[Edelweiss]

Hey guys,

I need advice on what to do next regarding the following situation:

I just started with a new company as head of Marketing. It's a small company so the title is not as fancy as it sounds.

I manage 5 people in my department.
One of them is my assistant. She's kinda my secretary but she's officially the assistant manager.

It's been a month now and eventhough I find her pretty hot, I maintain a professional approach to work.

She wears skirts to work and acts very feminine and is willing to help me settle in (She was in the company for a year before I came).

Anyway, we had an annual Christmas dinner and she gave me a ride back home as I had drank a tad too much to drive.
She was very touchy the whole evening and I ended up kissing her wildly after driving me home, but ended it there.

Now she's sending me texts the whole weekend saying that she enjoyed it so much.

Now here is the question: how do I handle this from this point onwards ?
I don't want to continue playing this game as I hate to mix corporate and private lives and I need her to see me as her boss not lover.

It'll be a pain in the ass to work with her every day otherwise.

Any thoughts and advice ?

[MY DETROIT PLAYAS]

You pretty much answered your own question

No matter how hot she is, you have to maintain a professional distance. Be cordial, but you would be best served to keep any texting short and vanilla.

As for the wild and passionate kiss, I wouldn't speak another word of it. Since you were slushy, you can easily dismiss it as your judgement being impaired

[Wisetell]

I agree with Detroit, although it's hard to maintain the, "professional distance," it's a necessity. The consequences could be bad for the both of you. If you do and are found out (depending on the company) you can be demoted to fired.

However if your company doesn't care I still wouldn't because it would make the work area to awkward, tense, etc, etc.
If you do and you end up doing something to piss her off, then she may file a false report to YOUR boss, not the happiest of experiences.

That's about all I can say with what i can think of for now.

[Onto]

Sounds like it's already too late.

You could tell her it was a drunken mistake, and even though you find her attractive you need to keep things professional, etc. etc., but she'll probably just continue to tease and break you down over time.

Of course if you start banging her and it's against company policy you'll eventually get canned.

If you don't bang her and she starts doing another guy in the office, or starts rubbing your nose in one of her relationships, how will that make you feel? If you start banging her and she does that later on, will you be able to handle it?

How much do you like her?
How important is this job?
Can you find another one and start over?

To bang or not to bang. Pros and Cons to both. Pick one and just be prepared to pay the price for it.

[Vicious]

Don't even think about it. There's no snatch in the universe worth your professional career. Sexual harassment suits in the workplace are the witch trials of the 21th century.

There are tons of ways to leverage your position socially and financially, no need to shit where you eat

[Moma]

I would concur with the sentiments of the posters above. Unless you are working in a shytty call centre job which is just a transition to pad your pockets while you are studying to acquire a career, I wouldn't poot on the job.

It's not easy. I work with a few hotties at my work and I'm not gonna lie, there are a few, I am thinking about going balls deep in. They flirt heavily and one tried to catch a playful piggyback on me once but caught herself. My weakness is ass and they got ass galore. I'm swelling up now even as I type about them..

Be a man bro and stand firm. It's not easy but to do so would go against common sense akin to buggering a street vixen with no condom in South Africa with an uncircumcised penis.

[Moma]

@ edelweiss.

You are chasing pussy at your place of work.
The same place that allows you to earn a living.
The same living that allows you to chase pussy.

Seriously, tell her you're gay & walk away.

@ Momma

Lol, I live in S.A bro, clearly our reputation precedes us.

[jariel]

We don't need a thread per week on "Should I try to fuck my co-worker?".

This topic has been discussed ad nauseum, and the same advice is given every time.

[puckerman]

It's like a broken record. I am so sick and tired of this question being asked. I am so sick and tired of giving these men the same advice every time. You would think men would have figured this out by now. Why haven't they figured it out?

However, the damage has already been done. So, I don't really know how to help this guy.

[262]

If this isn't in the newbie FAQ, it should be.

[Onto]

(12-14-2015 01:54 PM)puckerman Wrote:  

It's like a broken record. I am so sick and tired of this question being asked. I am so sick and tired of giving these men the same advice every time. You would think men would have figured this out by now. Why haven't they figured it out?

However, the damage has already been done. So, I don't really know how to help this guy.

Exactly, at this point he might as well bang her. From the company's perspective there is no difference between a wild make out session and banging her.

[Marshallaw]

Bang the tits off her on your desk working late..... that's what I'd do anyhoo.....

[GlobalMan]

Since the topic itself has already been discussed ad nauseum, I just want to post a pictorial of the OP's office relationship arc.

[Edelweiss]

I am not asking if I should bang my coworker. I clearly stated that I'd rather not.

However, like some have said, I already made a move, hence my question on what to do NOW.

I don't understand the "against the company's policy " thing. I mean why would the company care if I bang a coworker?

But to answer this question, no there are no such policy, in fact there quite a few couples working there, couples who started out as coworkers.

Today she was all over me, so I told her that I am here with a mission and I'd rather separate my private life and my professional life...to which she said that she understands and will help me in my task.
However the player in me couldn't help it and I told her that im working hard to move the department forward but that I also like to play hard too.

At this point she smiled and said that I will eventually hate working with her because she will gladly play with me when I want to...

I just smiled and went through with my day.

Oh and this is a mountain biking company where we travel a lot on races and events so nowhere near the corporate image of the US you have posted here.
It's very laid back.

[Captain Gh]

Why would the company care if I Bang a coworker? Man oh man you have much to learn my friend. You're in Deep shit and you don't even know it! 1) Invest a full night in reading the forum on why you should NOT bang a coworker, and 2) Have an exit plan in place if yiu start smelling some smoke

[Pareto]

delete

[GlobalMan]

(12-14-2015 06:43 PM)Edelweiss Wrote:  

I am not asking if I should bang my coworker. I clearly stated that I'd rather not.

