[Saweeep]

(11-09-2015 03:03 AM)haaraari Wrote:  

I tried for years not to, but this kind of thing makes it very difficult. I know it's not healthy, but alas . . .

(11-09-2015 01:23 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

(11-08-2015 09:53 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

Women are evil.

Some are but most are not.

They are just women.

Scorpion and the Frog my friend.

Don't go down the woman-hating path.

Well, have you considered that the common denominator in all of these interactions that have led you to this point is...you?

Rather than sit there orbiting bitches and getting angry, take a look inward and get making some changes.

The World is not going to do it for you.

[Svoboda]

(11-09-2015 02:19 AM)spokepoker Wrote:  

Since she classes you as a beta orbiter, or someone to get a hit of validation/attention off of, you should class her as well; as a Time Waster. That's all she is, is a waste of time, and we only have so much time on this earth, don't let others steal your time.

Excellent advice!

[WanderingSoul]

Don't even worry about her feeling any satisfaction. She is TOTALLY irrelevant to everything in your entire universe. Focus on chatting with your other coworkers more and becoming better work friends with them. After a month or so she won't even be an afterthought. She will just be one of the other mindless worker drones running around the office acting like a fool.

[PapayaTapper]

Feeding a woman's, (a known cheating whore at that), attention monkey was your first mistake. Especially in the workplace (a whole other topic that's been covered ad-nauseum on the forum)

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

but it gave a spring to my step and a reason to be alive when I’d look forward to flirting with her and even just seeing her around the office

Deriving non sexual pleasure from that endeavor was your second

Expecting a woman to reciprocate your/ a guy's sense of humor was your third

Giving a shit what ANY woman (other than your mom with certain limitations) thinks was your fourth

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

but am I wrong to think that this is not normal, and even quite cruel?...Please just tell me I’m not a crazy person for thinking that’s cruel and fucking insane behavior.

Thinking she gives a shit about your feelings is your fifth. She'd have to be thinking about you at all in order to be cruel. I guarantee she's given your feelings exactly zero, nada, zilch, squadoosh, thought.

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

At the very least, please tell me how to play it from here; I’d like to ignore her but I don’t want her enjoying any satisfaction if that’ll give the impression that she got one over me.

The good news is you're aware you fucked up (easier said than done...so kudos to that) and you've come to the right place. Pay attention and you'll learn a lot here.

[haaraari]

I'm not being stupid on purpose, but what do you mean? Up my game? My game, contrary to how I may sound here, is actually quite good. There are a lot of women at work who want the D. I don't say that to sound arrogant, but because I've learned how to be charming, got into weightlifting, and can have a good sense of humor here and there. That's why this is so annoying.

(11-09-2015 03:18 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

(11-09-2015 03:03 AM)haaraari Wrote:  

I tried for years not to, but this kind of thing makes it very difficult. I know it's not healthy, but alas . . .

(11-09-2015 01:23 AM)CrashBangWallop Wrote:  

(11-08-2015 09:53 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

Women are evil.

Some are but most are not.

They are just women.

Scorpion and the Frog my friend.

Don't go down the woman-hating path.

Well, have you considered that the common denominator in all of these interactions that have led you to this point is...you?

Rather than sit there orbiting bitches and getting angry, take a look inward and get making some changes.

The World is not going to do it for you.

[haaraari]

This is exactly the determination I've come to: upping my value to my coworkers, while building myself up in terms of personal wealth-building projects--spurned by the way she made me feel (I'm going to channel it into motivation). I am going to make her regret doing this, but at the same time, I'm done with her either way. If she comes crawling back to me for attention, I'll make it very clear in a polite and unaffected way that she can take a long walk off a short pier. She can find her validation somewhere else because I'm done playing this game.

(11-09-2015 03:42 PM)RioNomad Wrote:  

Don't even worry about her feeling any satisfaction. She is TOTALLY irrelevant to everything in your entire universe. Focus on chatting with your other coworkers more and becoming better work friends with them. After a month or so she won't even be an afterthought. She will just be one of the other mindless worker drones running around the office acting like a fool.

[haaraari]

You don't hold back at all, which is exactly what's needed here. I totally agree on everything you wrote above. I just need to pick your brain on one final area: I know you said to pay attention to the forum to learn more, and I am, but as far as this situation goes, I'm curious as to how you think I should play it when I see her around the office, because interaction (passing each other in the halls, etc.,) is going to happen. What would you do?

