[fitzad]

Hey Guys,

I have a bit of a moral dilemma.

Its a bit of long story so I'll quickly summarize, I was dating a girl for about 5 months and we have just broken it off. When we started out she told me she had a fiance but she was ending it and that she was living with her father now. Turns out that was all a lie and she is actually living with him.

I've ended it but now the moral dilemma, do I tell the fiance or not? This guy most likely has no idea she has been cheating on him and if I was him I would want to know so I could dump her cheating ass before spending the rest of my life with her. Part of me knows this is the right thing to do but I also no part of doing this is revenge on her for stringing me along for so long.

What do you guys think? Have any of been in this type of situation before and what did you do?

[pitt]

Don't do it. It's none of your business and he may even retaliate against you. You also need to know that most of guys would stay with their girlfriends even if they knew that she was cheating on him.

[Sigma]

Agree with Pitt.
Stay out of it, there's no way it'll turn out well for you.
Possible scenarios:

1. The guys nuts and ends up shooting you and the girl in the face with a 12 guage.

2. The girl lies, cries, claims rape. Guy believes her, you get a headache that you'll eventually be exonerated from but damage will be done.

3. Girl lies, guy believes her and physically assaults you, alone or with friends.

4. Girl lies, guy believes her and nothing happens.

5. Girl admits/lies, they break up/stay together.

Last scenario is most likely but the point is there isn't anyway it'll work out well for you.
I understand that if it was you, you would want to know but you've got to understand that this guy is not you, you don't know how he's going to react.

Now, if this guy was your friend, it would be a different story. The bro code would dictate you stick up for your friend and oust the two timing ho because you just can't turn a ho into a housewife.

[Fortis]

Help him:

Send an anonymous typed letter to the guy's house. Don't mention your fling with her. That should cast enough doubt on the whole situation to at least get him thinking. If that doesn't help, then let him damn himself.

[InsertNameHere]

Was recently in the same situation myself, except that they were married whereas she had told me they broke it off. I debated telling him for a while and ended up not doing anything.

I think this brings up some interesting questions for us. On the one hand, it's every man for himself, to the better man go the spoils and all that - plus there's something undeniably satisfying about the whole OPP thing. I remember my chick was buying me clothes and gifts with her man's money, we even took a holiday together and he paid for the hotel. For a while I got a real kick out of that. Plus, do you think that if the roles were reversed, he would return favour and let you know? I doubt it. That's business between her and him, anyway - nothing to do with you.

But then on RVF we also often talk about a bullshit system stacked against men and the way women use it to their advantage. If this is something we really object to, or would like to change, at what point do men need to start watching out for each other, and to what extent? If it wasn't you stuffing this guy's fiancée it would be someone else. You'd be doing him a big favour by letting him know she's no good and giving himself a chance at escaping the life he's setting up for himself. Whether he acts on that opportunity to save himself is another question.

Given the world today, is there some virtue to be seen in some sort of 'white-knighting' for guys, watching out for others when it comes to shit like this? Or, especially given the nature of men, is it every man for himself as always?

[Sigma]

If you MUST tell him, then go with Fortis' method of leaving an anonymous tip.

Insert,
I definitely see what you're saying and believe it would be fantastic if men looked out for each other but it goes back to the OP not knowing the cuckoldee. That doesn't mean "I don't know you so Fuck you" but you just don't know how the guy will react. There are too many unstable people in the world and guys have committed murder for reasons, far smaller than banging their fiance.

[ed pluribus unum]

Do nothing. With the 'anonymous tip' you still run the risk he confronts her, she says who it is, and you're back to Sigma's #2 scenario, or worse. This isn't your buddy, it's some random guy; if she hadn't cheated with you it would have been with someone else.

[Phoenix]

Walk away and forget about it. If he was an RVFer you'd be able to count on him to respond reasonably, but he's not. Some guys are incredibly weak inside. He probably even saw all the signs but deliberately explained them away. Cognitive dissonance can lead people to get violent, I've seen it. Some men can't swallow reality and they lash out at the messenger -- "shooting the messenger" is an old saying for a reason.


NSFW

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[birthday cat]

I would want to tell him but only if I could do it without putting myself in a bad situation.

An anonymous letter might not be all that anonymous. The guy will probably confront the girl and the girl will probably know the letter came from you.

[Dino]

They are not married. Save this guy some trouble/money and tell him. Never put anything in writing. You know the situation so figure out a way to verbally get him the information. The ball is in his court after that. Being a player does not mean being discourteous to others, 50/50 chance he will dump her. Everyone in this post assumes the other guy is a weak beta. He could just be living far away and have no idea what this whore was up to for many reasons.

