[Helium1]

I sometimes encounter douchebags who try to be funny but I have a hard time trying to come up with fast replies.

I was wondering what advice do you guys have? Should I just ignore them or attack back?

[redbeard]

1. Watch Seinfeld

2.



3. Don't be so butthurt. You sound like a woman calling guys douchebags. You probably have bigger issues to solve first.

[samsamsam]

Hmmmm, I sort of think you are good at it or you are not.

Also, if you get locked up mentally, meaning you get tight around these douchebags, no brilliant comeback is gonna come through since you are tight.

Either you need to be relaxed or in the aggressor mode generally to have great stuff pop through.

Also, you don't want your energy to be like "Oh ya, you're mom is..." type whiny humor. You want to be in a way where it seems you are not phased and you zing them one.

So flash a Christian Bale type grin and say it calmly.

But I think vinman #3 above might be an area to focus on.

[Pride male]

Agree and amplify.

[Il Bersagliere]

Watch stuff with gangsters in it.

[WestIndianArchie]

Move to a black neighborhood.

WIA

[XXL]

Watch a lot of South Park and Californication. And comedians. Break it down what they do and why it is funny.

[Atlanta Man]

When I started going to public school after a lifetime of private school I encountered the same issues you are now addressing, here is what I did and it worked out for me quite well.

1) Plan ahead, think of what you would say in a given situation and how it would be perceived. Think long and hard about people's faults and weak spots and plan how to mock them, their retort and how you parry it and mock them further. For example if someone has a big ass head you say "I hope you never become president" His reply"why?" you say"Because if they put you on a dollar it would be a fucking billboard"

2)Know your audience. Understand when people are dicks to each other they typically do it in public and are playing to the audience, win the audience and win the verbal joust.

3) Know how much is too much. If someones father just got murdered do not joke about that.

4) Practice delivery, timing , and cadence. Watch Patrice Oneal videos, Chris Rock, and other comedians who denigrate people,and their bullshit.

5)Go to the gym, stand up straight, and develop your confidence. Lines and insults are best when deployed from a position of confidence and unwavering swagger.

6)Do not cut women any slack, and always treat them like children if they attempt to challenge you. Unlike men for women violence is not an option if they get put down in public.

7)Practice, Practice, Practice. Practice builds confidence, confidence leads to experience, experience builds relaxed unpressured performance. There is no substitute for experience, go get some.

[Saga]

Buying yourself time always helps. When you laugh at their comment or deflect, you can use that brief reprieve to formulate your riposte. A witty reply right away is not an easy skill for most people, but if you draw out the interaction you can give yourself a good chance at coming up with an effective counter. And of course, always treat comments towards you as material that you can work with, in fact everything is material for you to mock. Whatever comes out of their mouth, whatever they're wearing, whatever TV character they resemble, whatever accent they have, etc...it's all there to be used against them.

This is somewhat different but related: one important facet of repartee that I rarely see guys utilize is conversational memory...the more you remember about a given conversation and the faster you can recall previous comments, the more interesting your quips can be. For instance if a girl talked about how she loves studying eastern spirituality, and 30 minutes later you make fun of her for getting tipsy because it ruins her chakra, the comment will usually bring more impact than if you said it right away. And when you do this, you start building themes within the conversation that people feel more involved with because they're also part of it, and the banter takes on a life of its own.

[vinman]

(07-08-2015 07:24 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

Move to a black neighborhood.

WIA

Yep. You'll learn to talk shit, or stay in the house.

[LINUX]

Here is my advice which is very different form what you're getting here:

Forget the comedian stuff. Guys think being funny is the key to all of this. It's not. I think it's the most overrated attribute for people trying to pick up women. I doubt I've made one person laugh in the past few years. Women want to be protected, they can laugh with their girlfriends.

If some grown men are bullying you around (which I think is what you're suggesting) You are way to small. You need a gym, some protein, and you need to start looking more serious. When you walk through a club, people should move out of your way. There is nothing more to it. If people feel threatened by you, they wont fuck with you; they'll move on to the next kid.

[Blackwell]

Quote:

Forget the comedian stuff. Guys think being funny is the key to all of this. It's not. I think it's the most overrated attribute for people trying to pick up women.

This.

How many times have you heard a woman or girl either in real life or TV etc say something like...

'I love a man who can make me laugh'

'Laughter is the way to my heart'

'A guy can laugh me into bed'

'I NEED a guy who can make me laugh'

Or some variation. Sure it helps. But I'm with LINUX it's definitely overrated. I've always been 'funny' per say. But I wasn't getting girls like I do now until I added muscle, style etc to the package. Funny alone will not cut it.

What do we all learn here? Don't pay attention to what women SAY but what they DO.

I know a ton of really good players who aren't funny at all. It's not a requirement.

I know a bunch of dudes who can make a whole room laugh but who only ever end up as a friend or a social accessory to a chick. The guy they are actually banging is probably the jacked, brooding guy over in the corner who won't give her the time of day.

Obviously its not as black and white as that but you get my point.

[Comte De St. Germain]

Learn to look for weaknesses in a person's persona or attitude and point it out with a smile on your face. Usually accompanied with a metaphor or similie that compares it to something else.

