[JonJon]

Sup guys,

I was wondering what your thoughts are on body language and game.

Let me explain...

I work in sales, at one of the top retailers in the world. Daily I intreact with hundreds of people.

After reading the book The Definitive Book of Body Language (highly informative but also cheesy), I can't seem to stop trying to read people's body langauge.

Lately what's got me going is interpreting the cross armed gestures of males (closed), and the tilted head, exposed neck gestures of females (open).

This is a fun experience since I like the subtext and covert nature of body language, but at times it seems a bit...obsessive, like I'm reading every cue, hanging onto any gesture or movement, trying to decipher it all.

But I wonder if it's because I have entered a new depth of reality, and the rawness of interacting with the grimy subtext of body language is something I have yet to acclimate to. I could imagine there will be a day where this obsessive reading of body language becomes a part of who I am naturally and I will give less of a fuck, and it will just...be.

I wonder, also, what you guys' experience are with body language... Do you (or can you) read it? If so, what are your thoughts on the matter?

Also, to the experienced guys with game out there, what would some of your tips be to the man who wants to learn more about body language -- any books, insights, challenges, words of wisdom? I mean we all know the basics, right, like not leaning in, not smiling too much, kino, alpha posturing, etc, but I think there is a subtle undercurrent that eludes us when these topics are discussed in the manosphere. Mostly I find people gloss over them.

Even with the lack of literature aside, though, I think guys that are good at game have a solid grasp on the concepts of body language, even if on a primal, unconscious level. I'm curious to hear what you experienced guys have to say on the matter.

If I were to offer a tip myself to guys out there who are new to learning about body language, it would be to not ingest too much information at one time. Well, maybe you have a higher IQ than me and can handle it. But I found that it was information overload to read and decipher every little cue or gesture.

The process became easier for me as I chose to integrate the knowledge slowly, one gesture at a time.

My next tip would be to not try so hard. When I was trying really hard to read people's body language I would find myself getting lost in my head and not in the present, living and interacting with those around me.

My last tip would be that you really don't know, and won't ever know, you can only guess. I found some piece in letting go of my lack of knowing the absolute truth. Since I've adopted this belief I've stopped taking the reading of body language so seriously and am able to enjoy it for what it is a bit moreso than before.

Anyway, enough rambling, I'm curious to hear what you guys think

[Dalaran1991]

Body language IS game, or is a big part of game.

Its the most observable difference between a guy whos drowning pussy and one who's drowning in thirst.

[Carlos100]

As a newbie to game I also am constantly checking people's body language around me. Not just girls on dates, but my coworkers and people I encounter out and about. I watch to see if they point their feet at me when we're talking, if they're scanning the environment at the same time, what they're doing with their hands, etc. I think being aware of people's non-verbal communitcation is a very important part of game.

[JonJon]

@Dalaran1991

I agree, to a large extent, that body language IS game. But I wonder if more can be said on the matter. I imagine that for guys who are new, as I've noticed in my experience, there is a sort of fake it till you make it mentality -- where you begin to emulate the body language and mannerisms of guys who get laid. What I'm realizing though is that faking it only takes you but so far. You have to, in essence, BE that guy you are trying to emulate, which means employing a host of lifestyle changes. Otherwise you risk smelling of incongruence. It's happened to me before, had my frame shattered quiet a few times in the process, but it's all part of the experience.


@Calros100

My guess is you're more advanced than you give yourself credit for. I've read your approach thread, very inspirational stuff -- it was especially fun seeing your frame progression unfold. I gather that your reading has sort of become an automatic reflex of sorts. Are you able to control it and not be unphased by it? Only lately have I found that my awareness of body language is something I can mostly remain somehwat unreactive to, whereas before it was like someone turned the volume on LOUD, and all I could do was react.

[Carlos100]

(03-17-2015 12:53 PM)JonJon Wrote:  

@Calros100

My guess is you're more advanced than you give yourself credit for. I've read your approach thread, very inspirational stuff -- it was especially fun seeing your frame progression unfold. I gather that your reading has sort of become an automatic reflex of sorts. Are you able to control it and not be unphased by it? Only lately have I found that my awareness of body language is something I can mostly remain somehwat unreactive to, whereas before it was like someone turned the volume on LOUD, and all I could do was react.

I would say that after every interaction with someone, whether with a girl or not, that it makes sense to briefly go over their body language in your mind and try to decipher how it matched what took place in the overall interaction. If you do that, I think it will become easier to keep emotional distance as you observe what people are doing.

I am by no means skilled at it. I'm still learning how it works.