Using Non-Verbal Displays Of Dominance to Set Frame in Interactions With Women
01-06-2016, 05:37 AM
We all know most of the basic body language corrections that make you come across as an assertive person, the small reads you can get off women, and how you can keep your body language congruent with your intentions.
Even relative game literature amateurs like me pick these gold nuggets over the years, and they should be common knowledge for most guys here.
However, I also like to think I’ve got somewhat of a knack for nonverbal dynamics just on an intuitive level – perhaps just from years of sleeping with and even having serious relationships with women who didn’t speak English. I’m a big fan of going with your gut when it comes to the things that are said without being said, and I do my best to communicate with my eyes, expressions, and gestures when I can.
And I've noticed there are a lot nonverbal things I do to establish or reiterate my dominance over a woman.
An example of what I mean is the age-old example of not leaning into women when you're sitting down and talking with them and instead leaning back in your chair, using power postures, etc.
I find myself doing this stuff in bolder ways as well. Let's see if I can pull a few examples out of my ass (you'll see I ended up pulling quite a few) - some apply to casual interactions and others to relationships.
CAVEAT: I'm not well-read on body language or non-verbal communication or anything. This is all just from my own personal observations. Maybe CleanSlate can drop some feedback here. Also keep in mind that I've been mostly in Asia for years now - a lot of this stuff I did back home too, but some things may not translate back to Western culture as well as others.
- When I'm walking with a girl I very rarely will let her hold my hand, though they’ll often try it anyway. Instead, I let her cling to my wrist or forearm when we're walking while my arm just does its usual thing. If she grabs my hand, I will let it go after a moment or even reach over to untangle our hands and place her hand on my forearm - or maybe offer her my elbow instead. If she's really persistent, you can put your hand in your pocket.
To me there are few things more revealing of the dynamic between a man and a woman than seeing them walking down the street and she's hanging on his arm but he's just walking normal as she's just clinging to his arm, hanging on for the ride. Even if I have to create this artificially (like in the example where I untangled our hands and replaced hers higher up on my arm), I think over time the dynamic solidifies subconsciously in her mind.
Sometimes if she's really invested, she'll go as far as to be wrapping her arm around me even while we walk, around my waist or shoulders, and I'm just cruising along without a care in the world, as if she might as well not even be there.
- This same dynamic applies to when you’re sitting down and a woman has her hand on your leg, instead of yours on hers, and your pretty much pretending not to notice. Or her head on your shoulder is another one. The important part is a lack of response to her public display of affection (though sometimes I’ll give her a little squeeze before returning to whatever I’m focused on).
- Similarly, showing a lack of reaction to a woman kissing you and hanging all over you in bed. I notice sometimes women will try to get affectionate while you're talking about something serious - it's their way of changing the subject. Ignore what she is doing and just go on talking. In any case, having her smacking all over you face and lips while you're sitting there with a stone cold look on your face makes you feel like a boss.
- Not all the things I do come from a place of apathy, though. For example, here's another very common non-verbal move I use very generously, and I really love this one because I can use it on women I meet in just about any environment, whether they're already invested in me or not. And it's a very simple one you all probably know.
The staring contest.
In my experience, girls are shit at staring contests, but for some reason they've convinced themselves they're good at it (or maybe they're used to weak-kneed guys buckling in front of them). They just don't have the mental frame for it or something, or they’re too easily distracted and quickly lose patience. But they really will give it their best shot.
It seems like a silly game, but we already know girls like silly games, and it's interesting how much you can exert your psychological dominance over a woman just through this silly bit of playtime. I don't honestly know if I've ever lost a staring contest with a woman unless she put her hand up in my face, made a crazy funny face, or did something else outrageous to cheat.
To me, even that is a sign of her defeat, and now my frame is strong enough that even these tactics cannot get me to budge.
For me I take these staring contests extremely serious. You should too. I mean, give me a break - if a woman can straight up stare you down, who has the upper hand between you? The answer is obvious. So in the spirit of that, here’s two tricks I leverage to always win.
One, is you should always just focus on one eye – don’t try to focus on both. I don’t ever try staring at their nose or between their eyes either because I feel that weakens my frame and makes me too self-conscious. Just hone in on the one eye so you have a very specific focal point and so you don't get distracted by the rest of her face.
Also, when I'm staring into a woman's eyes, whether I just met her or we are dating, I'm not just holding her gaze, I'm sending telepathic messages to her. Telling her all the dirty things I'm going to do to her. Telling her how I'm going to own her pussy and have her sucking my cock. Telling her how hard I’m going to bang her. Yes, I'm being serious about this.
