[TheDuncan]

Ok so I made a thread a while back about a girl who probably put me into the friendzone, unfortunately for me it developed into a oneitis, like I cant stop thinking about this chick and it does not help that she still is giving me signs and always reaching out to me, what sucks is that I work with her so I have to ser her at least 4 days a week, I was thinking of either;

A.Continue to be friends and be non chalant and still make my intentions known, see if she bites, if she does not then cut her off and move on (at that point what do I say? I dont think we should be friends?)

Or

B.just ignore her more as in not being a buthurt beta but just not go to lunch with her anymore, not reaching out to her (hardly do tbh), and just have an overall eh attitude towards her.

Not gonna lie, option A would be much easier because I am really infatuated with this chick, sucks but its true, I never felt so shitty like this over a damn girl, as much as it makes me mad I cant control it..

If anymore details are needed please let me know, im desperate here...

[Rocha]

(05-18-2015 07:40 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

Ok so I made a thread a while back about a girl who probably put me into the friendzone, unfortunately for me it developed into a oneitis, like I cant stop thinking about this chick and it does not help that she still is giving me signs and always reaching out to me, what sucks is that I work with her so I have to ser her at least 4 days a week, I was thinking of either;

A.Continue to be friends and be non chalant and still make my intentions known, see if she bites, if she does not then cut her off and move on (at that point what do I say? I dont think we should be friends?)

Or

B.just ignore her more as in not being a buthurt beta but just not go to lunch with her anymore, not reaching out to her (hardly do tbh), and just have an overall eh attitude towards her.

Not gonna lie, option A would be much easier because I am really infatuated with this chick, sucks but its true, I never felt so shitty like this over a damn girl, as much as it makes me mad I cant control it..

If anymore details are needed please let me know, im desperate here...

Quickly take some vacations and travel to some place full of beautiful girls like Eastern Europe, Colombia or Brazil.
Be fast...

[TheDuncan]

Lol I wish I could but unfortunately that is not really an option right now.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

You already know what you need to do. Do you need permission to do what you already know? If so, permission granted. Being 'Alpha' means taking charge of your shit and doing the hard stuff you need to do without whining and seeking validation. You name the decision. Posting this question is essentially a way for you to separate yourself from the responsibility of making decisions for yourself.

Fuck you dude. That's what I think when you ask if it's ok for you to man up and stop being a bitch.

Ok, that's the tough love. I think you'll do what you want to do in the end. Maybe you need to overdose on this whole oneitis thing and put yourself into a dark emotional hole before you realize you could just be happy and be a man. Keep tying your happiness to this fantasy of this girl you're "obsessed" with and you'll end up where you already know you'll be: unhappy and alone. You're here because you know that.

Good luck man, I sincerely hope you figure this out and come out a better, happier man. Sometimes it just takes a while to let yourself be who you want.

[el mechanico]

Blow her off 100% for two weeks. Then report back.

[eradicator]

option c: game other women. Approach women that are just as hot throughout your day and try to get them on dates: at whole foods or other high end grocers, at gym, at yoga, at other classes. there are plenty of hot women out there that want to be gamed, you have to find them and try and get them on dates. This is all assuming you have already done the work on yourself to max out your inner game and your physicality. If you haven't dont that yet, then get started on all of that.

[Carlos100]

"We pursue that which retreats from us."

[Jetlagged]

(05-18-2015 07:56 PM)el mechanico Wrote:  

Blow her off 100% for two weeks. Then report back.

(05-18-2015 07:57 PM)eradicator Wrote:  

option c: game other women. Approach women that are just as hot throughout your day and try to get them on dates: at whole foods or other high end grocers, at gym, at yoga, at other classes. there are plenty of hot women out there that want to be gamed, you have to find them and try and get them on dates. This is all assuming you have already done the work on yourself to max out your inner game and your physicality. If you haven't dont that yet, then get started on all of that.

(05-18-2015 08:02 PM)Carlos100 Wrote:  

"We pursue that which retreats from us."

