Heh.
Aaanyway, I've spent 18 of the last 19 years in a state of actually comparative marital bliss, and honestly would recommend it; okay, admittedly the sex was a little tepid, but it wasn't bad, and it was genuinely nice having your best friend around all the time for everything from silly gaming to crawling under a house and fixing things. I invested in a lot of education for her (MA, MBA, MS in Marketing, now PhD) so that she could have the career she wanted and I could support her after retirement while living off her paycheck; was a pretty good life outlook.
...until, as y'all probably guessed, a month before our 19th anniversary she freaked out and ran away saying she couldn't stand "living in my shadow", filed for divorce, and seems pretty intent on taking half our savings and half my pension while running off to her neopagan polyamorous friends several states away.
So that's fuckin' awesome.
Buuuut, didn't come here for sympathy; I got all kinds of support for that. My point is I'm back on the market in about 3-4 months, and on paper I'm looking pretty good--ex-pilot, good salary (once soon-to-be-ex maintenance is over, which should be short), no kids, very fit, just got back from a PhD in England, good on stage, lots of stories, and still look pretty young (when a young coed was chatting me up and discovered I was 38 at the time, she exploded with "BLOODY HELL!"--damn funny and a lesson to me not to answer that question directly). Nice pad, too, if I get to keep it--reasonably stylish, outdoor hot tub in the trees a possibly-useful bonus (serious minus: out of town a ways; no easy transition from in-town date location).
So that's great on paper, but I haven't been dating since I was, hell, fifteen or so. Got no clue where to start. I won't do anything serious until the divorce is final, but may as well start practicing, building confidence, kitting out a better wardrobe, whatever.
I'm finding that, cheesy as they are, ballroom dancing classes, while wretched for meeting women (average population age: well above me), are good practice for the Complete Approach Virgin just because it's expected that the man initiate contact, and you're expected to just ask anyone that's free; decent practice for just walking up to a stranger and talking if that idea paralyzes you, but that learning curve flattens fast.
And in some ways, a FWB situation may help build initial confidence (I've had a couple old high-school girlfriends offer, and while I'm holding off until legal stuff is final just in case it would matter, that may not be a bad thing to try as long as expectations are pretty clear--gotta be careful on that because a) some of them seem a little too interested in a long-term attachment, which I won't be interested in for a good long while and b) some of them are bit weird; WTF is it about me that attracts the neopagans, wiccans, and psychics? I'm an athiestic scientist FFS!). At least one sounds... educational and fun, we'll say.
But after that--man, I learn fast but I'm out of my league just because I haven't had to think about this stuff in a long time. No idea where even to start looking at this age--no experience in nightclubs, bars, anything. I've read the threads about how game can get even better at 40+, which I actually understand (I'm a hell of a lot more comfortable socially than I was earlier, not to mention financially stable even despite this), but those are generally comments from people who have been doing this and TURNED 40, not those who STARTED at 40.
Any tips on starting up cold at a mildly ripe old age?
Aaanyway, I've spent 18 of the last 19 years in a state of actually comparative marital bliss, and honestly would recommend it; okay, admittedly the sex was a little tepid, but it wasn't bad, and it was genuinely nice having your best friend around all the time for everything from silly gaming to crawling under a house and fixing things. I invested in a lot of education for her (MA, MBA, MS in Marketing, now PhD) so that she could have the career she wanted and I could support her after retirement while living off her paycheck; was a pretty good life outlook.
...until, as y'all probably guessed, a month before our 19th anniversary she freaked out and ran away saying she couldn't stand "living in my shadow", filed for divorce, and seems pretty intent on taking half our savings and half my pension while running off to her neopagan polyamorous friends several states away.
So that's fuckin' awesome.
Buuuut, didn't come here for sympathy; I got all kinds of support for that. My point is I'm back on the market in about 3-4 months, and on paper I'm looking pretty good--ex-pilot, good salary (once soon-to-be-ex maintenance is over, which should be short), no kids, very fit, just got back from a PhD in England, good on stage, lots of stories, and still look pretty young (when a young coed was chatting me up and discovered I was 38 at the time, she exploded with "BLOODY HELL!"--damn funny and a lesson to me not to answer that question directly). Nice pad, too, if I get to keep it--reasonably stylish, outdoor hot tub in the trees a possibly-useful bonus (serious minus: out of town a ways; no easy transition from in-town date location).
So that's great on paper, but I haven't been dating since I was, hell, fifteen or so. Got no clue where to start. I won't do anything serious until the divorce is final, but may as well start practicing, building confidence, kitting out a better wardrobe, whatever.
I'm finding that, cheesy as they are, ballroom dancing classes, while wretched for meeting women (average population age: well above me), are good practice for the Complete Approach Virgin just because it's expected that the man initiate contact, and you're expected to just ask anyone that's free; decent practice for just walking up to a stranger and talking if that idea paralyzes you, but that learning curve flattens fast.
And in some ways, a FWB situation may help build initial confidence (I've had a couple old high-school girlfriends offer, and while I'm holding off until legal stuff is final just in case it would matter, that may not be a bad thing to try as long as expectations are pretty clear--gotta be careful on that because a) some of them seem a little too interested in a long-term attachment, which I won't be interested in for a good long while and b) some of them are bit weird; WTF is it about me that attracts the neopagans, wiccans, and psychics? I'm an athiestic scientist FFS!). At least one sounds... educational and fun, we'll say.
But after that--man, I learn fast but I'm out of my league just because I haven't had to think about this stuff in a long time. No idea where even to start looking at this age--no experience in nightclubs, bars, anything. I've read the threads about how game can get even better at 40+, which I actually understand (I'm a hell of a lot more comfortable socially than I was earlier, not to mention financially stable even despite this), but those are generally comments from people who have been doing this and TURNED 40, not those who STARTED at 40.
Any tips on starting up cold at a mildly ripe old age?