rooshvforum.network is a fully functional forum: you can search, register, post new threads etc...
Old accounts are inaccessible: register a new one, or recover it when possible. x


Advice for my struggle...
#1

Advice for my struggle...

This being my first post on RVF I'd like to share about my red pill journey and current struggles that I'm going through which have been internally some very difficult times.

Any advice and suggestions appreciated. Even if it is to call me a whiny bitch.

I'm 35. Been working security for over a decade and involved with the sport of MMA for over 12 yrs now. Formerly as a pro fighter but now just an instructor.

I found the red pill after 5 yrs of voluntary celibacy due to religious conviction. This was about 7 or 8 yrs ago.

I worked as head of security at a popular bar and when I discovered the red pill CH, roosh, I realized that I could get away with all sorts of things with women and they and their white knights could do nothing to stop me.

To my surprise this new attitude actually endeared me to women more than anything. Prior to that I never realized that grabbing women I just met by the throat and play choking them would cause them to be attracted to me.

So I started going super asshole and had great results but I pretty much got fired from that job for that reason and almost lost an instructing job due to fucking the women in my class.

Before I got fired from the bar I met a girl who met most all of my requirements to be a girlfriend. She had no tats, no kids, didn't smoke and she had an intact family with a father she loved and she was significantly younger than me(10yrs). Prior to her I was not in any serious relationships of note. Pump and dump was my motto and since I just learned about game it was like I had superpowers or something.

Her main problem was she was very insecure about my job and I kind of stoked that by rubbing it in her face about past conquests. 6 months in I grew to really like her as she was madly in love with me and acted like a little child around me most of the time. I found this endearing if not banal.

Few months later she basically starts breaking down any time I leave for work and says she simply has to be with me all the time. Around 8 mos in I let her move in. I couldn't just stop gaming other women either because I didn't want to lose my skills so I still fucked around with other girls. Even fingering s girl on a balcony while she was in the other room. I really just didn't give a fuck because when I took the red pill I basically accepted the fact that a woman's love means jack shit compared to a man's.

About a year in we had a huge blow out fight where I got her kicked out of a bar and ended up having to pop her in the mouth because she was punching me in the face while I was driving us home. I even pulled over on the side of the interstate and started walking. She jumps into an interstate lane with a semi coming down it shouting "I'll do it!!" My survival instincts kicked in and I grabbed her but I remember thinking wtf have I gotten in to?

I knew I should've ended it then and moved on but she kept begging, pleading and sobbing and I eventually crumbled and let her stay.
So the relationship dragged on for two more years and I just resented her more and more. I stopped fucking her as much about a year in as well just out of boredom I guess. Sometimes I would even prefer to jerk off to porn while she was in the other room sleeping.

So around 3 yrs nearly exact it finally ended. She was tracking my phone and I was at a strip club for a buddies bday. She calls and bitches about it, says she's not happy and I'm like cool see ya.

3 days later an ex friend of hers who is pretty slutty and hot asked me if I wanted to come home with her. I thought awesome I get to bang out her friend now. LOL.

So I fuck her on this guys couch super hard, choking her hard and she's tapping out and shit. She hits me up few days later for more and I was already done with her so I said look im tired but I will fuck your mouth. So I did this and normally I would feel awesome about it. Only now I felt dirty and lower than ever before.

Then it hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. All the emotions I had for my ex, all the memories and the little shit. I couldn't even socialize or game women anymore because I wanted that connection again and I wanted to actually care about the girl.

When I moved out of our apartment after a month or so of breakup it hit me even harder and I was a fucking mess. I felt betrayed even though I treated her shitty and neglected her a lot towards the end. I just felt that you say you love me it should fucking mean something.

Anyway it needed to happen and my life basically did a 360 in about 6 months. I cut out all distractions, started lifting again and just got a full time instructing job that pays good while being promoted to head of security at another place I work on weekend nights.
I quit watching porn, masterbating and I've been completely celibate for over 3 months now. I have all this drive and focus but yet I'm still tormented inside. Sometimes I have dreams that just haunt me and put me in a bad emotional state all day.

Not happy with the modern world or the slutty women in it. I desire a chaste woman and family. The sluts id fuck with in the past I can't even speak to now. I have complete disdain for them. I just want to continue down this path because it's difficult and it makes me stronger but I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm not sure to what ends my drive and focus are for. I have no one that truly needs me or is dependent on me. In many ways I feel like a ship lost at sea and I know I'm not alone in this, especially here.