All these dudes know what they are talking about.

I dealt with a oneitis bout recently. Ignore her, maybe not 100% since you work with her, but it is an option, if you don't ignore 100% leave her texts hanging especially when she really wants an answer. Don't hit on girls you work with for this reason. Watch the power shift to you AND keep it there or let it die out. There's other cool ass girls in this world. A new girl will help tremendously in you not give a fuck, find one asap.

[TheDuncan]

I fully realize I sound like a little bitch no doubt, coupled with the fact that I dont have much experience with game or women and how this is the first time this has happened to me, I am in a tough spot, its easy to hype myself in my head and say "fuck it!" but not so easy when it comes down to doing whatever action, my friend actually made a bet with me, that if I just randomly grab and kiss her and she reciprocates I get a bottle, if she doesn't then I have to buy a bottle.

Sure we hug, sure we grab each others hand and things like that but just kissing her out of nowhere? I thought about that but I just get stuck and dont go for it, I know that would bring me closure though, after that at least I really know where we would stand and I can do what I have to based on whatever happens, but goddamn what am I so afraid of? Literally like 4 different people told me the same advice, just grab and kiss her.

[TheDuncan]

Lets say you do ignore her 100%, as in answer NO texts, answer NO calls, dont talk to her, dont, hang with her, just cut her off, doesnt that come off as you being resentful? She knows that I like her and of course she will say "what is wrong with you? Why are you acting like thag for no reason? Arent we friends" etc

[Jetlagged]

Clear up the story.

At first you say you're getting friendzoned, then in your last post you say you "hold hands" hugging is friendly but holdin hands?

Paint us a picture of the situation here cause you just threw mud all over the original art.

[WaitingForReincarnation]

(05-18-2015 09:29 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

I fully realize I sound like a little bitch no doubt, coupled with the fact that I dont have much experience with game or women and how this is the first time this has happened to me, I am in a tough spot, its easy to hype myself in my head and say "fuck it!" but not so easy when it comes down to doing whatever action, my friend actually made a bet with me, that if I just randomly grab and kiss her and she reciprocates I get a bottle, if she doesn't then I have to buy a bottle.

Sure we hug, sure we grab each others hand and things like that but just kissing her out of nowhere? I thought about that but I just get stuck and dont go for it, I know that would bring me closure though, after that at least I really know where we would stand and I can do what I have to based on whatever happens, but goddamn what am I so afraid of? Literally like 4 different people told me the same advice, just grab and kiss her.

She is trying to keep you as an orbiter. You are a source of validation. Just understand that even after you've been sexually replaced, a woman will try to keep you around for as long as possible. She's not trying to be evil, its just her nature.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

I'm calling troll.

"Yeah you guys are totally right!...I'm just too scared tho!!!"

This is some straight female shit.

[CH-Toronto]

If I've learned anything from failures it's that if it gets to the point where you have to ask other people, "what should I do about this girl?" DROP IT. You can attempt to be friends with her but that's it.

The telling line is I work with her. That tells me that she's not an option of 'choice' she's an option of CONVENIENCE. I don't know you, but judging from what you say, even if you talked to this girl 2-3 times in a given week, that would account for 90% of interactions with girls. So, you're left saying, "If I don't get in a relationship with her, I have no one."

Broaden your horizons, talk to more girls.

Having said that, you're "holding hands" so maybe it's not so hopeless. The second thing I've learned from my failures is that there is no such thing as a perfect moment. You make the moments happen. There's a fine line between "breaking your comfort zone" and "feeling awkward", and if you can separate the two, you can make it happen.

[TheDuncan]

Ok let me explain the whole thing.

Met her last year, started as freinds, I truly saw her as just cool, no interest, after a while I started to like her, lunch everyday, drink together, laugh together, just fun. A few months ago I sent her texts while drunk, that I wanted to his kiss lips, neck etc, she responded very quickly and eventually asked if I liked her more than a friend, I said yes in a flirtatious way and that was that.