I'm wearing a mellow poker face in this moment, but my energy gets extremely intense, at least internally, and whether or not she can feel the sexual energy I'm blasting her with, she can definitely feel that she is way out of her element. I don't think I can over-exaggerate too much how forceful my thoughts are in this moment.
Don't acknowledge it too much after she crumbles. Sometimes I'll say something cocky like, "I never lose," if they make a big deal of it, but for the most part you want to smirk it off and change the subject. You'll notice you can see the shift in her, the way she's looking at you a little bit different as if reassessing who she is dealing with. If it seems like I'm overstating this, feel free to contradict, but I really don't think I am - this stuff is powerful and more guys should try it when they meet girls in bars.
- Tickling someone is a no brainer one. On the flipside, it's a surprisingly strong display of psychological power to show you are unfazed by her tickling you. If you're really ticklish, you can teach yourself not to be. To a woman who squirms like a worm on a hook every time someone tickles her, it almost seems like a superpower that she has zero effect on you.
- Another non-verbal gesture that can draw women into your power is the simple trick of having them feed you something. Women don't place food in the mouth of just anyone - at least that's my intuition. So if a woman offers me a taste of something, I always make her put it in my mouth. With her fingers or with a spoon - I think the effect is the same. If she doesn’t offer, try just asking.
This extends into your mini relationships. You cannot deny the dominance on display, for example, that I'm lying back in bed right now typing this on my computer while this girl is sitting here placing peanuts in my mouth. Women who literally feed their men know their place.
- Here's one for women you haven't bedded yet. We all know the power of eye contact. One move I've perfected over the years is the prolonged bedroom eyes - for me, it stands in a category of its own from general eye contact discussions because it's not just about reading eye contact and understanding what it means - it's about forcing your eye contact upon someone.
What I mean by this are these instances where you just made a witty joke or maybe she did and you stare right into her eyes with half smirk on your face (not always) and hold it for an almost awkward length of time. Sometimes I'll just do this in deep conversation too.
I don't know if I can really describe what my eyes look like when I'm doing it, but I do know how it feels. Somehow it feels like my eyes are "twinkling," if that makes any sense. My expression softens a little, and I'm not just looking at her, I'm looking into her eyes, almost like I have some hidden power to see who she is if I look deep enough (even though that part is bullshit, it's what I think to myself in these moments).
There's a real sexual energy to it too, as if I know we're going to end up in bed together and in some kind of romance and as if we both know that. If you've ever shared a moment of sexual innuendo with a woman and exchanged that knowing look with a half smirk on your faces, you perhaps know the suggestive look I'm talking about, but the difference is I often do this when there is no innuendo present.
The only innuendo going on is in my head, and we could be talking about something completely non-sexual (as if we're having a verbal conversation and a separate non-verbal one) or not even talking at all.
Other times I try to imagine myself as the star in her romantic movie, so it’s more of a charming look than sexual one. Again, I can feel my eyes almost twinkling - that's the best way I can describe it. I guess you have to have some experience communicating with your eyes.
A lot of this sounds vague and dramatic, but my experience is women are extremely intuitive and great readers of non-verbal communication, so in most cases they pick up on exactly what is happening.
- When a woman goes to sit in a seat across the table from me, I'll often squint at her like she's being silly and simply pat the seat next to me with my hand. She might giggle or say nothing at all, but without fail, she gets up and moves to the seat beside me, often wrapping her arm around mine as I pick up the menu or whatever I'm doing.
I don't say anything - just pat the seat and she obeys. I feel like your silence is the real key to it and if you have to verbalize it than it loses some power. I mean, I don't really care if she sits next to me or not, so it's a sheer dominance move.
- Have you ever noticed how women you’re dating will ask you for a kiss when they're leaving? I don't like that. To me it feels like I'm a pet being made to do tricks.
Surely you remember the old move from the Mystery days where you are saying goodbye to a woman you just met and you point at your cheek and she kisses it. I still do that sometimes when I just meet, so I like that one, but I also use it all the time with girls I'm dating if they ask me for a kiss on the way out the door.
I just point at my cheek instead, or I just turn and offer my cheek, so instead of me leaning in for the kiss, I allow her to lean in and smooch me on the cheek. If you’re sitting down, make her come to you, even if that means leaning over.
It's funny how serious some of them will take a cheek peck in that little power shift moment, grabbing on to your face with both hands and really laying into you, maybe whispering in your ear.