(11-09-2015 04:33 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Feeding a woman's, (a known cheating whore at that), attention monkey was your first mistake. Especially in the workplace (a whole other topic that's been covered ad-nauseum on the forum)

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

but it gave a spring to my step and a reason to be alive when I’d look forward to flirting with her and even just seeing her around the office

Deriving non sexual pleasure from that endeavor was your second

Expecting a woman to reciprocate your/ a guy's sense of humor was your third

Giving a shit what ANY woman (other than your mom with certain limitations) thinks was your fourth

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

but am I wrong to think that this is not normal, and even quite cruel?...Please just tell me I’m not a crazy person for thinking that’s cruel and fucking insane behavior.

Thinking she gives a shit about your feelings is your fifth. She'd have to be thinking about you at all in order to be cruel. I guarantee she's given your feelings exactly zero, nada, zilch, squadoosh, thought.

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

At the very least, please tell me how to play it from here; I’d like to ignore her but I don’t want her enjoying any satisfaction if that’ll give the impression that she got one over me.

The good news is you're aware you fucked up (easier said than done...so kudos to that) and you've come to the right place. Pay attention and you'll learn a lot here.

[Heinrich von Geobbels]

Frank Sinatra said, "the best revenge is massive success," but in that case the girl in question is not even worthy of revenge (ie; attention).

Like has been said here from others, go out and meet other girls. This office girl should be nonexistent to you and just be very glad she didn't accuse you of sexual harassment.

Now go out and make it so.

[OregonToSoCal]

Judging by the tone of your post it's painfully obvious that you have very little experience with women and are possibly a virgin. The reason I say this is because if you have dated/banged a wide variety of women something like this would barely register on your radar. About twenty years ago I was in your very same situation.

When I was in my early 20's and working in one of my first office type jobs I had a similar situation. I had horrible oneitis for a coworker who had an asshole boyfriend who lived out of town. We would flirt with each other and her and I would go out dancing every week as friends (I cringe just thinking about it). Of course nothing ever came of our hanging out and she eventually married her boyfriend and moved away. Still I was beyond devastated and felt like she lead me on and screwed me over. And I still remember feeling that anticipation and excitement of going to work and getting to see her.

I know you're feeling a mix of anger, resentment, hurt and everything in between but the others are right. You need to force yourself to meet other women. It doesn't matter how you do it, but get as many different women in your life as possible who you are dating and having sex with. If you truly internalize this mindset and lifestyle you'll reach a point where it's almost impossible to get emotionally invested in any woman and you'll naturally put yourself and your own needs first.

[debeguiled]

(11-09-2015 04:33 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

Thinking she gives a shit about your feelings is your fifth. She'd have to be thinking about you at all in order to be cruel. I guarantee she's given your feelings exactly zero, nada, zilch, squadoosh, thought.

[Captain Gh]

OP just stop! You're digging up your grave deeper by going on like this. There's a lot of winners here that gave you top notch advice on what to do next. But unfortunately, you're not ready for this! Hope this Hoe doesn't mess with your head to bad!

[el mechanico]

That deserves it's own category.

[haaraari]

Thank you.

(11-09-2015 05:57 PM)Heinrich von Geobbels Wrote:  

Frank Sinatra said, "the best revenge is massive success," but in that case the girl in question is not even worthy of revenge (ie; attention).

Like has been said here from others, go out and meet other girls. This office girl should be nonexistent to you and just be very glad she didn't accuse you of sexual harassment.

Now go out and make it so.

[haaraari]

Thank you.

(11-09-2015 05:57 PM)Heinrich von Geobbels Wrote:  

Frank Sinatra said, "the best revenge is massive success," but in that case the girl in question is not even worthy of revenge (ie; attention).

Like has been said here from others, go out and meet other girls. This office girl should be nonexistent to you and just be very glad she didn't accuse you of sexual harassment.

Now go out and make it so.

[haaraari]

Thank you, Oregon. I would like to point out that I'm not a virgin (something like 8-12 girls; I don't even remember), but what I have been is in a MAJOR dry spell. Years.

Thank you very much for sharing what you did. It is nice to know someone who has been in the same boat knows what to do. Cheers.

(11-09-2015 06:53 PM)OregonToSoCal Wrote:  

Judging by the tone of your post it's painfully obvious that you have very little experience with women and are possibly a virgin. The reason I say this is because if you have dated/banged a wide variety of women something like this would barely register on your radar. About twenty years ago I was in your very same situation.