She did not come to work for like 2 days after that (not sure if it was because of that), as soon as I saw her she asked me about the texts and I talked with her later that day (drunken I might add again) she told me she liked me as a "real good friend" and that she has a man, I told her we cant be that, Im not gonna be like that" she said that is messed up and I thought we were friends, I told her, "well thats how it is" and walked away with her telling me to come back to her.

That was that, she text the same night asking if I was mad and why I was acting that way, she got no response, she did not come to work for like 3 days after that (again not sure if because that), I ended up cracking and texting he how she was doing, she gave me a bunch of texts about how she was hurt, how she thought we were genuine freinds and whatever, I admit I kinda tried to make her feel a bit better by telling her we are but I ended the convo by telling her if she wants to talk, if not thats cool too, she responded with a sad face and I gave no answer.

Since then we have continued to hang out and be "friends" and there were some hick ups here and there, but after all that she still reaches out to me through text, she is constantly hugging me, she will grab my hand, constantly go up to me and look at my eyes, if I dont text her back she gets annoyed and tells me.

I was on vacation not too long ago, she was texting me the whole time telling me how she misses me (at 2am?) and asking when I am coming back, aside from one convo I ignored most of her texts.

So yea since I been back we have been fine but her actions continue, what is her deal? I was talking to another co worker and she said "sure she is friendly but she goes extra with you, I aint gonna do all that to a guy I dont like", the other day another coworker downright asked both of us if we are really close and if we are "like that", various others have asked me if we are like that as well, so its not like I am going crazy here and I am taking little friendly things and exaggerating because I like her.

I even made a point to test her one day, I came in, ignored the shit out of her and talked to other chicks while she was around, declined going to lunch with her and before I knew it she kept coming to me.

So yea I hope that explains it all, I feel like I fucked up in various ways, most of all not going for it way earlier but at this point I cant take it anymore, sure I like to laugh and have fun with her but when Its doing more harm than good I need to take action.

[TheDuncan]

h3ltrsk3ltr I am not trolling, yes I realize I sound like a little bitch, perhaps at this moment I am, I never had a ton of confidence and I have worked on that for the past year, after looking into the red pill I have learned a lot, my problem is putting things into action because of fear I guess? Lack of confidence along with overthinking is really a bitch but I have been trying to get over it, I understand your point but I am being truthful her, as pathetic as it may sound.

[heavy]

(05-18-2015 10:23 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

h3ltrsk3ltr I am not trolling, yes I realize I sound like a little bitch, perhaps at this moment I am, I never had a ton of confidence and I have worked on that for the past year, after looking into the red pill I have learned a lot, my problem is putting things into action because of fear I guess? Lack of confidence along with overthinking is really a bitch but I have been trying to get over it, I understand your point but I am being truthful her, as pathetic as it may sound.

Yeah he really gave you some tough shit. I was even thinkin of calling him out for it ha, made me laugh, he was tough. But that's what we're here for. I don't think he thought you were trolling.

The good news is, it's going through these situations, through oneitis, being a little bitch...those are what will really shape you into a man.

Being a pussy, oneitis, getting married, then divorced...the best things that ever happened to me looking back. Post marriage, that girl I fucked 2x then though she'd want a relationship...a great step toward seeing the world for what it is.

[TheDuncan]

I also want to make something clear, I am NOT looking for a relationship, I just want to bang this chick, I dunno if that makes it even worse.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

(05-18-2015 10:45 PM)heavy Wrote:  

(05-18-2015 10:23 PM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

h3ltrsk3ltr I am not trolling, yes I realize I sound like a little bitch, perhaps at this moment I am, I never had a ton of confidence and I have worked on that for the past year, after looking into the red pill I have learned a lot, my problem is putting things into action because of fear I guess? Lack of confidence along with overthinking is really a bitch but I have been trying to get over it, I understand your point but I am being truthful her, as pathetic as it may sound.

Yeah he really gave you some tough shit. I was even thinkin of calling him out for it ha, made me laugh, he was tough. But that's what we're here for. I don't think he thought you were trolling.