Give info. Walk away. Conscience clear.

[JacksonRev]

This is how I found out about my ex wife cheating.

It saved me a lot of time and money, and helped me get evidence so she couldn't screw with me during the divorce.

So give him something he can check out himself. If he doesn't act on it, then it's on him.

[BDawg]

Even the best case scenario after telling will still put you in a vulnerable state. He is not your bro, she is no longer your partner.

[Sigma]

Dino,
I don't assume anything about this guy. But that's my point, don't assume anything. Under your "he could just be living far away" premise, " he could just as easily be unstable with a firearm".

Let me share a story about why I feel the way I do. A few years back I was in LA, and hooked up with an ex morman cutie that ran away from Utah. Anyway, we have a great night of marathon sex and while she's in the shower her phone starts ringing. Me being curious as to who'd be calling at 5 in the morning, took a peak at the screen.

Caller ID shows "Hubby" with a heart. Me, thinking I'm going to do a brother solid by letting him know his "wifey" is a snake, picked up the phone.

Long story short, I told the guy what happened, mentioning several times that she never mentioned being married. The guy goes ballistic and starts screaming how he's going to hunt me down and put me in a body bag. I think "okay, buddy" and hung up on him. After I confronted the girl, she starts sobbing saying how we're both dead, her husband is in some motorcycle gang from up North, he has 2 strikes.

Obviously nothing came of it but imagine if it wasn't a phone call but an actual confrontation. Yours truly would definitely be behind bars for murdering a doofus

Also think about the rape scenario. You think a two timing ho wouldn't call rape to save her skin? It may not stick but it'll definitely be enough to ruin your career and hurt your reputation. In the end you're going to do what you're going to do but I recommend reading the comments here and take a night to sleep on it.

[General Stalin]

I would feel compelled to let him know.

[fitzad]

Appreciate the responses here guys and it seems we're are split 50/50, much like I am.

Here is some additional info that may changes some points of view;

1. The whole rape thing isn't something i'm concerned about, I'm an ex-pat in a Middle Eastern country where crying rape will usually end in both parties behind bars. I'm not saying it wouldn't happen but it's very unlikely.

2. Definitely beta, there are a number of reasons why I know this. (Linked to Phonix's comment, there are plenty of times where one of us would have seen the red flag's and ejected)

3. I'm moving apartments in a couple of weeks, she doesn't know where.

4. I don't know the guy but I could get the information to him through a third party, third party maybe a girl I knows ex-bf who does like me cause he thought I had something going on with her. So this is probably a really bad idea. I do have his direct number, easy enough to find online, and another number I could txt off then throw away.

@Sigma/Dino, they live together.

@Insert, that is an interesting topic. Yes he is beta and potentially a white knight but at what point do we draw the line of us vs. them? Perhaps the situation and me telling him could making him see the light, or perhaps he could lose his mind like pitt suggested.

My thoughts are; there isn't really anything in this for me other than clearing my conscience, giving the guy a chance to eject before it goes any further and final fuck you to the girl. Right now I'm thinking the risks outweigh the rewards.

Sigma, I will definitely be thinking this over before deciding.

[InsertNameHere]

Just noticed you're in the UAE. Is the guy in question a local? If that's the case, I'm sure you're aware he could easily get you kicked out of the country. Is he Arab? Not uncommon for dudes in Arab countries to kill the guy who was banging their girl/wife. In this case, you're in an entirely different situation - beta or not, you've got questions of honour in the mix. Don't say anything.

If he's a European or east Asian expat, everything said in other posts above still holds true. But if he's from the region, don't even risk it.

[joost]

If you really want him to know:

Call his house. If she answers, hang the phone. If he answers, tell him his girlfriend is a ho in the briefest way as possible. Specially in a way she can't deny. That's the tricky part:
You can say she swallows but maybe she never did it with him. You can say she has some marks in her pussy but that doesn't prove it (maybe you're a personal doctor trying to end her relationship to get her?). Tell him something she can't give any excuse, don't matter how implausible.

You guys can chime in.

[Guitarman]

Don't get involved! Cease all contact with this girl and don't contact her fiancée. There will be obvious red flags about this girl and if he is blind to those then that's his problem.

Being alpha means putting yourself first. I would only ever tell the guy if it turns out you know him. But then that's an unlikely scenario as you would not have banged a mates girl behind his back and if you did you wouldn't tell him anyway.

So the only, very unlikely scenario is if you subsequently meet this chap and strike up a good friendship. But if you don't know him now and likely never will, don't get involved. You had your fun for a while, it won't help him if a stranger tells him he shagged his fiancée. So walk away and don't look back.

