[Writer]

It seems that I'm having problems acting as an Alpha within my own social circles since I've internalized some weird thoughts about acting Alpha around my friends. For example, I feel really weird hitting on chicks in front of my friends and hate to bring girls around my crew. I love my boys and there's no way I'm just going to change friends just so it's easier to get girls. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on establishing a new frame for yourself within your friend groups.


From my own observation / self-awareness I'm guessing that I just need to stop giving a fuck about EVERYONE's opinions and eventually they'll learn to accept me. I still would love to hear advice.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

Welcome to the forum.

As a fellow newbie, I recommend the newbie guide, it outlines a lot of good stuff.

You mention you're not giving up your boys to get better with girls, I find that kind of interesting. How old are you? Are you in college? If they're men they shouldn't mind you chasing tail so why would you feel awkward?

[blck]

(04-30-2015 04:51 PM)Writer Wrote:  

I feel really weird hitting on chicks in front of my friends and hate to bring girls around my crew.

Quote:

You're The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time with

Change your social circle.

[Writer]

(04-30-2015 05:01 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

Welcome to the forum.

As a fellow newbie, I recommend the newbie guide, it outlines a lot of good stuff.

You mention you're not giving up your boys to get better with girls, I find that kind of interesting. How old are you? Are you in college? If they're men they shouldn't mind you chasing tail so why would you feel awkward?

Right, and I definitely will today. I'm in college right now and I guess what I mean is that they're a great group of people and we're all very like-minded (interests, aspirations). They don't mind it, it's just a lot of back and forth banter that even I do. Like I joke around a lot with them so they'll joke around with me if I'm with a chick and it's not even in a cockblocking way, it just makes me feel selfconscious.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

I totally understand that man. Guys bust each other's balls. I don't think you need to leave your friends at all. Just work on achieving your goals and ignoring the social ballbusting.

When you decide you want to work on being alpha, I think, from the past couple years of reading related material, that you realize you have to become your own man and it's more important than anyone else.

Don't divorce your buddys. Don't worry about anything like that for a while yet. Personally, I find it helpful to establish a baseline or core that you can always return to. Your friends might disappear, your family might fuck you over. But if you do the following, you'll always deal with it and come out on top.

1. Work out
2. Work a side hustle
3. Approach girls

That's my core. Make your own. Keep reading and asking for help here and you'll find doors to a life you could never have imagined before.

[Writer]

(04-30-2015 05:16 PM)h3ltrsk3ltr Wrote:  

I totally understand that man. Guys bust each other's balls. I don't think you need to leave your friends at all. Just work on achieving your goals and ignoring the social ballbusting.

When you decide you want to work on being alpha, I think, from the past couple years of reading related material, that you realize you have to become your own man and it's more important than anyone else.

Don't divorce your buddys. Don't worry about anything like that for a while yet. Personally, I find it helpful to establish a baseline or core that you can always return to. Your friends might disappear, your family might fuck you over. But if you do the following, you'll always deal with it and come out on top.

1. Work out
2. Work a side hustle
3. Approach girls

That's my core. Make your own. Keep reading and asking for help here and you'll find doors to a life you could never have imagined before.

Thanks h3lt3rsk3lt3r, I feel like that's the right attitude about it. I appreciate the advice.

[h3ltrsk3ltr]

No problem man, looking forward to see how everything works out for you.

[LINUX]

Why do you feel weird hitting on girls around your crew?

[vinman]

Man. Look at all of the new cats schooling the new cat. I'm feeling some kinda way......

[Snowplow]

Your buddies should see your success and also want to emulate it, or they gonna be hatin' over it.

My old band joked about me being a man whore, then they out right tried to cockblock me. First it started as a joke then it was outright vindictive. That's when I said fuck em. Ain't no real friends. Just be careful.

[Simeon_Strangelight]

Read Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi - the blog and both books.
Heartiste from the beginning can help too.

Don't try to be someone you are not - become just a stronger more dominant version of yourself. You will change that way too, but it will be natural.

You simply change and ignore your friends. If they cannot accept your changed/improved personality, then they are not friends you should hang out anyway. Real friends support positive changes.

[UroboricForms]

I can understand the issue in your head with your friends. I'm in a similar situation. I have never been too socially dominant or whatever, but in the past I was never down about it, I was able to enjoy stuff and get girls here and there through social group access. To give you some context the last couple of years have been quite a ride for me, the kindof things that are shitty to go through but you come out with a thicker skin. Before I discovered the sphere I (like many I'm sure) was lost and confused and had reached a point where I felt pretty much below the bottom of whatever bullshit "hierarchy" existed in my social group because my confidence and ego had been close to shattered.

Now going from that to the top, making that kindof change can be disconcerting. What if your friends have become accustomed to you being that way, and it turns out they don't like it when you become your real self/the best you can be? Its only human nature after all, we like to categorize things and other people are no exception. However if they have put you into a "role" that's their problem and you're under no obligation to keep performing that role. You'll know what to do when the time is right.

[Druber]

Low testosterone.

[Dkby]

Start operating solo.

[tallandblonde]

I can relate to the OP a little bit. Some of my best friends from college whom I had a blast with for years just weren't very conducive to me gaming and getting women. Which is fine, but I think I spent a little too much time with them when my objective of the night was to hit on women and get laid.

The problem is that it's hard to break a mold that you've set among a group of friends, since you tend to fall in to old habits with them. And often times when you're around these friends you set such high standards for yourself that rejection seems worse than it actually is.

I'd work on finding a good wing man, and not depend on going out with your bros to pickup girls. I don't think you should really ever worry about bringing girls around your crew. If she's hot then they'll be impressed and if they're good friends they'll talk you up to her the entire time.

[Fortis]

Set up an online dating profile and begin to learn the ins and outs of getting numbers that way. Is it the most effective way? Nah, but it gets your text game solid as fuck after a while. I also like that it helps you develop abundance rather quickly. I always have more numbers than I can take advantage of. Combine it with approaching in real life and you can really have true abundance.

Having that abundance is a key to breaking out of your beta phase. I'm still slightly beta, but I'm decidedly more alpha when I compare my self now to this time last year.

[Dantes]

(04-30-2015 04:51 PM)Writer Wrote:  

It seems that I'm having problems acting as an Alpha within my own social circles since I've internalized some weird thoughts about acting Alpha around my friends. For example, I feel really weird hitting on chicks in front of my friends and hate to bring girls around my crew. I love my boys and there's no way I'm just going to change friends just so it's easier to get girls. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on establishing a new frame for yourself within your friend groups.


From my own observation / self-awareness I'm guessing that I just need to stop giving a fuck about EVERYONE's opinions and eventually they'll learn to accept me. I still would love to hear advice.

Your biggest obstacle is your inner game and caring too much what others think. The reason it is difficult to change your Beta ways is that you are trying too hard to please others. Related to women, most guys hang onto their Beta behavior because they think it will get them laid, being afraid to be bold and their own man.