So that's it. Feel free to chime in.
Reply
#2

Advice for my struggle...

I think you need to figure out why you feel the need to take everything you do to extreme lengths. Religion, training, game "alpha" behaviour etc

You seem unhappy within yourself and are looking for something. You think you've found it, take it to an extreme and realise it wasn't the answer after all.

Does this sound about right?
Reply
#3

Advice for my struggle...

Yea I'm a very extreme person. I don't know why though. I have to believe in something very passionately or have some higher purpose or else life seems not worth living.
Reply
#4

Advice for my struggle...

I'm sorry what was the purpose of this thread? I had a hard time reading through what you wrote, but if you're looking for feedback one thing that jumped out is that maybe you're a little "too alpha" for your own good.
Reply
#5

Advice for my struggle...

Maybe just to vent. I'm not sure how it is hard to read. You don't have to be condescending bro, that's not necessary.

Just figured that someone or multiple people could relate about struggling in today's world as a man, finding purpose and a reason to keep pressing on because for me it seems so pointless sometimes.

I don't want to view women so negatively and a lot of shit they do I believe is just cultural programming and decadence from a declining apathetic society. The truth is however that I do fucking hate women and I see them as worthless sacks of flesh not worthy of anything from me except disgust.

When you hate and scorn the main value that you bring to humanity, which is child birth then you are absolute dog shit.

That's the only thing a woman can do that a man can't do better or even at all. They are deranged murderers of their own children.

1 billion babies murdered since 1980.
Reply
#6

Advice for my struggle...

Quote: (11-09-2015 12:13 PM)Walter E Kurtz Wrote:  

Maybe just to vent. I'm not sure how it is hard to read. You don't have to be condescending bro, that's not necessary.

Just figured that someone or multiple people could relate about struggling in today's world as a man, finding purpose and a reason to keep pressing on because for me it seems so pointless sometimes.

I don't want to view women so negatively and a lot of shit they do I believe is just cultural programming and decadence from a declining apathetic society. The truth is however that I do fucking hate women and I see them as worthless sacks of flesh not worthy of anything from me except disgust.

When you hate and scorn the main value that you bring to humanity, which is child birth then you are absolute dog shit.

That's the only thing a woman can do that a man can't do better or even at all. They are deranged murderers of their own children.

1 billion babies murdered since 1980.

Has an ex done this?
It kind of sounds like you're hurt.
Reply
#7

Advice for my struggle...

Not that I'm aware of. But yes it does hurt to know women my friends have been with have done this. Hell it just hurts knowing that it goes down on such a massive scale which is historically unprecedented.
Reply
#8

Advice for my struggle...

Walter, I can see you are a deep thinker, and I can relate to such. I'm always trying to find the meaning and point to things, and quite frankly most people don't give a f**k about expanding their mind by dabbling in these type of thoughts. When I talk to people about this, they can't objectively detach themselves, and they give you some "Mr. Fix-it" one-liner from Dr. Phil, as though I was asking for a clue to a crossword puzzle. Ultimately just pay no attention to these bottom-feeders. I'm sure you are all too aware that the average lemming is in autopilot, just consuming and consuming, mindlessly and unaware. I struggle with this too. We expect more out of life. Your mundane daily existence probably has everything and nothing. Your story is brave, but your story is not unique, it has been lived a million times before you. Literature puts things into perspective, this is usually where I find solace when I'm glum. Life is colourful, but the colour is dimmed by the haze of pollution... and by pollution I mean all this modern day polyurethane silicone asbestos fake shit.

Which country do you live? If you're from any anglosphere country, my advice is to save up some cheddar and travel ASAP. Even if it's tricky to arrange with your work, make it happen, esp seeing as winter is approaching in northern hemisphere. Spend a couple months in SEA, latam or EE. Pronto. It will change your life. You live in a gynocentric country, where women are encouraged to abandon the goal of having babies, hence the low birth rate in the OECD. Ironically this is making women more miserable than ever (heavily scientifically-proven, mind you). Go see how life COULD be for alphas in the never-never-land. Enjoy the decline. Keep fighting the good fight.
Reply


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)