The good news is, it's going through these situations, through oneitis, being a little bitch...those are what will really shape you into a man.

Being a pussy, oneitis, getting married, then divorced...the best things that ever happened to me looking back. Post marriage, that girl I fucked 2x then though she'd want a relationship...a great step toward seeing the world for what it is.

Ok guys, hang on...just climbing off my high horse here (woah boy!)...

Duncan, it's taken me four years to get to the point where I can actually talk to women and evaluate my progress. Up until recently it was pointless because I was totally fucked up in my own mind. I can hardly even quantify everything that's gone into my progress, sometimes it's especially hard to remind myself that other people have tolerated my bitchassness and validation seeking.

I'm a total noob too. I'd just encourage you to focus on doing and less on thinking. At least, that worked for me. Have fun dude, keep that energy up!

Edit: Concerning your girl: I don't think banging this broad is the solution. Brother, I am intimately familiar with the pangs of desire that seem to supersede sleep, hunger, and everything. You gotta find a cure to the disease not the symptoms. You need to go inside yourself like Luke killing the weird Darth Vader/himself combo. Find out what's wrong with you and kill that shit. The girl and your longing for her is merely an extension of a deeper issue.

Alternatively, do this:

Utterly give in to your deepest desire. I can sense that you'd like nothing more than a sure-fire way to nail this (perhaps perceived) prime slice of pussy pie. To have her fall hopelessly in love with you and to wake you up in the middle of the night writhing against you because she just can't get enough of you.

Do it.

Pedistalize her just a little bit. To quote the one and only vinman: "Play it a little beta." Let yourself give in. Apply some of those things you've probably been reading, staying aloof and whatnot. But let yourself fall into it and believe that she's sure as hell gonna be into you back.
Maybe tell her something cheesy. I'm embarrassed to say this and a little ashamed but I went with "I'm looking for a girl to be my 'partner in crime' and I was really hoping it was you...I...I'm just afraid you won't be her." (By the way, you can only say something like that, naked, in bed, after ball-slappy, throat-fucking, degrading-as-hell-pound-me-in-the-ass sex).

Fucking evil, I know.

I guess the idea there is to give into your beta side to get the bang then eject before it goes too far. It's probably not a good technique morally but it's a means to a Machiavellian end.

Not sure how I feel about this post...oh well. Let's try it and see.

[Wahawahwah]

Listen dude.

The two major reasons why 90% of the guys get hung up on girls -

1. They believe that she's the best chick they could've had and that they cannot do any better than her.

2. They have no other options.

Happens to the best of us, the key is not to get hung up on that and to back yourself up to the point of delusion.

Realize that all other logical or emotional rationalization and overthinking is merely hamsterization on your part.

Oneitis is a disease of your mind and the more you feed your own insecurities to it, the more powerful its hold on you. Note that during all this time the girl doesnt change, but you project all of your fears of "losing her" to effectively pedestalize her even more and eventually she becomes an obsession through nothing other than your own projection.

So how do you deal with this? Ironically, by not caring.

The person who cares the least in the relationship has he most power.
The guy who wants to get back with his ex has to first get over her.
The guy who has no other options has to relinquish the hold that one girl has over him to truly get her attention.

While you've correctly identified that you're falling to oneitis, you're making the most common mistake most guys make -- giving in to self pity and believing all the shit society feeds you. There are no soulmates. Life is not a disney movie.


With reference to the chick, check yourself from thinking shes too good for you, or shes perfect or whatever other retarded shit your emotions lead you to believe. She's a girl, and she rejected you. That's okay, everyone gets rejected. What matters is your response to it.

Realize that you are a man, and that your self worth is determined by what you DO. If you choose to put yourself down and whine and cry yourself to sleep while listening to Bruno Mars and Coldplay and James Blunt (james blunt is usually cool), then you deserve to suffer.
What you need to do is actively work to better yourself. Read. Write. Lift. Run. Paint. Work a side hustle. If you're in school, focus on getting a 4.0, if you're working, figure out a way to become the best at what you do.

