Quote: (05-05-2015 05:43 PM)Jaffna Wrote:
There seem to be a lot of guys here who have a hard time getting dates. Is this primarily due to location?
Conventional wisdom dictates that a higher population means a more active dating life. More options means more dates right?
Except men are the initiators. And women are as choosy as their options. A woman in Los Angeles will get at least 50 messages per day. A woman in Ithaca, NY may only get 5 message per day.
Since the average girl in LA has an inbox flooded with guys messaging her, this makes it harder for the average guy in LA to stand out. Meanwhile an average guy in Ithaca may have an easier time getting a date because there are far fewer men to compete with.
Average guys who've done online dating in both big and small cities, did you get fewer dates in a big city (Population > 2,000,000) than in a smaller city/town (Population < 300,000)?
"A woman in Ithaca, NY may only get 5 message per day."
This is a flawed premise from what I've been told by many women.
Thirsty, low-quality men (some of whom are fronts for spammers or scammers) will flood
any inbox of
any attractive woman anywhere. So the hot girl in Ithaca might be getting messages from guys in Ohio, Liverpool, and South Africa as well as men in her area.
This is why you often see women's profiles saying things like "Local men only, please!" But that doesn't stop low-quality guys from hitting her up online and cluttering her inbox.
This doesn't rule out average guys, but it makes it harder for women to weed out the good from the bad and often good guys lose out because women only have so much patience. When they've just deleted 25 messages, unless yours is particularly great, they'll assume it's phony, or a scam, or a play for easy sex, or something lousy, simply because that's what deal with day after day.
****
As for "not being average," it does work. To get my feet wet at Match.com, I put together a fake profile of a 6'1" businessman who was into finance and sports and looked like a good-looking Joe Average. I used catalog shots for the pics. I got no responses to any of my messages.
So then I put out the real me: Weird as hell, into music no one's ever heard of, vocally against smart phones, anti-technology in general, obsessed with '70s sitcoms and '80s teen movies, long hair, and too short. I was messaged almost immediately -- and didn't even have time to send a message.
As much as I hate the degrading word "bro" to describe men, I think it really does help not to come off like one online. Having the average frat guy look might work in a bar, but online you're another guy, just like the last one she dealt with and the one before that. Quirky works -- or it did with me at least.