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09-12-2015, 02:01 PM
Quote: (09-12-2015 01:39 PM)TomArrow Wrote:
Damn, Lizard. Thanks a hell for taking the time and writing this down for me. I appreciate it.
Of course -- no thanks needed, really. That's what this forum is for.
Quote: (09-12-2015 01:39 PM)TomArrow Wrote:
I am not sure whether to believe that. My life experience hints at a combination of both. One thing that often and even now helped me, for instance, is confronting people from my past. To demistify them. But it is something to be done in the present, very indeed.
Then again, somehow I ended up asking for advice here. I will take a deep look at the thread you suggested.
Please do -- take the REBT ideas, and as importantly, methods seriously and
give them some time. They can be counterintuitive, not because they are hard to understand but precisely because they can seem too simple and superficial; we are always inclined to believe that the most important things must be deeply hidden and need to be uncovered, but in truth they are just staring us in the face,
hidden in plain sight.
And please reflect, over time, on what I said about letting go of self-absorption, and allowing yourself to look outward rather than inward. If I had to pick one key to a happy and interesting life, that would be it.
same old shit, sixes and sevens Shaft...
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09-12-2015, 02:13 PM
This is gonna sound corny but I think what you really need is to learn how to love yourself first, obviously much easier said than done. I wish I knew a way to explain how to go from self-loathing to self-love in easily laid out steps but its a hard thing to explain. I used to have the same toxic thoughts that you do, that I wasn't worthy. I've now come through that and really the best advice I can give is that you've gotta put in the work, both to improve yourself and more importantly to start believing in yourself.
I've heard the cliche numerous times that "Everyone deserves love" and I couldn't disagree with it more. I think that you have to earn love, be worthy of it, and I think this applies to self-love as well. If some guy is a total omega who just lives in his basement playing video games and jerking off, I don't think they've earned the right to love themself. This forum is about much more than game, its about improving yourself so that you can make the life you want for yourself.
You said you haven't started learning game (you mean actively practicing I assume) and I think this is a big mistake. One of the darker periods of my life occurred after I became red pill aware but before I actually started actively working on my game. It was a period of like 8 months, I could much more clearly see the world for what it was but I had no belief in myself that I could navigate it and get what I wanted from it. After seeing that there were guys on here who had managed to climb out of a hole that was deeper than the one I was in, I knew that if I didn't at least start to try I was gonna hate myself for the rest of my life. Don't let that happen to yourself! Start trying to actively make change. I'm only a couple years into this journey myself but for me the hardest part so far has been getting started, its also been the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
Belief in yourself, aka confidence, is simply about knowing that you can accomplish something. I suppose there might be some people out there who can think their way into this mindset but I think its very rare. The best way to build confidence in your ability to do something is by practicing it. I think pretty much everyone here would agree that the most important part of game is Inner Game (confidence and belief in yourself) but getting to that point is difficult. Its why so much of what is preached here is about external stuff; lifting, dressing well, etc. The confidence you gain from being better looking and such is very secondary to the confidence you gain from knowing you can set yourself a task and that you can go out and accomplish it.
If you can do it in one area (lifting or something else) it'll give you the confidence to at least try to do it with game. And once you get started and begin to see little successes (which I guarantee will happen if you practice and reflect) things will begin to snowball and you'll begin to be a new man. When I look back at the scared little boy I was a couple years ago, it makes me shudder. I also look back with a tinge of pride now though, yeah I used to be a cowardly little shit but I still had the balls to try and change things, which is more than most people can say.
Just make sure you don't avoid game by telling yourself you need to improve other areas first, they should be worked on in conjunction.
Anyway, good luck OP. I think if you're smart enough to have found this place, you're also smart enough to get your life together. You just gotta get started, its on you now
"The price of being a man is eternal vigilance." - Kareem-Abdul Jabar
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09-12-2015, 06:30 PM
Tom,
There's been given some solid advice given in this thread. Honestly, we've all been there and pushed ourselves to our current places because of that immense shame. It sucks.
There's no need for a coach or shrink. Take some time alone, focus on the core essentials (money for basic needs and mental time) consume the many resources that have been given to you in this thread.
Join a gym and eat well. It really contributes 99% to your well being. It'll be easier to tell the ones who pain you to STFU when you yourself are feeling 100%. They're all crabs in a bucket. You're going to break free.
Finally, consider setting yourself up a trajectory to at least travel to see the world. Being stuck in one place mires your mind into plastic thinking. Moving in some direction gives you purpose. Find it.
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10-08-2015, 01:37 PM
Do not spend lots of your money on getting advice from ONE person. I think that whole business is a scam based on how mentally weak people love having someone to tell their problems to, while they get paid shitloads for listening to it, only to tell them to come back next week so they can find out more and 'get to the root of the problem'.
Read as many books as you can, websites and forums are ok, but I think they are better used when you have built up enough knowledge in areas you are trying to improve in.
Read about game, fitness, nutrition, business, philosophy and anything else you are interested in improving. There are many great book lists and recommendations around, I think Roosh has one somewhere with lots of good books on it.
I read over 50 books in a year and a half, as well as a lot of stuff online when first getting into self improvement. I did not realise how much I had read until afterwards, recently I spent more time reading the forum and I don't think I've read one book this year.
Some people say you have to read a book several times to get everything from it, and if you're just constantly reading books like I was not all of it will sink in. This is true.
However a lot of stuff did sink in, especially the stuff that's reinforced in other books. Why read a book again when you can just read another book on the same subject, it will just reinforce the knowledge that is common to both books. I do go back again and read the books I really liked from time to time.
The same thing happens reading loads of blogs, if I find a blog I like, I normally read every single article and move on. Eventually I've gotten tired of reading blogs so much because now its rare that I read something with actual new information to me.
Also its good to remember, school does not prepare for you life, especially relationships with other people.
You parent's probably didn't either, and they probably don't know themselves either, its not their fault.
It is fully up to YOU to educate yourself, and that education is only just beginning.
"Especially Roosh offers really good perspectives. But like MW said, at the end of the day, is he one of us?"
- Reciproke, posted on the Roosh V Forum.
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01-31-2017, 12:44 AM
Since it was not mentioned here.. Do a Meditation Program (Vipassana is free worldwide).. A lot of the "family related" hurt creates lots of poison inside.. Meditation is one way to let it "release" from your system..
The point of modern propaganda isn't only to misinform or push an agenda. It is to exhaust your critical thinking, to annihilate truth.
- Garry Kasparov | @Kasparov63
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02-03-2017, 05:47 PM
My best and honest advice is to practice mindfulness meditation, and treat every word, even every word that enters your mind like a 'precious possession' not to be used lightly.
There's actually some psychology worth studying here which is a bit deep, but most negative feelings come from reasoning or repeating words in our minds, and gives us a false picture of reality; reason if overused actually blinds us, when we shut it off and keep the words in moderation, then shame and bad memories or fears decrease significantly, and we become more in touch with our intuitive sense of logic, and are able to act and react more naturally and instinctively without having to 'actively' think about it.
This i believe is one of the main problems people with Asperger's syndrome have with interaction and women; they over-use their rational thought to an extreme, and the result is it represses their innate instincts and sense of logic, and causes them to act and interact more like a robot, which usually comes across as akward and boring.
Reasoning is useful for problem solving (e.x. repairing a computer or a car), but it's actually less effective in social interactions than our natural instinct and intuitive logic; I believe reasoning primarily evolved simply for survivalistic skills (e.x. hunting or warfare in apes), rather than for friendly interactions.