It's not your problem, it's not your fault and nothing good will come of your white knighting. The girl is the one who lied to you both. You did nothing wrong so there is no wrong to be undone on your part!

[EDantes]

(01-30-2016 05:06 AM)fitzad Wrote:  

Hey Guys,

I have a bit of a moral dilemma.

Its a bit of long story so I'll quickly summarize, I was dating a girl for about 5 months and we have just broken it off. When we started out she told me she had a fiance but she was ending it and that she was living with her father now. Turns out that was all a lie and she is actually living with him.

I've ended it but now the moral dilemma, do I tell the fiance or not? This guy most likely has no idea she has been cheating on him and if I was him I would want to know so I could dump her cheating ass before spending the rest of my life with her. Part of me knows this is the right thing to do but I also no part of doing this is revenge on her for stringing me along for so long.

What do you guys think? Have any of been in this type of situation before and what did you do?

I'd say it's your call - if the guy isn't someone you know in person I wouldn't say there's any obligation to do it, no.

If you do tell him I'd do it anonymously, I wouldn't feel any obligation to get personally involved if this dude is a stranger - for all you know he could be a psycho white knight who'd blame you for it rather than the ho in question and want to kick your ass.

(The latter scenario I see most often with women, blaming the mistress when their BF/husband cheats instead of the boyfriend, but sadly I'm seeing the latter scenario occur with men as well - instead of dumping the ho, the beta in question thinks he's "still in love with her" and blames the guy she cheated with).

[Kwisatz]

Consider that the best possible scenario for you, if you get involved, is that you are not murdered, imprisoned, or deported from your host country.

In the case of deportation you may be banned from that entire region for life, or have a negative mark on your passport that makes you an "Undesirable" in the UAE, and to other countries when you apply for Visas.

I am a veteran traveller myself, I have lived in over 15 countries. I have seen people get a harsh reality check when they realize that the small issue they had that involved authorities in another country followed them via their passport, or even worse in an unofficial database.

Risk Vs. Reward

[EDantes]

(01-30-2016 03:07 PM)Kwisatz Wrote:  

Consider that the best possible scenario for you, if you get involved, is that you are not murdered, imprisoned, or deported from your host country.

In the case of deportation you may be banned from that entire region for life, or have a negative mark on your passport that makes you an "Undesirable" in the UAE, and to other countries when you apply for Visas.

I am a veteran traveller myself, I have lived in over 15 countries. I have seen people get a harsh reality check when they realize that the small issue they had that involved authorities in another country followed them via their passport, or even worse in an unofficial database.

Risk Vs. Reward

The saying "No Good deed goes unpunished" is relevant here

The most I'd do in a case like this is send an anonymous message; even then he'd be taking a risk - if the woman in question knows his name, where he lives, etc she might seek out some type of revenge, hell maybe even lie and tell the husband she was 'raped' or something.

[Captain Gh]

Many posters have said it and I'll reiterate: Don't do anything since you have nothing to Gain from this, and something to lose aka your safety by possibly having a Blue Pill cuckman being mad at you! Always do your Dirt by your lonely my friend. This isn't the Boy scout where you'll win a medal for your Honesty!

Potentially Blue Pill men that you've indirectly hurt are to be avoided like the Plague. I know you want to be a good Dude, but let this one go my friend! Always do your Dirt by your lonely that's my motto. If you're not yet a seasoned Player and the Guilt is messing you up, do a good deed like charity work to bring the equation to 0 in your Mind. Rinse and repeat if you want to be a Playa, try to find a good Girl if not.

[samsamsam]

If you have a code you live by and you only did this because you thought they broke up then send him something anonymously. In other words, if you would not have dated/banged her if you knew she was with someone then it seems like you have some sort of conscience and I guess this bothers you.

Well, obviously it bothers you since you brought it up here. I know there are guys that don't give a shit about bf/fiance, some even relish fucking with that dynamic.

Send the anonymous note if it clears your conscience.

[Sigma]

EDantes,
"like this is send an anonymous message; even then he'd be taking a risk - if the woman in question knows his name, where he lives, etc she might seek out some type of revenge, hell maybe even lie and tell the husband she was 'raped' or something."

Huh? You just wrote exactly what Fortis said along with what I said. I don't know if you're doing that because you didn't read any of the other comments above or you're just being redundant. I don't think I'd normally even mention it but for some reason it feels like you're purposely being asinine. Maybe just my imagination..

[WestIndianArchie]

LOL

Moral dilemma?

For a player?

This situation?

When did they stop teaching you young cats about the secret society?

WIA