- Another example is displaying your ability to focus on a task at hand even when she is physically trying to get your attention. For example, as I've been typing this, the girl laying here has done several things to try and get my attention - ranging from making comments about the TV show she's watching, to flicking a finger at my face, and laughing to fondling my dick, and I've managed to completely ignore her and just keep doing what I'm doing. That makes a statement to her about whose party this is.
I mean, on the one hand, perhaps you could say it shows some disrespect that I’m clearly busy and she's sitting here bothering me, but I honestly don't mind because it gives me a chance to reassert my frame and show that I can't be fazed. For me it's like a little game, and while I will sometimes look up from what I'm doing and remind a woman that I'm busy if she doesn't eventually stop (especially if working), it doesn't bother me too much in small doses.
I just try to remind myself that she’s only doing it because she’s so self-conscious about how I perceive her and hungry for my attention, and anyways, we all know some women are like kids in this way.
- Or maybe you’re not doing anything important, but you're watching TV or looking off into space, lost in thought, and she is trying to get your attention but you just keep doing what you're doing, not even bothering to look at her. After this goes on a while, turn to her and drop a little wink, and then go back to what you're doing. Just this whole idea of being able to focus specifically on something besides her really reasserts that you are the star in the room. In any given situation with two people, one person generally cares more about the thoughts in the other person's head - you want to be the one who cares less if you wish to stay in charge.
- Here's another one that I play around with. You ever notice how women always want to see if they can physically hurt you - through a pinch or a bite or pressing a sharp object into your arm? It's playful but I don't know what they get out of that - usually comes out of drunken moments and maybe they’ve been watching too much Mad Max, but for whatever reason I've noticed girls always do it early on in the relationship.
I like to just look at them unfazed, as if challenging them to really try to hurt me. Or sometimes I will even say, “Go ahead, do it harder.” And then when they still half ass it – “harder.”
They can have their finger on a pressure point or bite me as hard as they want and I don't even flinch (if it really hurts you, at least pretend). It seems silly but I really think this sends a dominance message to her when she sees how powerless she is to hurt you. Even more powerful is afterwards when you say "my turn" and reach over and give her the slightest pinch and she balls up like someone just touched her with a hot poker.
Even though you may not be stronger than other guys, reminding a woman how much stronger you are then her sends a very clear message about the dynamic between you. Wrestling around has a similar effect.
- Pinching her cheek when she says something cute or cheeky.
- Checking your messages in front of a woman holds a lot of power too. I almost hate to do it because we talk about how much we hate seeing women always on their phones, but I've noticed that if I check my Viber or texts in front of a chick, she gets this look of extreme insecurity on her face.
85% of the time she reaches over and picks up her own phone and starts looking at her own messages, but we all know that's what really going on is she's hiding in her phone out of insecurity.
I don’t really go out of my way to do this, but if a girl sends me a message while I’m out with another one, I don’t hesitate to check it and perhaps reply. I used to avoid looking at my phone when out to set a good example, but I guess I’ve developed a “beat them at their own game” approach at this point.
In any case, I'm putting this in the category of dominance displays because it's kind of a reminder to her that she is not the most important thing in your life and that your attention is not hers exclusively.
- Unapologetically checking out a woman's ass in front of a girl. I do try to use this a little sparingly because it can spoil a good night in some instances, but I don't shy away from it either. If I see a nice ass or a beautiful woman I will have my look. It's just a reminder that it's my right as a man to observe beauty when I see it. In the same category goes general flirting with other women in front of her.
- Picking something off a girl's face – like some food or whatever if she’s eating. I'm sure you've heard of the move of reaching over and brushing a girl's out of place hair behind her ear (you can fake it even if her hair is fine) - David Deangelo used to preach that as a lead up to a kiss in Double Your Dating I believe. There's a certain affection in fixing a woman's hair, like you're closer than you really are, I guess, but I think it goes a little deeper than that too.
For one, it sends the message that she "belongs" to you in a way and that she's yours to fix, in my opinion. Think about it for a sec...don't women always do this to their kids and husbands and other people who "belong" to them?
But it also sends the message that you recognize she is a flawed being that is in need of occasional fixing.
When you think of how most guys pedestalize you can see how powerful that thought is. You are displaying that she is not a perfect creature and that sometimes her rough edges need a little tidying up - right now, in fact. I think all of these same subconscious messages transfer over when it comes to cleaning something off of a woman's face.
Here's one way you can experiment with this. Like the hair brush move, you can fake it too, so next time you're talking to a beautiful woman, just tell her she has something on her forehead or nose or lip or whatever and watch the way her demeanor changes.
