[DonnyGately]

I'm curious = I like spanking and light bondage.

I'm experimental = I like handcuffs, gags, choking, collars, bondage tape, anal, and vibrators.

I'm kinky = I like spreader bars, violet wands, dildos, public sex, water sports, role play, and floggings.

I'm a kinky feminist = I'm totally submissive, feel free to to take photos, and bring a friend. Especially a female friend.

[Philosopher]

From a recent girl I was dating for a couple weeks until telling her to get lost:

"I like to be pampered and pamper in return."

Translated: I want you to buy me pizza, booze and be my unpaid Uber chauffeur when I need to crash at another place. In return, I will call you "Babe" and give you a reluctant kiss and hug. That is completely equal pampering on both of our parts.

[Off The Reservation]

"You better have a passport" line on her dating profile

=

"You better take me on and pay for international trips if you want a whiff of this muff, because I don't put out for 'dates' anymore once I realized withholding pussy could earn me a more expensive distraction from my shit life."

[rafaeld]

"I don't like men from my own country because they cheat"

Translation:

"I like foreign cock because it's more exciting and the men are more attractive than the boring low value men from my own country."

And

"You have a really nice cock"

Translation:

"I secretly think I hit the ball out of the park with you. You are way higher value than me and I want you to stick around so I'll flatter your ego."

Not all female white lies are bad ones.

[debeguiled]

I am going to take this question literally.

An interview with Madonna was translated into Hungarian, then translated back into English, and actually ends up being more truthful than anything she says in English:

[MaceTyrell]

"You're patronizing and ironically insecure"

Translation

"You're bringing up my insecurities and ironically acting like the father I never had."

[Vill@in]

"I work out"

Translation:

"I lifted a dumbbell once and I walked two flights of stairs three weeks ago at work"

[torridon747]

"I have [x DSM classified mental illness]"

"I will use this an excuse to do whatever I want on impulse and there is no way you can ever convince me it was my fault. You should run now"

[Off The Reservation]

Are there any real men left?

I pushed away any real men in my life and gave my attention and pussy to any POS guy. Now I give lip service to the real men, but don't expect anything to change.

[Mufasa]

"Im bisexual"
Im find other girls pretty and once while drunk I kissed my best friend. This makes me bisexual and will make me cooler in the eyes of others when they see how non judgmental i am

**Wears a choker**
Coke me, if you have the balls to do it now in public I'll get really slippery

You're reckless on snapchat!
Who are those girls all up on you in your snapchat?! Why are they so happy with you?! What am I missing out on!?! NO YOU CANT BE HAPPY YOUR ATTENTION BELONGS TO ME I WAS THERE FIRST!!!

[blck]

What to pay attention to on online dating profile (not from me)

Quote:

Good fun – right up her own ass, looking for someone else to fund her partying.

Good sense of humour – you’ll need one to date her, especially when you realise the vast gulf between her profile and reality.

Looking for young at heart funny man – I sucked the live out of all my former boyfriends, now I need new blood.

Looking to meet interesting people – I am a fucking princess.

Seeking something real – unlike me, I am completely fake

Looking for a truthful man – I am a lying cunt

Laugh – you won’t, not with me

Looking for genuine kind man – I need a carer

Looking for my soulmate – I am an emotional vampire, this is a variant on the young at heart funny man above

Good fun honest man – I am boring and dishonest

Feeling adventurous – Looking for a shag, to be fair, all women are looking for a shag, but these types will actually put out on the first date.

Looking for good hearted man – are you seeing a trend here yet?

Life’s one big adventure – I am a fucking princess, again

Looking for someone honest and caring – see the trends?

Looking for a guy who is honest – sigh…

Looking for a genuine bloke – sigh…

Looking for genuine, honest, sexy man – sigh…

Looking for genuine, intelligent bloke – sigh, but the inclusion of the “intelligent” keyword means you must not be interested in her looks.. lol

Looking for kind goodhearted man – sigh

Looking for funloving gentleman – the inclusion of the “gentleman” keyword is the clue that this skank is anything but a lady

[Truth Teller]

"You're a dick"

Translation: you don't slavishly worship at my altar/provide me drugs/fuck me only when I want.

[Leonard D Neubache]

I wish you were a bit more sensitive = I want you to emotionally weaken yourself so I can have more power in this relationship, which ironically will cause me to terminate it.

[Mufasa]

Im a good girl: I'll suck a dick behind a dumpster

[CJM]

"Fine but I'm not having sex with you"

Translation: Okay, and yeah we are going to have sex, but please pretend to work for it a bit so that I don't feel as slutty as we both know I am"

----------

About blowjobs: "I don't do this often"

Translation: **proceeds to give best blowjob you've ever experienced**

[Sisyphus]

Trying my hand at some common dating profile copy:

"I'm curvy" - I'm fat

"I'm a BBW" - I'm very fat and also ugly

"I have (x number of) kids and they're my world" - I regret having these kids which make it so hard for me to date

"I love adventures" - I love selecting a new show to binge watch

"Looking for a partner in crime" - looking for a dick or looking to have food/drinks bought for me

"I love hiking/the outdoors" - I like being in nature no more than once a month but tweet and upload photos incessantly when I do

"I'm a badass chick" - I'm a basic bitch with no intellectual interests

[Suits]

(03-03-2017 08:12 AM)scrambled Wrote:  

Quote:

When I was 25, following a major breakup, I dipped my toes into the pool of online dating for the first time.

"When I got too old to get cold approached, and was prematurely alpha-widowed, I was forced to turn entirely to online dating ..."

[BlackHussar]

Bumping this majestic thread.
Here are some quotes I've heard in my adventures.

Womanese:
"I'm so disgusted with the shallowness of ONS culture. Why don't people appreciate each other for who they truly are? I mean, sex is great, but human beings are MORE than that (blahblahblah).

English:
"Yes, you will fuck me tonight, which is why I can't stop indirectly talking about sex with you, but I've been constructing my good girl frame in front of the rest of the squad for years, so take me to your place and fuck me."
N. B. it was a rarely good bang.

W:
"I like to be dominant in the sheets."

E:
"While I've been posing as a stronk, independent womyn for years, and I may have been dominant in bed with a couple of betas I fucked and subsequently dumped because they didn't make my poosy wet, I actually want you to hate fuck me, choke me, slap me, pull my hair, make me kneel and cum in my mouth."

W:
"Did you really just say that? That's so sexist/racist/fascist of you to say. You're so smart, you can't have such archaic views. Arrrgh, you get on my nerves so much!"

E:
"Oh my God, you're the first guy I've met in months who isn't licking my ass and confirming my feminist bullshit like those 5 beta orbiters I have. Please fuck me, although I pretend to be very independent and modern, I actually really like alpha cock."

[DonnyGately]

I just started sugaring = I'm a prostitute