Oh and this is a mountain biking company where we travel a lot on races and events so nowhere near the corporate image of the US you have posted here.
It's very laid back.

Bro, it wasn't meant to be a serious post.

[glugger]

Dude thats a lot of information about your work you gave out. It wouldn't be hard for someone to track this to you if they wanted.

[Edelweiss]

Quote:

Captain Gh - Yesterday 03:56 AM
Why would the company care if I Bang a coworker? Man oh man you have much to learn my friend. You're in Deep shit and you don't even know it! 1) Invest a full night in reading the forum on why you should NOT bang a coworker, and 2) Have an exit plan in place if yiu start smelling some smoke

You make it sound dramatic, eventhough I do agree that banging a coworker is not something advisable.

Quote:

Posted by Pareto - Yesterday 04:10 AM
Is there a possible ulterior motive to the situation? I mean, she's your Assistant Manager and She's been there for a year. She's been extra friendly, driven you back whilst you were slightly drunk etc....

What I'm saying is, is she going to use any possible sign of a relationship against you to boost her standing within the company and take your position? because I think that is what is going on.

As the others have said, and I will echo, don't mix business with pleasure because it will only end up badly for you. I think you already know this as you want there to be a distinction between corporate and private relationships, you just needed the validation to know your thinking was correct.

I don't think she's after my position. But interesting theory.
Actually this is the reason I'm asking this question: to get input and read your thoughts as many of you are experienced veterans.
I'm not REALLY after advice. I just find the whole situation amusing and thought about sharing the story here to have a discussion going on with knowledgeable people.

Maybe it's a cultural thing but it seems in the US this issue is more sensitive than in Europe.

[Lights]

Edelweiss: Today she was all over me, so I told her that I am here with a mission and I'd rather separate my private life and my professional life...to which she said that she understands and will help me in my task.
However the player in me couldn't help it and I told her that im working hard to move the department forward but that I also like to play hard too.


Sorry I have to steal this sick line from you I hope you don't mind.

Damn, that's some player shit right there lol she was probably like "Wow."

SN: BTW, I know what you mean, sometimes the "player" just comes out of you and you have these sick lines waiting you just gotta use em. I know what you mean.

P.S. Quick question. At the end of "I also like to play hard too." Should I put a wink face at the end. Should I do a little wink there at the end? Or nah?

[Captain Gh]

(12-15-2015 05:28 PM)Edelweiss Wrote:  

Quote:

Captain Gh - Yesterday 03:56 AM
Why would the company care if I Bang a coworker? Man oh man you have much to learn my friend. You're in Deep shit and you don't even know it! 1) Invest a full night in reading the forum on why you should NOT bang a coworker, and 2) Have an exit plan in place if yiu start smelling some smoke

You make it sound dramatic, eventhough I do agree that banging a coworker is not something advisable.

Quote:

Posted by Pareto - Yesterday 04:10 AM
Is there a possible ulterior motive to the situation? I mean, she's your Assistant Manager and She's been there for a year. She's been extra friendly, driven you back whilst you were slightly drunk etc....

What I'm saying is, is she going to use any possible sign of a relationship against you to boost her standing within the company and take your position? because I think that is what is going on.

As the others have said, and I will echo, don't mix business with pleasure because it will only end up badly for you. I think you already know this as you want there to be a distinction between corporate and private relationships, you just needed the validation to know your thinking was correct.

I don't think she's after my position. But interesting theory.
Actually this is the reason I'm asking this question: to get input and read your thoughts as many of you are experienced veterans.
I'm not REALLY after advice. I just find the whole situation amusing and thought about sharing the story here to have a discussion going on with knowledgeable people.

Maybe it's a cultural thing but it seems in the US this issue is more sensitive than in Europe.

Well you seem to be in a office type environment, and since you manage people, I presume that you consider it a career right! If things go sour, HR can BlackBall your ass out really easy. And now they're starting ti have HR seminar, so they'll know each other even better! I might shit where I eat soon, but it's a don't give a shit position that I've got at the moment, so it's minimal risk for me. But for you... there seems to be more at stake

[CameraXL]

This will end in drama. Hope you don't have to quit your job because of her playing your mind.

[heavy]

Ideally you never made out with her and maintained a professional relationship.

Ideally you never made those follow up comments about playing hard (nicely done though...besides the implied behavior, there was some serious NPL with your repetitive use of 'hard')

Ideally you won't bang her

But...it seems as if you're HEADing DOWN that slippery slope.

Your statements: "in fact there quite a few couples working there, couples who started out as coworkers" ... "It's very laid back." ... "we travel a lot on races and events so nowhere near the corporate image of the US"

To use some 'merican phrases, sounds like in your mind you've already breached the threshold, screwed the pooch, let the pussy out of the bag.

No doubt your best bet career-wise was to *not* philander with an underling. Yours is the best example of DON'T DO IT (manager with secretary).

Meh, you only live once. Bang away (not really advice, just sounds like that's what you're gonna do).

...and learn the hard way (there's that damn word again)

[RockHard]

(12-15-2015 05:28 PM)Edelweiss Wrote:  

Maybe it's a cultural thing but it seems in the US this issue is more sensitive than in Europe.

Yes. In the US any company over about 50 employees is going to have a sexual harassment policy and an explicit policy forbidding relationships with someone in your reporting chain. If you're in a US company, it's just a terrible idea. That's why everybody on here is down on the idea, there can be serious legal consequences in the US.

I have no idea how French employment law works.

[RexImperator]

The continental model:

"This is my Italian confidential secretary, Alotta Fagina."