- One move I learned from Fisto's posts in the thread about his travels in SEA is the one of putting your fingers in a woman's armpit and then smelling your hand as if it stinks. I've been using that joke for years now and I never tire of doing it to the same girl over and over when we're out or when I feel like embarrassing her (all in good fun, of course). I often offer it to her to smell - or I'll offer it to her friends or a nearby stranger. It's a great piece of physical humor for fucking with a girl, and it establishes dominance in the sense that you're treating her like a kid sister.
- A legendary move you probably remember from your childhood is simply pointing at someone's chest with your finger and then when she looks down flicking your finger up into her face. that one is so old and so obvious that just the fact that she fell for it makes her seem like a naive little piece of silly putty in your hands.
- When a woman looks at you and you blatantly look down at her body and trail your eyes back up to meet hers again. Take your time. Make it blatantly obvious and then look her in the eyes and raise your brows, or even just act like nothing happened. Be sure you've got a strong sexual frame going if you want to try this one - obviously with the wrong girl done too soon it can backfire. On the other hand, if it's someone you're already sleeping with, you can just sit there and stare right at her vag in public (assuming no one will notice) and she'll get wet right there on the spot.
- I'm a big fan of winks. They're audacious. They're mischievous. They're tacky, and the fact that you even dare do one can work wonders in certain situations. I spread winks all over the place for all types of reasons - my favorite is the secret wink you send to a supposedly off-limits girl (taken or a friend/sister of your current chick's, etc) when no one is paying attention. Or winking at a woman who is acting nervous in your presence. Is this a dominance move? Maybe I'm wandering off topic, but the bold audacity of it feels like a power play to me. It's strange, but even such a small gesture creates a "moment" between you, even if you've never interacted before.
- Slapping a girl on the ass. This should probably be a woman you're already screwing, but it's a little show of playful public dominance that goes a long ways. Even better if you do it in front of others - the message is "it's my ass to slap."
- If a girl gets pouty about something and you just pick her up into your arms, at which point she falls apart laughing. Too try-hard? Not to me. It just shows I'm unwilling to play along with her drama. I'm above and beyond her displays of anger.
- I’m actually a big fan of picking women up in all kinds of scenarios – there are multiple times I've walked across the room to at a party to pick up a girl I wanted to be sitting next to me and carried her back to my side of the room. haha Pure cavemanning, and sometimes it scares them, but it often works.
- Also love picking them up when I’m scrogging them - women love to see your physical power. Besides the basic ones, try this sometime when you're eating a girl out. Hook your arms under her knees, picking her up, and eating her out with her back pressed to the wall from a full standing position. If she’s small enough and you’re strong enough, it’s a wild one, but don’t blame me if you throw your back out.
- A handshake can often be turned into a display of dominance too. I like to hold on to her hand after the handshake is already done. Just standing there still holding on to her hand while we’re talking. How much affection/suggestion you should lend the gesture may vary depending on the girl and the circumstances, but it's bold, and by not letting go of her hand and her not forcing you to, she is in a way submitting to your will. Some girls may find it "creepy" so it's up to you to gauge when to use it.
- Similar to this is when you grab a girls hand and pull her to you. I've usually done this in bars and clubs if I look over and see a girl I like. It’s as simple as leaning over and offering her your hand. She'll look at you unsure if you're trying for a handshake or what, and if you've already been exchanging flirty looks and she accepts it, you can probably get away with pulling her away from her table and group over to yours for a conversation (she's coming to you instead of the other way around). I’ll also do this if in a group where there’s a girl who I want to be sitting next to me who is not. Note: For many obvious reasons, I could see this one going really badly for a lot of guys. When I'm in my zone I can do it splendidly (as well as care less if it fails), but don't be surprised if it blows up on you.
- Or if a girl meets my eyes when walking by I'll take her hand and pull her to me (this actually works better in the West than in Asia). If it gets awkward, you can alleviate the tension by twirling her once for good measure.
- When a girl starts cleaning your room or house or doing your dishes or something, I find a powerful move in these instances is not to acknowledge what she is doing right away. Just continue with whatever has your attention at that moment and let her carry on – the message is that what she’s doing is not out of the ordinary but in fact expected. Of course, it’s okay to go drop a kiss and a thank you after she is done to reward her, but I feel there’s real power in silence and lack of initial acknowledgement as she goes about her business.
I’ve covered a lot of territory here and maybe even wandered off course, but what ways do you guys use non-verbal communication to solidify your dominance over a woman or draw her further into your sphere of influence?
