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How to be more extroverted?
#1

How to be more extroverted?

So I'm in Russia currently and I went on a first date with a really beautiful girl. She kept telling me how quiet and not active I am. Which is true, because I generally don't tend to be the greatest at making conversations. On the next date she wants me "to be more active." I don't know if this just means talk more or what else she could mean.

I appreciate all advice.
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#2

How to be more extroverted?

What was the date? Same as every other guy? Coffee? Dinner.

Here is what you do. I'm guessing you're interested in something. You take her to the place where she can see what you are interested in and you tell her about it enthusiastically. HOWEVER, mix in with that some non verbal push.

My reasoning is cuz women want to see drive and passion. Every guy has that but it is in his chosen niche. It will show when you take her.
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#3

How to be more extroverted?

If you don't feel like talking a lot, don't. I wasn't there, but if I may guess she was doing some drama to see if you respond. If she didn't like that about you she would have moved on or not bothered commenting on it. Instead she brought it up, and if it was in a complaining way I'm pretty sure she's trying to see if she can manipulate you.
Ignore it completely when she complains, don't reward that behaviour. She will stop doing it. And if you are a quiet guy, good. Lean back, be comfortable and show her that you want to find out if and why she is nice for you to hang out with. That attitude will help you make the most of it anyways.
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#4

How to be more extroverted?

We had a 6 hour date. We walked around the city a bit and then had coffee and then walked a bit more and then had dinner. Maybe she meant with "be more active" I should have kissed her earlier? I only kissed her when said goodbye.

Hmm, I wouldn't really know what place that is. I'm gonna see what there is in the city. Can you elaborate on that "non verbal push"?
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#5

How to be more extroverted?

Quote: (12-29-2015 05:39 PM)newbie123 Wrote:  

What was the date? Same as every other guy? Coffee? Dinner.

Here is what you do. I'm guessing you're interested in something. You take her to the place where she can see what you are interested in and you tell her about it enthusiastically. HOWEVER, mix in with that some non verbal push.

My reasoning is cuz women want to see drive and passion. Every guy has that but it is in his chosen niche. It will show when you take her.

Serious question:

Have any of you lifting-guys have taken a girl at the first date to the Gym?
And how it went out?

On topic:
The topic is kinda complex actually.
The short answer is that you cannot really change your wired personality traits, but your behavior and the way you feel why behaving like X.

For instance when you are introvert, that will be always the case.
First step is to recognize it.
Then you have to accept and embrace it - finally being an introvert also has lots of advantages (a lot of capacity to reflect deeply, introspections, enjoying more peace and so on).
Then you also have to recognize your other side - the extrovert one and learn to as well enjoy it in the moment you wanna switch to it combined with learning how to express it (building social skills for instance).
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#6

How to be more extroverted?

I can't speak to Russian social mores, but I doubt that her order to "be more active" has anything to do with talking more. Sounds like a pretty strong hint that she doesn't see the kind of world-altering passion girls want to see out of guys - if not a signal that she wants you to be more forward sexually.

Next date, don't talk any more than you did the first date, but emphasize whatever you have or have done that suggests power, initiative and efficacy. And grab her ass and give her some serious kissing if not an invite back to your pad.
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#7

How to be more extroverted?

Quote: (12-29-2015 05:52 PM)Tresdus Wrote:  

We had a 6 hour date. We walked around the city a bit and then had coffee and then walked a bit more and then had dinner. Maybe she meant with "be more active" I should have kissed her earlier? I only kissed her when said goodbye.

Hmm, I wouldn't really know what place that is. I'm gonna see what there is in the city. Can you elaborate on that "non verbal push"?

Don't get it in your head (or let anyone get in yours) that introversion is something that is bad and that you should attempt to eliminate it from your personality, just because they aren't responding favourably.

If you're an introvert, there's no changing that. It's who you are, how you make sense of the world and how you gain your energy.

You can learn to become more outgoing and more social, but you don't have to be an extrovert to do that. It just takes some practice and some self awareness.

Like how extroverts have a hard time being solitary and pondering on things internally, it's only natural that the same is true for introverts; their weaknesses being an extrovert's strengths.

Having said all that, it's also possible that this chick meant it figuratively, and that she was implying that you should have escalated toward sex, as others have identified. 6 hours is a ridiculously long date to be just ending it with a kiss.
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#8

How to be more extroverted?

