Quote: (01-06-2016 01:28 PM)General Stalin Wrote:
It's sort of a catch 22 to be the one making the "fun" in the relationship but also expecting her to be investing more in you than you are in her. If you are planning things, amplifying the energy and excitement in an activity or a getaway, then where is her investment? Letting you fuck her a lot? Cooking for you a lot? What is the trade off?
It's not necessarily a tangible thing, but what happens is that she automatically comes to you first, clears thing with you first, becomes dependent on you for fun (in a good way).
Even when she does her own thing, she wishes you were there.
... But the other thing about is, "What about me, WIA? When do I get some alone time?"
Let's say you thing was sitting in a deer blind for an entire weekend waiting to shoot you a Bambi. She could just want to be there, to be around you, and maybe you could minimize the bitching.....but you don't go out into the cold embrace of nature because you want quality time w/your broad.
Which brings us back to the conundrum.
You have a life
She has a life.
But if she has too much of a life, no matter how good your game is, no matter how many other chicks you have on the side, or have laid the groundwork with while still being faithful - she could really get into some shit that's beyond your grasp.
She's an able bodied thinking woman. Family oriented or not, maybe veganism suddenly takes hold of her, or she goes Born Again Christian after the death of a parent...
I guess this has been the theme of the past week or so, but there's no "lock".
No rest for the righteous man.
Appease her like a beta? Lose her.
Let her run free? Lose her.
Capture her mind? You have a new job
Alpha all the time? She won't always like it, and though you can replace her if she leaves, losing her is actually a loss.
Just something to think about.
Quote: (01-06-2016 01:28 PM)General Stalin Wrote:
I can only speak for myself here, but my favorite relationships have been the ones where I can let the girl be the "fun" one and I'm just the stoic masculine figure that she wants to share these experiences with.
You're not alone, who doesn't like having a low maintenance emotional life, and not involved in all of your chicks's shit.
That is the norm. The Marcus Aurelian ideal.
You oak tree, her squirrel.
Until she finds another place to get a nut.
You lose a chick by not engaging her on different levels.
Quote: (01-06-2016 01:28 PM)General Stalin Wrote:
I may plant a seed about something like "we should get away next weekend, maybe head up to the mountains" and she will run with it booking a cabin, reserving tour spots, planning the whole trip whatever. She wants to take me to meet her family, go to an ugly sweater party. She plans the Friendsgiving and Friendsmas get-togethers whatever and I just enjoy the event and she is happy that I'm there with her just being myself with that personality that she likes.
This doesn't mean I'm a fly on the wall, but I let her "have the fun" so to speak. After all, she is the emotional one. This isn't to say I never plan things, surprise her with shit, or have romantic date ideas etc. Just that letting her pull her weight and play out romantic fantasies with me is heavy investment on her part in and of itself.
I like my presence to be enjoyed by her, absolutely. That is key - you want your woman to want you around all the time. That being said, I think it is more powerful to just be a enjoyable guy to have around all the time that your girl wants to take everywhere and show to everyone rather than be enjoyable AND be the one investing most of the effort into making the relationship "fun."
Lemme reframe.
Does a girl desire a man with less of a social life than her, or greater?
Would she prefer the guy who's always dressing up and going to nightly events (not clubs), or the one that's usually at home.
There isn't a guy on earth who doesn't want what you want, or acts in the way you're prescribing. It's baseline. The other typical option is the guy just shows up with her when she has shit to do, or stays at home, or sticks with his friends.
I'm suggesting that you look at it not so much as activities, but really engaging her where she is really excited to be.
To me, the type of cooperative couple that is on Amazing Race.
Or imagine you're on the frontier. If she doesn't get you up in the morning to plow the field and plant the crops, the whole family won't eat. And you rely on her to cook up the bacon and make a life worth living.
I don't know if modern life really calls for couples to need and appreciate each other on that level.
But I'd say if you're in an LTR that you want to keep - that's what you should be looking towards.
What do I know, I can't keep a chick longer than 3 years.
WIA