I’d love some new ones to add to the arsenal.
Even relative game literature amateurs like me pick these gold nuggets over the years, and they should be common knowledge for most guys here.
However, I also like to think I’ve got somewhat of a knack for nonverbal dynamics just on an intuitive level – perhaps just from years of sleeping with and even having serious relationships with women who didn’t speak English. I’m a big fan of going with your gut when it comes to the things that are said without being said, and I do my best to communicate with my eyes, expressions, and gestures when I can.
And I've noticed there are a lot nonverbal things I do to establish or reiterate my dominance over a woman.
An example of what I mean is the age-old example of not leaning into women when you're sitting down and talking with them and instead leaning back in your chair, using power postures, etc.
I find myself doing this stuff in bolder ways as well. Let's see if I can pull a few examples out of my ass (you'll see I ended up pulling quite a few) - some apply to casual interactions and others to relationships.
CAVEAT: I'm not well-read on body language or non-verbal communication or anything. This is all just from my own personal observations. Maybe CleanSlate can drop some feedback here. Also keep in mind that I've been mostly in Asia for years now - a lot of this stuff I did back home too, but some things may not translate back to Western culture as well as others.
- When I'm walking with a girl I very rarely will let her hold my hand, though they’ll often try it anyway. Instead, I let her cling to my wrist or forearm when we're walking while my arm just does its usual thing. If she grabs my hand, I will let it go after a moment or even reach over to untangle our hands and place her hand on my forearm - or maybe offer her my elbow instead. If she's really persistent, you can put your hand in your pocket.
To me there are few things more revealing of the dynamic between a man and a woman than seeing them walking down the street and she's hanging on his arm but he's just walking normal as she's just clinging to his arm, hanging on for the ride. Even if I have to create this artificially (like in the example where I untangled our hands and replaced hers higher up on my arm), I think over time the dynamic solidifies subconsciously in her mind.
Sometimes if she's really invested, she'll go as far as to be wrapping her arm around me even while we walk, around my waist or shoulders, and I'm just cruising along without a care in the world, as if she might as well not even be there.
- This same dynamic applies to when you’re sitting down and a woman has her hand on your leg, instead of yours on hers, and your pretty much pretending not to notice. Or her head on your shoulder is another one. The important part is a lack of response to her public display of affection (though sometimes I’ll give her a little squeeze before returning to whatever I’m focused on).
- Similarly, showing a lack of reaction to a woman kissing you and hanging all over you in bed. I notice sometimes women will try to get affectionate while you're talking about something serious - it's their way of changing the subject. Ignore what she is doing and just go on talking. In any case, having her smacking all over you face and lips while you're sitting there with a stone cold look on your face makes you feel like a boss.
- Not all the things I do come from a place of apathy, though. For example, here's another very common non-verbal move I use very generously, and I really love this one because I can use it on women I meet in just about any environment, whether they're already invested in me or not. And it's a very simple one you all probably know.
The staring contest.
In my experience, girls are shit at staring contests, but for some reason they've convinced themselves they're good at it (or maybe they're used to weak-kneed guys buckling in front of them). They just don't have the mental frame for it or something, or they’re too easily distracted and quickly lose patience. But they really will give it their best shot.
It seems like a silly game, but we already know girls like silly games, and it's interesting how much you can exert your psychological dominance over a woman just through this silly bit of playtime. I don't honestly know if I've ever lost a staring contest with a woman unless she put her hand up in my face, made a crazy funny face, or did something else outrageous to cheat.
To me, even that is a sign of her defeat, and now my frame is strong enough that even these tactics cannot get me to budge.
For me I take these staring contests extremely serious. You should too. I mean, give me a break - if a woman can straight up stare you down, who has the upper hand between you? The answer is obvious. So in the spirit of that, here’s two tricks I leverage to always win.
One, is you should always just focus on one eye – don’t try to focus on both. I don’t ever try staring at their nose or between their eyes either because I feel that weakens my frame and makes me too self-conscious. Just hone in on the one eye so you have a very specific focal point and so you don't get distracted by the rest of her face.
Also, when I'm staring into a woman's eyes, whether I just met her or we are dating, I'm not just holding her gaze, I'm sending telepathic messages to her. Telling her all the dirty things I'm going to do to her. Telling her how I'm going to own her pussy and have her sucking my cock. Telling her how hard I’m going to bang her. Yes, I'm being serious about this.
