[TrifeLife]

First, I've been reading this forum on and off for quite a while. I appreciate the contributions that a lot of members here make regularly. They've helped me out already and I know they consume time and energy.

There's a strong positive correlation between my approach anxiety and the time elapsed from when I notice a hot girl. If I haven't approached a girl quickly I get hung up on what to say, I catch myself trying to play out the entire interaction in my head, and if I get to a dead end I get psyched out. Mind you I'm a bartender and am pretty solid conversationalist

If I look up and a girl has sat near me on the subway platform bench I can usually spit some random observational opener (subway ads, shopping bags shes carrying, slow trains, etc) relatively easy.

If I notice a thoroughbred with long legs walking towards me from a block away I almost always puss out by the time we cross paths, unless there is a serious observational cue that jumps out at me and gives me something to easily play off of. Otherwise, the anticipation of the interaction gets in my head. Given that I'm tall with red hair and pretty athletic looking I assume she's noticed me. She knows that normally every dude in a 50yd radius has noticed her.

It helps a bit if I put myself in the mindset of as soon as I see a bad bitch I'm going up to her like im a loaded gun just waiting for a target. Something about putting all my cards on the table fires me up - I'm a man, you're a female, and I'm coming after that ass. My body language gets a lot better. I hold strong eye contact, throw on a smirk like "right now i'm thinking about what it would be like fucking you" (this being said, I have to be REALLY feeling myself, or moderately liquored up, to stop a bad one mid-sidewalk after spotting her from a ways away).

I basically know one true natural alpha type who does this because he's hardwired that way, no thinking involved. My problem is I have to CONSCIOUSLY put myself in this mindset. Like if you have terrible posture and you start sitting up straight while your eating dinner. Two minutes later you realize your slouched over, propped up on your elbows shoveling food the 3 inches from plate to mouth. If I have anything besides gaming on my mind on a given day, my focus drifts in and out.

I suppose it's indicative of some mindset rewiring that still needs to occur, and sticking with it that will get better with time, but I'm wondering if/how others have gone about dealing with it, internalizing a perpetual sort of sexual predatory mindset.

[choichoi]

I like your your metaphor of the loaded gun in reference to the anticipatory mindset we must have in everyday life when we happen upon attractive females doing everyday things. I think it's detrimental to adopt a purely predatory mindset because one risks projecting thirstiness but a little bit may help. I believe that this is where socially priming yourself for day game becomes beneficial.
Talk with everyone, not just hot girls, so that when the hot girl does come into your sights you've got a round in the chamber to fire off that opener. I believe this because I am introverted by nature and have had to train myself to become socially engaging on cue. This takes alot of energy for me so this is why I warm myself up by just talking to regular people : the bus driver, the cashier, random military personell, etc.

Just prime yourself.

[edtf]

Just stop thinking so much.
Walk over and be like "Hey, I really like your hair/style/shoes" and take it from there.
You don't need re-wiring, you need de-wiring. The stakes are not that high, nobody cares if you fail, so relax.

[TrifeLife]

I think the intention of being more social in general, not just when I see hot girls, is good advice. I consider myself a social person so I hadn't really thought of this, but a lot of times when I'm not at work I don't have a high desire to interact with people in general. I'm pretty much interacting all day when I'm working and it tires me out. Especially when you have to keep a straight face when dealing with blowhards letting you in on their genius [dumbass] business ideas that you could pick apart in 10 seconds, pissy customers that you have to be polite to anyway (beat chicks are chronic offenders), starved for attention loners desperate to have a conversation, etc.

It will take a little effort, but definitely a simple thing to implement.

[realologist]

(05-14-2015 03:54 PM)TrifeLife Wrote:  

I think the intention of being more social in general, not just when I see hot girls, is good advice. I consider myself a social person so I hadn't really thought of this, but a lot of times when I'm not at work I don't have a high desire to interact with people in general. I'm pretty much interacting all day when I'm working and it tires me out. Especially when you have to keep a straight face when dealing with blowhards letting you in on their genius [dumbass] business ideas that you could pick apart in 10 seconds, pissy customers that you have to be polite to anyway (beat chicks are chronic offenders), starved for attention loners desperate to have a conversation, etc.

It will take a little effort, but definitely a simple thing to implement.

If you want to be more social in general just at least one person every time you go out anywhere. Then you can use that energy to bridge off and talk to other people. Especially if the original conversation is pleasant.

Another strategy is to start talking to a girl you don't think is good enough for you. You will be less likely to slip up and can use it as a warm up. You won't be trying to impress her because you don't give a fuck about the results. That will again get you used to talking and flirting with a female and you can bridge that energy from interaction to interaction.

[Noir]

Where is your sense of entitlement?

If you are rejecting yourself mentally with the hottest girls, it's likely that you see them out of your league.

Step your game up homie, you gotta feel like you deserve the best of the best and women gotta work for your D.

It's all about the entitlement, in game and in life.

[TrifeLife]

I hear you, and I do feel that I'm entitled to the top shelf. Out at night I don't have much trouble going straight to the hottest girls at the bar and opening.

I need to step my daytime style game up. At night I always get myself pretty fresh, put some product in my hair. During the day I get lazy and let my athletic gear show too much - nike frees, even bball shorts once in a while. My radius of movement is pretty small on the average day so it's really easy for me to be lazy like this.

I think I'm gonna try to go a week straight making an effort to look sharp every day, hopefully it helps my confidence in approaching.