. We were watching TV when the trailer for “No Good Deeds” comes on. The trailer depicts a man who asks to use a woman’s home telephone. She asks him to wait at the door while she goes to get the phone and she returns to the door and finds him gone. It then cuts to a horrific scene where she frantically goes looking for her little daughter in the house, and finds the stranger playing with the daughter in her room, with a gun showing in his waistband. At that point, I blurt out “oh my god.” But my girl’s response was “Oh, that’s [the famous actor] Idris Elba, I’d be like, little girl, meet your new daddy!” That one was sucker punch to the gut. It appeared that she was star struck and just gushed and couldn’t help herself. Hypergamy is a bitch. I just played it off and waited for the next jiggly beer commercial to make my little comment. Point taken. In another case, a chick mentioned after Obama won the election: “I’m going to go to sleep and dream of President Obama.” I nexted that bitch.

[Phoenix]

(03-27-2016 03:36 PM)Beyond Borders Wrote:  

Chick: [picture of hot chick]
Chick: does that interest you better?
BB: It's of worth note but unless it's close enough to reach out and grab I can't be bothered to spend much brain energy on it

That shit right there is zen. BB, keeping it real.

[Rhyme or Reason]

I don't like to play host to bitches and their friends. I don't even like associating with their circles in any way whatsoever. Social circle game just isn't my style. If shes coming to my place, it's by herself, for the purpose of banging.

I know it may seem tangential but by having her friends come over you're opening the door to being shit tested like this. I just can't be bothered. That's one upside of lone wolf game; there's no expectation that I'm there to be "social" and "click" with her friends. I'm just a guy who's fucking her who marches to the beat of his own drum. Her friends...not mine. They have no business being in my place.

The way I see it she'd have to beg me to go along with her to some social event. It's a privilege I may grant her, but probably won't. When i am introduced to her group if I'm not hearing "So you're Red_Pillage!? She never stops talking about you!" Then I'm doing it wrong.

[debeguiled]

(03-28-2016 10:48 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

If that happens, if a girl can make a comment and that causes me to go out of my zone, something is off with my game.

WIA

It's easy to forget this. We are all thinking of comebacks, but when you are on your game, you don't really even care enough to think of a comeback.

You just laugh. Or not. At things a woman says.

[Beyond Borders]

^ Personally, I just clown them for my own entertainment.

It's not something I ever turn off. Most of the time that's fun for her too, but not always.

Either way, the end result is the same.

[PapayaTapper]

(03-28-2016 09:52 AM)H1N1 Wrote:  

I think tone and intention say far more than any set of words by themselves. There's a big difference between a reasonable observation and a deliberate attempt to show you up or make you feel insecure.

Girls are always going to find other guys attractive, they are always going to enjoy attention from handsome men that other girls desire. If you date pretty girls and go out in public with them and their friends, guys are going to hit on them and they, being human, are going to feel flattered. If this sort of stuff gets to you then you will always struggle to get unfettered enjoyment of one of life's great pleasures. If a girl is disrespectful, just as if a guy is disrespectful, then you should cut them out of your life. But if they are just having fun and don't mean anything by it, and certainly don't mean to disrespect you, then there's no reason to over-analyse it. We all make errors of judgment sometimes, without malice, and it seems like often here every one of these gets ascribed to some kind of sinister Machiavellian streak that all women are dying to expose at all times.

I have no idea AtD whether it was a harmless misjudgment or a deliberate and provocative assault on your self-worth, I'd have had to have been there.

Very often here women are painted as these highly cunning, duplicitous, and fundamentally unpleasant creatures who have to be outsmarted and put in their place at all times. It just doesn't sound like much fun, and, like the rest of us, girls want to enjoy themselves. If you can't be playful, charming, amusing, frivolous and simply enjoy someone's company because you're always trying to 'win', then what's the point? You might as well pay a professional and get on with something more constructive in the time you've freed up from fretting. All to often it seems like a lot of guys here suffer all kinds of slings and arrows just for the sake of getting their leg over. If the sex is the only part your enjoying in the process, just buy it and get on with your life.

As for how to respond, if you have to do any more than raise an eyebrow at her to elicit an apology or some kind of cute and playful reaction, then I'd guess that some malicious disrespect was intended.

^^^^ This 100%. Over reaction to what might be a simple playful moment is detrimental to one's own enjoyment. I for one do enjoy the company of women that I spend time with beyond just the bang, well... because I only spend time with women I enjoy being around (see "Happy Gene" link in my signature)

That said I also agree that "intent" is everything The analogy I like to use is if someone literally "steps on my toes" my reaction is purely guided by their intent with the physical pain being equal:

1. Purely an accident?...well shit happens to all of us and I'd just settle for a quick "I'm sorry" and let it go

2. Unintentional but due to carelessness?...I'll take the apology but will issue a verbal admonition about being more aware/ careful.

3. If someone steps on my toes intentionally?... then they are most likely to get a raging 6'3" 230 lb Cuban blitz beat down before they knew what fucking hit them...or I know that I threw it.

In the scenario OP presented I inferred there was more than a casual playfulness on display here. The openness (a again as described by OP) and manner of the offence to me is symptomatic of a lack of respect.