I'm wearing a mellow poker face in this moment, but my energy gets extremely intense, at least internally, and whether or not she can feel the sexual energy I'm blasting her with, she can definitely feel that she is way out of her element. I don't think I can over-exaggerate too much how forceful my thoughts are in this moment.
Don't acknowledge it too much after she crumbles. Sometimes I'll say something cocky like, "I never lose," if they make a big deal of it, but for the most part you want to smirk it off and change the subject. You'll notice you can see the shift in her, the way she's looking at you a little bit different as if reassessing who she is dealing with. If it seems like I'm overstating this, feel free to contradict, but I really don't think I am - this stuff is powerful and more guys should try it when they meet girls in bars.
- Tickling someone is a no brainer one. On the flipside, it's a surprisingly strong display of psychological power to show you are unfazed by her tickling you. If you're really ticklish, you can teach yourself not to be. To a woman who squirms like a worm on a hook every time someone tickles her, it almost seems like a superpower that she has zero effect on you.
- Another non-verbal gesture that can draw women into your power is the simple trick of having them feed you something. Women don't place food in the mouth of just anyone - at least that's my intuition. So if a woman offers me a taste of something, I always make her put it in my mouth. With her fingers or with a spoon - I think the effect is the same. If she doesn’t offer, try just asking.
This extends into your mini relationships. You cannot deny the dominance on display, for example, that I'm lying back in bed right now typing this on my computer while this girl is sitting here placing peanuts in my mouth. Women who literally feed their men know their place.
- Here's one for women you haven't bedded yet. We all know the power of eye contact. One move I've perfected over the years is the prolonged bedroom eyes - for me, it stands in a category of its own from general eye contact discussions because it's not just about reading eye contact and understanding what it means - it's about forcing your eye contact upon someone.
What I mean by this are these instances where you just made a witty joke or maybe she did and you stare right into her eyes with half smirk on your face (not always) and hold it for an almost awkward length of time. Sometimes I'll just do this in deep conversation too.
I don't know if I can really describe what my eyes look like when I'm doing it, but I do know how it feels. Somehow it feels like my eyes are "twinkling," if that makes any sense. My expression softens a little, and I'm not just looking at her, I'm looking into her eyes, almost like I have some hidden power to see who she is if I look deep enough (even though that part is bullshit, it's what I think to myself in these moments).
There's a real sexual energy to it too, as if I know we're going to end up in bed together and in some kind of romance and as if we both know that. If you've ever shared a moment of sexual innuendo with a woman and exchanged that knowing look with a half smirk on your faces, you perhaps know the suggestive look I'm talking about, but the difference is I often do this when there is no innuendo present.
The only innuendo going on is in my head, and we could be talking about something completely non-sexual (as if we're having a verbal conversation and a separate non-verbal one) or not even talking at all.
Other times I try to imagine myself as the star in her romantic movie, so it’s more of a charming look than sexual one. Again, I can feel my eyes almost twinkling - that's the best way I can describe it. I guess you have to have some experience communicating with your eyes.
A lot of this sounds vague and dramatic, but my experience is women are extremely intuitive and great readers of non-verbal communication, so in most cases they pick up on exactly what is happening.
- When a woman goes to sit in a seat across the table from me, I'll often squint at her like she's being silly and simply pat the seat next to me with my hand. She might giggle or say nothing at all, but without fail, she gets up and moves to the seat beside me, often wrapping her arm around mine as I pick up the menu or whatever I'm doing.
I don't say anything - just pat the seat and she obeys. I feel like your silence is the real key to it and if you have to verbalize it than it loses some power. I mean, I don't really care if she sits next to me or not, so it's a sheer dominance move.
- Have you ever noticed how women you’re dating will ask you for a kiss when they're leaving? I don't like that. To me it feels like I'm a pet being made to do tricks.
Surely you remember the old move from the Mystery days where you are saying goodbye to a woman you just met and you point at your cheek and she kisses it. I still do that sometimes when I just meet, so I like that one, but I also use it all the time with girls I'm dating if they ask me for a kiss on the way out the door.
I just point at my cheek instead, or I just turn and offer my cheek, so instead of me leaning in for the kiss, I allow her to lean in and smooch me on the cheek. If you’re sitting down, make her come to you, even if that means leaning over.
It's funny how serious some of them will take a cheek peck in that little power shift moment, grabbing on to your face with both hands and really laying into you, maybe whispering in your ear.
- Another example is displaying your ability to focus on a task at hand even when she is physically trying to get your attention. For example, as I've been typing this, the girl laying here has done several things to try and get my attention - ranging from making comments about the TV show she's watching, to flicking a finger at my face, and laughing to fondling my dick, and I've managed to completely ignore her and just keep doing what I'm doing. That makes a statement to her about whose party this is.
