[Borealis]

Okay so I met a pretty cute chick over New Years Eve and we really seemed to hit it off real well. By the end of the night we were making out, fondling (and then some). I managed to add her to my facebook but I completely forget to get her phone number!!!. Unfortunately this seems to happen a lot. I contacted her yesterday on facebook to see if she wanted to come hang out with a bunch of my friends who were hosting a party (and to try and get her phone #). But she never responded. Is she playing hard to get or is she coming down with buyers remorse? What kind of a follow up message should I send her if she still doesn't respond?

[Ethan Hunt]

(01-03-2016 03:47 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

Okay so I met a pretty cute chick over New Years Eve and we really seemed to hit it off real well. By the end of the night we were making out, fondling (and then some). I managed to add her to my facebook but I completely forget to get her phone number!!!. Unfortunately this seems to happen a lot. I contacted her yesterday on facebook to see if she wanted to come hang out with a bunch of my friends who were hosting a party (and to try and get her phone #). But she never responded. Is she playing hard to get or is she coming down with buyers remorse? What kind of a follow up message should I send her if she still doesn't respond?

Did she accept your friends request?

If not then it is very likely that the message didn't go into the main inbox. Next time you go on FB on a laptop/desktop click on the inbox section and then click on the tab 'Message Requests'. In all likelihood you'll find you have received hundreds of messages without knowing. It is quite likely her message ended up there. IE can only receive messages from people who have a mutual friend.

Too be truly honest with you I would not sweat much about this. It is NYE and in she was very likely to have been really drunk and may not remember you. Just because you kiss a girl doesn't mean she will want to see you again. Did you see her go home? If not then don't rule out her going home with someone else.

You would be better off finding other women to game. Even if you felt you both had a certain connection, it was likely a spur of the moment. Hang out with different girls and if she sees you and remembers you then she may talk to you then. Next time you see her out just smile and say hey in a tone that makes it seem as if nothing has happened.

[Sooth]

Facebook is shitty because they can judge you on a plethora of things other than what they remember from the night.
The phone number should be the first detail that you get.

If all you give her is a phone number and a load of drunk memories her hamster can spin at 100 mile per hour, but if you give a facebook profile she can easily rationalise a way out because you're putting her in the judge's seat.

"Is she playing hard to get or is she coming down with buyers remorse?" - Probably neither, she just txting someone else.

"What kind of a follow up message should I send her if she still doesn't respond?" - Nothing, NEXT her. But if you see her in real life tell her that the party she missed was the best party you've ever been to.

If you're just starting out in game, facebook is a curse, you're better off to never give them a profile.

Once you're good enough to display social significance then facebook is an asset.

[Borealis]

(01-03-2016 04:03 AM)JordanH Wrote:  

(01-03-2016 03:47 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

Okay so I met a pretty cute chick over New Years Eve and we really seemed to hit it off real well. By the end of the night we were making out, fondling (and then some). I managed to add her to my facebook but I completely forget to get her phone number!!!. Unfortunately this seems to happen a lot. I contacted her yesterday on facebook to see if she wanted to come hang out with a bunch of my friends who were hosting a party (and to try and get her phone #). But she never responded. Is she playing hard to get or is she coming down with buyers remorse? What kind of a follow up message should I send her if she still doesn't respond?

Did she accept your friends request?

If not then it is very likely that the message didn't go into the main inbox. Next time you go on FB on a laptop/desktop click on the inbox section and then click on the tab 'Message Requests'. In all likelihood you'll find you have received hundreds of messages without knowing. It is quite likely her message ended up there. IE can only receive messages from people who have a mutual friend.

Too be truly honest with you I would not sweat much about this. It is NYE and in she was very likely to have been really drunk and may not remember you. Just because you kiss a girl doesn't mean she will want to see you again. Did you see her go home? If not then don't rule out her going home with someone else.

You would be better off finding other women to game. Even if you felt you both had a certain connection, it was likely a spur of the moment. Hang out with different girls and if she sees you and remembers you then she may talk to you then. Next time you see her out just smile and say hey in a tone that makes it seem as if nothing has happened.

Yes she did accept my friend request and we did leave the party together and went to her place. My question is not necessary pertaining this girl. This has happened to me in the past and what would be a good tease if a girl who has friended you but don't respond to your messages?

