[reachman]

I live in Vancouver, BC and I joined OkCupid a few weeks ago. Here is an exchange of message with one girl. I think I made mistakes and would appreciate your advice and feedback. As I am trying to learn.

Background:
Black girl, 25, a 6 with lots of curves and large breasts. Her self summary begins "Looking for a white guy with solid education and a good job." I am white. She viewed my profile first and liked me.
List of 6 thing she could not do without: #1 orgasms.
I spend a lot of time thinking about: Why does dating in Vancouver suck so much?

Thread
After she liked me I sent her a message after several hours.
(Tuesday) Me: Hi, I see you stopped by my profile. Now I'm curious what you are really good at haha.
Her: Do you want the PG answer or the R-rated answer?
Me: R-rated, our minds are there already haha

Wednesday
Her: I'm good at kissing and I give amazing head
Me: Oh really. Let's meet for a drink. What's your number?
Her: lol I'm not going to meet you right away.
Me: Haha, you want to get to know me first online. You binge watch legal shows like........ Criminal minds? (Her profile mentioned binge watching legal shows).

Thursday
Her: Not Criminal Minds. I watch Suits, but I'm not caught up yet.
To be honest, I don't really think physical attraction is there for me.
So don't want to waste your time.
Good luck and take care.
______________________________________________________________________


I feel like I failed a shit test. I have not replied yet. Since she was so sexual I thought she was into me.

[Il Bersagliere]

Of course it was a shit test and you failed. You appeared thirsty instead of qualifying or calling her on her bullshit. Her plan to lure you in with the carrot worked and she got bored.

"You give good head? Says who?" Or some clever variation.
"Kissed any frogs lately "

OR

"The last time I heard that, my dick almost got bitten off."

There are a million ways to qualify or agree and amplify, qualify, or simply flip the script on her so that YOU set the frame instead of her.

Or she's just an attention whore. I don't know. Online game at home gets uber tricky.

[HankMoody]

Some random thoughts...

- Never use emocons. They are gay.
- Do not capitalize anything ever.
- You played right into her shit test. When she said she didn't want to meet up you should have just responded "gay"
- Don't ask her questions

[Remington]

Like everyone else said, you seemed very thirsty for this girl. Just because she enjoys orgasms doesn't mean she needs you to get her off.

After the head comment, you don't need to suck into her frame. Maintain a strong persona and say something that is totally disregarding or you could egg her on with something like "so you think you're special?" or "I remember when I was in high school." Of course use without the question mark or apostrophes.

You did not build the rapport necessary to ask her out.

After maybe 20+ messages, my usual go to is "would it be easier to text?" Go for the number first and then start texting. Then, you are able to schedule a date near you.

Be creative and try out different things. It's the internet, you have nothing to lose. Have fun with it.

[Gmac]

Quote:

Her: I'm good at kissing and I give amazing head
Me: Oh really. Let's meet for a drink. What's your number?

You instantly lost her here because you fell into the same beta trap and failed the shit-test that most guys who got that message would do. These types of answers from women are not meant to be taken seriously. They are tests that gauge your reaction and thirst. When you learn to ignore the fact that she went straight to sexual innuendo AND you manage to keep her engaged and interested, you pass the test.

Your response should have dodged the question or agreed and amplified to the point of ridicule. Agree with the other posters here.

You also went for the number way too quickly without establishing any sort of rapport or banter. Just because she appears DTF doesn't mean (in fact it rarely ever means) she's ready to meet up with the first guy to shoot her a message. Do you think you're the first guy to message her? You're probably the 1000th.

Then you went from something completely sexual to something that was a complete turn off - favorite tv shows? Really dude? Yeah that gets the panties wet.

[CleanSlate]

Let's see what fun I can have with this.

Her: "I'm good at kissing and I give amazing head"
Me: "Uh huh that's what they always say.. anything else?"

Hmm.. let me back up here a little bit... I wouldn't even go rated-R this early.

Her: "Do you want the PG answer or the R-rated answer?"
Me: "no rated R stuff, don't know you well enough.. a lot of crazies out there... I'll take the PG answer now "

[eatthishomie]

(08-29-2015 11:38 AM)reachman Wrote:  

Since she was so sexual I thought she was into me.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2008/03/...ng-sexual/

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/2015/05/...beta-bait/

[duedue]

What would be a good answer to R or PG? I looks like a lose-lose situation:

R -> thirsty
PG -> shy/prude

oops I just saw cleanslate's answer.

[reachman]

Guilty as charged. Nice tip about the higher volume of messages to increase comfort benefiting in a date location closer to your pad.

(08-29-2015 08:43 PM)Remington Wrote:  

Like everyone else said, you seemed very thirsty for this girl. Just because she enjoys orgasms doesn't mean she needs you to get her off.

After the head comment, you don't need to suck into her frame. Maintain a strong persona and say something that is totally disregarding or you could egg her on with something like "so you think you're special?" or "I remember when I was in high school." Of course use without the question mark or apostrophes.

You did not build the rapport necessary to ask her out.

After maybe 20+ messages, my usual go to is "would it be easier to text?" Go for the number first and then start texting. Then, you are able to schedule a date near you.

Be creative and try out different things. It's the internet, you have nothing to lose. Have fun with it.

[reachman]

Good ideas bro.

(09-11-2015 12:34 PM)CleanSlate Wrote:  

Let's see what fun I can have with this.

Her: "I'm good at kissing and I give amazing head"
Me: "Uh huh that's what they always say.. anything else?"

Hmm.. let me back up here a little bit... I wouldn't even go rated-R this early.

Her: "Do you want the PG answer or the R-rated answer?"
Me: "no rated R stuff, don't know you well enough.. a lot of crazies out there... I'll take the PG answer now "

[reachman]

Guys, appreciate the feedback. I have changed up my messaging a bit over the last few months online. Not sounding so thirsty at least. I am working my way up to go more sexual.

Since I know the online game, texting game, and in person date game need to all flow in tandem to get bangs. Oh and logistics.

[Gmac]

I responded initially but reading it again... it sounds like she has outrageous standards. Wouldn't have wasted my time.

[reachman]

Yeah, fair point.

(11-22-2015 06:41 PM)Gmac Wrote:  

I responded initially but reading it again... it sounds like she has outrageous standards. Wouldn't have wasted my time.