Listen to diss songs from famous rappers. Acknowledge by Masta Ace, Ether by Nas, Piggy Bank by 50 Cent(just take a look at 50's Instagram where he's shit talking people namely Mayweather/Rick Ross/Diddy and take notes. This guy is a master. Also Officer Ricky cartoons were comedy gold), We Made You by Eminem, etc.

[Comte De St. Germain]

(07-08-2015 11:14 AM)LINUX Wrote:  

Here is my advice which is very different form what you're getting here:

Forget the comedian stuff. Guys think being funny is the key to all of this. It's not. I think it's the most overrated attribute for people trying to pick up women. I doubt I've made one person laugh in the past few years. Women want to be protected, they can laugh with their girlfriends.

If some grown men are bullying you around (which I think is what you're suggesting) You are way to small. You need a gym, some protein, and you need to start looking more serious. When you walk through a club, people should move out of your way. There is nothing more to it. If people feel threatened by you, they wont fuck with you; they'll move on to the next kid.

Co-signed. Not just your body but body language too(which will get better with lifting). In the interim period though I would say learn to shit talk as it is. Make you a more sociable man. The bonus is with women, but don't learn it for women.

[Dr. Howard]

(07-07-2015 06:40 PM)Helium1 Wrote:  

I sometimes encounter douchebags who try to be funny but I have a hard time trying to come up with fast replies.

I was wondering what advice do you guys have? Should I just ignore them or attack back?

Find a job on a constructions site, landscape crew, forestry crew, auto shop, welding shop, fruit/farm picker aka male dominated blue collar workspace. Any fast talking/quick burn skills I ever obtained were from those kind of jobs. Not only do you learn to talk fast but you learn the 'line' of and insult and a joke.

I also would suggest Linux's opinion. Shit talking is a way to tear people down, for example the guys that were the absolute best shit talkers were often the worst guys on the crew work ethic and production wise. The giant guy that was throwing hay bales one handed rarely got fucked with and/or engaged in shit talk.

[Rutting Elephant]

Serious.

   

[booksarefun666]

Something I noticed is people are more receptive when you say nothing but what needs to be said and when the quiet guy says something truly burning it amplifies that sting a hundredfold.

[kaotic]

I grew up around a bunch cats that ALWAYS were busting your balls. At first I'd just smile/laugh, then agree and amplify. As I hungout with them more I got better at talking shit, spitting out burns fast, being more creative with jokes.

As I've gotten older, I do this less, unless I'm teasing girls. I grew a lot of facial hair, started working out, I have that "resting asshole face", and I have a serious demeanor yet easy going vibe...that is until I open my mouth or crack a smile.

People can't tell when I'm being serious or joking, which is a great thing to use.

The main corpo job I work at isn't much PC at all, it's a mostly male environment, we cuss, we joke about women, being whipped etc. My secondary job is me being the boss, we still joke, talk shit, diss eachother, and even when the girls are working.

[s3k]

I personally agree and amplify. Since i'm a funny guy by nature i usually end up having everybody cracking up and befriending bullies. But like linux said, bullying shouldn't happenoften if your serious and half way decent size. Bulk up!

[Parlay44]

That's just a way of life where I come from. You learn to talk shit or you're the punk in the group. Talking shit = projecting confidence. It's the best way to get the poosy wet.

[Tuthmosis]

(07-08-2015 01:37 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

"resting asshole face"

Stolen.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

(07-08-2015 01:37 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

As I've gotten older, I do this less, unless I'm teasing girls. I grew a lot of facial hair, started working out, I have that "resting asshole face", and I have a serious demeanor yet easy going vibe...that is until I open my mouth or crack a smile.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/articl...eason.html

Did not know that resting asshole face was a thing - like resting bitch face.

is that it?

[Il Bersagliere]

(07-08-2015 07:24 AM)WestIndianArchie Wrote:  

Move to a black neighborhood.

WIA

Completely forgot about this.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

(07-09-2015 02:28 AM)Zelcorpion Wrote:  

(07-08-2015 01:37 PM)kaotic Wrote:  

As I've gotten older, I do this less, unless I'm teasing girls. I grew a lot of facial hair, started working out, I have that "resting asshole face", and I have a serious demeanor yet easy going vibe...that is until I open my mouth or crack a smile.

Did not know that resting asshole face was a thing - like resting bitch face.

is that it?

Hilarious. Yes, I'd say you nailed it.

This is one of my biggest hang-ups. I suck at comebacks! I don't know if it was because I'm the oldest child in my family, or because I was homeschooled (yup, sure was).

I've had the feeling of being in command of a social situation, but I feel like I'm kind of being a bully. I'd rather be the cool and collected dude who speaks 'less but better'.

Being able to banter seems to be a matter of developing an alpha mindset in a group of people. Though multiple sports teams, military, and male-dominated jobs, I still suck at shit-talk. Can anyone help me with this?

Fuck, I'll pay. Seriously. PM me and I'll either trade services or cash for instruction and guided practice.

[GlobalMan]

If you're not a natural then it would take a lot of practice. Its more a personality thing, a natural response. If you don't have that wit then its going to take a long time to change your natural responses and thought process. Its not something thats a script to follow/things to remember. Its you as a person that has to change.