You have got to stop caring for the girl.
Dont message her, dont talk to her out of your own initiative. Conversely, dont take circuitous routes and elaborate schemes to avoid facing her, or blocking her on social media or being rude to her or anything (because you're still reacting to her).
If you meet her, dont run away. Talk for a bit, and if she ever brings up the topic of you confessing your feelings for her, ignore the subject or tell her straight up you dont want to talk about it.

Thats it.

Understand and accept that she's lost to you and move on. I know people who've turned their life around and escaped the friendzone, but its a small number.

You will find another girl.
You will find someone better.
Energy is almost always better spent chasing new skirts than mending old ones.

Raise your value and game other girls. Push yourself to succeed in an activity of your choosing, and watch how the confidence from said activity eventually starts spilling over to other aspects of your life.

And until that happens, keep backing yourself irrationally. No one will believe in you if you dont believe in yourself. Okay?

[Guitarman]

Next her, start lifting weights.

Do 100 approaches, day and night game. Then do another 100 ad infinitum. When you have options, report back.

[TheDuncan]

Thanks for all the advice guys, I have to understand that no one can control my emotions but myself, if I get mad, jealous or sad its not because anyone, its me.

I have to start focusing on myself, this girl, if she does not like me like that and I stick around then who's fault is that? Regardless of what she does and what I perceive as her maybe liking me or having a chance, the fact is I have not banged her yet, whether its my fault or her's is irrelevant, in the end I am the one sticking around, time to say fuck this and move on.

I cant let myself get down and be hurt by someone who is not reciprocating, fuck that! I deserve more than that and I will do what I have to for myself because thats all I have in the end.

I promise to myself that I will not stress this anymore, regardless of how she acts from here on out I will continue to focus on my workouts, on my game, advancing my life and career, how ridiculous of me, I should really be focusing on my career as that has been over due yet I have been stressing over some chick?

I still think I will go for the move, just grab and kiss her one day, I can say that if she denies me then it would actually make me feel better because at least I know for sure and I can really say fuck it and move on without no regrets, again Im looking to bang, not get into a full blown relationship with this chick (or any at this point in my life to be honest).

[Rocha]

(05-19-2015 11:10 AM)TheDuncan Wrote:  

Thanks for all the advice guys, I have to understand that no one can control my emotions but myself, if I get mad, jealous or sad its not because anyone, its me.

I have to start focusing on myself, this girl, if she does not like me like that and I stick around then who's fault is that? Regardless of what she does and what I perceive as her maybe liking me or having a chance, the fact is I have not banged her yet, whether its my fault or her's is irrelevant, in the end I am the one sticking around, time to say fuck this and move on.

I cant let myself get down and be hurt by someone who is not reciprocating, fuck that! I deserve more than that and I will do what I have to for myself because thats all I have in the end.

I promise to myself that I will not stress this anymore, regardless of how she acts from here on out I will continue to focus on my workouts, on my game, advancing my life and career, how ridiculous of me, I should really be focusing on my career as that has been over due yet I have been stressing over some chick?

I still think I will go for the move, just grab and kiss her one day, I can say that if she denies me then it would actually make me feel better because at least I know for sure and I can really say fuck it and move on without no regrets, again Im looking to bang, not get into a full blown relationship with this chick (or any at this point in my life to be honest).

Your situation is really bad... What if you kiss her? It means nothing. She will never like you, and she will never respect you, it is the sad truth, you will never have her, and if you will it will be a pitty fuck just for you to stick around for a little while more. Cut the losses now.

[TheDuncan]

Alright man fuck it, whatever happens, happens, maybe I need to learn the hard way.

[kaotic]

Dude you work with this chick ?

Is this in a professional work place ?

I don't usually shit where I eat or things end up like this.

You haven't banged her from what I read - she's playing with your emotions.

She's like a cat with a ball of string.


Ignore her for awhile man, game other girls (no not at work), and NEVER tell her about anything you're doing with game.