Quote: (12-29-2015 05:39 PM)newbie123 Wrote:  

... You take her to the place where she can see what you are interested in and you tell her about it enthusiastically. HOWEVER, mix in with that some non verbal push.

My reasoning is cuz women want to see drive and passion. Every guy has that but it is in his chosen niche. It will show when you take her.

The interests and passions of introverts quite often don't lend themselves particularly well to outwardly showing off "drive and passion".
Using examples from my own life - a gym date is not something I'd ever consider (unless it was the early parts of an instadate with a girl I met there), a hiking trip in the mountain can work, but most girls I date tend to be slightly on the lazy and city oriented side (and with the ones who aren't I save potential nature trips for later), and inviting her to come to my place and watch me read a book... well, actually that's not a bad idea, but usually once I get a girl here in Bulgaria to come to my place (between 2nd and 4th date) the bang is all but guaranteed (nearly all simply don't agree to come over until they are ready for that, as they know what's expected).

To Tresdus, if the girl was actually implying that she wanted more verbal sparring and possibly physical escalation from you, then those are skills that shouldn't go against the nature of most introverts and can be improved.
Alternatively if she wanted you to be something that goes against your nature - overtly extroverted - don't. But by all means go on the next date and put your best game into play.
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#9

How to be more extroverted?

Quote: (12-29-2015 05:27 PM)Tresdus Wrote:  

So I'm in Russia currently and I went on a first date with a really beautiful girl. She kept telling me how quiet and not active I am. Which is true, because I generally don't tend to be the greatest at making conversations. On the next date she wants me "to be more active." I don't know if this just means talk more or what else she could mean.

I appreciate all advice.

If it isn't a part of you, why would you change it? If you're quiet, and like being the way you are, look for a girl that accepts you as you are. Otherwise, you won't be happy in the long run. Of course, there should be some space for taking constructive criticism from others but being quiet or not, isn't a part of it. what is worse, if you play to her tune, she will see as a man of a lesser stance. Probably the best answer would have been telling her 'I like the way I am. If you don't like it, perhaps you should find another guy.'

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#10

How to be more extroverted?

Quote: (12-31-2015 07:09 AM)ksbms Wrote:  

If you're quiet, and like being the way you are, look for a girl that accepts you as you are.

First, being introverted and being quiet are two different things people on the thread might be confusing. Ronald Reagan was an introvert.

Second, "find a girl who accepts you as you are" is some lame blue-pill advice - the reason lots of guys are here is because "just be yourself" advice is a failure.

"Find a girl who is comfortable with your traits" is a reframing that's much more effective. There's always a bit of editing/reframing your behavior that takes place to make it work in the game.

For me, I know if a chick is a real social butterfly and expects me to be pressing the flesh with 20 of her friends at happy hours every other night, it's not going to work out. But I don't expect most girls are going to cop to my "stay in and read great books 4 nights a week."

I normally train a woman to understand that when I say I need to leave, the extrovert battery is empty and she doesn't GTFO right now it's about to get ornery.
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#11

How to be more extroverted?

Quote: (12-29-2015 05:52 PM)Tresdus Wrote:  

We had a 6 hour date. We walked around the city a bit and then had coffee and then walked a bit more and then had dinner. Maybe she meant with "be more active" I should have kissed her earlier? I only kissed her when said goodbye.

Hmm, I wouldn't really know what place that is. I'm gonna see what there is in the city. Can you elaborate on that "non verbal push"?

Six hours is definitely a huge window to at least kiss her, and at some point say "fuck this" and run underneath a bridge or find your way inside a lightly occupied building with a view, her hand in yours. It seems like you're comfortable taking it a little bit slow, which isn't bad. I'm sure she appreciated that you were respectful. Her words were clear, however: She likes you enough to date you again, but she wants to have fun. She wants adventure, and she wants you to take the lead. Honestly, this should be fun for you too. Go do something exhilarating (but not stupid) on your next date. Make it spontaneous.

When I think of non-verbal push, I think of taking her arm while walking, touching her while talking, etc. etc. to get the ball rolling. It basically means saying something that tells the girl you don't need her and might not even particularly like her in a playful way. I know that means something else in PUA speak but I save that "technique" for high energy situations when I haven't already charmed the girl. It actually works really well, to my surprise.

Carpe Noctem

You'll know the truth by how it feels.
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#12

How to be more extroverted?

Go on drink dates. The first drink or two will loosen you up.
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