Lack of respect in an LTR is like a cancer that will grow if left "untreated" quickly and decisively. It's a biggie to me

Those that know me in person know that I'm a pretty easy going, laid back even tolerant guy. But I've seen what happens if you let this type of ST go on. The ancillary issue is resentment that needs to be resolved before it festers...and this type of shit test will plant that seed in me. I would not doing either of us a favor by laughing it off.

But again, that's just me based on what I gleaned from the original post

[CleanSlate]

Had it happened to me, my reaction would most likely be something like this.



I think that would be enough.

If a good retort came to mind (I love the "you should marry him" one), I'd mouth that one off, too. I think, done right, it would be enough to get the point across that you don't take shit like this. If she still doesn't get it, I'd either go ghost or if a good opportunity came along, I'd point out another hot girl and make a comment... and if she gets upset, throw it back in her face.

Either way, it's no use getting all bent out of shape over something trivial like this. Life is short, it's a big world, and there's always another girl around the corner.

[Splord]

Normally I would ignore especially if it's an actor or some other celebrity, however if you sense deliberate disrespect at the slightest (and since she said it in front of people) answer with a "you should marry him" variant like " If you lost 4 pounds he could marry you" (notice that the weight to be "lost" isn't excessive, every girl thinks they 're a few pounds overweight and are very insecure about it).

She will certainly take it as a personal insult although she will probably not admit it because she would acknowledge her imperfection, especially in front of her girlfriends. As for you, you will show that you take shit from noone. Personally I would smirk so that I could plausibly deny that I was serious but if you want to play the serious asshole, go ahead.

She'll call you that anyway...

[pitt]

(03-28-2016 10:48 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

If that happens, if a girl can make a comment and that causes me to go out of my zone, something is off with my game.

WIA

Hmm? Let me try understand this, so your game is so strong that you can't be touched emotionally? I think OP question is totally valid, I mean, every relationship has its problems and we all go through them, from the least to the most experienced. If a disrespectful attitude of your girlfriend wouldn't bother you in any way, you may want to tell us how you reached that level.

[Que enspastic]

Just say "ok", "cool". Really you shouldn't give a shit, you don't care how hot a guy is if you're a straight male

[WestIndianArchie]

@Pitt

I know girls
I've been in this situation.

If you react to her out of character, she realizes that she has leverage over you.

The way I read this scenario is
- group setting
- girl has a typical reaction to seeing a hot guy
- group looks to op to react
- op does the right thing and doesn't react


In then general case..

I would not be surprised that some of you guys when you're with your girl see a phat ass walking by and pretend not to notice. Or some nice tittays on tv and change the subject. She sees it, knows you see it. But by playing dumb you preserve the peace in your relationship. Mainly because you don't want to hear her nagging.

But you're stifling yourself, and that's not good for your game at all. That stoic mentality that infests this site has you fighting Mike Tyson with one hand tied behind your back.

So

If his girl can get him anxious or insecure by saying another guy is hot - then his frame isn't strong. Her reality is stronger than his. He's going to have to be the kind of guy that is ever vigilant about his chick.

In the past, I've said heavy is the head that wears the crown, but I've changed my mind on that.

Furthermore

If he can't handle the social pressure of group of his friends, then he has greater problems. Because if a player thinks that everyone is looking at him, and that he's being made to be a fool, in this case a digital cuckold - he's always going to be calculating and scheming to win the approval of people who clearly don't have his best interests at heart.

That's horrible game.

I think scenarios like this strike at latent feelings of insecurity. Any time hypergamy rears its ugly head, guys forget the game, and go into reactive mode.

So if some typical comment that all girls make pops up and I feel some kinda way about it, time to reassess. Have I lost my G? Am I at the point where a girl being a girl puts me in jeopardy?

WIA

[GlobalMan]

My first reaction was that it probably wasn't anything of significance, but thinking about it more I can't recall any actual girlfriend saying/doing something similar in front of me.

My main, and all previous, goes out of her way to avoid complementing other men in the way you're describing, only reluctantly admitting a guy is attractive if pressed on it, and even then always quickly following it up with a compliment, "but you're better looking" or something like that. (She's also said, with a wry smile, "but you probably have a bigger cock"- what man doesn't want to hear that!).

Now, she's obviously probably blowing smoke up my ass in some of those scenarios, but the point is she has the decency and respect a girl should have. I don't need to be reassured, never expressed anything seeking it, she just does it anyway- because that's what caring, loving, respectful girl does.

If you've been kind enough to agree to be in a relationship with this girl, thats what you should be getting from her.

The frame you set from the beginning is what will determine how she acts around you. With that girl I just described, I've never had to get upset or verbalize displeasure with her actions- our interactions from day one set the tone on who I am, what I expect.

[AneroidOcean]

(03-28-2016 04:26 PM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

@Pitt

I know girls
I've been in this situation.

If you react to her out of character, she realizes that she has leverage over you.

I agree that you shouldn't react out of character, but this is disrespect.

I tolerate a lot of things, but disrespect is something that shouldn't be tolerated from those that are close to you (I consider my close friends, girls I'm dating, and family as close).

You can address it afterwards as some have suggested, but you shouldn't tolerate disrespect.

In your words:

Quote:

So if some typical comment that all girls make pops up

Can you please clarify WIA, if you really think this is a typical comment that all girls make? Have you really experienced this being common amongst girls you date? I certainly haven't. On occasion, maybe, but common?