(01-03-2016 04:05 AM)Sooth Wrote:  

Facebook is shitty because they can judge you on a plethora of things other than what they remember from the night.
The phone number should be the first detail that you get.

If all you give her is a phone number and a load of drunk memories her hamster can spin at 100 mile per hour, but if you give a facebook profile she can easily rationalise a way out because you're putting her in the judge's seat.

"Is she playing hard to get or is she coming down with buyers remorse?" - Probably neither, she just txting someone else.

"What kind of a follow up message should I send her if she still doesn't respond?" - Nothing, NEXT her. But if you see her in real life tell her that the party she missed was the best party you've ever been to.

If you're just starting out in game, facebook is a curse, you're better off to never give them a profile.

Once you're good enough to display social significance then facebook is an asset.

I do have somewhat of a presence on facebook as I am a musician. I thought I could use that as a leverage but now I'm not so sure.

[Sooth]

(01-03-2016 04:06 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

I do have somewhat of a presence on facebook as I am a musician. I thought I could use that as a leverage but now I'm not so sure.

Absolutely you can.

Do you play gigs? If you do you have to try get photos with the hottest girls in the room and upload to facebook.

If you don't play gigs then as far as girls are concerned you're not a musician.

Girls don't like musicians for their music, they like musicians because other girls like musicians.

[Borealis]

(01-03-2016 04:15 AM)Sooth Wrote:  

(01-03-2016 04:06 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

I do have somewhat of a presence on facebook as I am a musician. I thought I could use that as a leverage but now I'm not so sure.

Absolutely you can.

Do you play gigs? If you do you have to try get photos with the hottest girls in the room and upload to facebook.

If you don't play gigs then as far as girls are concerned you're not a musician.


Girls don't like musicians for their music, they like musicians because other girls like musicians.

I do have pics of me on stage but not with girls in them. I'm also very selective on the photos and info I put up on my facebook so people can't figure out my life story just by looking at my page.

[Sooth]

That's ok. Very common for an introverted guy (just guessing?).

The problem though is that the whole live music thing combined with facebook is an extroverts game.
If you're an introvert trying to make it big in the music industry you have to be musically autistic and you end up working behind the scenes.

You have to be able to "fake it till you make it" in the music industry but for some people, faking it is impossible.

[Borealis]

(01-03-2016 04:35 AM)Sooth Wrote:  

That's ok. Very common for an introverted guy (just guessing?).

The problem though is that the whole live music thing combined with facebook is an extroverts game.
If you're an introvert trying to make it big in the music industry you have to be musically autistic and you end up working behind the scenes.

You have to be able to "fake it till you make it" in the music industry but for some people, faking it is impossible.

Well I just don't want people to figure out every aspect about my life just from browsing my facebook profile. I mostly want to keep some air of mysteriousness.

[Sooth]

Start another facebook page as a fan page then.

Have a personal page for your family and friends and a fan page for your music career.

[Gmac]

(01-03-2016 04:03 AM)JordanH Wrote:  

(01-03-2016 03:47 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

Okay so I met a pretty cute chick over New Years Eve and we really seemed to hit it off real well. By the end of the night we were making out, fondling (and then some). I managed to add her to my facebook but I completely forget to get her phone number!!!. Unfortunately this seems to happen a lot. I contacted her yesterday on facebook to see if she wanted to come hang out with a bunch of my friends who were hosting a party (and to try and get her phone #). But she never responded. Is she playing hard to get or is she coming down with buyers remorse? What kind of a follow up message should I send her if she still doesn't respond?

Did she accept your friends request?

If not then it is very likely that the message didn't go into the main inbox. Next time you go on FB on a laptop/desktop click on the inbox section and then click on the tab 'Message Requests'. In all likelihood you'll find you have received hundreds of messages without knowing. It is quite likely her message ended up there. IE can only receive messages from people who have a mutual friend.

Too be truly honest with you I would not sweat much about this. It is NYE and in she was very likely to have been really drunk and may not remember you. Just because you kiss a girl doesn't mean she will want to see you again. Did you see her go home? If not then don't rule out her going home with someone else.

You would be better off finding other women to game. Even if you felt you both had a certain connection, it was likely a spur of the moment. Hang out with different girls and if she sees you and remembers you then she may talk to you then. Next time you see her out just smile and say hey in a tone that makes it seem as if nothing has happened.