I mean, on the one hand, perhaps you could say it shows some disrespect that I’m clearly busy and she's sitting here bothering me, but I honestly don't mind because it gives me a chance to reassert my frame and show that I can't be fazed. For me it's like a little game, and while I will sometimes look up from what I'm doing and remind a woman that I'm busy if she doesn't eventually stop (especially if working), it doesn't bother me too much in small doses.
I just try to remind myself that she’s only doing it because she’s so self-conscious about how I perceive her and hungry for my attention, and anyways, we all know some women are like kids in this way.
- Or maybe you’re not doing anything important, but you're watching TV or looking off into space, lost in thought, and she is trying to get your attention but you just keep doing what you're doing, not even bothering to look at her. After this goes on a while, turn to her and drop a little wink, and then go back to what you're doing. Just this whole idea of being able to focus specifically on something besides her really reasserts that you are the star in the room. In any given situation with two people, one person generally cares more about the thoughts in the other person's head - you want to be the one who cares less if you wish to stay in charge.
- Here's another one that I play around with. You ever notice how women always want to see if they can physically hurt you - through a pinch or a bite or pressing a sharp object into your arm? It's playful but I don't know what they get out of that - usually comes out of drunken moments and maybe they’ve been watching too much Mad Max, but for whatever reason I've noticed girls always do it early on in the relationship.
I like to just look at them unfazed, as if challenging them to really try to hurt me. Or sometimes I will even say, “Go ahead, do it harder.” And then when they still half ass it – “harder.”
They can have their finger on a pressure point or bite me as hard as they want and I don't even flinch (if it really hurts you, at least pretend). It seems silly but I really think this sends a dominance message to her when she sees how powerless she is to hurt you. Even more powerful is afterwards when you say "my turn" and reach over and give her the slightest pinch and she balls up like someone just touched her with a hot poker.
Even though you may not be stronger than other guys, reminding a woman how much stronger you are then her sends a very clear message about the dynamic between you. Wrestling around has a similar effect.
- Pinching her cheek when she says something cute or cheeky.
- Checking your messages in front of a woman holds a lot of power too. I almost hate to do it because we talk about how much we hate seeing women always on their phones, but I've noticed that if I check my Viber or texts in front of a chick, she gets this look of extreme insecurity on her face.
85% of the time she reaches over and picks up her own phone and starts looking at her own messages, but we all know that's what really going on is she's hiding in her phone out of insecurity.
I don’t really go out of my way to do this, but if a girl sends me a message while I’m out with another one, I don’t hesitate to check it and perhaps reply. I used to avoid looking at my phone when out to set a good example, but I guess I’ve developed a “beat them at their own game” approach at this point.
In any case, I'm putting this in the category of dominance displays because it's kind of a reminder to her that she is not the most important thing in your life and that your attention is not hers exclusively.
- Unapologetically checking out a woman's ass in front of a girl. I do try to use this a little sparingly because it can spoil a good night in some instances, but I don't shy away from it either. If I see a nice ass or a beautiful woman I will have my look. It's just a reminder that it's my right as a man to observe beauty when I see it. In the same category goes general flirting with other women in front of her.
- Picking something off a girl's face – like some food or whatever if she’s eating. I'm sure you've heard of the move of reaching over and brushing a girl's out of place hair behind her ear (you can fake it even if her hair is fine) - David Deangelo used to preach that as a lead up to a kiss in Double Your Dating I believe. There's a certain affection in fixing a woman's hair, like you're closer than you really are, I guess, but I think it goes a little deeper than that too.
For one, it sends the message that she "belongs" to you in a way and that she's yours to fix, in my opinion. Think about it for a sec...don't women always do this to their kids and husbands and other people who "belong" to them?
But it also sends the message that you recognize she is a flawed being that is in need of occasional fixing.
When you think of how most guys pedestalize you can see how powerful that thought is. You are displaying that she is not a perfect creature and that sometimes her rough edges need a little tidying up - right now, in fact. I think all of these same subconscious messages transfer over when it comes to cleaning something off of a woman's face.
Here's one way you can experiment with this. Like the hair brush move, you can fake it too, so next time you're talking to a beautiful woman, just tell her she has something on her forehead or nose or lip or whatever and watch the way her demeanor changes.