When I was in my early 20's and working in one of my first office type jobs I had a similar situation. I had horrible oneitis for a coworker who had an asshole boyfriend who lived out of town. We would flirt with each other and her and I would go out dancing every week as friends (I cringe just thinking about it). Of course nothing ever came of our hanging out and she eventually married her boyfriend and moved away. Still I was beyond devastated and felt like she lead me on and screwed me over. And I still remember feeling that anticipation and excitement of going to work and getting to see her.

I know you're feeling a mix of anger, resentment, hurt and everything in between but the others are right. You need to force yourself to meet other women. It doesn't matter how you do it, but get as many different women in your life as possible who you are dating and having sex with. If you truly internalize this mindset and lifestyle you'll reach a point where it's almost impossible to get emotionally invested in any woman and you'll naturally put yourself and your own needs first.

[OGNorCal707]

(11-09-2015 08:12 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  



That deserves it's own category.

Senór Mechanico called it, his spidey sense just tingled a little earlier than mine. This guy has got to be a troll, otherwise he's truly hopeless like one of the guys on those videos thats crying about a girl and saying all kinds of crazy belligerent shit.

Maybe this is Haaraari:

[Anabasis to Desta]

Quote:

upping my value to my coworkers, while building myself up in terms of personal wealth-building projects--spurned by the way she made me feel (I'm going to channel it into motivation). I am going to make her regret doing this, but at the same time, I'm done with her either way. If she comes crawling back to me for attention, I'll make it very clear in a polite and unaffected way that she can take a long walk off a short pier. She can find her validation somewhere else because I'm done playing this game.

Don't kid yourself OP you are not done with her! The second she starts ringing that sweet flirtatious bell you'll jump on the beta train again.

You naturally want revenge to what she did to your ego but I'm afraid you'll never get it. She's attractive, young and married which makes her more experienced than you are. You sound like a virgin (nothing wrong with that).

You also sound very young so the only way i can see you upping your attractiveness is through lifting. Use whatever anger you harbor as fuel for the gym. You won't even be thinking about her in a year. Go get 'em bro!

[BassPlayaYo]

(11-09-2015 05:43 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

You don't hold back at all, which is exactly what's needed here. I totally agree on everything you wrote above. I just need to pick your brain on one final area: I know you said to pay attention to the forum to learn more, and I am, but as far as this situation goes, I'm curious as to how you think I should play it when I see her around the office, because interaction (passing each other in the halls, etc.,) is going to happen. What would you do?

Just let it go, as someone else said, you will never have this woman. Use it as a learning experience particularly of what not to do...ever!. Stop being angry, get your ego in check and pay more attention to yourself and making you the best person you can be. If you don't hit the gym, now is the time to do that, again it's all about being the best person that you can be.

[heavy]

Post #25 always gets missed...

(11-09-2015 03:04 AM)haaraari Wrote:  

Honestly, I'm done with her. My only concern now is not letting her feel any satisfaction with the way I react, going forward.

This makes sense as a feeling, but not a concern. In other words, the Pussy Paradox.

Concern: Your concern should be to go meet new chics and bang them.
Feelings: Your feelings will still revolve around this girl until you do bang new chics.

[PapayaTapper]

(11-09-2015 05:43 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

I just need to pick your brain on one final area

I'd suggest spending a few days just reading the forum. "Getting it" isn't a single large aha moment but rather a series of smaller ones. For example once you get that "upping your game" is much more than being attractive to women you'll be on your way. At that point you'll be better equipped to ask more relevant questions

(11-09-2015 05:43 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

but as far as this situation goes, I'm curious as to how you think I should play it when I see her around the office,

Play it by not playing it at all. The fact that you still give a rats ass what this cheating whore thinks is your only problem.

(11-10-2015 12:12 PM)heavy Wrote:  

Concern: Your concern should be to go meet new chics and bang them.
Feelings: Your feelings will still revolve around this girl until you do bang new chics.

EDIT ^^^^^^^^THIS

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

At the very least, please tell me how to play it from here; I’d like to ignore her but I don’t want her enjoying any satisfaction if that’ll give the impression that she got one over me.

Not sure how else to make this clear. She doesn't think she won or got over on you because you NEVER really mattered to her. She doesn't think of you at all. You went from orbiter that was giving her positive attention thereby creating warm fuzzies for her to.....



She doesn't win because you are irrelevant . But your giving a shit is making you lose.

[samsamsam]

OP, maybe your ego got bruised really bad and your ego is just spiraling trying to find some victory. You need to accept that maybe despite what you tell us about how you didn't really care but deep down inside you did. A lot. And to be thought of as irrelevant or an orbiter is a bit bruising. Or you are a troll.

For some reason this popped into my mind. I am not sure if it is totally applicable. But here it is. Enjoy.