This isn't the case anymore. If I'm not mistaken facebook updated its messaging a few months back so there is only one inbox, regardless of who you are friends with.

That being said, don't use facebook to pick up girls.

[Borealis]

Okay she just responded to my message with "Hey thanks but I have plans for today." Didn't even bother to give me her contact # lol. I was thinking about responding with "Cancel it. I'm more fun." But should I even respond?

[HankMoody]

(01-03-2016 11:05 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

Okay she just responded to my message with "Hey thanks but I have plans for today." Didn't even bother to give me her contact # lol. I was thinking about responding with "Cancel it. I'm more fun." But should I even respond?

That's a bad sign. She didn't give you an alternative date, and that response is pretty cold. Not even "How you have you been?" or anything like that.

Chances are you jumped the gun to friend her on Facebook and came off as overeager. Normally when this kind of thing happens, if they're interested, they'll find you on Facebook. I can't remember the last time I've added a chick. You have to let her pursue you a little bit, and have the confidence that she will.

I'd say you have about a 10% chance at this juncture. Give it a few days, and then send her something like "chu doin" and tell her you want to grab drinks.

"Cancel it. I'm more fun" actually comes off as needy. I don't like that at all.

[Suave]

Borealis Wrote:

Okay she just responded to my message with "Hey thanks but I have plans for today." Didn't even bother to give me her contact # lol. I was thinking about responding with "Cancel it. I'm more fun." But should I even respond?

Mate, I would forget about her. She responded to show some courtsey. The bottom line is she's not interested in meeting you.

Its a common occurance to question whether to follow up with maybe one last message to a prior unanswered or uninterested message. This will all depend on how strong your connection is with the girl. If you've say had a good date, and when trying to arrange the second meeting you get an indifferent response, you could wait for a week and have a final attempt in trying to reignite something.

Your situation is different and that's what you have to recognise. You just had a mild one-off encounter with her. Nothing more. In such cases you can try once, and if unsuccessful, you move on to the plethora of options that can be.

She's on your fb anyway. If she likes what she sees, she might hit you up at some point in the future. The correct mindset though would be to avoid false hope. Just move on.

[Borealis]

(01-03-2016 12:18 PM)HankMoody Wrote:  

(01-03-2016 11:05 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

Okay she just responded to my message with "Hey thanks but I have plans for today." Didn't even bother to give me her contact # lol. I was thinking about responding with "Cancel it. I'm more fun." But should I even respond?

"Cancel it. I'm more fun" actually comes off as needy. I don't like that at all.

I actually learned that one from David D. But I'm guessing he's not very well respected here at all?

Well no more facebooking chicks for me. I learned my lesson.

[Remington]

Women are only on facebook to seek attention. You will see women with thousands of friends who will get 137 "likes" for saying that she is going to the mall, 300 "likes" for a selfie, and 400 "likes" for a bikini picture. You are one of the many men that vies for her attention through social media. You are already fighting a losing battle. No need to swim against the current.

[Ethan Hunt]

Just a thought. Does she have her number on her profile? Can verify it against WhatsApp and maybe Truecaller too...

She might ask how you got it but you can lie and say 'you gave it to me' etc...

Personally I wouldn't take a number down in that situation but I have used that method to give a friend a call to arrange going to bar. Didn't have number n fb messaging can be ineffective at times.

[Borealis]

No I do not see a phone # listed anywhere on her fb.

[XPQ22]

Taking Facebook and Instagram names is where nascent relationships go to die.

I will shoot down a girl who tries to hit me with that shit. Every. Time. I don't care how good looking they are. I give them a "Are you for real?" attitude about it too, as if I'm some guy who has the time to sit around looking at their selfies.

If you're confident about it, you might be surprised how quickly they'll cough up the phone number when you brush off their attempt to put you in the "orbiter" box. I've noticed it's becoming more common for some guys who I talk to (whom I actually wouldn't mind sometimes having on mine for business purposes) tell me "Yeah, I don't do that social media shit." That's a good thing.

I think more guys are waking up to how unproductive it is. It should really be a movement - women's narcissistic behavior is linked to how much men dig for the social media scraps.

Phone numbers are somewhat worthless as well, but not entirely so as social media accounts are. But that's a different story. If I can't bounce her that very evening and she's peacing out, it's phone number or nothing.