- One move I learned from Fisto's posts in the thread about his travels in SEA is the one of putting your fingers in a woman's armpit and then smelling your hand as if it stinks. I've been using that joke for years now and I never tire of doing it to the same girl over and over when we're out or when I feel like embarrassing her (all in good fun, of course). I often offer it to her to smell - or I'll offer it to her friends or a nearby stranger. It's a great piece of physical humor for fucking with a girl, and it establishes dominance in the sense that you're treating her like a kid sister.
- A legendary move you probably remember from your childhood is simply pointing at someone's chest with your finger and then when she looks down flicking your finger up into her face. that one is so old and so obvious that just the fact that she fell for it makes her seem like a naive little piece of silly putty in your hands.
- When a woman looks at you and you blatantly look down at her body and trail your eyes back up to meet hers again. Take your time. Make it blatantly obvious and then look her in the eyes and raise your brows, or even just act like nothing happened. Be sure you've got a strong sexual frame going if you want to try this one - obviously with the wrong girl done too soon it can backfire. On the other hand, if it's someone you're already sleeping with, you can just sit there and stare right at her vag in public (assuming no one will notice) and she'll get wet right there on the spot.
- I'm a big fan of winks. They're audacious. They're mischievous. They're tacky, and the fact that you even dare do one can work wonders in certain situations. I spread winks all over the place for all types of reasons - my favorite is the secret wink you send to a supposedly off-limits girl (taken or a friend/sister of your current chick's, etc) when no one is paying attention. Or winking at a woman who is acting nervous in your presence. Is this a dominance move? Maybe I'm wandering off topic, but the bold audacity of it feels like a power play to me. It's strange, but even such a small gesture creates a "moment" between you, even if you've never interacted before.
- Slapping a girl on the ass. This should probably be a woman you're already screwing, but it's a little show of playful public dominance that goes a long ways. Even better if you do it in front of others - the message is "it's my ass to slap."
- If a girl gets pouty about something and you just pick her up into your arms, at which point she falls apart laughing. Too try-hard? Not to me. It just shows I'm unwilling to play along with her drama. I'm above and beyond her displays of anger.
- I’m actually a big fan of picking women up in all kinds of scenarios – there are multiple times I've walked across the room to at a party to pick up a girl I wanted to be sitting next to me and carried her back to my side of the room. haha Pure cavemanning, and sometimes it scares them, but it often works.
- Also love picking them up when I’m scrogging them - women love to see your physical power. Besides the basic ones, try this sometime when you're eating a girl out. Hook your arms under her knees, picking her up, and eating her out with her back pressed to the wall from a full standing position. If she’s small enough and you’re strong enough, it’s a wild one, but don’t blame me if you throw your back out.
- A handshake can often be turned into a display of dominance too. I like to hold on to her hand after the handshake is already done. Just standing there still holding on to her hand while we’re talking. How much affection/suggestion you should lend the gesture may vary depending on the girl and the circumstances, but it's bold, and by not letting go of her hand and her not forcing you to, she is in a way submitting to your will. Some girls may find it "creepy" so it's up to you to gauge when to use it.
- Similar to this is when you grab a girls hand and pull her to you. I've usually done this in bars and clubs if I look over and see a girl I like. It’s as simple as leaning over and offering her your hand. She'll look at you unsure if you're trying for a handshake or what, and if you've already been exchanging flirty looks and she accepts it, you can probably get away with pulling her away from her table and group over to yours for a conversation (she's coming to you instead of the other way around). I’ll also do this if in a group where there’s a girl who I want to be sitting next to me who is not. Note: For many obvious reasons, I could see this one going really badly for a lot of guys. When I'm in my zone I can do it splendidly (as well as care less if it fails), but don't be surprised if it blows up on you.
- Or if a girl meets my eyes when walking by I'll take her hand and pull her to me (this actually works better in the West than in Asia). If it gets awkward, you can alleviate the tension by twirling her once for good measure.
- When a girl starts cleaning your room or house or doing your dishes or something, I find a powerful move in these instances is not to acknowledge what she is doing right away. Just continue with whatever has your attention at that moment and let her carry on – the message is that what she’s doing is not out of the ordinary but in fact expected. Of course, it’s okay to go drop a kiss and a thank you after she is done to reward her, but I feel there’s real power in silence and lack of initial acknowledgement as she goes about her business.
I’ve covered a lot of territory here and maybe even wandered off course, but what ways do you guys use non-verbal communication to solidify your dominance over a woman or draw her further into your sphere of influence?
I’d love some new ones to add to the arsenal.
Beyond All Seas
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.
To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you'll be lonely often, and sometimes
frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Kipling