[haaraari]

I'm not a troll, or someone looking to waste anyone's time. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

(11-10-2015 08:48 PM)AneroidOcean Wrote:  

(11-09-2015 05:41 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

This is exactly the determination I've come to: upping my value to my coworkers, while building myself up in terms of personal wealth-building projects--spurned by the way she made me feel (I'm going to channel it into motivation). I am going to make her regret doing this, but at the same time, I'm done with her either way. If she comes crawling back to me for attention, I'll make it very clear in a polite and unaffected way that she can take a long walk off a short pier. She can find her validation somewhere else because I'm done playing this game.

You can't be done with her and also make her regret doing what she did.

She owed you nothing.

You acted like a total bitch and she treated you that way because of YOUR actions.

You are SO hung up on her, it's ridiculous.

You say stuff like:

Quote:

If she comes crawling back to me for attention, I'll make it very clear in a polite and unaffected way that she can take a long walk off a short pier.

when the reality is that you would LOVE if she came crawling back to you for attention, but she won't. You even state you'd be polite to her and tell her effectively to take a long walk off a short pier. Those are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The problem with you is that you're not congruent. You want to tell her to fuck off...but remain polite.

You need to get your shit together. The correct way to behave around her is professionally, but completely minimally. Whereas if it's required in your job to interact with her, you do, but otherwise you just stay away from her.

You are in a dry spell. How in the world do you think you're going to get out of a dry spell by gaming married women at work?

The thing that sucks about realizing this is coming to grips with the fact that you fucked it all up and letting go of placing a lot of blame on her for "hurting you."

The thing that can be amazing about this realization is that you can make small changes that will quickly improve your life and eventually you can change your situation completely around.

If you respond with yet another defense of your current actions or the same line of reasoning, we'll know you're just a troll or someone who wants zero help and who doesn't want to change. Both things we don't need on the forum.

[Sam Malone]

Haaraari,

You're getting excellent advice in this thread.

Follow it.

We've all been there. It's a rough period for you right now. But you can either wallow in self pity, or improve your situation.
Hell, I got out of a sexless marriage about this time last year, and after finding this forum, my notch count has increased immensely. I got back in the game, thanks to this place.

Take some time and read the other threads. Even ones that you may think don't pertain to you right now. It will pay huge dividends in the future. This forum is a wealth of knowledge.

As far as interacting with the chick at your job, change the mentality. Treat her like you would treat a male co-worker you don't know that well, don't WANT to know that well, but have to interact with on some level.
That male co-worker asks you if you want to come to their housewarming party/kid's soccer game/all male orgy, "I can't, but thanks for the offer."

Same answer with the girl. As tempting as, "No, cause you're a fuckin' cockteasing sloot" would be to say, keep your cool, short answer, on move on.

Last thing you need is HR calling you into the office because your behavior towards "someone" has been affecting their performance. Or worse, she's afraid you'll do something to her because of ______ (she'll rewrite history with her version of everything).

And for Christ's sake, don't shit where you eat.