[XPQ22]

(01-03-2016 11:05 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

Okay she just responded to my message with "Hey thanks but I have plans for today."

[Borealis]

I normally would agree with you guys and move on. I don't really want to contact her again but the thing is she's part of my extended social circle so I will definitely be seeing her from time to time. I don't want things to get awkward and knowing women she will definitely be gossiping about me to my friends behind my back.

[Kaii]

Come on man. You are rationalizing a way to keep talking to her. You know she is blowing you off. Not worth your time. You're the prize, remember?

I would just let it go.

(01-04-2016 10:11 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

I normally would agree with you guys and move on. I don't really want to contact her again but the thing is she's part of my extended social circle so I will definitely be seeing her from time to time. I don't want things to get awkward and knowing women she will definitely be gossiping about me to my friends behind my back.

[amity]

(01-04-2016 10:11 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

I normally would agree with you guys and move on. I don't really want to contact her again but the thing is she's part of my extended social circle so I will definitely be seeing her from time to time. I don't want things to get awkward and knowing women she will definitely be gossiping about me to my friends behind my back.

Best bet is to keep personal contact with this girl to a minimum, at least for the moment.
You care too much, too invested in a girl who's displayed no real value to you yet.
If we can tell that here then you can bet your ass the girl can tell it too.
Keep moving on with your life and keep mingling and meeting other girls and hopefully banging a few along the way if possible.
That way when you get back in touch with her again in a while, whatever neediness was there will have largely disappeared.
She will pick up on this and your chances of something happening will have increased by then, should you still be interested in her.
Women who wouldn't give you the time of day will suddenly show interest in you when it's clear you haven't got the blindest bit of interest in them.
And there's the rub.
The difference being that the ball is now in your court, rather than hers.

[Remington]

(01-04-2016 10:11 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

I normally would agree with you guys and move on. I don't really want to contact her again but the thing is she's part of my extended social circle so I will definitely be seeing her from time to time. I don't want things to get awkward and knowing women she will definitely be gossiping about me to my friends behind my back.

You asked her out, she blew you off. No big deal. It happens to everyone. If you continue to force conversation with her, then things WILL become awkward when you see her again.

The worst thing that can happen at this point is that she told her friends you wanted to grab drinks. She indirectly said no, and that was that. Doesn't mean the other women in this social circle will think you're a chump.

Cut your losses, and get to know more friends in this social circle. Maybe even bang a few. You are still in good shape. Don't dwell on this situation.

[Windom Earle]

(01-03-2016 04:35 AM)Sooth Wrote:  

The problem though is that the whole live music thing combined with facebook is an extroverts game.

If you're an introvert trying to make it big in the music industry you have to be musically autistic and you end up working behind the scenes.

Musicians who are also extroverts do not have the monopoly in the music industry as far as live performance goes, nor is it a prerequisite for "making it big" or having a superior presence on Facebook, as you say.

You're merely perpetuating the myth that introverts are shy, reclusive, anti-social types - which couldn't be further from the truth.

There's a thread on the subject here, which you may find enlightening.

[Borealis]

(01-04-2016 10:30 AM)amity Wrote:  

(01-04-2016 10:11 AM)Borealis Wrote:  

I normally would agree with you guys and move on. I don't really want to contact her again but the thing is she's part of my extended social circle so I will definitely be seeing her from time to time. I don't want things to get awkward and knowing women she will definitely be gossiping about me to my friends behind my back.

Best bet is to keep personal contact with this girl to a minimum, at least for the moment.
You care too much, too invested in a girl who's displayed no real value to you yet.
If we can tell that here then you can bet your ass the girl can tell it too.
Keep moving on with your life and keep mingling and meeting other girls and hopefully banging a few along the way if possible.
That way when you get back in touch with her again in a while, whatever neediness was there will have largely disappeared.
She will pick up on this and your chances of something happening will have increased by then, should you still be interested in her.
Women who wouldn't give you the time of day will suddenly show interest in you when it's clear you haven't got the blindest bit of interest in them.
And there's the rub.
The difference being that the ball is now in your court, rather than hers.

So what would be your suggestion the next time I see her? Act completely different? Ignore her? Say "hey what's up long time no see" and walk away?