[AneroidOcean]

(11-09-2015 05:41 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

This is exactly the determination I've come to: upping my value to my coworkers, while building myself up in terms of personal wealth-building projects--spurned by the way she made me feel (I'm going to channel it into motivation). I am going to make her regret doing this, but at the same time, I'm done with her either way. If she comes crawling back to me for attention, I'll make it very clear in a polite and unaffected way that she can take a long walk off a short pier. She can find her validation somewhere else because I'm done playing this game.

You can't be done with her and also make her regret doing what she did.

She owed you nothing.

You acted like a total bitch and she treated you that way because of YOUR actions.

You are SO hung up on her, it's ridiculous.

You say stuff like:

Quote:

If she comes crawling back to me for attention, I'll make it very clear in a polite and unaffected way that she can take a long walk off a short pier.

when the reality is that you would LOVE if she came crawling back to you for attention, but she won't. You even state you'd be polite to her and tell her effectively to take a long walk off a short pier. Those are at opposite ends of the spectrum.

The problem with you is that you're not congruent. You want to tell her to fuck off...but remain polite.

You need to get your shit together. The correct way to behave around her is professionally, but completely minimally. Whereas if it's required in your job to interact with her, you do, but otherwise you just stay away from her.

You are in a dry spell. How in the world do you think you're going to get out of a dry spell by gaming married women at work?

The thing that sucks about realizing this is coming to grips with the fact that you fucked it all up and letting go of placing a lot of blame on her for "hurting you."

The thing that can be amazing about this realization is that you can make small changes that will quickly improve your life and eventually you can change your situation completely around.

If you respond with yet another defense of your current actions or the same line of reasoning, we'll know you're just a troll or someone who wants zero help and who doesn't want to change. Both things we don't need on the forum.

[haaraari]

Thank you for your input, Bass. I appreciate that you took the time, and took your words seriously. Cheers.

(11-10-2015 10:35 AM)BassPlayaYo Wrote:  

(11-09-2015 05:43 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

You don't hold back at all, which is exactly what's needed here. I totally agree on everything you wrote above. I just need to pick your brain on one final area: I know you said to pay attention to the forum to learn more, and I am, but as far as this situation goes, I'm curious as to how you think I should play it when I see her around the office, because interaction (passing each other in the halls, etc.,) is going to happen. What would you do?

Just let it go, as someone else said, you will never have this woman. Use it as a learning experience particularly of what not to do...ever!. Stop being angry, get your ego in check and pay more attention to yourself and making you the best person you can be. If you don't hit the gym, now is the time to do that, again it's all about being the best person that you can be.

[haaraari]

Thank you for your response.

(11-10-2015 12:12 PM)heavy Wrote:  

Post #25 always gets missed...

(11-09-2015 03:04 AM)haaraari Wrote:  

Honestly, I'm done with her. My only concern now is not letting her feel any satisfaction with the way I react, going forward.

This makes sense as a feeling, but not a concern. In other words, the Pussy Paradox.

Concern: Your concern should be to go meet new chics and bang them.
Feelings: Your feelings will still revolve around this girl until you do bang new chics.

[haaraari]

Thanks, Papaya. You worded it perfectly. Cheers.

(11-10-2015 12:54 PM)PapayaTapper Wrote:  

(11-09-2015 05:43 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

I just need to pick your brain on one final area

I'd suggest spending a few days just reading the forum. "Getting it" isn't a single large aha moment but rather a series of smaller ones. For example once you get that "upping your game" is much more than being attractive to women you'll be on your way. At that point you'll be better equipped to ask more relevant questions

(11-09-2015 05:43 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

but as far as this situation goes, I'm curious as to how you think I should play it when I see her around the office,

Play it by not playing it at all. The fact that you still give a rats ass what this cheating whore thinks is your only problem.

(11-10-2015 12:12 PM)heavy Wrote:  

Concern: Your concern should be to go meet new chics and bang them.
Feelings: Your feelings will still revolve around this girl until you do bang new chics.

EDIT ^^^^^^^^THIS

(11-08-2015 09:23 PM)haaraari Wrote:  

At the very least, please tell me how to play it from here; I’d like to ignore her but I don’t want her enjoying any satisfaction if that’ll give the impression that she got one over me.

Not sure how else to make this clear. She doesn't think she won or got over on you because you NEVER really mattered to her. She doesn't think of you at all. You went from orbiter that was giving her positive attention thereby creating warm fuzzies for her to.....



She doesn't win because you are irrelevant . But your giving a shit is making you lose.